Pretending to be Health-Concious...

My friend (who I am always a little bit annoyed by, to be honest) is a little bit, kinda, sorta...fat. There's no other way to say it, but she definitely is overweight. Don't get me wrong, I used to eat just like her -never got as big as her, but I probably could've. Whenever we hang out, it's always centered around food. Ok, you can tell me we should go mountain climbing or whatever instead, but she would prefer Starbucks. Some of the things that really tick me off:

• she won't eat unless I eat.
  
• when I do observe her eat, she eats SO fast. like with grapes, she just pops them in, one after another. Then she starts eating my food.
  
• she keeps food in her room. Like, 100 calorie packs and stupid "healthy stuff" that's really tiny portions of junk food.
  
• she gets winded walking ANYWHERE.
• she watches so much TV that she's always making references to some TV show I've never heard of, or complaining about a commercial she's seen 1000 times when I've never seen it.
• she drinks this ridiculous high calorie juice with more calories than Coke and says she can't start her day without it.
  
• ect, ect...
  

But if she were happy the way she were, I wouldn't be posting about her. It's that she hates her body, is WAY self-concious, and totally sensitive about her weight. And somehow she can't figure it out!

Anyone else feel like they can sympathize about their friends who just seem to be oblivious to how badly they're treating their bodies (and can't figure out why they're overweight)? Anybody want to yell at me and say I'm judgemental and a brat? Most importantly, is it normal that this drives me crazy?

i totally understand where you're coming from; my cousin is the exact same way. she's plays sports so she's not "fat", but she's got a little "extra junk in the trunk" if you know what i mean, but when she stops playing sports, she's going to be huge.

• whenever she eats something unhealthy, she always tries to drag me down with her.
• she's the messiest eater i've ever seen. everytime she eats cereal, she gets milk in her hair.. and everytime she eats anything like a muffin, there's crumbs everywhere!
• she constantly tries to justify every unhealthy choice she makes (this double-chocolate fudge icecream has 3% calcium; it's good for you!)
• she knows nothing about nutrition, but claims to know it all.
• etc, etc.

I totally feel you guys on this one! I really have nothing against someone who eats unhealthily, lets face it, nutrition isn't all that interesting to most of the world and so i totally understand if my friends don't want to join in my vitamin percentage and fat gram counting. BUT it drives me UP THE WALL if they complain about their weight while digging into a huge thing of ice cream. It's like, you can't complain if you're not willing to at least make an effort you  know?

Oh, I just remembered my biggest pet peeve! When we have sleepovers, I'm not allowed in the same room as her when SHE'S changing, but when I'm changing, she'll stare at my body the whole time! It's simultaneously creepy, but mostly annoying.

Original Post by wouldyouliketosupersize:

• she won't eat unless I eat.

I know someone who act like this too...

Really annoying. She won't start eating if I don't and always wants to finish her plate after I do. Like she waits 5 min without touching her food so I will finish to eat before she does. I don't get it. -_-'

 

Wow, can you all get t-shirts that proclaim "JUDGEMENTAL CHICK"! For thoser of you that call yourself friends to these women, you should be ashamed. Thank goodness that I don't have friends like you. I'm sure that you are`all perfect.

Original Post by bookwomanaz:

Wow, can you all get t-shirts that proclaim "JUDGEMENTAL CHICK"! For thoser of you that call yourself friends to these women, you should be ashamed. Thank goodness that I don't have friends like you. I'm sure that you are`all perfect.

Hmm...I wouldn't say that we're all just pretending to be friends with these people, it's just that we need a place to complain anonymously. I don't suppose you go to posts complaining about how their friends can eat anything and not gain weight, too?

"she won't eat unless I eat. "

When I'm with someone, I don't usually start eating until they do... for me it's just a politeness issue.

I used to complain about my weight to my friends, then I realized how annoying that was, and did something about it. Now I fear sometimes I'm a little too talkative about losing weight. =/

And actually, fast eating is really a problem that's difficult to even notice in yourself. That's me. I know I eat way too fast but there's little i can do about it. If I didn't know how to count calories, I don't know what I'd do.

Although seriously, couldn't you try talking to these people? Or at least point out that her 100 calorie packs are still junk? =/ I feel bad that she can see no way out, but I understand that people don't change unless they really want to.

Don't do anything....  I know how tempting it is when you think you have a healthy lifestyle to try to 'spread the good news' to someone that seems to be living the reverse.  But until they actually ask for a little help (as opposed to just whining) then you really can't do anything or you come across as an interfering, holier-than-thou type.

Cautionary tale... I had a boyfriend who asked me to help him give up smoking.  Actually asked...   So I did what a good girlfriend would do and tried to be encouraging, saying 'well done dear' etc.  However, he then cast me in the role of 'the policeman' and began to rebel!  Suddenly I was the killjoy bad guy when, in truth, I didn't really care whether he smoked or not. 

So take a step back.  If you're fed up with her whining all the time (and it is irritating), challenge her to do something positive about her weight/health/lifestyle... or shut up about it.  (Friends can say that.)  But don't be tempted to become her mentor or you'll never hear the last of it.

