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OMG - just been told my son has been bullying a girl at school... |
Nov 01 2011
19:24 (UTC) |
4 |
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If it were me, I'd invite the whole group of boys over. Let them play video games, order pizza and have a good time, but then talk to the whole group of them together about what's been going on. When they're relaxed and having fun, they're more likely to be honest with you. Just keep it laid back and low key, but explain why it's wrong and why it has to stop now. Obviously you care, so I think you're a good parent. And your son sounds like a good kid so his friends are probably (for the most part) good kids too, that are doing something bad and maybe not all of them have someone to talk to them about it. It's also a little easier for your son to do the right thing if he doesn't have to confront his friends about it. That's a skill that will come with time, confidence and maturity. Good luck :) |
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What would you do? |
Oct 14 2011
23:40 (UTC) |
20 |
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I would leave the path to walk perpendicular to the sign, instead of proceeding beyond it or going back. |
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Help Me With My Skin |
Oct 01 2011
18:18 (UTC) |
1 |
Original Post by nicepumpkins:
I don't get it. Is my skin dry or oily? Or does it vary that much throughout the day? Should I not moisturize? Should I not use face wash? It's so annoying. I'd just like a little balance. Help!
You are overdrying your skin, and causing it to create more oil to compensate. I don't think you mentioned what products you're currently using, but I would recommend St.Ives Olive oil cleanser. A gentle moisturizer would be good as well, as long as it's oil-free. Try to avoid the moisturizers that are made for people with oily skin, many of those contain salycic acid and are counterproductive for people without acne. It will take your skin a while to adjust, so instead of trying to treat the oil, just dab it off with some oil-absorbing sheets. Good luck :)
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6 bucks |
Sep 15 2011
16:57 (UTC) |
7 |
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12 packets of Mr.Noodles |
| The Lounge |
How can one persons words drag you down? |
Sep 08 2011
17:48 (UTC) |
10 |
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Hi flo,
First off I want to say I looked at your gallery and you are gorgeous. That person is ridiculous. My guess is that she IS jealous, not necessarily because of how good you look, but because she had you labelled as something in her mind and it shocked her to see that you've really achieved something. Maybe she's just not where she thought she'd be at this point in her life, and seeing someone else moving forward left her feeling a little unsettled.
Also, I had something somewhat similar happen to me. I ran into someone from my high school and we said a quick hello and (being the polite person I am) I ended the conversation with "Okay, well it was good to see you, you look really good." and she responded with "Thanks...you look...yeah...". It was so rude, all I could do was laugh and be a little bit proud of myself for not making a comment about how she hadn't changed a bit. |
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What would it take for you to call 911? |
Sep 05 2011
01:51 (UTC) |
2 |
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Constipation is a valid reason to call 911. My infant son suffers from chronic constipation and has since he was only 2 months old. He has had bowel obstructions and multiple hospital visits because of it. At it's worst, there were times when we were sent home for a couple days to see if the medicine worked and he could get through it on his own, but if he didn't those couple of days could create a horrible obstruction and end up with him on the floor, covered in sweat, screaming in pain. It was the most horrible, terrifying, frustrating time of my life. Even now, we finally have him on a plan that works, but it's still a delicate balance and lots of tests to try and figure out what's causing the constipation.
I should also add that my husband is gone a lot for work, with our only vehicle, and the closest hospital is 30 minutes away...and family doctors/pediatricians are all 2 hours away. Sometimes an ambulance to the hospital is our only option. |
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deleted |
Sep 05 2011
01:40 (UTC) |
13 |
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I'm happy to see the (mostly) supportive and non-judgmental advice being offered to the OP. I have seen similar conversations on this site that have become a platform to abuse anyone that doesn't like porn.
