I started trying to lose weight at the beginning of February, after my boyfriend admitted to me that my increasing weight was bothering him. I know how harsh that sounds, but our relationship is based on honesty and openness and he loved me enough to be honest. He loves me regardless, which he still can't stress enough and would never force me to make any changes that I don't want to make. After he told me how he felt, I reflected on my wardrobe and recent pictures and realized something that I was totally oblivious to until then. I was fat.

There are two big reasons that I got fat. First being that I am a fresh graduate from University, and during my time there, I skipped the freshman fifteen and went right for freshman forty. I spent most of my time sleeping, drinking, or studying. You know how it is. I probably lost about 15-20 of it throughout my four year tenure, although I wasn't paying any attention at all.

Reason #2: During my last year of school, my boyfriend and I got pregnant. Despite eating very healthy, I gained 40 pounds during my pregnancy. I was confident though, that breastfeeding and continuing to eat healthy would help me get back to my regular self after the baby was born. Unfortunately, nothing went as planned. Although our little boy Damon was born on his due date at 7 pounds, 13 ounces, an unexpected genetic abnormality in his brain took him away from us. He died in my arms when he was five days old. This happened on June 22nd, 2006. After we lost him I became severely depressed. I turned to alcohol and food to try to numb the pain. To be honest, I think it actually did help me, but I'm ready to get on with my life on my own now. I've healed a lot emotionally and I am certainly ready to begin my physical recovery.

I know that near the end of last year I was at about 190 pounds. Without any real effort on my part, I went down to 182 by February first. Since then I have joined a gym and begun counting my calories and my current weight is 160. I'm 5'2 and a 1/2 and I want to get down to about 125 eventually. I'm in this for the long haul and I'm already feeling a lot better about myself!