Is it possible to do it by yourself?

Hi I was just wondering if there's anyone here who has successfully attempted recovery without much of a support network? I think I'm going to have to accept that there's no one in my life who I can really rely on to help me through this. My mum has her own issues with ocd and stuff and just isn't really like 'available' to help me and i don't really have any friends I can ask. I do have one aunt who has been very supportive but she lives a long way away so i only see her like twice a year and talk to her once every few weeks.

So I think I'm gonna try to go about things as if I live on my own, cos in the past when I've asked my mum to support me by helping me prepare meals, buying in certain things or just sitting with me while I do my own, I've ended up feeling very let down. Does anyone here live on their own who can give me any tips?

x

I live on my own and am trying to recover from anorexia. It is extremely hard. Not having others around you to support you and help you fight the ed voice is really hard. If find that when im struggling to eat because ed wont let me, its hard to fight the urge to restrict because there is no one to hold me accountalbe but myself. This is the one thing that my treatment team finds so hard in trying to help me. We keep hitting a brick wall because ultimately its up to me and often its just too hard. 

My parents do support me but not in the way that i need them to. For example, im home at my parents house tonight and the way meals work in my house is that my mum will often cook two or three different meals because no one likes the same foods. The deal is that i cook my own food, this is mum and dads idea. So tonight im cooking my dinner and getting really frustrated, i didnt want to eat, am tired of forcing food down, ed thoughts getting really hard to fight and i have a little melt down. Dad asks me whats wrong, and i say im sick of eating. His response is to say, "well why are you then, if you dont want to eat then dont". So im faced with the knowledge that i need to and should eat but being told that if i dont want to then thats fine. So fighting the ed voice becomes impossible because i have no one who will be on my side and help me fight the ed voice.

My best advice to you is to get a treatment team in place. See your GP, find a T, and an N. These are the people that you will need to rely on to help you fight this.

When it comes to actually having to prepare meals, sit down and eat them and sit with the feelings that ding this brings up, im not sure what you can do. What about asking friends to help. Or if youre not comfortable with actually asking them then how about arranging to meet up with friends around meal times and then you will have them there to support you to eat but without actually having to ask them.

Im sorry, this probably hasnt been much help to you. I just wanted to let you know that there are others in similar situations and that the best thing you can do is to get anyone you can to support you.

Have you tried explaining to your mum exactly what it is you need her to do when she sits with you at meal times or when you go grocery shopping? 

Original Post by kayeanne:

I live on my own and am trying to recover from anorexia. It is extremely hard. Not having others around you to support you and help you fight the ed voice is really hard. If find that when im struggling to eat because ed wont let me, its hard to fight the urge to restrict because there is no one to hold me accountalbe but myself. This is the one thing that my treatment team finds so hard in trying to help me. We keep hitting a brick wall because ultimately its up to me and often its just too hard. 

Yeh this is what I'm finding really hard at the moment. I'm having to start weight gain again after a relapse and I feel like I need to try a different approach for it to work this time. I do have a T and N. I worry about starting to rely on them too much though because I'm not going to be able to keep seeing them forever.

Thank you it's nice to know that other people have similar struggles. I can feel so alone a lot of the time trying to do this without feeling supported. I can imagine how hard it is fight the ed with people saying things like that. My mum always makes things like salads and stuff for the family which I know aren't calorific or balanced enough but she always gets really offended if I say I think I should have something different so often I end up giving in jsut to keep the peace. But at the same time it's giving in to the ed. grrrr this is so hard!

Truth is that few parents... even if they don't have problems.... are equipped to cope with someone who has an eating disorder.  They're as much in the dark as you are.... they mean well, they love you, they want to do the right thing.   Don't be too critical if they mess it up.

So talk to your doctor and ask to be referred to someone who can help provide you with coping strategies and practical advice.   Eating disorders are serious & complex illnesses with a strong psychological element.  If you had a brain tumour, cancer or clinical depression you wouldn't expect to just muddle through on your own or expect friends and relations to set about giving you treatment   You'd get yourself in the care of professionals

Original Post by gi-jane:

Truth is that few parents... even if they don't have problems.... are equipped to cope with someone who has an eating disorder.  They're as much in the dark as you are.... they mean well, they love you, they want to do the right thing but they're in the dark, by and large.

