Pornography... AAAAH!!

Can someone tell me if i am overreacting please....my fiance is always looking at pornography and it really hurts my feelings it makes me feel like he needs more than i can give him. I really dont get it, because everyone tells me that i am very pretty and i think so too, so why does he have to look at these stupid sluts in magazines, dvds, and the internet?? The worst part is he hides it from me and it damages our intimate relationship!!

I just read in the newspaper wher people write in for advice that some woman was having a similar problem and the response was "like it or not, most men look at porn, get over it" i thought that was disgusting!! I dont think it ias right to ask me to get over it, i feel like he is cheating on me, am i overreacting??

I would really like responses especially from men, do most men really do this?

I believe she already left him.  Didn't she?

Yup, she did.  Still helps to be informed.

indeed

ok so everyone is saying that porn was not his problem. But let me tell you before he got into this stuff he was the best boyfriend anyone could ask for, and treated me great!! After he got into it, he stopped having sex with me and he says its because he knew i was a "whore" and stuff like that!! I knew he got these words from the porn!! PEOPLE, AFTER THE PORN CAME THE DISRESPECT AND THE VIOLENCE, and i know thats where he got these ideas that it was ok!!

Yeah, ok, porn was the issue with HIM then.  PORN itself is not an issue for many men I know.  I know plenty of guys who have watched porn both alone and with SO's and as far as I can see they have absolutely no propensity towards violence and disrespect.

The issue that we're trying to bring up is this:  Saying that porn is at fault here is like saying that the alcohol is at fault when a habitual drunk driver gets into an accident that hurts someone. 

I don't mean to argue with you hun, I'm really sorry for everything you went through.  It's terrible.  But I really think you're shifting the blame from where it should be, on him.

look what i'm saying is that ok, for some people they dont take it like he did in this horrible way, fine, but porn is sssoooooo readily available to everyone, and you never know who's hands it might fall into, ya know?

Well did he also switch to liking blueberry syrup on his pancakes instead of strawberry?

If so, it might have been that instead.

Seriously.  Porn doesn't suddenly "turn" people into violent, cussing, jerks.

This whole thread seems very troll like to me, I'd recommend everyone stop feeding it.

if it bothers you, you aren't over-reacting.  i think everyone feels different on this subject.  to me, it personally wouldn't bother me so much -BUT if it bothers you, even at ALL there is nothing wrong with your feeling upset.  you have every right to tell him how you feel & if he loves you enough he'll try to stop.  pornography is an addiction like any other though and may be hard for him to brake.

I know this post is basically dead but I had to say something.  For everyone who thinks porn is normal and fine I'll ask you this. Would you let your son or daughter have a career in porn?  I have a two year old daughter and it makes me sick to think that any of these women or men were once someone's little girl or little boy.  It's so degrading and just a poor imitation of what real love should be like.  I'm so tired of mainstream media trying to normalize the exploitation of women.

Original Post by avasmom:

For everyone who thinks porn is normal and fine I'll ask you this. Would you let your son or daughter have a career in porn? 

I don't think porn is "normal and fine" per se, but I also recognize that not all of it is as exploitive as anti-porn activitists would have people believe.  A lot of times people who make living being in porn do of their own volition and have no problems or shame in it.  That being said, I personally think there are better choices a person can make in order to make a respectable living.

And, if either of my sons were legal adults, it wouldn't be a matter of me "letting" them do anything - it would be their decision and choice to make.  Now, of course, I will do my best to raise them to make better choices and life decisions, and advise them to make better choices as adults,  but it's still their life. 

Deleting my response.  I had no idea how OLD this topic was.

Udokier -

I was amazed to see it pop again as well - you would have to search pretty far down in the thread listing to find this.  But, I guess some topics generate more insistent responses...

(I am not sure how to quote in this forum but)

Avasmom said: "For everyone who thinks porn is normal and fine I'll ask you this. Would you let your son or daughter have a career in porn."

------------------

While there may be a number of valid reasons for objecting to porn, I have to respectfully disagree that your question is one of them.  I love football. Love it. I think its the greatest sport in the world. Would I want my child playing it (college or NFL)? Absolutely not. Who would want their son be at risk of having his MCL, ACL, PCL, or achilles tendon torn--something which happens to almost every player in his career (or worse broken neck, etc).  I also love boxing. Would i want my child being a boxer? No.

Lets take it one step further. I am a lawyer. Litigation attorney to be exact. I work in an adversarial profession where you have to do your utmost not to turn into a son of a b***h (the job encourages that personality).   Would I want my child to be a lawyer? No.

The reason is that we all want the absolute best for our children. The absolute best. There are a great great many jobs out there such that if most parents had magical powers, they would use those powers so that their child doesn't go into certain professions.  

So would I want my child to go into porn?  No. But that fact in and of itself does automatically mean that "porn is bad."  Would I want my child to be a garbageman?  No.  (Btw, nothing wrong with that). And no, this is not an apple to oranges comparision. My point is:  the son/daughter question loses validity when you think of the numerous other "but respected" professions to which it could also be applied.

Men fantasize about women who are addicted to sex and will meet their most extreme sexual fantasies without strings attached and seek them out in porn ( they dont consider this cheating).  For some men this line gets distorted and they cant separate porn from reality.

Really though, it sounds like his problem isnt sex rather sex is affected by a larger problem (childhood history you reported).

How many of you men want a whore in the bed and a virgin in the streets? Maybe thats old school as it appears more and more that men dont mind wearing their wifes sexual appearence as a personal accomplishment.

edit...this is old huh

IT is wrong for him to do because he's hiding it. Anything you feel you need to hide becomes a severe problem for most relationships.

Original Post by erinlf:

IT is wrong for him to do because he's hiding it. Anything you feel you need to hide becomes a severe problem for most relationships.

 When he knows that she reacts like that, the hiding isn't that surprising, don't you think...