Posts by blondiecath

^The truth is we're horribly complex beings. There is no hard and fast solution to every problem. You may need to go and see and endocrinologist to check out if everything's okay.

I concur with the others. You look your prime pre-ED. You have a great natural shape with a very defined waist and a decent pair to boot! A lot of women would actually kill to have that, you're very lucky :)

I have been in this exact same situation 3 years ago. My ex completely unexpectedly pulled the plug on our relationship. He had no idea how I felt about him and my world came crashing down when he told me, or rather, emailed me with the breakup. ****. I suddenly couldn't physically eat a morsel. At the time I wanted to lose weight anyway and this was bad timing indeed, because I took advantage of the fact that I couldn't eat and nearly developed a full blown ED. 

This was horrible and everybody in school talked about how much weight I had lost and I felt like I was going crazy. In addition I had no one to talk to about it and felt so isolated, scared and angry. Please don't end up in the same situation I did. Your body is your best friend, not your enemy. I know that everything you put in your mouth now will feel like cotton wool but that will eventually stop because when you keep your food levels up you keep your metabolism and morale up too. You don't need him! I realise that you wrote this a couple of months ago, please keep us updated! As for time to get over it, you may already be over the most of it by now, but for me I took the best part of a YEAR because of my horrid situation. All the best and good luck.

I just had a very recent experience, remarkably similar, albeit on a much smaller scale. I am in a monogamous relationship with my wonderful guy for nearly 2 years now. About a couple of weeks ago I was out with my girlies when we got talking to a male-dominant friendship group. At first when I saw this particular guy I will name George, I actually was NOT attracted to him at all and begged my friend not to talk to him because he actually looked creepy (lol! he does have pretty odd hair and he is too much on the skinny side). But we went over to talk anyway, heavily under the influence and just started chatting.

After a small while it was clear that George fancied the pants off me, and he invited me out to smoke a blunt (all his weed), so I went along with it. I also found out a whole load of other unexpected things about him, e.g. his current degree, his interests and hobbies etc. Before long, I started feeling some chemistry between us! In the meanwhile, my friend was getting along REALLY well with his mate. Then I mentioned that I had a boyfriend too him. In a weird way I felt guilty and didn't know why. He asked me for my number which I was reluctant to give...because I knew this may not have been good news. He said he didn't want to push boundaries but I was cool to hang out with, so I gave in and entered my number into his phone. We all said goodbye at the end of the night and at that point it was so obvious that this guy was hot for me.

I didn't hear anything from him the next day, but the day after I got a text telling me he was pleased to have met me and wanted to hang out again soon. We were texting each other for the next few days (nothing sexual/emotional mind, just general stuff) and they were really long as well, much longer than my boyfriend's. My boyfriend is very much a man of few words, and with the chemistry there I found I enjoyed talking to him. But I didn't tell my boyfriend I was, which was wrong of me but he knew about George all the same. A few days later I knew he was in town and he invited me to a party, but didn't want to go because of other plans. But then my friend with me last time really wanted to see George's friend, and I thought I'd do friend duties and take her there, and George was going to be there too which made me excited. Wrong I know, guilt and excitement at the same time. I got there and it was like last time, we clicked so well and it didn't help I was drunk and high as a kite. We just spent hours talking and talking, although his other mates were there and nothing would have happened anyway.

Next time we saw each other, I was at another party, but he invited me to another club. Stupidly I went along with it...only until 30 minutes after I arrived I saw George kiss another girl. I had no idea why but it drove up a whole myriad of emotions in me, and I ran out of the club without telling him or his mates. I burst into tears and felt so stupid, running all the way home. I was in a relationship, and this guy kissing another girl made me upset! I didn't hear anything from him until the next day when I got a text from him apologising (of which I am not sure; for me going without him knowing or kissing that girl). I waited quite a while and text him back saying 'I need some time away to think, hope you understand'. I got one text back from it and that has been an entire week.

