How ppl treat you before and after weight loss

I was just wondering if anyone else sees a difference in how ppl treat you since you have lost weight. Before I lost weight ppl wouldnt even hold the door open for me but now ppl seem to be nicer. I just thought ppl were rude but since i lost the weight i realized how bigger ppl are looked upon and treated in our society. It makes me sad.

I think as women we actually over-estimate how much our weight matters and therefore carry ourselves differently when we don't meet the "ideal", and then set up a self-fulfilling prophecy when people treat us differently....Weight has some contribution but personally I think it's so much more about how we carry ourselves.  If we could learn to appreciate ourselves a little more, regardless of weight, I think we'd see more people being treated well at any weight.  After all, if I don't think I'm worthy of a second glance, why should I expect some guy to?  Of course I talk a good line but totally did the invisible fat girl thing 40 lbs ago....

Hi, It definitely has something to do with how you carry yourself. I am still overweight and have to still loose about 50 or more pounds. But I carry myself as if I was a hottie JI used to get lots of attention from men. Now I do notice that they don’t look at me anymore when I walk. I’m the invisible woman now, but I do carry myself well and when I talk to anyone they are pleasant and talk to me and make eye contact cos of how I am. So sad people judge from the outside but I think to some extent we all do that. I know that even though I’m overweight, I am not attracted nor do I take a second look at fat men. Especially fat men that dress like slobs; so why should men be any different. We are walking advertisements for ourselves. One has to think about what kind of message they are telling people about themselves based on the image they portray. 

I have lost a total of 42 lbs if you took me at my highest weight compared to what I am now at 121lbs and there is a huge difference.  Girls give me lots of up and down looks and they don't smile.  Men leer.

I have lost a total of 24 lbs since I've been with my current partner and he digs at me telling me to eat because he seems to think I'm not which I most definately am because I haven't lost any weight in about a month.  He also says that if I become anorexic he's going to leave me which isn't helpful.  I don't think he likes the attention I get now much either.  He didn't think there was anything wrong with me in the first place and wonders why I bothered dieting.  I was uncomfortable and fatigued and felt either invisable or that people were looking at me saying if only she lost weight she'd be the total package (an ex used to tell me that often) and embarrassed when I purchased food and wouldn't go to restaurants because once I caught someone at our table smirking when I was able to finish a large bowl of pasta that this person had also ordered and left half in her bowl.

Now that Ive lost weight I don't feel like myself really psychologically (its only been a month since I've got down to 121lbs) but I physically feel better.  My boobs have gone down two sizes and my bum is alot flatter which isn't great because I mentioned to someone that I like to shake my booty at a good club and they asked me if I went to clubs when I actually had a booty.  But without the flatter bum and flatter boobs I wouldn't have the smaller belly and legs which was the main goal.  Seems that if you want boobs and butt you gotta have the rest too. 

Also family keep telling me to eat which is stupid becuase my bmi is 21 i think.  So yes I am treated a whole lot differently.  I feel weaker too as if my exterior isn't as tough as it used to be.  I feel a little vulnerable (although i am healthy) but it looks nice.

At first it was al praise and excitement that I had improved my health. But I don't know two years after losing all that weight a bunch of my old high school friends have been mentioning how they now see me in a completely new way, and that they had always but never said anything. That's fine and expected...but a lot of them are painting me as this nasty, vain, calorie/exercise obsessive person. These same people who were nasty to be in a "friendly" way about my weight (if that makes sense) are now saying I look like a skeleton and have centered my whole life around ieting which is NOT the case at all...it's annoying....I mean I definately think losing weight has made me care more about materialistic things to acquire new friends in college that probably would not have ever even talked to me if I was morbdiy obsese like I was...and while I realize that isn't necessarily right..they are my friends now and I am not like that myself....

I can absolutely relate to this.

Im nineteen years old and last year, my freshman year of college, i weighed 65 lbs more than I do now.  I didnt get into a sorority that this year, the girls were begging me to pledge, guys didnt ever (or at least rarely) noticed me however now they compliment me, and try to get me to notice them.

It's almost unreal to me.. My friends dont understand why i COMPLAIN when guys hit on me or ask me out.  But they dont understand how frustrating it is to go from being completely invisible to the center of attention when nothing about you has changed except for how much you weigh.

I find it very sad as well that the society we live in bases so much on physical appearance.  I wish it was different but at least those of us who have overcome being overweight can be more sensitive about how we treat other people, knowing what it feels like to be on the other side of it.

I feel like I get more attention and respect than I used to, or maybe it's just because I feel more confident about myself and project my opinions more now that I've lost weight (or maybe it's the respect that precedes the confidence.) But yeah, basically I get noticed more and get more comments about how I look and dress. I find that people listen to me more and initiate more conversations with me. My friends also treat me differently; they no longer poke at my sides and joke about my flabby arms. And I feel like they look up to me now for what I've accomplished, rather than down.

Original Post by cati83:

I see guys look at me that never would have before which makes me angry and want nothing to do with any of them lol

and I notice others (like ppl at work and even some family) seem to have more respect for me which again upsets me. like when I was bigger I wasnt worthy of it but now that I have shown some self control with food I am...sad really.

Same here girly. My hubby's in the army and I have every single army guy looking at me now, Ive had 2 guys touch my booty and a few bump into me just for a grab, although next time Im slapping somebody. I realize too that these people would never have even looked at me last year. I also realized its in mens well all humans dna to be attracted to fitter people. I was upset about that for awhile, even up till about 1 month ago then it clicked, instead of getting mad at the ways of the world, conquer em. Use the power that you have over men now to get everything that you want, and dont feel bad about it just remember how they treated you before.

In sooooo many ways.

