How ppl treat you before and after weight loss
and I notice others (like ppl at work and even some family) seem to have more respect for me which again upsets me. like when I was bigger I wasnt worthy of it but now that I have shown some self control with food I am...sad really.
A lot of that has to do with how you are now holding yourself.
When I was overweight (wait a minute...I still am, but only 10 pounds from a "normal" bmi), I held myself usually looking at the ground, wearing frumpy clothes that were too big for me and trying to hide within myself.
Now, I walk around with my head held high and a smile on my face. I try to wear my hair so you can actually see my face as a lot of weight has fallen from that area (I'm a "pear"). I find I walk with a bounce in my step and that *I'M* the one treating people differently, so now, of course, they're treating me differently.
..and hey...I love it when truckers honk their horns at me. I smile and blow kisses. :)
I've lost 40 pounds so far and I have to agree with a few of the posters, in beginning of my weightloss journey iwas really shy avoiding contact with any people, like running by em fast and hiding my face and curving up. I been since then working on my self confidense. I now walk with confidense and keep my head up and people started talking to me and are nice, if i would go back to my old self im sure people would not talk to me anymore or do the same things.
Ofcourse some people do not like overweight people and I know they avoid eye contact with people thats overweight but thats not everyone thats being nice and I know that when i loose weight a few more people will probably be nicer. Please just dont judge everyone not talking to you and dont dislike them , some of em might just be shy and then finally got up the guts to talk to people :)
I've lost 85 lbs and honestly haven't noticed any difference in people's level of respect for me. I have the same interactions I've always had. (I'm male, which sadly might be why -- big girls have it harder than big guys.)
That said, people are constantly mentioning my weight loss, despite it being stretched over about a year and a half -- gets really old.
"the two men who posted on here are the only ones that feel they are not being treated differently. I think that shows that there really is a double standard for women"
Yep. Unfortunately there is. I'm sure there a lot of heavy guys who get picked on in school, but after that it seems much more acceptable for them to carry around extra weight. Gotta love our society.
When did the spelling of "people" change? What's happening to our language?
I suspect it ties back in to the whole idea that we (men) are generally not taught by the media that our self worth lies in whether we are heavy or not.
The only time I ever felt self conscious of my weight was in interacting with the fairer sex in highschool. And at beaches and pools ;)
cati83- i agree. yes, more guys are looking at me now and it makes me mad! why is it that i wasnt worth even ONE glace before and now im worth two, and you holding the door for me? but you know what, i let them hold the door for me, because i just think to myself "you're damn right you better be holding that door for me" it makes me feel better.
here's a good story for this post: at the gym i've been working out at for the past YEAR starting when i was at my heaviest, i never really talked to anyone(which was more than fine by me). then a few months ago one of the trainers started saying hi to me and making small talk whenever i come in. of course he tried to get me to sign up for a trainer but even when i said no he still talks to me. well once, i mentioned how long i had been a member and he said "what?? i thought you just joined!" uh no jackass...ive been working out here for a year now.
But what I find interesting is that for guys, people don't acknowledge I am overweight and that I had an issue to deal with, now they see me losing weight and some friends i know come up to me and it seems through their actions and words that they are somehow suprised that I can even lose, as if all fat people have zero capability of persevering at something difficult
It is really hard to say. My weight isn't the only thing that has changed about me in the last few years. I've grown as a person and I've better developed my confidence and my personality, both things that could cause people to treat me differently. I've stopped letting social anxiety rue my life which makes me act differently which will cause people to treat me differently.
In my situation, there are too many factors at hand to blame any one for people treating me differently.
In a general sense, I don't even notice people treating my larger friends differently than they treat me. I have one friend, about 5'6" and 250 lbs, who gets a lot more positive attention from men than I do, 5'7" 140. She's a happier person than I am. She has more confidence than I do. She smiles more than I do. She's more out-going than I am. I think these factors contribute more than weight to how people treat each other.
Yes and no, for me.
A few years ago I lost about 20 lbs (putting me at about 115 lbs- it was weight loss due to depression and thus was not healthy, hence why I'm trying to lose what I gained back!) Anyway, my friends didn't treat me any differently because I like to think I have a knack for judging character and my friends could care less if I was 115 lbs or 415 lbs. But I got noticed by a lot of guys who wouldn't have looked twice at me before the weight loss.
I made the mistake of going out with one of them; it reminded me WHY I stayed away from people like that. I won't make that mistake again.
This isn't to say that all men who only approached me when I was thinner are scum, but when I was heavier, I still carried myself well (as my male friends said), so I never had a problem attracting people. In my situation, it just proved to me that there ARE those people who only look skin deep. At least i know how to avoid them! :P
Original Post by dolceamara:Yes and no, for me.
