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MeganCuz they ran outta duct tape...

Posts by aminalkisses123


User's Posts | User's Topics


Forum Topic Date Replies
Health & Support Bloating But no Weight Gain? Nov 20 2012
16:36 (UTC)
1
Mandmjean- what kind of issues r u having? And yes as a young adult your heart rate is normally between 60-80. Some athletes get lower and since I am very active usually the doctors just said it was cuz of that. But if u suffer from an eating disorder it usually is a problem to have a lower heart rate. I'd talk to ur team about it and see what they say?
Health & Support Bloating But no Weight Gain? Nov 16 2012
22:02 (UTC)
3
But the doctor says no exercise not even stretching cuz I'm 'so underweight' ( which I'm not I'm like 110 5'5") and I'm afraid to leave what the meal plan says. Like this stupid eating disorder says if I have extra from the meal plan I'm overindulging. I know I need to listen to my body but I just can't help thinking about last time when I gained and how quickly I did. I know this time is different it already has been but I just gotta let go I guess. Thank you for the advice, I'm gonna try harder. I hope. I hate being stuck being a rock and a hard place. Time for change I suppose.
Health & Support Hypermetabolism-could u get it one time but not the next? Nov 03 2012
03:00 (UTC)
1
Haha thanks cat. I think everyone is gonna hold me to it. They keep telling me I just don't see how sick I am. And today I feel like I'm 100 lbs heavier even though my mom says I don't even look a pound heavier. And they just keep upping my meal plan every couple of days and I just feel like I'm eating so much more than everyone in my family. I kind of just wish I could go inpatient now. Although I do have a funny picture in my mind of everyone walking around in hospital gowns all gloomy. Haha I know that's a silly way of seeing it but I feel like I'm off to the nuthouse in a few weeks
Health & Support Hypermetabolism-could u get it one time but not the next? Nov 02 2012
15:57 (UTC)
3
No is fine ur not being nasty ur being honest. I'm not worried per say about hypermetabolism I want it to happen which I know is an Ed thing. But do u really believe a heart rate of 42 is too low? I know this must be all Ed I just feel like it is so strong and I'm at a complete loss. My mom was so upset with me yesterday I saw she looked up mortuaries and funeral homes. And my dad cried for the first time I have ever seen. My mom did sleep in my room last night and I think that made us both feel better. But I have officially promised that I will go to the Ed hospital to get my heart rate up if it doesn't improve and stay up a little bit by next week. And once it's maintaining at 50 I'm going inpatient. I promised.
Health & Support Hypermetabolism-could u get it one time but not the next? Oct 31 2012
14:48 (UTC)
6
Yeah I know. The ip unit in Berkeley won't accept somewhat not medically stable and a heart rate below 50 is not medically stable. It was very much pushed for me to go into the hospital but the lady at the clinic couldn't make me since I'm 19 and so she also more reluctantly suggested home hospital under my parents care for the time being. If my heart rates doesn't go up or it drops at all then she's slapping me in the hospital. I had an appointment yesterday and it came up a little to 44 but my blood pressure is still low and I lost 2 lbs apparently. so they upped my intake which is gonna completely throw me off today. I know I shouldn't stress, but I just wish I could be done with this already. I hate being monitored. I hate not being able to exercise. I hate feeling lazy and powerless. How long will this stupid feeling last? Yes I am in the US. I'm in northern California and would be going ip in Berkeley. Idk it sounds like a good clinic. I'd be there between 2 & 6 weeks. I'm hopeful of it but a gain I'm not 'qualified' to go yet.... As for hypermetabolism I kind of feel bad because it's like I want it to happen so I'll have a better excuse to eat more and not gain. I know that's so mentally screwed up and I wish I could get over this thinking. Even finding out I've lost 2 lbs was like a temporary high that made me not wanna eat anymore. Is it normal to want hypermetabolism? Yeah yeah I know I need to take a chill pill. Recovery is extremely hard. Do u have any tips for things to keep my hands busy? Like crafts or something? I'm trying books but those only work for awhile. And what do u do in ip all day? U don't just sit there do u? Recovery sucks. I mean I know it'll be worth it but getting over these first few weeks is like so hard. Thank you again for helping me through them.

Health & Support Hypermetabolism-could u get it one time but not the next? Oct 30 2012
04:52 (UTC)
8
How far along recovery did it take for hyper metabolism to kick in? Also how was ip? I'm most likely going to an inpatient clinic soon when my heart rate gets up to @ least 50 (it's like 40 now) . How were ur experiences there? How long did hypermetabolism last? Sorry for all the questions it's just that this relapse is much worse than the first time and I'm trying to prep myself for everything that could happen. And if hypermetabolism happens its good to know I have someone to go to for advice. Thank you.
Health & Support What if the tests come back normal at the ER? Oct 25 2012
16:49 (UTC)
1

silverykiwi- no, thank you for being blunt, I need that right now. So your body can adapt? That does make sense. Bodies are crazy things.

