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I think I have a problem and I'm scared - EDIT: AND I WANT TO RECOVER AND MOVE ON

Hi I have been restricting my food itake over te past couple of months and for the last few weeks have been having a banana and fat free yoghurt for breakfast, apple for snack and steamed veggies and fat free cotttage cheese for lunch. I have three cups of coffee with skim milk and then have a regular dinner (meat and 3 veg) and dessert - usually a pudding or chocolate. I tend to freak out at the thought of going out to eat and panic if someone suggests going for coffee and cake....I have a BMI of 15.4 and have not had a period for over a year. I know i have a problem but can't pull myself together. I am seeig a go in 2 weeks and can't bring myself to alter my eating habits before then....I think that if i am told that i have may have health probs due to being thin that this may spurr me on to get some weight on and if i am told what things to eat i will follow what i am told to do. I just needed some advice and wanted to know if there is any way i could fix myself??? I also exercise regularly...20 min aerobics in the morning, 40 minutes walk to and from work and then 50 min cardio in the evening. How many calories do i need to eat and what sorts to maintain this?

Thanks for your replies and advice:)

EDIT:I just wanted to apologise if i caused offense with this post - it wasn't my intention. I want to recover but need some advice on how to go about it. I want to be happy and have my old life back. I am really scared to admit that i have a problem with anorexia and over exercising.

You know you have a problem already.   First thing you have to do is stop exercising.   Your body is in a extremely weakened state and any further strain could do you some serious damage.  Your heart could stop, for example.... quite a common way for people with anorexia (if that's the problem) to die. 

A BMI of less than 18.5 classes someone as 'clinically underweight'.  A BMI under 16 often means hospitalisation is required to get someone out of immediate danger.   To remain so seriously underweight requires severe malnutrition.... and that brings a host of other problems to contend with.  e.g. poor immune system, hair-loss, tooth-loss, bone-loss, anaemia, scurvy, anxiety, depression,....  If you haven't had a period for over a year chances are you've been unwell for a lot longer than that.   The longer you stay underweight and malnourished, the worse your chances get.  That's how serious your situation is.

But you know this already so there's no real reason to wait until you see a doctor to start rectifying matters.   If you need support, talk to the people closest to you and ask for their help.   2500 cals a day is the starting point..... no exercise....  choose energy-dense, calorie-dense, nutrition-dense foods to get the ball rolling.  Nuts, nut butters, full-fat dairy products, chocolate, pasta, red meats, eggs, bread, oily fish, olive oils, avocados..... there's a good list at the top of the weight-gain board.

CC can only support people in active recovery

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Thank you for your honest reply. I think i am anorexic, but i'm scared of eating to many fats etc for fear of raising my cholesterol and causing heart problems.

I am sick of looking like a stick and having people stare at me and watch me when i eat at work. I am ready to recover but don't know where to begin really and don't know what sort of gain i should be trying to achieve each week....

My problem escalted earlier this year when my mother died very suddenly and i have a lot of guilt associated with this and i think i am using it as a way of punishing myself???I know that i can't go on much longer like this and i have to stop making excuses and start to recover. I get stressed though because i am going shoppng tomorrow and will have to have lunch in the food court and just CANNOT bring mysellf to eat mcdonalds or kfc  - i get really stressed when my brother gets it and think i should to, but i just can't do it - even though i would probably enjoy it. (I used to)

I am a bit freaked out by your saying i could have a heart attack - i don't think that i am that bad - i haven't had palpitations or pains.

If you're genuinely worried about heart problems then eating some foods that contain fat is much less risky than your current state of health.  When a body is seriously malnourished lean tissue (muscle) is used to make up the shortfall in energy.  A very important group of muscles is the heart, of course....  Add vigorous exercise to a weakened heart and *pop* you can snuff out like a candle with no warning.  Quite serious about that.

I'm sorry about the death of your mother and I'm sure it was a harrowing experience for you and your family.  Grief is a terrible thing and can be quite destructive if you are left to your own devices.  Counselling is very useful for some people.  You may easily be suffering from depression and that often manifests itself as disordered eating and irrational feelings of guilt.  Bring forward that doctor's appointment because you are genuinely an emergency case.