Of course we're not going to do anything about it; we all know that could ruin the relationship. It's just that sometimes it's so frustrating to watch somebody you care about so clueless! The frustation in me mounted and I felt like I wanted to know if anybody else felt the same way/thinks its ok to feel like this.

Obviously we still want these peoples' companionship , but sometimes it's nice to just go and complain because this is the only place we can with a very small chance of them finding out. You can suggest a journal, but it's more satisfying to tell a real person and get feedback.

One of my former best friends was really bad about things like that, and made me feel guilty for eating so I would hand over my food.

---She would order fast food CONSTANTLY,
---Eat cup-of-noodles about three times a day,
---Drink super-sugary high-calorie 'energy drinks', and then would mix them with things like gatorade and starbucks coffee
---NEVER touched vegetables or fruit
---Her family ate steaks practically every night with no vegetables (save for mashed potatoes or chili sometimes). When they where not having red meat, they had fast food or pizza
---Complain how she's 'big boned' and that was the reason she was so large
---She DID exercise some though, she would walk about a mile a day. But when you eat nothing but crap all day, you can't expect it to do too much good.

Also, whenever she'd watch me eat, she'd make 'comments', like 'wow, should you REALLY be eating that?' or 'I thought you where on a diet', and then go on to talk about the places I 'needed to work out more' or how I was 'getting a bit soft and jiggly'

Not to brag, but I had always been pretty healthy, MORE so now than I was then, and even at my heaviest she was 20 lbs heavier than I am. Uhhg, My perception of food now is pretty darn skewed now as well with no help from her. But hey, at least I'm smaller than she ever will be.

That was a bit mean of me, sorry.

Think about it though...are you really worried about their "health"? Or do you just like feeling superior because you feel like you have it figured out? Some of us didn't used to be very healthy before (I know of a time when I thought those 100 cal packs were a good idea) and wouldn't we hate it if we knew our friends thought/ talked about us like this? I say this because I have a friend who is very much like this...BUT I love her to death and I would never talk about her that way to anyone. She is a good person...and I know if she wants to get healthy, she will figure it out in her own time. The last thing she needs is me making comments about her food choices. KWIM?

I think you all just like trying to make yourselves out to be better than others. It's pretty sad you have to put your friends down to feel better about yourselves. I say find a new hobby. And if these girls bother you so much, find new friends. 

@OP: While you may know that energy drinks = not very good for weight loss, your friend doesn't. While you may think that 100 calorie packs = not good for weight loss, she eats them. It seems like your attitude is "I figured it out, now its her turn". And the flawed thing with that is: a. maybe you haven't figured it out  b. why don't you tell her what you know? *easier said than done, I know

I hate being around people who are trying to lose weight. I feel like they're sizing up my food and mentally making suggestions. It's pretty ugh.

It's exhausting being around people who are constantly "trying" to lose weight and judge their non-dieting friends for their eating habits-- throughout high school I was always very slim and my best friend was bigger, and self-conscious about it.  One night we went out for pancakes and she didn't order and, looking on at ours, said "You guys are going to get fat."  Now, I probably didn't handle it the best when I responded "No, I don't get fat", but I definitely sympathize that it's really hard to be friends with people who get so upset about food. 

It is one thing to nag friends who do not WANT to lose weight into changing their eating habits, it's another thing when a friend is TRYING to lose weight/saying they are being health-conscious or 'doing all the right things' when in fact they are not. I was not trying to sound 'holier-than-thou' about my ex-best friend, because she would say it was 'impossible' for her to lose weight when she was eating and doing the things she was doing. when I would offer her advice on how to lose weight when she would complain, she'd snip at me and call me fat as well.

It is also very annoying when it is practically the only thing they talk about is how 'unfair' it is how some people can lose weight when they 'eat healthier and exercise more than they do'.

@direwolf- I read your post, and yeah, there are two sides to every story. Sometimes people do seem quite holier-than-thou when they talk about their friends who are trying to lose weight, but it's a totally different horse if that friend just refuses to take any suggestions and is being really really annoying.

And it's also really annoying when your friends are being condescending about or makes you feel like crap simply because you need to lose weight.... which is what many of the girls in this thread sound like.

Ok, I'm just skimming some of these replies and...

I really don't care if my friend is skinny, or not, or in between. I used to think she was happy the way she was, and that made me happy. But now it seems that she wants to be thinner, and she acts like she trying. But observing her from being around it, it just bothers me to see that she seems too lazy to get her act together and lose the weight if that's what she wants. I also have a sneaking suspicion that if she weren't with me, she'd be trading that apple for a bag of cheetos.

wouldyoulike...---

You have to keep in mind that people aren't going to lose weight until they're ready. If you're going to be her friend you just need to be supportive. If she mentions wanting to lose weight then just say "Hey... this is what has worked for me and if you want any help or want to talk, I'm here for you."

But you are coming off very condescending here like you can't stand this girl because she's overweight and honestly... if you don't care about her weight then don't worry about what she eats.