Posts by amnvin

Hi Jenny! I havent been on CC for awhile now.Im so happy to hear that you are weight restored.I am too.But I have the same feelings you are having right now.I miss my bones.We just need to fight these feelings.Its distorted thinking and not healthy for us.There is so many more things we can be thinking about.I find that when I am overwhelmed and I dont want to deal with things I need to address in my life I start thinking like that and fretting over my body and size.Maybe you too have some things you need to address in life and its just too hard.Its always easier for me to focus on ED instead of the real things in life.Youve come a long way and have put alot of hard work into recovery.Now you just have a little further to go.I look at the pictures of you at a healthy weight and I see a beautiful healthy girl.You look perfect in those pictures.You have a husband who adores you.Try to see yourself thru his eyes.

You are definatly not a greedy fat cow.Your body is justbtaking over since you wont give it what it needs.I know its scary but its all part of the cycle.When we deprive and abuse our bodies they will take care of themselves againt what our distorted minds think.The peanut butter thing is very typical of a starving ed body trying to save its self.When i was in early recovery I couldnt stop with the peanut butter ,cereal,cookies,cake.Same stuff your body was asking for.Ive been weight restored for about a year and a half and although I still eat those things here and there I dont crave them like I did.I used to sit with the peanut butter jar and put it on cookies,icecream,crackers,raisens,just everything.and i couldnt stop eating it.It used to upset me terribly.Things will get better for you.It takes time.Try to be kind to yourself.your body has a weight it wants to be.It will fight to get that weight.I was so afraid that I was gonna keep gaining and gaining.I still am afraid but its silly cuz even if I pig out on crap and dont exercise at all I stay at a BMI of 19.Thats up from a BMI of 14 .Ive held that same BMI for almost 2 years now.Dont be afraid.Just take care of yourself.Do not define yourself by a number or a look that your distorted ED scewed mind thinks looks good.

What you are describing is typical of the anorexia recovery process.The exact same thing happened to me.I know it is scary and uncomfortable but as long as you keep feeding your body things will levelout.What ever you do dont restrict.Keep on task.I agree with what the other posters said.Check out some of HEDGREN's posts.She explains it all so well.

Hang in there!

I too am 5'6.I have been in recovery 10 months now.I was 90 lbs, now Im about 120.I am so much more lively and strong and excited about life.You say you want to go to school in the fall.Focus on that and planning for it.Start googling careers you are interested in.Get excited about your life and you future that you can do anything with.As you get to a healthier weight your mind will work better and it will become esier to get motivated to do other things besides dwelling in ED thoughts.I was there I know how you are feeling.I still go there sometimes but I try to snap myself out of it and move on.You will have good days and bad days.If you have a bad day dont beat yourself up over it just put it in the past and move on.Somethings I do to distract me from ED thoughts are:

crochet

sewing

sculpting nails,painting nails

making dolls

google asian ball jointed dolls or Dollfie  I have 5 and I am addicted

cleaning house or redecorating a room

go thrift store shopping

these are just a few that work for me.

Take Care!!!

 

Length of time with ED: 30 years

Length of Recovery time: I have tried to recover several times over the years.This time I have gone 8 months without relapse.I think I will always be in recovery.Which is fine cuz recovery is way better than being consumed by ED

Average gain per week:1-3 lbs

 On how many calories?2500 and up( binge days)

Weight gained so far: 25-30 lbs

1. Did you experience water retention in the beginning?YES If yes, for how long and how many pounds? not sure how many pounds as I always had blind weights at the doctor as I had bto stay away from scales(still do).My hands and calves swelled and hurt.My legs still seem swollen and sore to me.My doctor says I am imagining it

 

2. What side effects did you experience when you began recovering?

VERY tired and lethargic.I used to be obsessed with exercise.In the first few months I couldnt get off the couch.I was so afraid that I would never want to exercise again.