In the meantime, start with breakfast.  Rather than a banana and fat-free yoghurt make it a full-fat yoghut & add on several slices of wholegrain toast thickly spread with peanut butter.  Wash the whole thing down with some glasses of orange juice.  You need 2500 cals minimum so aim for a 500 cal breakfast, 600 cal lunch, 700 cal supper and 3 x 250 cal snacks to make up the shortfall.  The CC food log can be used as a planning tool to make sure you're getting the energy and nutrition you need.

But do see your doctor immediately.   Don't wait.

im sorry you are having such a hard time , and im so sorry you lost your mother that must of been feel hard to deal with. i really think you should see a doctor your bmi is very low and the doctor will be the best person to assist you forward and check you over. i really think you need theapy there are people out there who can help you deall with this and who can help you confront all those issues . i knoiw its hard admitting to yourself and others that you are anorexic but it really is the best thing to do if you want to recover which i think you do . you sound a lovely person you shouldnt be wasting your life obsessing with food and weight. i really would advice you not to exercise ive had this illness for 14 years and because i didnt listen to people all those years back i have osteophrosis. exercise is ineffective when you are such a low weight it just depletes your body of the little nutrients you have . when i was ip i was on bed rest at a bmi of 15 and was eating 3000 calories a day. i would encourage you to gradually increase your intake 200 calories ever few day . i know it will be hard but it will get easy use this site people can support you along the way . 2500 should be the minimal to gain weight and thats what you should be aiming for 3 meals 3 snacks of all the food groups . your doctor may be able to refer you to a dietican i really hope you deside to start your journey to a better life message me anytine if you need to talk h x

Original Post by lizziej79:

but i'm scared of eating to many fats etc for fear of raising my cholesterol and causing heart problems

. . .

My problem escalted earlier this year when my mother died very suddenly

. . .

just CANNOT bring mysellf to eat mcdonalds or kfc  - i get really stressed when my brother gets it and think i should to, but i just can't do it

  Okay, there are a couple things I want to respond to. First, I'm so so sorry for your lost. Have you been to therapy or a grief counselor? That might be a really good thing - losing your mother is one of the hardest things that anyone, of any age, goes through. Again, I'm so, so sorry.

Second, while getting over your fear of fats and fast food is something to work towards, right now the priority is adding calories and adding fat. So, maybe you could start with "healthy" fat since that might feel more comfortable to you. In reality, all fat (in balanced amounts) is healthy, but nuts, seeds, avocado, and olive oil are widely regarded as especially healthy and they actually REDUCE your cholesterol.  Maybe you could start eating toast with peanut butter, peanut butter sandwiches, turkey and avocado sandwiches, nuts, trail mix (dried fruit & nuts), etc. to your daily foods.

Also, check out the "What Did You Eat Today" thread (if you haven't yet) for some awesome ideas for meals, snacks, and meal plans - that's the kind of meal plan you'll need to follow.

I am so sorry for your loss. I agree I hope that you have support and are or have beenin therapy and used family/friend support too. Though it is very hard to face those feelings you must so that you can grieve and have a life. Your mom would want that for you. It is normal to feel scared even though you see something is wrong and your weight is horribly sick. You must push through those fears and support can help. It always strikes me as odd when people in recovery talk about fears of being unhealthy with certain food choices. An ed is one of the most unhealthy behaviors. You can't live off air and are at more of a risk for health issues now then if you ate like crap which I am not saying to do but just giving an ex. You can have a balanced weight gain mp with treats and not have the concerns you are having. Right now stop the exercise. Other then light yoga or light walking. The starting point is 2500 at least and many need 4000 for ex. Can you start by adding a few hundred ever few days? Can you ask family for a support team?

Lizzie, we do appreciate what you are going through.  But you are still undereating, and are at a very dangerous BMI.  Calorie Count can be a great secondary support for people.  But we are really not equipped to be the sole support for people who are not in active recovery.

I'm glad that you are going to get professional help soon.  The best advice that I can give is to make sure that you are completely honest with him/her.  Tell them about your eating, your loss of period, everything.  It's the best way for you to get the real life help that you need.