Problems with eating healthy

Hey, im having a bit of (a massive) problem. Dont really know how to describe this. But my father is very, very cheap. I mean VERY cheap. He only buys food thats on sale wether its old, full of chemicals, whatever. He admitted himself that the quality of food has no affect on him, he could care less what he eats/feeds his family as long as its cheap.

He only buys cheap, old, unhealthy food, therefore he always cooks weird tasting unhealthy food (usually extremely high in fat) He uses butter to fry everything and he has no problem slabbing on a few layers to make it taste good. He doesnt give two craps about health or calories, and it shows in his belly.

That aside, it's been very difficult for me to get in the nutrition i need for an 18 year old. He initially threw a huge fit about having to buy me fresh fruit and yogurt, but i was persistant. Til this day he still makes remarks about how i should just eat what i get.

As you've already guessed, that makes it hard for me to lose weight. He throws huge fits in the grocery store if i pick up something and put it in the cart without his consent. He yelled at me in the store one time when i asked him if we could just buy "normal food like everyone else". His answer was (as he started to yell) that im too demanding and that i just want expensive food, and that im ungreatful.

So i've been living off of oatmeal, bread, musli, yogurt, and fruit. Because thats all he'll let me have, unless i eat what he cooks.

I have no money to pay for my own food, and i know i shouldnt have to, i dont have a job, because school is too demanding. Even if i did buy my own food, he would eat it.

I really consider to use my birthday money i get from family members to buy some healthy food, i dont nearly get enough fat or protein. I just wish there was a way. I've tried talking to him, he just yells.

This the same father thats called me fat throughout my whole childhood, and still refuses to buy healthy food. He buys the same thing all the time and refuses to deviate from it, unless its cheaper.

What should i do? I feel so deprived, i eat the same thing everyday, my mealplans are identical monday-sunday.

And i honestly think this has something to do with my 2 month weightloss stalls..I dont know what to do.

Hey, I responded to this but accidentally did so in a message. Didn't mean to contact you personally - just so you know - but feel free to write back that way if you need someone to talk to about this.

That's quite interesting, actually - butter gets pretty expensive in itself.  Have you tried suggesting to him more bulk foods?  Such as beans, veggies on sale, etc.?  I would side with him on the yogurt, though - that stuff is not cheap =[  You could compromise and have milk instead?  I hope these suggestions help.

I had a similar problem when I lived at home, the problem was solved though when my dad was diagnosed with diabetes.  The doctor said either shape up your eating habits or have daily shots, or maybe die...that changed things in our household.

I wish I had some good advice for you.  You should probably find an adult that will be an advocate for you...someone that your father considers an equal (or even an authority figure) such as your doctor or a relative.  Maybe if he hears it from someone else, he will realize that he is responsible for providing you a healthy balanced diet and that IS possible on a budget.

No i've tried speaking to him about it before. He doesnt call me fat anymore, because he knows that he'd have to admit to buying only fatty foods and have to start buying helthy foods. And he's far from reasonable. He's verbally abusive. Healthy food isnt too expensive in europe, unhealthy food is more expensive here. Not just concerning food, he always brings up money because its the center of his focus. I wouldnt say we're poor, i get government funding for school (247 a month), i dont tell him i get that because then he would make me pay for things HE didnt use. (shampoo, tampons, toothpaste).

I try to speak to him as little as i can, if that tells you something about our relationship. every topic ends up about money somehow, and i cant stand being yelled at and belittled by such a pathetic subhuman scum that belittles his daughter to prove his point. According to him, im always wrong. I could take out loans, but i have no idea how i would repay them for the expenses, as schools not going too well either. =/

Original Post by heatherkparks:

I had a similar problem when I lived at home, the problem was solved though when my dad was diagnosed with diabetes.  The doctor said either shape up your eating habits or have daily shots, or maybe die...that changed things in our household.

I wish I had some good advice for you.  You should probably find an adult that will be an advocate for you...someone that your father considers an equal (or even an authority figure) such as your doctor or a relative.  Maybe if he hears it from someone else, he will realize that he is responsible for providing you a healthy balanced diet and that IS possible on a budget.

I've already had his parents talk to him about it. He ignores because money is more important. Even his new (very low maintenance wife) even complained about the old and low quality food he buys. She's said numerous times its just dangerous and risky to be eating things like that just because its cheaper than the average food.

I know im 18 and he has no legal bind to still support me. I seriously consider to just....take out some loans, and see if i can eventually pay them off..

What kind of stuff does he buy?

UD

Original Post by healthisinplease:

 He buys the same thing all the time and refuses to deviate from it, unless its cheaper.

