Pornography

Does anyone have any trouble with your significant others looking at a porno movies or visiting a porno sites?

I caught my husband several time before we were married on the internet looking a different porno site.  He made several promises not to visit the site  but after we were married, I caught him looking at it again.  Once more, he made promise not to visit the site.  Finally, I lock him out of all the porno sites.

Don't get me wrong, I used to be a model- 5'7 130 lbs and I am a size 2 and still very attractive.  What is it about the porno that is so fabulous????

Is everything in the Porno site real???

men are very visual, most men like porn. you husband looking at porn has nothing to do with you or his attraction to you. is your sex life still ok? is he still interested in having sex with you? if so then i don't see it as a problem. 

i have no problem at all with my boyfriend looking at porn. i'm not threatened by some girl on a computer or tv screen. if it turns him on, and he wants to take care of business when i'm not around, that's fine with me. i'd even be willing to watch it with him now and then.

the only time it would become a problem for me would be if he was turning down the real thing for the porn.

you really don't think he'd want one of those porn actresses over you do you?

In my experience, most girls don't mind their men looking at a little porn. You shouldn't take it personally.

doesn't bother me at all

I'm with Jules. Men really are visual creatures. They also have a tendency of getting 'bored' with the same thing all the time. Think of it this way - at least he is watching porn on the computer/TV instead of going out and cheating on you. In his head he is still getting some variety, but not compromising the integrity of his relationship with you.
My boyfriend owns a number of porn DVDs, as well we have an open satellite so we have about 40 diff porn channels (i know, i know). Quite frequently I will turn on either the tv of the dvd player and porn will be on. But it doesn't bug me, because like I said, I am just happy he is at home 'taking care of business' (nice wording Jules haha) instead of out at a bar somewhere trying to hook up with some other chick. I have watched with him on occassion as well.
he is not shy about the fact that he watches, and I know if I did care/make a big deal about it, that he would tell me I was being ridiculous. And I think he would be right.
I used to have a problem with one of my exboyfriends watching porn, until I considered the other alternatives and realized its no big deal. I would rather he sit at home and watch a dvd then go out to the strip bar and stuff money into a stripper's g-string.

Good point, Buckcherry - it's quite a lot cheaper than the strip club.

This is a big no no for us.  Hubby used to watch porn when he was a teen, and he feels that it really messed up his view of women as well as his mind set in general.  It's highly addictive.  I told hubby that I consider looking at porn to be cheating when we were dating, so there were no surprises going into marriage.

I think it depends on your point of view in your relationship.  If you made it clear that that porn will not be tolerated in your relationship, and he breaks that promise, this would be a big deal for me personally.  That would be considered deceitful behaviour and might be cause for concern.  What did he say when you confronted him? 

Jules, our sex life is still the same.  Nothing has change but I just feel dirty when I think of him watching porno.  Those girls are disgusting!  My husband is a wonderful man and he spoil me but I just can't take that image out of my head. I even try to watch DVD with him but when he gets too excited, I think he is turn on by the tape and not me.

Am I wrong to feel this way?

 He said that he would stop it and it has nothing to do with me or our sex life.  He's just curios about different things.  We have a wonderful marriage, 3 beautiful childrens, 2 houses and own our own business.  I have my own skincare line products and I could never asked for anything else.  I just don't like porno!

Do I sound stupid??

Original Post by vievien:

Do I sound stupid??

 

No, I don't think you do.  IMO, it appears the bigger issue is not so much that he's interested in porno, but that he's made a certain promise to you and is deliberately not keeping it.  I can understand why you would want to lock him out, but he may just find a different outlet to get it - the internet isn't the only source of porn.  I suggest you have another conversation with him, this time perhaps focusing on his dishonesty and how you feel disrespected rather than the material.

on edit:  Per Nomo's post below, I agree that there may be some respect issues on both sides.  You don't like the porn and dishonesty, but I'm sure he doesn't like being treated like a child.

I think that trying to control what another adult reads or views is disrespectful.

