Posts by asparagusnpie

Plenty of overweight people have boyfriends. I wasn't one of them.

I will say this: I did not feel comfortable putting myself out there when I was overweight. That was (at least partially) about me. I assumed boys wouldn't be interested, or at least assumed the boys *I* was interested in wouldn't be interested. Also, I come from a world where most people aren't overweight. I know a large percentage of the country is, but a very small percentage of my peers are.

At a healthy weight, I get a lot more male attention, and I mean this in subtle ways. (Not like more people are catcalling me on the street, but just the way men *interact* with me in day to day life is different. Men are flirtier. They smile at me more.) Partially, again, I think it is because I comport myself differently at a BMI of 22 than 32. I buy nicer clothes, put a lot of thought into my outfits, wear makeup, smile more. Partially, though, I think many men do respond differently.

So, yeah. I still don't have a boyfriend right now (cry me a river). But ... When I was heavy, I was constantly worried that I would meet a great guy, and that he wouldn't be interested because of my weight. I no longer feel as worried about being single -- I feel like there is nothing aesthetically preventing me from being attractive to the average guy -- and so when I meet someone great, who thinks I'm great, I'm ready for him. 

I am in a (sometimes) minority on this site, but I see no problem with trying to get to a low-healthy weight, if it is manageable for you to do so in a healthy way. I'm 5'5, and around your weight, and also kind of small by nature. Currently, I'm still losing pretty well, while eating plenty.

There is no rule that it is better to be at the top of your weight range than at the bottom (and 116-118 is still in your range). I'm not saying that you have to get there! If you're happy where you are, or somewhere in between, that is awesome. But you don't have to stop at a BMI of 22 or 23 if that doesn't feel right to you. That's why there's a range.

Original Post by health321:

I like this site, because it gives ideal weights based on frame size and height:

http://www.healthdiscovery.net/links/calculat ors/ideal_bw_women.htm

Ugh! I always find these 'frame size' things kinda annoying. I have wrists that are a good 1/4-1/2 inch difference in size, tiny hands, pretty big feet! Where do I fit my oddly shaped little me in?

All of this stuff is relative. When I looked in the mirror at my high weight, I felt fat. When I look in the mirror now, with a BMI of 22, I still look fat! Partially, it's hard to recognize how one changes. But also, it depends on what one is going for. I'm a clothes hound, most of the people I know are pretty thin ... Though I know I'll always have hips, a bit of a stomach, quite a butt, etc., I also know I like how I look better in clothes when I'm at the thinner end of healthy than the heavier or middle end. I know I'm not *fat*. I just want to be thin. Which is, of course, totally OK, as long as I can get there in a healthy fashion (which I'm managing). 

You're not "fat." (What is fat?) But you're not thin, either. Not such a big deal, unless it bothers you, which is fine. I figure I'll get as low as I can within a healthy weight range without having to under-eat, and at that point, the rest of the work will be toning. I wouldn't say I'm fat, but I'm also not there yet. Everyone just has to do what works for them!

I used to deal with this feeling, too. I'd lose, and gain, and lose, and gain. I'm only 28, but I can remember at least 7 * distinct* diets. I would probably gain, and lose, and gain a rotating 30 lbs for much of my adolescence and early adulthood, and was usually at some point between 130 and 160 (so, for my height, slightly overweight and just about in the middle of healthy).

After college, at 23, I started gaining a lot. I gained, and gained, and at some point felt that the weight had become so high as to be unlosable, so I gained even more. Finally, I got to almost 200 lbs. I was not simply 10 lbs overweight, which I'd struggled with most of my life. I was truly obese. I decided to make a change, and I did.

Now, I think of weight and eating as a lifelong project, not a destination, and it has helped me keep the weight off. I used to choose a weight -- often a really, really hard one to get to -- and would decide I needed to get there. I would lose, and then one day, I'd binge ... And then I would get on the scale, and it would be a little higher, and I'd feel awful. I have a goal! I am farther away! And so I would try and "restart" but I would binge again. And again. And suddenly I am 10 lbs from my goal, and I've "ruined everything" and the next thing I'd know, the pendulum would have swung, and I'd have lost all ground, and I'd feel embarrassed and terrible.

Now, I've come to realize I will spend my life dealing with this a bit. I may have days where I eat a lot, and it's more important that I don't beat myself up, and just regain control, than that I don't gain 5 lbs. Am I jealous of women who are within the same 3-5 lb range year in and year out? Sure. But I'll likely never be one of those women. Eating is a struggle for me, and though it may ebb and flow, that's ok. As long as you beat yourself up less (I've found), it's easier to stay in control of what you eat most of the time. Though I have in mind a weight I'd like to get to, the path hasn't been linear. But I'm prouder of the fact that I've managed to stay under 150 lbs for close to 1.5 years than that I'd not yet reached 120. For me, the real accomplishment is binging for a couple of days, then taking a step back, and reassessing. I'm prouder that I can pick myself up after a 5 lb gain, brush myself off, and keep on going, than that I've lost more than 60lbs total.