So talk to your doctor and ask to be referred to someone who can help provide you with coping strategies and practical advice.   Eating disorders are serious & complex illnesses with a strong psychological element.  If you had a brain tumour, cancer or clinical depression you wouldn't expect to just muddle through on your own or expect friends and relations to set about giving you treatment   You'd get yourself in the care of professionals

 Hi just to clarify I am already in the care of professionals, i spent 7 weeks as an ip in march and i still see a nutritionist and therapist fortnightly. I have a meal plan which I am trying to follow but I find there's times when I am actually having to sit down and eat the meals where I find it very hard to fight the voices by myself. So i was just interested as to how other people deal with that if there's no one there to encourage or support them. 

I live alone and have regained. I guess pre planning a lot. I am trying to be more flexible but still follow somewhat of a plan. Since you have been ip can you use your food plan and set up the day and stick to it? What tools did they give you to help you push forward? Like to journal? Can you join support groups? I don't think there is an easy solution. You just have to do it and fight through those voices and fears. I looked for many years the simple key to recover or answer. Read the books and did every type of treatment but what it comes down to is fighting and doing the things you don't want to. I know how hard it is trust me but you can do it. There is a weight gain board too and it may help you feel less alone to look on there and see others are in the same boat.

I agree with abbi.   Ultimately, this is about all of us making the right choices and overcoming old habits..... and that applies equally whether we're controlling our weight downwards or upwards.  There is no easy answer, no short-cut, no 'magic bullet' and mostly it comes down to persistence, application, effort and being satisfied that you've done your level best. Taking responsibility for yourself.

So 'support' is nice to have, but if it's not there it can't be used as an excuse to do nothing.

i live alone and although i do eat at my moms , i eat mostly on my own. i found it very hard at first , the ed voice was very strong , i spent some time listening to it. then i came to the conclusion there is no other way out i spent years thinking people could help me more , but i realised there was only me who could eat the food i couldnt spend the rest of my lfe with someone watching over me. i deviced a meal plan with my dietician with my theapist i wrote down all those reasons why i needed to do this when i got stressed with eating id look them . i also tried to keep busy watch a bit of tv read phone a friend anything not related to eating that would take my mind off it , it gradually has become easier. the ed follows me wherever i am but i made the decision no matter where i was id try to ignore it . even just coming on here after meals helped . your not alone h x

First, I want to say congratulations to each voice here.  ED is hard to live especially when you are on your own.

Secondly,  we are social beings and as such need the support physically and emotionally from the "family" of people we choose. Those that carry that "something" we want.  They don't have to be friends as much as mentors who like our parents will love us no matter what we do.

Finally, recovery for many of us can be like a roller coaster.  We can go days, weeks, months and even years.  Sometimes, we fall down and our "families" help us when no one else can or will.

PS -

I heard a personal story once about a man who send his daughter off to school as he prepared for work.  When he began his trip to work he left his home and came across a terrible accident.  His daughter had been seriously injured during this accident.  She passed some time later at the hospital.  When this man stepped out of the hospital he felt his illness begin to take hold again and he called his "family" they kept him safe and protected him through this terrible time in his life.  

I heard this story after someone asked can't we get better by ourselves.

You're definitely not alone. We are all in this together. Without this forum, I'd be shooting darts into the air. I feel like I can read others' stories when I struggle, and I feel like I can do it too. 

Consistency and accountability. I'll be here too.

:-)

Personally with ANY illness I think a person needs some form of a support system. Whether it be with a doctor, a church official, a parent, a trusted friend, a therapist, or yes, even a forum.

I think it all really depends on how strong your illness is.

I have actually overcome my EDs by myself, but it was NOT easy and yes I still do have distorted thinking on and off and I do have days that tempt me. At least I am able to recognize that my thinking is distorted. Truth is, you are in recovery all your life even if you do have your head on your shoulders. There will just be days that are harder then others. It's just knowing what you want in life and for yourself that will get you through the day.

Please take advantage of the forums or even your journal available through this site. If you feel this site is not enough to help, then I would definitely seek out therapy if you are not in it already for none of us are professionals. To get well, ultimately it will be up to you. We can get all the advice there is, but it will not help unless we do something about it.

Good luck, Sweetheart. You are definitely NOT alone. :)

thanks for the replies. i think it really helps me just to be able to talk about this at all and to hear from other people in similar situations :)