Pornography... AAAAH!!

Can someone tell me if i am overreacting please....my fiance is always looking at pornography and it really hurts my feelings it makes me feel like he needs more than i can give him. I really dont get it, because everyone tells me that i am very pretty and i think so too, so why does he have to look at these stupid sluts in magazines, dvds, and the internet?? The worst part is he hides it from me and it damages our intimate relationship!!

I just read in the newspaper wher people write in for advice that some woman was having a similar problem and the response was "like it or not, most men look at porn, get over it" i thought that was disgusting!! I dont think it ias right to ask me to get over it, i feel like he is cheating on me, am i overreacting??

I would really like responses especially from men, do most men really do this?

i suppose he is under a littl bit of stress...but i really cant undestand waht sexual gratification has to do with stress :/

So here's what you have to do. Quietly, rationally, talk to him about it.

"I know you look at porn. I know you think you're hiding it from me, but either you're not trying hard enough, or I'm just that good. So, I would like to try to understand what this is about. Why are you getting your sexual needs from women who don't really exist rather than me? If we're going to spend our lives together, you'd better be damn sure I want to be having lots of sex all the time, and right now, we're not. On the other hand, you're doing a LOT of this porn thing. I would just like us to figure out why."

Then you deal with the why. 

Like is he undergoing stress at work, has someone close to him died, etc? something life changing where he is shutting down emotionally?

It sounds like this guy has never had any real accessibility to porn in the past and he's just figuring it all out now on the internet how easy it is to get.  I have a huge issue with the fact that he belittles you and such and it sounds like he is modeling the behavior of a fantasy world.

believe me he's had all the access in the world...he grew up without family from the time he was 2 since he was 16 hes stayed at random friends houses who i know for certain look at porn all the time...i think he did too and now hes just starting again

Umm...if he's started belittling you because it's ok in porn then I think he may have an issue with distinguishing fantasy from reality.  That needs to stop now.  If nothing else you should at least explain to him that he is not to talk to you that way.

Have you ever roll played?  Or has he ever tried to encourage it?

*RED LIGHT* 

yes, we have...lol he likes to roleplay...or at least he used to :'(

i told him that he shouldnt talk to me that way and he apoplogized, but he still does it, and i dont think he knows it

I really think you need to go see a professional conselour if you plan on continuing in this relationship.

dew, you seem to know an a lot about porn=)

Role-playing does not have to be degrading.  It can be fun to pretend a little bit.  It's when the word "slut" gets tossed around that you need to take a step back.

Yeah, sammi, if it's transcending to IRL, it's becoming more and more likely that it's an addiction.

i dont want to do it, but i am considering leaving the relationship...i dont want to i love him so much, but i dont know if we can do this anymore...

No purespark thats not what I was hinting at.  Quite a personal question and you don't have to answer it or not, but does any of the role playing have anything to do with being a "minor" "daddy" "daughter" "mom" etc. . . brutal fantasy role playing or even possibly rape role play?

klm- If you've considered leaving, get thee to a counsellor ASAP.

*exits thread*

This is getting too invasive for me.

well...idk he used to like the whole student/teacher thing, why?

its just concering to me that one. . . he has begun to degrade you, he's become ellusive, and he bounced around and never had a stable platform to grow up as a child and a youngman.  People in this world can love unconditionally but that doesn't always mean that they are nice or even friendly to their spouse.