I'm so sorry you have to deal with this.  No one should have to live with an abusive parent - please consider talking to a counselor - perhaps there is someone at school you could talk to?

In regards to the food, the best temporary fix is probably to find the cheapest possible healthy foods.  Some inexpensive sources of protein: dried beans, lentils,  canned tuna, eggs.  Fats: light olive oil (instead of extra-virgin), sunflower seeds, peanuts, peanut butter.

Also, you could try frozen vegetables (they don't taste as good as fresh, but they are just as nutritious, and quite good in soups), and try to stick to inexpensive fresh vegetables & fruits (onions, cabbage, carrots, apples, oranges, etc.)

Another good strategy is to buy store-brands that are on sale. This might work especially well on your father, because it's doubly cheap - usually the store brand is much less expensive than the name brand, plus it's on sale, so it's even less - so he'll feel like he's getting a really good deal (and he is).

No one can truly know but you--and this may only apply if you are in college as opposed to HS--but if you are college age, you might consider just getting out of that house. Could you live with your mother? Your grandparents? A dorm? Share a flat with a couple friends? If it means taking a break from college after this semester--or taking a job and going part time, or taking only the minimum credits and easier classes--you may find that you'll do better once you are in an emotionally healthier environment anyhow. There should be an adult you can talk to about this somewhere--family or institutional (school counselor/psych).

Also, especially if you are still in high school, which may limit your power to take control of your life, can I just say that you look great in your photos, and it looks like you are mostly muscular with a little bit of cellulite -- the kind that takes a while to come off. One thing you might do is just focus on maintaining until you are in a situation to move out, because you have lost a LOT of weight in just a year or so, I mean what is that almost 65 pounds? Some people take two or three years to lose that much. Remember that plateauing is healthy to a certain degree. And how tall are you anyway? I don't buy the 30% BMI. You look much closer to ideal. Maybe you're big boned? Another strategy would be just to focus on maintaining for now and enjoy your life while making sure you don't binge and keep on working out. I have read on here that purposeful intermediate maintenance is one way to make sure your weight stays off.

Maybe you could work out how much a healthy home cooked meal would cost.   I.e, add up the cost off all the raw ingredients. Divide by the number of servings.

You may find that the healthy meal will be cheaper than the awful food you're Dad is buying.

Offer to cook him a meal? Show him that healthy versions of meals can be cheap and tasty :) Often slow cooker meals are quite cheap too.

Good luck

I'm so sorry that you have to go through this. Although it could be worse, you are putting up with quite a lot and I'm not sure if I would be able to tolerate it. I would take matters into my own hands and find a way to earn money to buy your own foods. It might take some sacrifice and a lot of hard work, but you'll feel better about it in the end when you know that you don't have to depend on your dad anymore. Be independent, strong and live life on your own terms!

Original Post by umneydurak:

What kind of stuff does he buy?

UD

He stocks up on food so he doesnt have to leave the house more than once w month. He buys expired frozen meats, hot dogs, bake in the oven fries, rice, stuff like popcorn, chips, candy, bacon, mayonnaise, if he gets frozen pizza, he adds layers of bacon and cheese on it, he buys low quality "bread toppings" the salami is cheap and gross, he lets food go bad in his fridge, last night he fried a bologna sousage in fat and oil *barf*.

Most of his foods are protein and transfatty.

I would suggest to you trying to eat as much healthy, nutritious food as you can at your school.  Another idea if possible would be to consider getting a part-time job at a restaurant where you can either get free food when you work or a discount on meals.

Have a look at this from the BBC.

http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/health/8051474.stm

It's talking about how cheap it can be to get your 5-a-day. Maybe you could show your Dad?

Also, how about markets in your town/city? I have a market in the center of my city that is painfully cheap. I never spend more than £5 on all the fruit and veg for the whole week.

Your dad is right, in principle.  If you're not contributing to the household budget you don't really have much of a leg to stand on when it comes to asking for different foods.  Many people eat the way your dad eats and it's not good but it happens.  This kind of friction is nature's way of encouraging us to be independent, get a job and move out.

Original Post by huggitbear:

I would suggest to you trying to eat as much healthy, nutritious food as you can at your school.  Another idea if possible would be to consider getting a part-time job at a restaurant where you can either get free food when you work or a discount on meals.

I would have to buy that food there in the cafeteria, which is genereally more expensive in food in the store, and not much of its healthy. haha. I would probably end up eating that resturaunt food all the time :O (not healthy)

Original Post by gi-jane:

Your dad is right, in principle.  If you're not contributing to the household budget you don't really have much of a leg to stand on when it comes to asking for different foods.  Many people eat the way your dad eats and it's not good but it happens.  This kind of friction is nature's way of encouraging us to be independent, get a job and move out.