How did you convince yourself to just take the plunge and that the tests might not be right? Did you do it slowly and gradually, or did you just take the plunge and start eating more. It's so hard to not move around or not exercise, and I feel like I haven't been 112-114 long enough for my body to adapt, only a few weeks but that's probably just the stupid eating disorder talking again right? Gosh, I feel so much more lost this time than last time cuz I feel like I know what's gonna happen cuz last time I started eating more I just stuffed my face with ice cream, peanut butter, cream cheese, and nutella and gained super fast. And I don't want that this time, but the more I think about it, the more I don't wanna eat and then I lose, and ugh it should be so simple. Just eat more. But is NOT. So frustrating. I'm glad I'm not the only one who has gone through this and felt this way. Thank you guys for thinking of me. I'm thinking of you all too.

Oh and btw, I did the same thing with my mom. I said "but the tests show I'm fine and the doctors say I'm good to exercise so I must be fine". And so now I have that in my head as well. That I'm sick but not THAT sick cuz I've done no damage, and when I start eating again, it'll just be like a yo-yo dieter gaining back all of their weight. Also, what exactly would be the difference between a yo-yo dieter restricting and the starting to eat again and an anorexic starting to eat again? They both restricted and then started eating again, so wouldn't the same things that happen to anorexics happen to yo-yo dieters? Sorry, a little off the topic question, but I'm just curious.

Health & Support What if the tests come back normal at the ER? Oct 24 2012
19:35 (UTC)
4
Thank you I'm thinking about u too. What's going on? R u ok? I guess I'm just scared of getting better though I know that sounds terrible. It's like I want something to say there's something wrong before I can get scared enough to get better. Do u feel like that? It's like this Ed is just holding on to uncertainty and wariness. Not even being hooked up to an IV in the ER seemed to scare me enough. Recovery seems even scarier than getting sicker.
Health & Support What if the tests come back normal at the ER? Oct 24 2012
13:43 (UTC)
6
My heart rate has always been a bit lower. Never this low but lower. As well as my blood pressure. I know I'm trying to reason but I just feel like when I eat to repair I won't need to eat to repair because im not 'malnourished' cuz the tests says I'm ok. So I would be just eating to gain. How can u ever tell how much damage u need to repair then if it's not all about the tests? I'm sorry I know I'm reasoning but I'm freaking out today cuz I have to stay home from Sokol and I'm not supposed to exercise, two of the hardest things to wrap my head around...
Health & Support Anyone ever have an EKG? Oct 16 2012
03:58 (UTC)
3
I got it done today and it was really fast. Now outpatient starts next Tuesday. Sigh. I just feel like I'm not sick enough to go you know? 113lbs at 5'5" is perfectly healthy right? Maybe I shouldn't go. I am an adult now and they made it clear that though they want me to go they can't make me and it is my decision.
Health & Support Difference in gaining with how much you restricted? Oct 11 2012
05:24 (UTC)
1

Sooooo anyone done Intensive Outpatient Treatment? How did it go? I have the decision to make on whether I should go or not. And when. I have blood tests tomorrow and an EKG and if they come back not so good I'll go....but other than that, Idk. They're leaving it up to me, thought they recommend it. I just am kind of nervous. Any experiences with Intensive Outpatient Treatment?

Health & Support Anyone? Oct 11 2012
05:20 (UTC)
2

I understand where you guys are coming from. I relapsed and am at the lowest weight I have ever been. Not technically underweight but right at the border. 

Right now, I've been going from doctor to doctor for nutrition appointments, psychiatry, etc. and today they sent me to meet the lady from the Intensive Outpatient Clinic. She really wants me to do the program but my schedule is so busy with work and school and this ED thinks I can handle it. A possibility is waiting until next semester to do the 3 month program while doing weekly visits with the lady there til then. But Idk what to do. I have some blood work that needs to be done in the next couple days and if that comes back not good then I think I'll do it this semester but other than that, this ED says I'm not sick enough to go there, cuz at 113 and 5'5" I'm still okay. 

But I'm with you guys, it's exhausting to wake up every morning knowing what's staring you in the face. Thinking of food, exercise, weight all the time.