Edema

Binge episodes

Major bloat and gas

stiff sore joints

 

 

 

3. Biggest Mistake you made during recovery?

took water pills

restricted on and off

didnt throw away unhealthy sized clothing(kept trying to squeeze into them and then freked out when they were tight,DUH)

 I should have gotten rid of my full length mirrors and scales rightaway

 

 

I'm 5'6 and about 120 lbs.I too am recovering from an eating disorder.My doctors say I am at the low end of a healthy weight.I have not weighed over 100 lbs.in 20 years.I am having a hard time accepting the new body.Some days better than others.I know my brain is working better though and my heart is functioning properly now.I am not numb and isolative anymore and my creativity is back and I laugh and enjoy life more.I still binge sometimes or overeat.It is very upsetting to me.I hate that part of recovery.

I would say for me I feel best at 110.Im still early in recovery though so maybe that is not a realistic weight for me.I know that when I weighed 90 lbs though I was a zombie that wasnt eating right and overexercising and I dont even like to exercise LOL...

Maybe you should try a different therapist.I have seen many different therepists over the years and the one I have now I can really relate to and I have a good connection with her.I have been trying to recover on and off for years and I have never come as far as I am right now and I think alot of it has to do with having a therepist I can relate to.This doesnt mean that your current therepist is not a good therepist.Maybe just not the right one for you personally.You really need to bea able to open up to your therepist and trust them for therepy to work : )

Hang in there!

Im about 6 months into serious recovery.My binging was really horrendous up until the past month.I still overeat sometimes(in my eyes anyways)and gobble up more sweets than I feel is healthy(fear or weight gain,Ed wispering in my ear again)But The uncontrollable,urgent, stuff my face till I cant stand up straight binges have tapered off.I think we are still in the phase of relearning the whole eating process.I think because my brain is nourished again I have my creativity back and I get busy with projects instead of all day thinking about food and exercise and what I look like and how can I change my shape and I dont like this part and that part on me and Oh my god I ate too much peanut butter and bread and cookies and I feel so fat and miserable and Im so out of shape from not exercising and on and on and on.......

You have alot to offer the word.You are very lucky God gave you the gift of creativity.There is always something fun to do when you are creative.You are a beautiful smart girl.Dont let stupid ED steal your zest for life.

I think your uncontrollable eating will settle down.Your body is still repairing itself on the inside where you cant see whats going on.Your body still needs extra calories for that .

Sorry to be blabbering so much tonite,hahaha Take care!

When my son was born he had oral thrush and  due to nursing I had it on my nipples(TMI sorry) None of the medications perscribed by the doctor worked.Then my lactician told me to use gentian  violet.It worked like a charm.It stains though.Google it. I swear it works and works fast.You can get it at health food stores and some drug stores.

Good Luck : )

I hear ya sista. I am 5 months into recovery and gained from a BMI of 14 to current 18.6.I like the way I looked better before but I want to be healthy.We just cant have both.Im hoping that as I get used to the way I look now and my brain gets healthier that I will be able to see myself as I truly am and actually like it.

Here are some tricks I use to accept my new body:

Lots of prayer

Lots of self affirmation

Fun accessories(earrings ,chokers,belts ,scarves,ect...)

Skirts with boots and control top pantyhose

New hairstyle

Thifts store hunting for fun new clothes

Dark denim bootcut jeans with heels or tennies with a thick sole

HOBBIES(crochet,sewing,jewelry making,drawing,reading,whatever it is you like

These forum always comfort and reassure me.THANK YOU EVERYONE!

Friends and family do not understand our twisted minds.I know how aggravated mine get with me.

I hate that I am always thinking about: my shape and what Ive eaten and that Im hungry and I dont want to be and being hungry scares me and I feel so fat and I hate my body and are you sure I havent gained to much and on and on and my family is like"Shut up about it already!

So yes I know how you feel but we need to push thru it and get healthy so that our minds can start working properly and we can put our energy into something positive instead of berating ourselves all the time.We are all special and unique creations that were specifically designed by GOD.

Hang in there things will get better for all of us.We just need to keep fighting.