One subconscious thing I've always done is "compensate" for being heavy by reaching out and making an effort to connect with people... reading body language and responses, and behaving accordingly.  90% of the time it works - I get along with people and they seem to enjoy my company.  Even the remaining 10% eventually come around - at least some of the time.  And just when you get to thinking, "well, this is what people DO in society... it's not just because I'm heavy," you'll lose some weight, and discover that people are more receptive to you ALL of the time, take you seriously more often, and that everything just becomes so much easier.

The only downside I've come across when I'm slim (I'm not there now, but I had lost a whole bunch of weight previously and noted it then) is that being friendly the way I am when I'm heavy, even just making a light joke I can tell the other person would be responsive to, is seen as COMING ON to guys when I'm slim.  And that sucks.  I like joking around with guys, and the conversations that are just fun (especially with a fathater who's friendly with me almost against his will) when I'm fat are suddenly seen as me making a move and motives are attributed to me that just aren't there.

I can't freakin' wait to deal with that problem again.  SO minor compared to all the benefits in every other situation (especially the workplace, sad to say).

When I was heavier, girls bullied me and salespeople often ignored me in boutiques. Now I get approached by modelling agencies and random guys on the streets.

I am very disappointed with how shallow-minded a lot of people out there can be.

Original Post by ghanja:

Original Post by cati83:

I see guys look at me that never would have before which makes me angry and want nothing to do with any of them lol

and I notice others (like ppl at work and even some family) seem to have more respect for me which again upsets me. like when I was bigger I wasnt worthy of it but now that I have shown some self control with food I am...sad really.

Same here girly. My hubby's in the army and I have every single army guy looking at me now, Ive had 2 guys touch my booty and a few bump into me just for a grab, although next time Im slapping somebody. I realize too that these people would never have even looked at me last year. I also realized its in mens well all humans dna to be attracted to fitter people. I was upset about that for awhile, even up till about 1 month ago then it clicked, instead of getting mad at the ways of the world, conquer em. Use the power that you have over men now to get everything that you want, and dont feel bad about it just remember how they treated you before.

 

I noticed the exact same thing. If anything i'm even MORE shy and awkward than i was when i was heavy. And even so i've got guys putting their arms around me and calling me cutie left and right completely uninvited. It drives me nuts because like you pointed out, i know they'd NEVER have given me a second look 40 lbs ago. grrrr.

I totally agree with you that people are treated differently at different weights. I was never really really heavy but maybe what most people would think of as "chubby." For most of high school, though, I was anorexic and very underweight and, in that case too, I was treated badly, especially by women.  Women often acted like I offended them just by being in their presence. I was stared at like I was a museum exhibit or something, like I was less than human. Since putting on weight and getting healthy again, I realize that it's a lot easier to get along with other women. This seems strange that I am the same person as I always was but now I don't have to try so hard to make people like me. 

Has anyone realised that while men treat thinner women better, women treat heavier women better? I wish that all of us girls (not just on cc, but everywhere - the girls here are cool :]) could support and love one another regardless of appearance, weight, and age?

Has anyone ever experienced the same thing?

here's a story. the time i was at my thinnest was in high school. i was struggling severely with depression and ended up being hospitalized for a month. needless to say the food in the hospital sucked. i ended up losing about twenty pounds because i just didn't eat. because i lost so much weight in an unhealthy way, i looked ghost-like and my skin was sallow. when my aunt saw me, she asked me for weight loss tips. sometimes people are clueless!

Original Post by greaser_girl:

I was just wondering if anyone else sees a difference in how ppl treat you since you have lost weight. ........

As a 55yo my experience has been a bit different.

Last year I decided to clean up everything about me from weight, eating habits, to the clothes I wear. Unfortunately...because I am "mid 50's" everyone started joking about the "mid life crisis" thing. I really did it for my health because up until now I have not had any illnesses or problems and felt lucky to be disease free.  Most of the people in my age group are on some sort of medication for high blood pressure or cholesterol, etc.

Now I am in shape, lost 30lbs and eat very healthy meals. I have been told "I'm hurting myself", "taking a chance on becoming anorexic", "drink too much water", etc. One day at a family get together I declined dessert and that started a verbal pummeling which became comical after awhile. The entire family was having dessert, drinking martini's, after a big pizza party and I was drinking water and only had 2 pieces of pizza. They all concluded I was hurting myself!!. How absurd is that? I reminded them that being 207lbs is far from anorexic especially when I was 237lbs a year earlier.

To this day instead of "wow, you are doing well"....I get "what's wrong with you?".   Unbelievable.

 

I am creeping up on 40 and I have lost 40 pounds in the past 5 months, and I see it as a two-part "problem" as do some of the other women in this post. My self-image sucked when I was at my heaviest. I carried myself poorly, did not expect anyone to look at me in a good way, and generally avoided more than the most superficial human contact.

With that in mind, being treated a certain way made sense. People do not really invest themselves in someone with a "leave me alone, I'm fat" sign on their foreheads.

As I've lost the weight (and I still have another 30+ pounds to go) I have noticed that I am more self-confident and that I am garnering more positive attention. I've had two men ask me out in the past month. (And I said yes, which is the even more amazing part.)

I don't think I am treated much differently because of my weight loss, but I do feel that I am treated differently because of the change in my external attitude. (Now don't get me started about my female co-workers who argued with me about my goal weight, which is a healthy and realistic one smack dab in the middle of the healthy BMI range, but which neither of them approved because I would be "too thin.")

Congratulations miket53. We are here to support you even if others can only joke about your weight loss. You should feel good about your weight loss and improved looks at any age. It sounds like you're healthy so I'd assume there's nothing "wrong with you." In fact, I wish I had your willpower to resist dessert and martinis! Good luck with your continued health and (I'm hoping) greater confidence!