If my SO told me I couldn't read romance novels because they're trashy, I'd point that person to the door.

Aren't you the same member who made a post about your boyfriend/husband looking at other women in front of you (I could easily be wrong on this)?

If so, I would say that you're either overly sensitive about this type of stuff (him looking at other women), or he goes overboard with it. If he watches porn obsessively, that would bother me. If he's watches it every now and then, I wouldn't let it get to me.

I agree with you nomoreexcuses. My boyfriend and I have a great relationship for that very reason - he doesn't try to control me and I don't try to control him. It makes it very easy for both of us to be honest with eachother. We do, of course, know what the boundaries are, but being restricted does not make for happy, long-lasting, honest relationships.
Vievien, would you like it if your husband decided he didn't like something you were doing, and prohibited you from doing it, particularly if its something harmless?
Once again I refer to my original post. Men get bored easily. And by locking your husband out from porn sites it makes him feel disrespected, guaranteed. You are treating him like you would a child. All you are going to do is force him to spend your hard-earned money on other outlets, whether it be magazines, DVDs, renting movies over the cable/satelite box, going to the strippers, or worse.   
At least you can find free internet porn pretty easily.

That, and what about the days/nights you are not "in the mood"? Should that mean he has to deprive himself because you;re not interested?
Idk, I just like things to be smooth in my relationship. It is so much easier if you can be acceptant of your partner. 

Original Post by nomoreexcuses:

I think that trying to control what another adult reads or views is disrespectful.

If my SO told me I couldn't read romance novels because they're trashy, I'd point that person to the door.

 agree.

Sometimes, if I'm bored, I read a book or do crossword puzzles.  Sometimes I'll watch some porn on the computer.  It has nothing at all to do with how I feel about my wife.  Watching porn does not give me the proverbial "negative" image of women- porn is almost all contrived and scripted, even the "amateur" stuff, and therefore does not constitute reality.  It can actually be educational! 

My wife doesn't "forbid" it, but she tends to ridicule me for watching it.

As far as we're concerned, it doesn't matter where I get my appetite, as long as I eat at home!

Women are pretty 50/50 on issue, some are ok with it and others are not.

I'm one of the ones that are not ok with it. That's where I draw the line, I'm sorry. =/

It hurts me, it makes me cry, I feel gross and 'cheated' on.

The majority of those girls have some serious life issues and most of them have drug (etc) problems. It's all so wrong.

As for when he's not in the "mood", he can still do his business, I just don't feel comfortable with other girls doing it for him.

Original Post by jblarghp:

Aren't you the same member who made a post about your boyfriend/husband looking at other women in front of you (I could easily be wrong on this)?

If so, I would say that you're either overly sensitive about this type of stuff (him looking at other women), or he goes overboard with it. If he watches porn obsessively, that would bother me. If he's watches it every now and then, I wouldn't let it get to me.

 

 

How about if he was watching it while working?  I don't want him to have an addiction to porn.  I don't treat him like a child but if we discussed about it and had made promises, don't you think that is wrong?

Darn this thread was not what I was expecting.

Original Post by vievien:

How about if he was watching it while working?  I don't want him to have an addiction to porn.  I don't treat him like a child but if we discussed about it and had made promises, don't you think that is wrong?

 

So, you would feel better about it if he watched during "non-working" hours (however you define them when you own your own business)?

I agree, having an actual addiction to porn would be a bad thing for your marriage and family, but you have stated that your sex life hasn't suffered and you have a great marriage.  These are not the characteristics of a life or relationship dealing with addiction.

That he is engaging in disrespect doesn't make reciprocal behavior okay.  Have you brought up your concerns about possible addiction with him?

I'm the only guy I know that doesn't look at porn.  My room mates both make fun of me for it.  I am by no means a saint and its not moral reasons that turn me off to it, I just find it disturbing for some reason.

When other kids were discovering porn in High School I was still pulling the legs off bugs and throwing them into ant nests.  :X

Original Post by cptbunny:

most of them have drug (etc) problems.

 It's totally your prerogative to hate porn, but where do you get this?