Posts by adryael

I am absolutely FURIOUS with what I have read here.  It seems that NONE of you have any experience whatsoever with SI.  I also want all of you to lay off zmarsh.  If any of you had experience with depression/suicide you would know that most depressed/suicidal people find it therapeutic to help others because it gives them a safe environment to analyze their own feelings.

Some info, first, SI is an addiction just like alcoholism, drug addiction, exercise addiction, etc.  SI allows a way for individuals to seek emotional release through the use of physical pain.  And can anyone think of a time in one's life more rife with emotions than adolescence?  

Some people drink to deal with their emotional stress, some people take drugs, and some people cut.  Considering that drinking and drug use causes serious internal damage, at least cutting only leaves scars on the skin which can heal cleanly and while they are permanent (without cosmetic surgery) at least it doesn't cause irreparable internal damage such as cirrhosis or brain damage.

In fact, recovered SI-ers provide some of the best support to sufferers, unlike your average parent who has no experience whatsoever with SI and is likely to lock their kid in their room or in a nuthouse without trying to even understand the problem.  There are people trained to understand and treat SI unlike most parents, teaching, pastors, etc. who have no training.

So get yourself educated before you start laying on the insults. 

I am clinically depressed and have been on medication for over 4 years.  I'm just starting to go off them successfully for the first time .

I have tried to commit suicide twice and planned it more times than I can remember.

Here are some suggestions from the other side.

1. Don't do the stereotypical "what's making you sad?" questions.  They don't work.  People who are depressed don't often have an answer to that.  Or if they do, it's a whole cartload of reasons.  So there usually isn't a simple "why are you depressed?" answer.  So skip the question altogether.  I hated getting that from my friends.

2. Don't treat us like we're sick.  It just makes us feel more messed  up and more justified in thinking that we don't deserve to live.  The friend who did the most for me basically pretended that I wasn't depressed at all, and would just show up and drag me out of my apartment to get breakfast, or go shopping with him, or walk around the city with him because (get this) "he didn't want to feel lonely."  This was amazing.  If he had said "let's get out so you won't feel so sad" or "come on, it's good for you" or "it'll make you feel better" I think I would've ran back inside and locked the door and cried.  Instead, he made it seem like I was helping him.

3. If you're in therapy, talk about how much it's been helping.  I refused to go to therapy (since I believed I was so messed up there was nothing that could make me better), but after about 2-3 months of listening to one of my friends talk about how great his therapist was and how much it helped, I actually decided to go.  Now, 4 years later, I'm in much better shape for it.

4. Don't push.  The biggest set back I ever had was when my mother (the cause of most of my depression I would realize) found out that I was on medication and started pushing all the time, asking questions like "are you feeling better?"  "what can I do to help?"  "did I do something wrong?"  "do you need to see a therapist now?" etc. etc.  She made me feel like I was so awful that I wasn't making better/faster progress with my therapy I plunged into a horrible cycle of depression to the point where my therapist got so frustrated she said "just stop talking to your Mother."

5. Be careful with the whole religious thing.  A lot of priests/pastors lay on the guilt and the sin which makes depressed people more depressed and more convinced that no one (including God) loves them.  I went down that road.  It was horrible.  I wanted to kill myself but then I kept being told that suicide was the most terrible sin of all, so I started feeling guilty about wanting to kill myself, which made me more depressed which made me want to kill myself even more, which made me feel guilty...you get the picture.  It was ugly.  So in order to "not actually kill myself but sort of kill myself" I started trying to "accidentally" cross the street in front of speeding cars and stuff so that I could kill myself without actually sinning.  Find a church where they're all about Joy, Hope, and Love (which I believe is the whole point of Christianity anyways) rather than sin.

6. Don't treat depression or medication likes it's a weakness.  This is the prevailing thought regarding psychological problems nowadays and it's so harmful.  After all, if we're so weak, why don't we just help the world and take ourselves out of it.

I hope this helped.  Good luck, you'll need it.

p.s. I owe my life to my best friend.  So there is hope. 

Unless China fixes it's totally sexist culture, I completely disagree with the one-child policy.  Female children are being aborted, murdered, and generally mistreated from the minute they're born to the minute they die (I know, I am one).  The lucky ones get adopted by loving Western families.  The unlucky ones get an untimely grave, or abducted, viciously raped and forced to marry.

If I sound bitter, it's BECAUSE I AM.  Isn't it great to be a disappointment when you're born because you have the wrong set of genitalia?!

Women can easily gain or lose 5 lbs over a week or a day.  Please read: http://primusweb.com/fitnesspartner/library/w eight/scale.htm

Losing 5 lbs in 4 days steadily is unhealthy, and feeling proud of it is normal, but also the first step down the road of ED.  I've had an eating disorder for 8 years and I don't want you going down the same road.  Try to focus on a holistic  goal rather than a number.

I am 22 years old.  I have been trying to recover from anorexia for over 8 years.  I know what you're going through.  I have one and only one suggestion: GET HELP NOW! 

I have seen more than one friend DIE (that's right DIE) due to anorexia.  Right now, tell your mother you have anorexia (don't say "I'm anorexic" since anorexia is a disease, it does not define you as a person) and they MUST get you to an eating disorder SPECIALIST (NOT a regular psychologist or psychiatrist).

Things to keep in mind. 

1. You will never ever fully recover from anorexia (I guess it's kind of like cancer or HIV, you can go into remission or you can get a handle on the disease but it never fully disappears), so you will need to spend a lifetime of watching yourself (I've met anorectics who are in their forties and fifties are still at it).  This sounds a little scary but it's important to understand that because it is SO easy to relapse back into anorexia or switch to bulimia or exercise bulimia.  The good news is that there are a lot of other women in the same boat, and we're here to help. 

2. You will never be happy with your body.  That's the definition of anorexia.  Instead of trying to be happy with your body, try to find something that is acceptable and is NOT a number.  This is important.  For me, I want to feel strong and powerful.  I won't feel thin or beautiful (means the same thing to me) but I realize that I will NEVER feel thin or beautiful no matter how much I weigh), but I will (one day) feel strong, and that's acceptable to me.

3. Try to disambiguate happiness with skinnyness.  This is that absolute hardest thing and I still haven't completely figured this out.  I used to think that I would never be happy unless I was skinny.  Today I try to visualize happiness in terms of other things, like happiness is rescuing stray cats (which I do).  Or happiness is finishing a Sudoku in under 10 minutes, stuff like that.

4. Anorexia is a DISEASE.  It is like cancer.  I'm sure you've read about people saying "I had the strength of will to live, so I beat the cancer."  This applies to ED (eating disorders) as well.  Have the strength to live.  Have the strength to fight the disease.  If you start visualizing Ana as an enemy rather than a friend, it will be easier to "convince yourself to eat."  That voice in your head that says "you're fat, you're disgusting, you're worthless, you don't deserve food," or "what are you weak?  you can't even control your appetite?" or "what are you doing?  you're giving in by eating that!" isn't you.   That is NOT you.  That is not you thinking, that is the enemy that lives inside you.

I completely and totally know what you're going through, go ahead and drop me a message if you need someone to talk to.  I was more of a depressive anorexic rather than an obsessive anorexic (which sounds closer to what you are), but I'll still help you out in any way I can.

Luv and Good Luck