OP, I do think you need to figure out whether you're bothered by the presence of porn or only bothered by how he treats you afterwards. It may be that you're feeling especially hurt after he watches porn, and are more sensitive to his behaviour. Once you can be honest with yourself about how you feel, show yourself enough love and respect to follow through on it. You will know what you can and can't handle for future relationships, and that's important. I'm sure people will try to make you feel inferior for it, but don't feel like you have to apologize or make excuses. If you're not okay with it, then that's your boundaries, and it's your decision to hold out for someone that respects that.
You may not be able to get past this with him. I'm sure you are especially attached to this man, being your first long-term relationship and first sexual partner, but that's no reason to stay with someone that you can't have a future with. And if you feel so differently about such a large aspect in your relationship, you probably don't have a future together (and that's not even taking all the other red flags into account).
I'm sure this will be painful for you no matter what the outcome. Sending good thoughts your way. |
| Foods |
I have a lot of diet restrictions and need suggestions for healthy snacks and lunches?? |
Aug 29 2011
11:16 (UTC) |
3 |
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My new thing is pesto for lunch. Yesterday I had orzo with pesto and grape tomatoes. Today I will have a tuna pesto wrap. Tomorrow will probably be pesto in scrambled eggs, etc.
As you can see, I'm kind of obsessed with it right now. If it's something you like, it's super versatile. Same goes for hummus.
I also swear by www.skinnytaste.com
So many amazing recipes, definitely worth checking out. I'm sure you will find tonnes of things you like there! :) |
| Recipes |
soup recipes please! |
Aug 22 2011
22:09 (UTC) |
3 |
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I've made both of these soups this week and they're both big hits with the family...
http://www.skinnytaste.com/2011/01/beef-potat o-and-quinoa-soup.html
http://allrecipes.com/Recipe/cream-of-mushroo m-soup-ii/detail.aspx |
| The Lounge |
Dealing with children who are bullies. |
Aug 18 2011
00:07 (UTC) |
8 |
Original Post by bridgetfbennett:
You call it splitting hairs, I call it psychological theory. Just because you believe that he is "aware of cause and effect" does not mean that he is. All that I am saying is what modern psychology says. I really don't think that my personal opinion matters in this conversation. Everything I am saying has been studied by people far brighter than I and in far more cases than this one 3 year old. If in all their research they have established that a child can't have intent at 3, I think it's a little foolish to believe that he can. To be quite honest, I don't know why you are attacking me for using facts. I understand that the facts do not support your personal opinion, but that does not mean that they do not exist. By all means, continue to try to disprove and disagree with my opinions, but I do think it's a bit silly to try to argue with definition and fact.
Wow. I'm gonna keep this short. In no way should you be doing childcare. Also, early childhood education is a 2 year college diploma course. It does not touch on psychology. And you did not finish the course anyways. You quit/failed after 1 year of college...and you are actually using this as bragging rights...specifically bragging about your knowledge of psychology...which is not even touched on in the half-course you attended. Based on your demonstrated "knowledge", I really think it's best you quit childcare. And if possible, avoid children altogether. At the very least, pick up a book. I highly recommend a book called "The First Three Years of Life". It will explain to you exactly how wrong you are, so that the rest of us don't have to. And you can rest assured, the author is a lot smarter than you. |
| The Lounge |
dream interpretation - quick question |
Aug 17 2011
22:51 (UTC) |
5 |
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It's possibly the equivalent of dreaming that you're naked in a classroom or at work...but very specific to your feet. Maybe you felt a little insecure about your toe infection/missing toenail/year-long polish strike and you were worried that the person doing your pedicure was judging you. |
| Recipes |
Nutritional yeast/carob powder |
Aug 16 2011
21:09 (UTC) |
2 |
Original Post by cellophane_star:
Original Post by becs_28:
I've heard of people using it on pizza and they say it comes out very similar to cheese. Have you ever tried it for anything like that?
Google the blog "Oh She Glows". She has a few recipes for vegan "cheeze" sauces using nutritional yeast, including nacho cheeze and mac & cheeze.
For a pizza cheese substitute, I heard that Daiya brand is good. I haven't tried it myself.