I agree with muscles though, and don't worry it's not just you. Many in recovery feel that way. But as you push through it, you're gonna get stronger. Everytime you find yourself doing pointless exercise, find something that relaxes you. Remember why you want to be better. Make a list of things that will come out of recovering. I'm rooting for you :) I want us all to get better here. I just want you to know you are not alone, and I empathize completely :)

Health & Support Difference in gaining with how much you restricted? Oct 09 2012
05:40 (UTC)
2

Yes, I have major anxiety about weight gain. It's just last time I gained, I shot up from 115 to 150 in 2 months. It was horrible. And I don't wanna go that high again so I'm scared this time it'll go the same way. The water retention and bloating was horrible and I don't wanna go through that again. 

I saw my dietician today and have an initial appointment set up with the intensive outpatient clinic on wednesday to be assessed and placed in a program. My dietician says I've lost more weight and she's hoping I can get into this program. I'm really scared, I just don't wanna lost control and tonight I already did a little when I was making cookies and went a little crazy with the peanut butter. I don't want it to be like that every night of recovery. Where I just eat and eat and eat. I'm so nervous to do an outpatient program in general. I don't know what I want, but I just don't want all of that rapid weight gain and bloating. But I know I gotta prepare for it just in case. Thank you.

Health & Support 7:30 pm food cravings? Oct 05 2012
03:33 (UTC)
24
By self control do u mean u restrict?eat more throughout the day and ur body won't have a freak out to get to the most convenient food sources. If u don't get enough thru the day ur body will turn to simple carbs to get food in u quick. Good luck :)
Health & Support Celery and cinnamon Oct 05 2012
03:29 (UTC)
1
Like I said I'm getting help. I was in recovery and I'm just in the middle of a relapse. The only way to keep myself from going crazy or freaking out about what could happen is to keep it lighthearted though I know by no means it is a lighthearted situation. I'm starting intensive outpatient soon due to the request of my dietician and current therapist. I know I'm not healthy. I just need help getting better. Like I said I'm just exhausted already. It's no fun.
Health & Support Celery and cinnamon Oct 04 2012
03:34 (UTC)
3
Sorry I accidentally pressed reply... Whoops! Haha. But yeah my food limits get smaller and smaller and I constantly look for alternatives of lower cals. Like I don't even want bananas anymore cuz they're so high in calories. This is just exhausting. Spending every work lunch break reading food labels in the supermarket. Baking cookies for my brothers and boyfriend just so I can be around that stuff without actually eating it. Chewing gum all day. It's tiring but so hard to stop. But. Was taken to the psychiatry clinic today cuz I was referred by my out of house therapist and dietician and am being recommended for intensive outpatient program. Maybe if I get into that some of these cravings will subside and I'll actually be able to allow myself to eat different foods again. What that'll feel like :)
Health & Support Celery and cinnamon Oct 04 2012
03:26 (UTC)
4
And salsa. Did u ever like salsa? I've replaced it with ketchup now cuz ketchup scares me. God I'm messed up. Yes the PBS I try and limit as much as possible and I have found subs like better n peanut butter. It's half the calories so I've been fond of that. Or sunflower seed butter is less. And no bread I only do low carb tortillas. Sometimes. And it seems like my food just gets more limitted
Health & Support Celery and cinnamon Oct 03 2012
05:07 (UTC)
6

Haha I've ALWAYS craved vegetables. I live of of them. Idk if that an effect of prozac or not. And I'll be sure not to take lexapro if it causes withdrawals. The only side effects I've noticed so far with prozac is nausea and yawning. Yeah, that's ACTUALLY a side effect I saw listed haha. 

I think my weird craving is just a weird food combo associated with the eating disorder maybe..... anyone else get wierd craving combos? I also eat mustard with like everything. And tomatoes.

Health & Support 3 years since I joined.. My story Sep 08 2012
05:18 (UTC)
1

Reinewen I've missed you! I wondered where you went off to :) I'm so glad you are in such a good place right now! You are awesome and I knew you could do it :) Congrats girl, you deserve the best, and I hope that boy is treating you right!

Health & Support My sincerest apologies Aug 24 2012
02:30 (UTC)
1

dietmania- wow thats a really good idea! I think I may try that. 

thewindowslinuxguy- yeah, I really don't think feeding tubes would be fun. I think real food would be easier to manage physically. Mentally either one is gonna suck. But oh wells.

Thanks you guys, I'm sure trying. And not counting calories is tough even though it's only been today; I'm trying to stop calculating in my head but even that's hard. And going by just exchanges is crazy cuz I feel like Ima go over the amount of exchanges for certain groups and then I freak. Gah. Perfectionism haha. NO. FUN.

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