Possible relapse....

I'm not sure what's going on. I'd reached my goal weight (48kg, I'm 5'2) but then started exercising. I dropped to 47kg whilst eating 1500-1600 calories a day (more on the days I exercised). Then, for some reason, I started eating less. The last couple of weeks I ate about 1300-1400. I also went on holiday, so I didn't exercise for a week but I possibly did eat less than usual. I weighed in on Monday at 45.6kg (BMI 18.3). My therapist has asked to keep a food & thought diary. I'm exercising about four days a week, sometimes five. I'm really frustrated by this, because I didn't see it happening clearly enough. I didn't think a couple of hundred calories fewer than usual would make a difference. I do look visibly thinner (and I like it....sigh) but I'm aware being underweight is not good for me.

I'm starting a postgraduate degree in September and desperately want to be at full health and full mental capacity when I do. How do I stop myself self-sabatoging without my even noticing?! I think I possibly have the mentality that 'I'm not eating as little as I was, so I must be better' - but I suppose that isn't good enough.

Help :(

Edit: typo

i had the same thing this week,  i loose weight when i get anxious i count more than usual and i dont have a strong appitate if i did not exercize i would not eat much of anything  not even out of guilt just too much to worry about to get hungry.  this week,  i am trying to eat around people and eat out, eat ice creams,  stuff i like when i want it,  that way when i am nervous and not hungry later i still have had some/enough cals for the day, 

I am sorry you are struggling. I think even before 1500-1600 with working out is too little. I would encourage you to pre plan again your meals and snacks. I know it may sound rigid but till you get to a more stable place it is better. If this cycle continues it is harder to get out of as you know. Do you think some of your relapse may be you are nervous about postgrad in Sept? I could be wrong and I agree you need to be healthy all around. So what can you do today to increase your calories and get back to a healthy weight range?

Original Post by abbi333:

I am sorry you are struggling. I think even before 1500-1600 with working out is too little. I would encourage you to pre plan again your meals and snacks. I know it may sound rigid but till you get to a more stable place it is better. If this cycle continues it is harder to get out of as you know. Do you think some of your relapse may be you are nervous about postgrad in Sept? I could be wrong and I agree you need to be healthy all around. So what can you do today to increase your calories and get back to a healthy weight range?

 Hi, thanks for replying. I do have a fairly rigid snack and meal plan in place, and my therapist is encouraging me to introduce different foods to make it more varied. This evening I'm going to have pizza, which is a big fear food of mine! I think it is partly about the postgrad (which is odd, because I really want to do it!). Frustratingly, the thought of gaining weight AGAIN is difficult. I know I need to (or at least stop losing). I'm trying to remember that I did it the first time so I know logically that I can do it again!