Ha! Funny that you mention Oh She Glows, that's where I heard of these foods. I've been following her blog for about a year now, and I love her posts. But I had never heard of these foods anywhere else so I didn't know whether or not they could be constipating. |
| Recipes |
Nutritional yeast/carob powder |
Aug 16 2011
20:49 (UTC) |
4 |
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Hi Kaibay,
Thanks for responding. I didn't get an email alert for your first response, but I got one for your second :)
I would like to use the carob over cocoa because it has fibre, which is very important for my son. It also doesn't have caffiene, which is a nice added bonus.
As for the nutritional yeast, I would use it to replace cheese entirely. My son has to limit his dairy (which constipates him) and he doesn't like cheese anyways. I've heard of people using it on pizza and they say it comes out very similar to cheese. Have you ever tried it for anything like that? Thanks for the tip about the MSG though, that's definitely something I will have to look into more before buying it.
I hadn't even heard of either of these foods until recently, and it seems that they're not very popular. I'm always nervous when I add new foods into his diet, it's not pretty when he reacts poorly to it.
Thanks for sharing your experience!
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| The Lounge |
Dealing with children who are bullies. |
Aug 16 2011
19:13 (UTC) |
16 |
Original Post by kotov_syndrome:
Original Post by becs_28:
Original Post by kotov_syndrome:
I don't know, becs. If that's what she was trying to say, I think that's what she should have said. I don't think many of us would have disagreed with her then. But I do certainly agree with you.
You're probably right, I will re-phrase...I think that what she was trying to do was defend the child, because she feels bad seeing him labelled a "bully" at such a young age, when it's hardly his fault. She was trying to absolve the child of guilt, even if her logic was all wrong. At least I hope that's what her rant stems from...otherwise I can find no redeeming points in there whatsoever.
Ah, we are back in total agreement, then. :P
Excellent. |
| The Lounge |
Dealing with children who are bullies. |
Aug 16 2011
18:44 (UTC) |
18 |
Original Post by kotov_syndrome:
I don't know, becs. If that's what she was trying to say, I think that's what she should have said. I don't think many of us would have disagreed with her then. But I do certainly agree with you.
You're probably right, I will re-phrase...I think that what she was trying to do was defend the child, because she feels bad seeing him labelled a "bully" at such a young age, when it's hardly his fault. She was trying to absolve the child of guilt, even if her logic was all wrong. At least I hope that's what her rant stems from...otherwise I can find no redeeming points in there whatsoever. |
| The Lounge |
Dealing with children who are bullies. |
Aug 16 2011
18:17 (UTC) |
20 |
Original Post by kotov_syndrome:
Original Post by bridgetfbennett:
I'm sorry, but this has to be said. The child that you are referring to as a "bully" is three years old. Children don't even have enough cognitive development by that point to understand what bullying is. He is still in a mimicking part of his development meaning that he is displaying actions he has either learned from other children or at home. No 3 year old is a bad kid and they certainly shouldn't have the police called on them. Think about the situation you are describing. There is a director that I believe you said was of a decent age. Imagine the number of children that woman has watched! Imagine the amount of experience she has to have had in raising not only her own children, but also in coordinating a play group for many other children. There are other mothers there and most of them seem relatively unconcerned. Yet, you still chose to hover over your son to protect him from a three year old. Babies don't bully. It just doesn't happen. I was raised in my mother's daycare and the day I got too big for it, I started working at it. In that time I have helped care for 354 children and not one of them was a bully at 3 years old, but I can tell you that there have definitely been a fair share of mothers who were a bit too over protective and willing to point fingers at children. If this really bothers you, don't go back, but your child will miss out on developmental opportunities because you are determined to believe that a 3 year old is capable of malicious intent. He is a child, not a bully, and not a trouble maker. There are no good children or bad children, there are merely children. If this is still happening when the kids are 12, then I guess you made a prediction before biology did because that child's brain isn't even completely developed.
