Problems with my boss
Anyway - I have a part-time/weekend job as a banquet server at a local hotel for about 7 months or so...
A few months back they hired a new food/beverage director (my boss' boss)... No big deal to me, because I just go do my job and go home.
About 2 months ago, this boss starts seriously hitting on me - I blew him off and continued to do my job, I mean he is my big boss for crying out loud..
Well he must of been feeling more and more comfortable around me and was making some serious passes at me, blah blah... I've informed him on numerous occasions that I am married. Of course he also knows through some of the other co-workers (that I am friends with) that my marriage is falling apart.
To sum this story up a bit, I found out that he has made a comment that really upset me and I found affensive. He said that "he can't wait to turn me into a naughty girl" <--- What the heck is that suppose to mean, and why would he say that, not to mention I find it to be very inappropriate to be saying to my coworkers, not to mention that I find this whole situation to be inappropriate.
I let it bug me for a day or so, and finally decided that I wasn't going to sit back and continue letting him mistreat me, so Friday night I sort of let him have it and told him off. Not the best way to handle (I am aware of this) but I couldn't allow someone to disrespect me in this manner. I need to make you all aware that I did NOT do this in front of any of my coworkers or make a big drama scene - it was very down low and besides the people he may have told about it, no one else knows, except him and I...
Here is my problem... I want to continue working there, the extra money is needed right now and the job is simple and they are very flexible with my scheduling needs. But Saturday night when I had to work with him again, he was very rude and disrespectful towards me to the point that my coworkers asked me what I did to make him this upset with me... Of course I blew it off and went about doing my job...
But he is making me feel very uncomfortable and I don't know if I should just ignore him or what...
What I did decide was that I am taking next weekend off to try and let things "calm down" or blow over and see how things are when I go back in 2 weeks...
But what do you guys think, should I quit and let him have the power or should I just continue to work there and hold my head high? I just feel so disrespected its crazy... Need some guidance... I am so not use to this type of behavior...
I would go directly to his supervisor/the people who hired him/the heads of your hotel and report him for sexual harassment. Tell them what you just told all of us. Have it down in writing. If you feel up to it, you should document (in writing) specific times and dates and what he did or said to make you feel uncomfortable. Hopefully you will find the management sympathetic, because not only is this guy an ****, what he's doing is illegal (especially after you told him off and told him to stop).
Good luck. No one should have to go through this.
newbie here :-), but I know about hotel working environment. It's safe to say you're not interested in that man. I two weeks time, see if he's calmed down ( chances are, in the meantime, he's found someone who's interested in his advances). If he's still rude, try talk to your immediate boss. Tell him the situation, and see what he says. If things don't get any better, try talking to the other man ( LIKE: I'm not saying you're not worthy but I'm just not interested right now bla bla bla bla bla).
If the job is convenient for you, try hanging on to it .-)!
The other thing that bugs me is that this is just a little side job for me, I don't really care about the job or have a passion for what I am doing...
This is this person's career, he has went to college to be able to do this job, so I don't want to ruin his career, I just want things to go back to the way the use to be and have no drama...
Why can't it be that simple? I mean we are adults here, not young children... He is 33 years old - and truly needs to grow up...
So I am not rejecting him, I am just unavailable and don't want to be the victim of his harrassment anymore... He isn't interested in me as a person, he is only interested in getting into my pants and I am so not that kind of a girl.
Well I mean, why don't you just tell him that? you seem very clear on here about your intentions. Have you tried sitting this man down and talking calmy and seriously? And his college education has nothing to do with it. I've seen a lot of college people, and they are not exactly the brightest light on the christmas tree. Most of them just have families that coould afford public schooling.
what I'm saying is: be very calm but clear about what you want ( I'm just here to work, and nothing else, thank you.)
I still think the way to go is to talk to your immediate supervisor. Might not change anything, but at least you have told someone. Always follow proper procedures and proper command chains. At least, that is my work experience.
Chances are, you're not the first he's tried to date and not reacted well to a NO.
Since you've mentioned it, what's that about your husband? You tell him about a problem, and he makes it worse?
As a person who has worked with numerous folks as well as being a supervisor for many years (was a Vice President). you have a couple of choices both require your intervention.
1. Go to that persons higher or even an HR person to discuss. This in my opinion has a couple of outcomes if the new boss has a reputation for this sort of behavior then you will more than likely get action. If however, he is the "fair haired boy" then be prepared for the fallout which could lead to you being released or even quitting because of the stress. I say this because then it becomes he said she said.
2. Tell him nicely you arent interested and document the discussion and warning in writing. The first line of defense in a sexual harrasment case is "did the victim confront the perpetrator"? I would recommend not discussing the water cooler bragging but if he approaches you again make it known that you are not interested and remain calm and professional. Do not threaten or even leave the door open to future possibilities. If he refuses to take the hint then do number 1 above.
Again give one warning then take additional action is my recommendation.
Your boss has NO RIGHT to talk that way to you! You have been working there longer than he has go as far up in the company as you can and report him. There are laws protecting you and believe me no business wants the hassle.
The way I have dealt with this in the past is by going to my female boss and writing a letter to the union and the corporate office.
Is this guy married? Chances are he has done this before and he will continue to do this until he understands there are consequences for his actions.