A few years ago I lost about 20 lbs (putting me at about 115 lbs- it was weight loss due to depression and thus was not healthy, hence why I'm trying to lose what I gained back!) Anyway, my friends didn't treat me any differently because I like to think I have a knack for judging character and my friends could care less if I was 115 lbs or 415 lbs. But I got noticed by a lot of guys who wouldn't have looked twice at me before the weight loss.
I made the mistake of going out with one of them; it reminded me WHY I stayed away from people like that. I won't make that mistake again.
This isn't to say that all men who only approached me when I was thinner are scum, but when I was heavier, I still carried myself well (as my male friends said), so I never had a problem attracting people. In my situation, it just proved to me that there ARE those people who only look skin deep. At least i know how to avoid them! :P
I'm sorry and I hope this doesn't sound mean but between 115 and 135 is a little different then what most of us are dealing with or talking about. It's still important but I think as far as the way people deal with you it's not nearly the same as someone who went from 300 to 200 like I did for example.
As far as the rest of the thread, I think I am treated a little differently. I know i'm looked at differently. But someone earlier nailed it on the head with girls being told by society that your worth and importance and attractiveness is based on weight and age. It sucks and isn't fair but it's how it is, for guys it's different. You see succesful overweight male actors, business men, etc,. I think that really needs to change but it's probably a big reason that guys are reporting little change in how people view them.
Original Post by atech:
I have one friend, about 5'6" and 250 lbs, who gets a lot more positive attention from men than I do, 5'7" 140. She's a happier person than I am. She has more confidence than I do. She smiles more than I do. She's more out-going than I am. I think these factors contribute more than weight to how people treat each other.
I totally agree. Im a bigger girl. Im also only 5'5", but i get a lot more attention from men than my best friend does. Shes about 5'8" 150 lbs. I have to admit that although i dont like my current weight (which is why im here!!lol) i am very confident and very outgoing. I think that i am attractive, feel free to disagree if you like. I also have absolutely no problem talking to new people, i wear fitted clothes, and look people in the eye. I think a lot of the way that people are treated is based on the way that they carry themselves. I know some women (overweight or not) that carry themselves as if they are almost ashamed of the way that they look. If you look like you dont deserve respect or good attention, a lot of times you are going to get that back. Im not saying that there arent people that look down on overweight or unattractive people, there are. Im merely suggesting that your attitude may have something to do with the way that people treat you:)
Rena:)
Original Post by archer531:Original Post by dolceamara:Yes and no, for me.
A few years ago I lost about 20 lbs (putting me at about 115 lbs- it was weight loss due to depression and thus was not healthy, hence why I'm trying to lose what I gained back!) Anyway, my friends didn't treat me any differently because I like to think I have a knack for judging character and my friends could care less if I was 115 lbs or 415 lbs. But I got noticed by a lot of guys who wouldn't have looked twice at me before the weight loss.
I made the mistake of going out with one of them; it reminded me WHY I stayed away from people like that. I won't make that mistake again.
This isn't to say that all men who only approached me when I was thinner are scum, but when I was heavier, I still carried myself well (as my male friends said), so I never had a problem attracting people. In my situation, it just proved to me that there ARE those people who only look skin deep. At least i know how to avoid them! :P
I'm sorry and I hope this doesn't sound mean but between 115 and 135 is a little different then what most of us are dealing with or talking about. It's still important but I think as far as the way people deal with you it's not nearly the same as someone who went from 300 to 200 like I did for example.
As far as the rest of the thread, I think I am treated a little differently. I know i'm looked at differently. But someone earlier nailed it on the head with girls being told by society that your worth and importance and attractiveness is based on weight and age. It sucks and isn't fair but it's how it is, for guys it's different. You see succesful overweight male actors, business men, etc,. I think that really needs to change but it's probably a big reason that guys are reporting little change in how people view them.
I don't take any offense at all, but just because it was a relatively small amount of weight, I don't think the reaction of other people should totally be discounted. Even though it was only 20 lbs, I am only 5'3" and have a really small frame, so those 20 lbs made a huge difference.
I also dealt with being overweight as a child, it wasn't until I grew three inches that most of the teasing stopped. So, even though I didn't deal with a +100 lb weight loss, there was still a notable difference in the way people (strangers) treated me.
EDIT: I guess, in an attempt to find better words, what I meant to convey was that even with a small amount of weight loss, it made a noticeable difference. It was more my way of trying to convey how ruthless society can be when it comes to weight.
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