You're what I mean when I say that a person has learned just enough to be dangerous.
Just out of curiosity, do you think that a small child is also incapable of having a personality disorder? Just sayin', I've got a nephew who has been diagnosed with strong sociopathic tendencies...he's six and thoroughly exhibits said tendencies. But it's fine when he punches his siblings in the throat and says he's going to kill them, because his brain hasn't fully-developed yet. I should tell his doctors that, they'll be relieved. No, it's okay that he stole $100 from his dad's wallet and hid it in his toy box, he's still developing. :D
This reminds me of the traditional advice to not marry before 25, because apparently 25 is the age where your brain is fully developed and can really grasp long-term consequences. That being the case, by bridget's logic everything before 25 should also be a free pass.
I think what she's trying to get at is to not blame the child, and to a large extent that's true. But only because a 3 year old has had limited experiences and is probably raised 95% by this lazy mother and has no way of knowing better. But those kids need intervention and positive role models so they have a chance at becoming well-adjusted adults. Given proper guidance, a 3 year old can easily be taught not to hit. Their brains may not be "fully developed" but they are without a doubt developed enough for that. Denying that there is an issue and claiming it's just "overprotective parents" is lazy, ignorant childcare. It's just as easy to provide inadequate childcare for 1 child as it is for "354 children". Seriously, it enrages me when people leave their children with such inappropriate caregivers. |
| The Lounge |
Dealing with children who are bullies. |
Aug 15 2011
20:24 (UTC) |
41 |
Little Johnny is so advanced.
To the OP, unfortunately I think this is pretty typical of military families. I do daycare on a military base. I've found that because the lifestyle is so unique, parents will either become significantly more devoted to raising their kid right, or they will give up and have a chip on their shoulder and be insufferable @sshats. When we moved on base, it was a huge shock to me. So many women are so angry and abrasive and outright rude to total strangers, but they're hurting because their husbands are gone and solo parenting can be hard and there's a lot of pain that comes with this lifestyle. I'm not trying to make excuses for anyone, what that mother and her son did was totally out of line, but it's better to try and let go of the anger and just realize some people cope poorly and you'll have to get used to it.
Can you talk to the organizers of the group? Especially if it's run by the base, it's their job to handle these things. Also, Facebook has been my best friend since moving here. There are a lot of FB groups for "moms of fort such-and-such" or "playgroups on fort such-and-such". There are a lot of women in your situation who want to make friends for their kids and meet other parents as well. We also do book clubs and coffee dates, it's sometimes easier to meet the moms and then introduce the kids. It sucks having your kid always pick your friends for you.
More specifically to your problem though....I wouldn't stop going to the playgroup. Just keep a close eye on your kid and if the bully tries anything again, intercede (without touching her kid or speaking directly to him) and say "We do not use our hands to hurt other people" as if you're talking to your kid as well. Hopefully she'll be so embarrassed that you're out-parenting her, she will actually step up and try the whole parenting thing herself.
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| The Lounge |
Help me remember a book |
Aug 11 2011
00:09 (UTC) |
2 |
Agreed. Although I put in A.J. Jacobs, John Irving and Ken Follett and it told me to read Axel Brauns. Which was really exciting at first, because how do you not support someone with a name like Axel Brauns? But apparently all of his books are in German. Disappointing. |
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Sounds that annoy you. |
Aug 11 2011
00:01 (UTC) |
17 |
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The "That was easy" button. |
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Single Parents Who Have Gone Back to School |
Aug 10 2011
23:37 (UTC) |
7 |
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Do you have family nearby? I am (basically) a single mom, as my partner is military and gone a lot, and I plan on going to school for nursing in 2013 when my son starts kindergarten. The women that I know who have done it successfully get huge amounts of support from the closest set of grandparents. If you can swindle some family members into helping you out, it should be easy. If not...I don't know, I guess we'll be in the same boat. |