I agree with advice already given....
but
me being me, and as this is a case of sexual harassment in the work place you would have grounds for an official complaint. Always put it in writing, and never have a conversation with this man alone (you have a right to insist on a witness of your choice). Take it to his superior and let it be know to them that there is a problem.
Good luck
Oh my! Dave has onw veryyyyyyyyyy important point I forgot to mention: gossip.
STAY AWAY FROM IT ALL, AND WHEN I SAY STAY AWAY, I MEAN IT.
In your post you mention that there is already some comments flying around....... People however asking about YOU and not about HIM....
Trust me, the bloke is never the one to suffer.
quote
"did the victim confront the perpetrator"?
end quote
Try not to get to the point where people are going to look at you, and not at him......
This said, OBVIOUSLY NEVER LET ANY SUPERVISOR HARASS YOU.
off to work now.
best of luck to you. Life's too short to endure evil and harassment. If it gets too too too too too too diffucut, get another weekend job.........
Report him. Simple.
You are not ruining his career Jess, he is. If he did indeed go to school for this career, then he should know what sexual harassment is and that it is illegal.
You should be able to go to your job and not have to worry about things like this.
As for hubby... well that's another story, isn't it? :P
I agree that you need to take this up with his boss. This is sexual harassment, simply put. You DESERVE to be able to work in your workplace without being uncomfortable, and double so in today's environment when it comes to situations like this. What he's doing is not acceptable.
This is what has left me in a worse situation as he is literally being down right nasty towards me, that other coworkers have actually asked me what I did to him to make him so mad...
I just blow it off and say who knows, you know how these people can get... Then they usually move on and forget about it...
As far as my husband goes, I don't get him either, why would you act this way when I am telling you because it truly is upsetting me... It got to the point last night that I left the room that we were sitting in as a family because he is making me feel even worse about a situation that I already feel so upset about...I've told him how this was not helping me feel any better, he just thinks its funny... Obviously he isn't the most sensitive guy in the world to say the least about it....
I'm so sorry to hear about your husband. Blokes sometimes are not the most sesitive people on the planet. As for blowing off steam, hey we all do that every now and then.
Just do what you feel is right. Anyway, you've got a week to see how things develop, right? chances are, the guy has calmed down by the time you get back to work. When you do get back, that's when you need to see what to do, or what not to do.
Never take drastic action though. Always think about it first, and then get everything in writing/ witnessed, if that is then the action you take.
Walking away with my dignity and pride, but I am not that kind of a girl.
I'd rather take on the challenge and overcome it, instead of throwing my hands in the air and giving up...
Ugh you guys this really sucks...
: (
talk to your own supervisor and ask if (s)he will help you talk to him or if it keeps on going go to this mans boss. You need to have someone who knows of these incidents and by keeping them to yourself you will not have any legal basis. documenting incidents in your journal or a date book is a good one as well... hope you can solve this without having to quit. managers like this should be ...[fill in the blanks to your own liking]
Original Post by jess1979:
The frustrating part is that I told my husband about what's going on, and he is making things worse at home... He keeps picking on me about it, saying that not only could I sleep my way to the top but I could skip everything in between and starting sleeping with the person at the top...
The other thing that bugs me is that this is just a little side job for me, I don't really care about the job or have a passion for what I am doing...
This is this person's career, he has went to college to be able to do this job, so I don't want to ruin his career, I just want things to go back to the way the use to be and have no drama...
Why can't it be that simple? I mean we are adults here, not young children... He is 33 years old - and truly needs to grow up...
If he went to school for this career, then he also learned about sexual harassment and creating hostile work environments. He needs to be brought up short -- and quickly. He is probably betting on you NOT reporting anything since you are a part-timer and therefor (probably) need the job.
Report him -- don't quit
OMG JESS ..So sorry you are going through this!!
The advice given here is very good and Charlie r...I think I love you--(for realizing --admitting--men are insensitive blokes sometimes) You clearly are not insensitive
As far as hubby...since you are having tough times and splitting or possibly splitting..what gives him the right...and if he is making you feel like sh**** That is just so wrong. I don't blame you for wanting him out if he talks to you like that...and HEY THAT IS HIS ISSUE..It is NOT about you..
I think..I would start looking for a similar job...find references there (not aligned with the big boss) to speak about your performance and then report him ..before you leave but after your ref. get called
I don't know if that timing can happen or if you live in a place where another similar job is readily available.. I obviously don't know much about this biz either...
I do know that no woman should have to be treated that way by a man (or vice versa) He is abusing his position and now further proved himself to be a prick by being demeaning.
I agree with above posts - report him. A hotel large enough to have a catering department will have a sexual harassment policy. Study it and go through all the proper channels and procedures to report this person.
What you have described is a classic example of a hostile work environment, it is unacceptable, illegal, and you don't have to put up with it.
And don't feel "bad" about it either - this person has jeopardized his own career, not you.
This is sexual harrassment. Report him to his boss or to an HR person if you have one. Like Santo already said, find out what your company's policy is and follow the proper procedures and channels. You've already talked with him directly if that's the first step (at my current work place the first step is trying to work it out with the person who is cuasing the problem first). I've dealt with this in the workplace on more than one occasion and it can be really devastating. It brought up a lot of weird feelings for me and I felt like I had done something wrong. But I hadn't.
And reporting him will be a favor to everyone else that comes after you. If you don't report him, he will just do it to someone else. I'm quite sure that he has already and he will continue to do so after you are no longer there, unless you take action.
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