how to prepare for spouse's deployment?

background: national guard 14 years - 1st time activated within the state for a year... 2nd time now: deploying to Iraq in June

My husband is the one deploying.

I have my hands full: 3 boys, 1 dog, a house, a job (one child w/ autism).

My question here is how to prepare... what is that final thing that needs to get in order for everything to be ok...

I feel like Im missing something...

Things taken care of: health insurance, will, power of attorney, credit cards rate lowered, some savings, cars are tuned up and up to date on oil changes, dog has vaccines for a whole year, life insurance tripled checked,

I hope I hear from spouses who have stayed behind and will give ideas or suggestions.. its only a month away~ and now I am getting anxious and nervous, scared, worried....

thanks for any help or ideas

edit: military id - getting it this friday~ so i can go to the px

Hi mariyumm! My husband is currently deployed (active reserve). We have three children (6, 5, and 1) and it seems like no matter how much you prepare - there is always something that gets missed. But, just looking at it, it looks like you have thought of everything. One thing I thought I should mention because you might not be aware - unless your policy is through someone like USAA, a lot of Life insurance policies have a military clause so any money you are paying toward life insurance that has this clause would be wasted because they will not pay. I just thought I would mention it because agents don't always know about it or they just fail to mention it. I wish your hubby the best and same for you and your son. That is tough on an average day much less with your partner deployed. If you ever need anything let me know. :)

Hi and thanks~... Life insurance is through PriAmerica.... I will call today again - I called about 4 months ago and I specifically asked but I will call again..

How are you doing w/ your little ones?

mine are 10, 6, and 4 soooo its been hard trying to be strong for my 10 yr old since I never went through this as a child...

My dad deployed during the Gulf War. I was 6 at the time. My uncle was deployed at the same time. When my uncle came home first, it was hard for me to understand why he got to come home and my dad didn't. I remember being really bitter about it.
The thing that helped me was getting letters regularly from my dad and writing him letters a lot.

Now, I'm 23 and my dad is overseas again (he got picked from his guard unit to go) and I think it's much harder this time to deal with because I'm overseas as well and with no one around who understands (my cousin is in Baghdad too) but mostly because I know what going to war entails so that naivete is gone...

The only thing I can think of is faxing over your copy of your POAs to all the companies that have his name only on accounts. I went through that with my husband and it's better to make sure they have the information before there is a problem.

Sounds like you are all set though. My husband is on his third deployment, I'm missing him bad! :(

Looks like you have a great handle on it.

It is difficult handling all of this with children.  Our experience was Navy submaries during a time when while away there was zero contact for months on end.  My daughters would help prepare by making letters or pictures to pack in with Dad's clothes.  Small things as space was limited, but as he unpacked he would find things to remind him of home.  Remember as tough as this is on us it is just tougher on them.  We still have the comfort of home to return to every day. 

With summer coming you will want to make sure the kids have fun activies planned to keep them busy.  The they have to do the faster the time goes by for all of you.

I wish you and yours well!

Dear mariyumm,

please don't forget that a one good prayer will do wonders. Just pray hard for his safety. I wish him the best of luck.

Mariyumm,  I am a mother of a soldier who just returned from being deployed in Iraq.  My son is not married so he made me his power of attorney. It does sound like you have a lot covered. 

Just wanted to say that I will keep your family in my prayers. If you have a family support group in your area, I would join that.  It really helped me during his deployment time. 

God's blessing to you and your family.

As the wife a retired Army soldier and a veteran myself, it sounds like you've gotten the important stuff covered.

As for once he's there: One thing I did during DH's last deployment to Iraq was to send him a CD each month that I burned for him of favorite songs we both love.  He had some email access, so the kids (and dog) had lots of photos taken that I emailed often.  Our kids were old enough to write letters, but even if yours are small, drawing daddy a picture will be priceless.  I can honestly say, that with very few exceptions, I sent him a card, letter, or postcard every day.  He said the snail mail, something tangible in my handwriting, was awesome.  The turnaround where he was wasn't too bad - 10-14 days for him to get mine and vice versa.

Once you get that ID, for sure use the PX and commissary!  You will save some loot there!

The biggest bit of advice: cherish the time before he goes.  It's very common for the soldier and/or spouse to start to distance themselves as departure grows closer. This is subconcisouly done so the actual separtion is "easier". (And silly 'cause nothing makes it easier!)  But we do tend to do this.  The chaplain warned us about this numerous times in our pre-deployment unit meetings, but I still wasn't prepared for it when I felt it happening.  We both noticed it though and talked ourselves through it.

Also, if you can, try to make time for at least one romantic, overnight away with just each other.  Swap babysitting with another couple where one is deploying if need be.  Even if you go to the cheapest motel in town, a night to focus soley on each other, to talk completely undisturbed, well, that was priceless to DH and I.

Please know you will all be in my thoughts and prayers.  Feel free to PM me if you need to vent or need anything while he's away.

Thank you all for your ideas...