When I was near my highest weight, I complained to my at-the-time therapist that it was so frustrating thinking about losing weight after yoyoing SO MANY TIMES. She compared weight loss to the beach -- "You build a sand castle each time, despite knowing it will likely get washed away." I don't think of it quite like that, but I think her point was truly astute. It took me a while to start building, but here I am, spires and all. And if it washes away soon? I sure hope just get back to the beach, pail and shovel in hand, ready to try again.

Original Post by xunique11:

So annoying when people in your life constantly try to sabotage your diet. The worst are group outings or office outings. You look ridiculous making a big deal about what to order of where to go. Happened to me today and left me livid. I tried my best to be good but some coworkers basically made me go to an unhealthy place with no options. My diet has made me more antisocial because I can only go out to eat to places where I know the calorie value.

^^^ does not sound like someone at a healthy weight who just wants to be a bit thinner. Currently, I'm at a BMI of 22. Goal? BMI OF 20. Over the past two years I've lost weight, maintained, and am now losing again.

Does it annoy me when thin friends tell me to eat more? Yeah, kinda. And when people say I'm anorectic? Sure. I know I'm not. (I also know that my relationship with food *is* complicated. I think lots of people have slightly disordered eating, and I think in order to lose/maintain a significant weight loss you *need* to be more preoccupied with food than I would probably want to be in an ideal world.) So, just so you know, I certainly am acknowledging that I live in a glass house here.

That being said, when you can only go to eat in places where you know the calorie count, when watching food intake has made you antisocial ... That seems kinda silly. What's the point of feeling good about your weight if you don't want to go out for fear you'll overeat? I don't know ... When my friends want food that isn't "healthy" I don't think they're trying to sabotage me -- I think they just want to eat what they like.

And OP, it sounds like you *are* pretty judgmental of those around you. I don't know. I am with you both in some ways -- there is nothing wrong with losing weight to be thin and not just healthy. But the fat shaming stuff is annoying. If I was overweight, and you made even suggestive comments like those above, I'd be kind of peeved too. Because, truthfully, having been fat and thin -- it's a lot easier to be thin in the world, even if people occasionally tell you to eat more, etc.

In February of 2010 I weighed 196.5. This AM I weighed 133.5. So I guess 63 lbs in about 19 months -- though I took a bunch of those months to maintain. (Last year at this time, I weighted ~147.)

I started really trying to lose again once I felt confident I could maintain and keep weight off. I'm hoping to get to 120 by January ... Though if it takes longer (or I never get there) so be it.

I've also lost >10 BMI points. Kind of crazy, no?

I'm in too!

5'5'', 134. Final goal, 120. But, it may take me a while to get there. I'd love to be down 10 by Thanksgiving. Ideally, I'd love to be at goal by NYE ... But it'll be slow going, so I'll take what I can get.

Unfortunately, this happens sometimes. Last year, I lost about 50 pounds, and my progress was basically linear -- and it's true, it was an awesome motivator. Then I took a break and maintained.

Now I'm losing again, and my progress is bumpier. If you look at my weight chart, I have actually lost 10 lbs since May. (Slow, I know, but I'm at a BMI of 22 , so I've accepted weight loss will be slower.) Still, if I take my weight day-to-day, that isn't true *at all.* Some times an explanation for a "gain" will be clear -- I ate too much one day -- so it shows up on the scale for a couple of days as water weight, or I get my period. Other times, my weight will go up a pound, then down two, then up three, for absolutely no reason at all. But over time, it has all worked out.

I would say, trust counting calories. It really works. Focus on the long haul, and see what happens. I know it is harder to motivate when you're not losing, but it's also good practice for maintaining, which is how you'll spend most of your life. It's easy to work out and eat well when you are being consistently rewarded by the scale, and harder when that's just what you have to do ... But it's a worthwhile endeavor on its own. And I'm confident if you track over months and not weeks, you'll see the weight go down!

My two cents?

Eat as much as you are hungry for, and don't count calories. My guess is, you'll do just fine. If you find, after a little while, that you haven't managed to eat enough, I guess start counting? But generations of HS boys have managed to keep in football-shape without carefully counting up to the 'X' that they need. Eat what you want, when you want, and don't stuff yourself in the middle of the night. That sounds so unpleasant!