Pretty fat chicks; I can't win!

This is just a gripe session, but it sort of relates to another thread about being ugly.

My gripe is, I am still, after almost two weeks of dieting and watching every calorie, 205 pounds on a 5'6" body. Ok. I went through the whole 'body acceptance' and 'be happy first, then lose weight' deal. I bought size 20 clothes from Lane Bryant (supposedly fashion conscious and chic), got my haircut, revamped my makeup routine and did everything possible to feel somewhat attractive at my current weight.

But it never fails that I run in to some 300 pound woman who's got heads turning in the supermarket. Not because she is huge, but because she is beautiful. These women emenate grace, beauty, sexuality. It isn't just me noticing. I can be out with my skinny friends who are no less attractive, according to my perception, yet we often get 'upstaged' by these truly big beauties that work a crowd like Marylin Monroe.

What is the freakin deal? I can't get a look at 200 pounds and size 20. I can't get a look at 150 pounds and size 14. Yet, I am plagued my the fact that there are women who wake up in the morning, ignore the scale, climb in to their size 28 jeans and take on the world!

Does that bother anyone else?

It's all about confidence.  It took me a while to realize that.  I was always baffled by thin, pretty girls who confessed to me how jealous they were of the attention I got.  It finally took a (male) friend telling me.  "You're sexy because you have attitude.  If I just saw you walking down the street I might take a double-glance and think you're hot, but knowing your personality just makes you unbelievably attractive."

All this time I'm thinking, "Me?  Big, fat, ME?"

So, I guess my advice is, don't look for anyone to give you looks.  Walk in there with a strut that says you know everyone is looking at you; how could they not?  Because you're so hot, and you know it.

And it's awesome to do things beauty-wise to make yourself feel more attractive.  It'll just take some time to develop the swagger that comes with it.

it's also a matter of not doing the zero sum game. Don't look around to see who's prettier than you, figure out your own best points and work on them without worrying about the rest of the world. . . 

It has nothing to do with weight, that's the thing you have to understand.

seraph is right. It has nothing to do with weight. Guys like ladies who are approachable. If a drop dead gorgeous woman walks in but has no smile, no warmth along side a heavier woman who has a smile, a twinkle in her eye, guess who's getting the attention.

If some other girl is getting the looks - good for her - I'm not competing with them.  Stop caring about whether everyone else likes how you look and just decide whether you like it.    If you don't, change it, if you do - work it.  The more negative you are, the harder it is for you.

it is the thin person who is going to get the looks, face it we live in a world were thin is it that is all that matters.  We are all judge on looks it sucks but it is reality.  Why do you think the US is so into diet, diet pills and get thin quick, all you have to do it watch tv and every other commerical is on some new diet thing. It sucks but it is reality so we all have to decide we can do it or be what we are now. 

Actually, I have an alternate explanation.

The US is so into diet, diet pills, get thin quick, etc.. not because society cares as much as because it's a multi-billion dollar industry, incredibly omnipresent, and they use every nasty trick in the book to make you feel fat and ugly and buy their products.

This is my theory. It's not that we, as a nation, care, specifically. No more than we specifically care to use oil. It's that a multi-billion dollar industry needs your money.

you are probably right but I want to be thin so I will do what I need to get there that should be everyone attitude, basically do it and stop talking about it... right?

Guess what girls, It's not about weight as much as it is about personality. If you're friendly and happy men pick up on it and want to talk to you. If you're cold, then they stay away. Men need permission to talk to women and they get that permission from the way you look at them. It's called body language. I work around a lot of women and I have some that smile when they see me coming and I have others who won't look at me while I'm talking to them. Guess who I hang around with.

I think you all who say it is a matter of attitude are right. I mean, I am just a wicked witch these days. Who would want to look at me, fat or thin? I don't think it is that I am looking for the attention as much as observing who gets it and why. Well, that's not true. I guess I'm looking for attention if I spent 495.00 at Lane Bryant for two outfits. Anyway, thanks for the comments. Introspection is not easy for me, so I appreciate the help.

I know some skinny girls who are not considered CONVENTIONALLY beautiful, and they turn heads because of their personalities and the way they interact with people and put themselves out to the world. Guys aren't attracted to them because they think hey, she's skinny. They're attracted to them because they have that certain something. The same thing can be said for beautiful fat girls or average looking thin girls or beautiful average bodied girls or any kind of woman! 

I used to be 120lbs, with a killer toned body and dd boobs, which were so perky on my frame everyone thought they were fake.  And I couldn't get a date to save my life.  Why?  Because I was a negative, looks obsessed person who, despite having a conventionally attractive build, was deeply insecure.

I've gained 60lbs in the past 6 years.   And I get way more looks now then I ever did before.   Its because I like myself on the inside now, and people find THAT attractive.

Interesting topic. I will tell you that I have changed the way i feel. I would say because I am more mature.When I was younger, all that mattered was the hot chicks and getting laid. Now that I am in my mid thirties, and divorced, my priorities have changed. I will tell you I have run across alot of different types of women:skinny fat tall short ugly beautiful .... But what I seem to be attracted to now is someone i can connect to mentally. I would say there is some attraction to looks, but anyone can look their best. It is what is inside that matters the most

Very interesting... I used to have the same thought too. Eventually I decided two things. One, people aren't used to fat women being beautiful because we've been conditioned against it, so they turn heads automatically if they ARE beautiful. And two, as everyone else says, it's a confidence thing. If you're confident in yourself, if you think you're beautiful, you can convince everyone else you're beautiful.

lanicita,

That is an excellent and insightful comment about the fact that beautiful big women turn heads because no one expects that a large woman can be beautiful. It makes sense. It is no less unnerving, however, because there is definitely more to it than looks; or maybe the appearance is enhanced by the self-esteem.

jennicourtfarm,

maybe it is self confidence, i don't know for sure. while a woman comfortable in her own skin is nice, but if her personality is not nice the she becomes unattractive real fast

This thread has made me realize a lot about myself. I haven't dated much since my divorce, ten yrs. ago. I have blamed it on fat, being ugly, not having large amounts of cash and whatever else I could think of at the time. I looked at my pic and just deleted it because I look soooooo sad. No one wants to get involved with a sad person no matter what that person looks like I suspect. I'm very negative and that's not attractive either. Losing a little weight would help my confidence I am sure, but it won't cure the problem. I guess I need to work on the inside and maybe the outside will follow. 

Shannon, I don't know where you're coming from, but in my experience the only guys the "hot skinny girls" get attention from are the guys just looking for an easy lay. Every real man I've ever known or seen likes woman who's got confidence, knows how to move, knows how to work what she's got and know's that she GOT it!

The goal is not just to get *skinny* and just do it and not talk about it... the goal is to be HEALTHY, emotionally and physically and talking about it is all part of that: support, gaining knowledge, making it a real part of your life and the lives of everyone around you.

Getting healthy is not a negative burden that we just have to shoulder alone and suck it up and do it, it's a journey towards betterment that we should share.

I don't care if I'm never *skinny*, at 5'4" and 215lbs I'm still getting WAY more action at the bar, at work, walking down the street and going grocery shopping than some lifeless, cold-blooded skinny b*tch. Being thin is NOT what makes one hot. :D

never thoought we could agree on anything jay, but i do with you on this one. Coming from a guy, I would rather have a lady that is full of life and love than a shallow skinny bitch who hates everything

You know, they say you can tell a lot about someone sexually by the way they eat...

One of the symptoms of anorexia is also lack of interest in sex.

Just thought I'd throw that out there~