 

I know that, but since he's  belittled me for my weight my entire life shouldnt he at least contribute to a healthier diet? He doesnt feel like its his responsibility, because its ME who's carrying around the extra pounds.

I would have to buy that food there in the cafeteria, which is genereally more expensive in food in the store, and not much of its healthy. haha. I would probably end up eating that resturaunt food all the time :O (not healthy)

There are healthy items in almost  any restaurant. Also I know cafeteria food has a reputation for sucking, but at least in my high school you could always buy a salad. Also regarding restaurants, in high school, I used to waitress at a Mexican restaurant (not healthy) and I ate for free and just ordered the salad with light dressing. It wasn't the healthiest salad, but it was only about 500 calories all told and it's certainly better than deep fried bologna!

I think what everyone is trying to say here is you can't change your father - as the sole breadwinner for the free house in which you live, he makes the grocery lists and he makes the rules - so there's no point dwelling on it. If you don't like it, your only choice is to get a job and thus take some buying power for yourself, or move out, where likely you will be confronted with similar difficulties to your father in trying to figure out how to eat right on a low budget, although I bet you'd figure out a way to eat better than, ew, deep fried bologna.

Since he's  belittled me for my weight my entire life shouldnt he at least contribute to a healthier diet

Again, it really doesn't matter. You can't change anyone else, not now, and not for the rest of your life. Not even a boyfriend or your future husband. The only person's life you have any power at all to change is yourself. I like what GI Jane said. "It's nature's way." Wait till you move out to lose the rest and abide by your father's rules for now, or get a job and/or move out now!

Sounds like your dad is struggling with huge self-esteem issues and needs to feel like he can wield power over those around him - what you are describing is not a healthy personality, so I am sorry that you have to deal with this, but we humans are incredibly imperfect. He clearly does not feel good about himself, and seems to want to take down everyone around him - it's perverse, but that's what people do sometimes in order to "feel better' about themselves.

That being said, you have an excellent handle on what you SHOULD be doing, and that is a good thing - you are very lucky. That may not be very consoling, as you are asking for a solution to the immediate problem of eating well. My gut says you need to find a new place to live - and however mature you may be in your outlook on life, you will still need help to do this - you can't do it alone. Don't hesitate to ask for help - school counselors may help be able to direct you to some good resources, like outside counseling, financial resources (you shouldn't have to take out a loan to eat food), suggestions for another place to live and still be successful in school. If you are struggling in school, you may actually do better without having this to struggle with this situation, too.

Hang in there - I think you have some excellent skills of survival, and you can survive this!

Original Post by healthisinplease:
He stocks up on food so he doesnt have to leave the house more than once w month. He buys expired frozen meats, hot dogs, bake in the oven fries, rice, stuff like popcorn, chips, candy, bacon, mayonnaise, if he gets frozen pizza, he adds layers of bacon and cheese on it, he buys low quality "bread toppings" the salami is cheap and gross, he lets food go bad in his fridge, last night he fried a bologna sousage in fat and oil *barf*.

Most of his foods are protein and transfatty.

It is hard for me to imagine that those frozen meats, pizzas, popcorn, chips, candy are cheaper then dried beans, potatoes. Try doing the cost comparison per serving. For example a big bad of dried beans might be more expensive then frozen pizza, but it will have way more servings then pizza. Thus in reality per serving the cost is less. You said you are getting 240 euros from the government why not start buying food yourself? See if your friends can keep what is perishable in their fridge.

US

Original Post by healthisinplease:

He stocks up on food so he doesnt have to leave the house more than once w month.

Again, if he's only going to the store once a month, and only buying inexpensive food, you need to work with this for now and find some healthy, inexpensive food that will keep for at least month.  Pretty much all of the suggestions from my previous post still stand - one of the things that makes foods inexpensive is their ability to last; perishables are more expensive.  Try to stock up on dried beans & lentils, canned tuna, eggs, frozen vegetables, onions, cabbage, light olive oil, peanuts/peanut butter. Onions sauteed in olive oil, cooked with rice & lentils is really delicious, balanced, healthy, and really cheap. Rice & beans is a great main dish with endless seasoning variations, have some frozen veggies on the side - maybe make a peanut sauce w/ PB & water, add some soy sauce & red pepper flakes if you can. 

You can also use a couple ounces of bacon, sausage, cheese etc. he buys in your dishes - that stuff is totally fine in moderation, and things like bacon will add a lot of flavor to a rice and beans dish.