Power struggle in need of advice

My son Trevor is trying to get through his book...I am not sure who is being more stubborn at the moment...him or myself. He read half way through the book and was reading words like treasure, and interesting and valuable...but 12 pages later he decides to go no further and shout his brain doesn't work...he refuses to read the word "LOCAL"

So after 20 minutes of fighting my husband calls...I pose the question...Am I being too stubborn..who should win this battle? My husband says I should just give him the word and get on with it...However I know if I relent I know what lays ahead...several words later he picks a new word to get stuck on ..I swear he thrives off of conflict and upsetting the people around him...and if I give in he will pick another...closer..smaller easier one and then I will be reading it for him...BUT I give in I mean this is 20 minutes of undo stress I just don't need...So I compromise...I tell him to skip the word. He gets upset that isn't a win for him...he wants me to tell him the word...so after a few heated exchanges he got past the word...and as I predicted he stopped eight words later and got stuck on a new word (we made it to page 12 before he got stuck on local...) this time the word was LEGAL..ironic that it was a similar type of word...change two letters..anyhow..I gave that to him before it escalated into another event...again against better judgement...I knew what was about to happen...

He made it two whole sentences and threw in the towel on the word "SON" I couldn't do it...I refused to continue I threw in my own towel...But before I lost my temper completely I wrote a note in his folder "refused to read please leave book in folder to try again later" and I told him it was now his choice...he can be done, but the penalty for that would be no tv, no playing outside, and no video games (I am not going to reward bad behavior) till tomorrow when he would have to try again...OR...He could go find a quiet spot and read the book to himself till he felt he was ready to try again without the fits.

It took 10 more minutes...he came back and read page 12 to me and no problem...including "local" which I never told him...This was all his way to cause trouble..confirmed...GRRRR...And he still sits on the couch still stuck on the word "SON" now I am not heartless in this....I give him the benefit that maybe he is truly stuck..HA! I say read the sentence before it...'Dad came home early "Hello,son" says dad.' (I ask Trevor...who is he talking to...I LOVE IT...his response "His SON" ok now we know who he is talking to read the sentence...NOPE still will not read it.he screams at me "OH I don't know it..I never seen this word before..he knows it.

20 more minutes go by no progress>>So the battle ends...The book will come home again to be read another time...No TV...No Friends...Noone wins.

Please tell me there is a way around this....This is a common occurance...he is about to be 8 years old...He plays these power struggles constantly and with everything.not just reading...what clothes he wears, what we are eating for dinner, simple question and answer...he asks a question and we give the answer...he doesn't like it so he argues no it isn't (It could be what color is the sky..answer blue...NO IT ISN'T)..anything to get a rise anything to start a fight...and won't stop until he does....HELP tell me there is a way around it...I am seriously over the fighting the yelling from him and myself...

My son is still young, not even 2.5, but I have experienced a few power struggles with him as well as a young boy I used to nanny.

Overall, if he is looking to start a fight, don't do it. Pick your battles....for instance, let him pick what he wears (no matter how horrendous) but you are in control when it comes to dinners. If he asks a question and doesn't like your answer, let him disagree (okay, then what color is the sky? Purple? Interesting.)

I think that the more parents bargain with their child, at least early on, the more they will want to challenge your authority. There have to be some things (like what is for dinner, homework before play, bedtime, teeth brushing) that are non-negotiable....then there are other things that are more flexible.

With the reading, if he is stuck on a word (even if you know he knows it) I would just tell him...the first time around, and the second remind him that you told him and try to get him to sound it out. Do you think he is struggling with the reading because he isn't interested in the story? Maybe you could tell him that if you read the school book in a timely manner, he can pick a book he would like to read out of afterwards. I know he is eight, but maybe ask him what the problem is...the words are confusing, the story is boring, he doesn't feel like reading? Maybe he could do other homework first, and then read?

I don't know, just throwing some ideas out there.

I definetely agree with the pp. Choose your battles. My kids arent' 8 yet, but I have a 5 yr old who occasionally looks for a confrontation. It's almost like he wants an argument. I asked my pediatrician about it once, and she gave me great advice. She told me to stop before I got frustrated and think to myself, "is this important enough to fight about?" Sometimes it's a yes, as in what's for dinner, when bed time is, brushing teeth, etc. Sometimes no, like what color shirt, shoes that match or don't, whether he likes hot dogs today.

Don't reward the negative things he does, such as trying to start arguments. This will only make his efforts worth while. Tell him clearly, "If you want to go to school without doing your reading, that is fine. I'll send a note to Mr/Mrs. Teacher and explain why. And follow through! Kids want to know if/how/when they can push you, how far you will let them, and ways to manipulate you. Bargaining/bribing your kids allows for bargaining on their part, which can lead to some major struggles... Good luck! And watch Super Nanny, or whatever that show is called...:)