Alibuch- i cant imagine having two relatives overseas... i will have my son write to him regularly.. keeping him up to date~..and so will i~.. hopefully email will work more efficiantly

Change of Heart - I will make a note of that... to have him make a list of all of his accts so I have it at hand and have him fax that over.. well more that I will fax it over [=

Issmile67- he just did AT for 3 weeks and he was so homesick on the 3rd week ... i cant imagine... and im trying to be optimistic and not fall apart... Ill have the boys put them in ziplock bags for him to open when he unpacks.. sounds like a great idea.. thanks.... summer is coming and I hope to get out and help w/ the boys almost every weekend~

safina1- yes, i believe prayer does wonders, too

momofaussoldier- ..... thank you... hopefully i find a group nearby work or home~

 

 

 

 

kallie67 -

yes, the subconscious separation is already happening.. he would be watching tv or on the computer and im downstairs on my computer... and the boys are each in their rooms~... deep down it does feel if we separate now it would be better .. like you said .. its silly to do so.. regardless that last goodbye see you soon is going to be hard anyway

we have two weddings coming up and this weekend going away w/ friends to really enjoy... we are looking forward to the weddings where we are spending the night w/out kiddies~... and we've gone to a wrestling match for our 10 yr old to spend time w/ him and going to a gazillion bubble show for our 6 yr old who has autism to spend time w/ him... then hopefully spend a weekend just the family and having the kids spend more time w/ him~... weather permitting i would love it to be in the backyard - bbq'ing ... [=

One more thing:

The Farewell Ceremony: .... at first had no idea what time and then told me .. you dont have to go w/ the kids and I said Oh~ why? and he said because its an hour away and the boys will drive you crazy..

(we have a wedding the night before) so he will probably head out first then me but at this point Im thinking of enjoying the wedding that im a bridesmaid in and then get up early go get the boys and head to the base....

but I was hurt that he said not necessary in having us there (???)

Wife of a Navy vet here. Not much to add - sending my thanks for your family's sacrifice and prayers for your man's safe return.

Just remembered:  one thing that we did too - we had a good friend take some pics of us right before he left - some as a family, as a couple, just dad with the kids as a group and solo with each kid.  Then we put them in small scrapbooks - one for us to have at home and for him to take. Then each kid had one photo with just them and dad for in their rooms. 

(((HUGS)))  I know it feels as if the world is turning upside down right now. 

No, I think he DOES want you there (my hubby deployed from a place about 2 hours away from home), but it may be very boring for the kids is most liley what he's thinking.  And it may be that, as my DH said, it's easier to say good-bye on your turf, at home, than on the base.  Too bad bucko!  I too went anway.

If you feel you need to be there and that the kids need to be there, then go. 

..... we will go... and be there as a family ... my 10 yr old needs to see he is not the only one... there are many families affected and many soldiers going away.. he needs to see this to understand~

thanks [=

Yep, I agree.  It does help them understand it better. 

Hi Mariyumm!

I have no experience with spousal deployments, I am not married. But, my dad was in the Navy and would go out to see for half the year. I spent half my childhood without him. It is rough. But, your husband is doing an awesome thing, as I'm sure you know!! Your kids have a daddy they can be proud of!! Please tell your husband "thank you" for his service for me :)

Incidentally, I am part of a volunteer organization that helps out families of deployed soldiers. If you ever need anything, please don't hesitate to ask!! My prayers are with you.

Don't miss the deployment ceramony.  I am glad you are going.  I saw a lot of soldiers just sitting around with no family with them when my son had his.  It was heart breaking.  Its an emotional time and they really need there family.  My son tried that too, and it didn't work and he was very happy that we all went.

I have experience in this area and I want to tell you I know how hard it is living there on your own. It's a duty in itself just being the wife of someone that's active duty. I honestly don't believe that anyone else knows... like a spouse does.  I'm sure you've been given a lot of handy advice. There are lots of mundane things that people can remind you to do. My suggestion may sound silly, but I believe it to be the best.

Spouses can never say I love you too many times before they're about to be seperated. Make sure you tell your spouse how much you love them. Don't find out later that you've wasted all your time on trivial matters instead. It's extremely hard to go through a day without hearing it from my spouse. It's just as hard for them to go through a lengthly period without being able to tell you. It's something small that's sometimes taken for granted. Missing each other magnifies how much we need and want to exchange I love yous. I'd miss being able to say it so much I'd say it laying in bed after my nightly prayers. As if my husband could hear me calling to him.Or God were relaying the message for me. ( That somehow made it easier for me )

The next thing I suggest is lots of hugs and kisses. People spend so much time focusing on things that don't matter. They strain over getting things in order when they could've been sharing a few moments in a warm embrace.The passing kisses and brief tight hugs are important moments.It gets really cold as time goes on and you'll miss that warmth. I'd dream of my husbands arms around me all the time while he was deployed. Touch touch touch. Before your spouse leaves.

Lastly I suggest putting a photo and note inside their stuff for your spouse to find. It's always nice to get another " I love you " when you arrive some place new.

Ugh.. good luck with this! It sounds really tough.

My bf was in the marines for 10 years and now wants to join the national guard full time. I'm scared to death to let him =/