So basically what I learnt, which I think is analogous to your situation is that after a while with being with the same person it's only NATURAL that you're curious about other people. Especially where you mention that your husband has not being paying you the attention you want and with regards to communication issues. There is no such thing as "The One" and you will get on with LOTS of people, so will your husband. I think it's right you recognised (eventually) that where this is leading is no bueno. I hate to say it, but I reckon if you pull away from that guy, the texts will stop (likewise with me) and you'll realise all he's after is the physical aspect which he will happily take from you. The other posters here are right too, he would probably only stick around to get what he wants out of you and then piss off. At the end of the day, your husband is there for you. If you are unhappy I think you should reiterate to him that his lack of attention or whatever is getting you down big time. If he doesn't care or put in some effort...then you may have to reevaluate your marriage altogether, which I really hope it doesn't come to. On a more positive note, why don't you go and relieve some of that sexual tension with the hubby right now? ;) 

Wow. Just wow. Your mum sounds like a real cow. Sorry. That's not helping, but basically your mother is bad news for you. Do you get on with your dad? Is there any way you could contact him and just explain that living with your mother is heavily impacting your relationship negatively and would he be able to lend you a room for a while? What I've just written sounds like a bleedin' formal letter and your father SHOULD give you somewhere to stay if you are a minor and your home situation is not safe for your emotional/mental health. Your mother sounds like a bully and to be completely honest I'm totally baffled as to why she wanted to be a mother in the first place, someone whom is supposed to show complete love and compassion for their child even throughout the worst of times.

That being said, differences aside, the anorexia probably hasn't been brilliant on your mother either. Maybe her being nasty (although nothing excuses it) is some sort of weird coping mechanism, because now that you're ill maybe deep down she knows how much it would kill her to lose you, so instead of becoming efficient at problem solving with the situation she gets angry hoping it will all go away.

Your mother should not be calling you horrible things like that, almost as bad as physically hitting you IMO. In all honesty, I believe the best thing for you to do now is to talk to someone you trust, like a nice teacher or something. They'll understand and are there for your pastoral care as well as academic progression. How exactly has your mother turned the rest of your family against you? Did she lie about something you did and/or said? Maybe you could get the person you confide in to make a phone call and explain the situation calmly? If you do and they still don't want to know then you're obviously better off not having them in your life anyway. The best thing for you to do now is to talk to an elder that you trust. Sitting around and keeping it to yourself is just making it worse. Don't show your mother that her bullying behaviour can win, because it's not cool and definitely a form of child abuse.  

I was raised in a Catholic family (but my dad is atheist). I used to fully believe in God because at that point I didn't have that level of critical thinking, however following a scientific education that basically spells out to everyone that Evolution is fact and all the other scientific data we have...kind of disproves the whole Bible really. Probably some time last year I rejected Catholicism altogether and I'm happier for it.

IMO you should let your daughter believe what she wants to. Actually, if you're getting frustrated and angry about it it's like you expected her to follow your way of thinking. However, you have brought this on yourself by not telling upfront about what you think and why she should think so too. You have to remember your daughter is just 6 years old, she probably isn't going to have a very well developed concept of the scientific side of things of how and why we all are here. Young children are impressionable and they WILL pick up habits and beliefs horizontally, however, maybe as she gets older she will take a reevaluation on the situation and she may come round to your way of thinking.

I don't resent my mother for bringing me up the way she did because she thought she was doing the best thing, and I think that religion can make a person learn compassion and morals. HOWEVER, most atheists are lovely people and as a matter of fact more people die from religious causes with wars and terrorism etc. I mean, I don't disrespect anyone's beliefs but quite frankly I find it very hard to take seriously - none of it actually makes any sense and it was designed by people to control people. I believe it's all outdated and the idea of a heaven and hell is just to scare people into behaving in such a way that it would benefit the leaders' situations. There is no evidence for anything, blind faith is all you have and that's not good enough IMO. Personally I think anyone who believes in heaven is just scared of death and having no afterlife. Well, no, that's all brain activity and psychology - we lose those once we die and that's that. Imagine what it's like before you were born...well that's probably what death will feel like.

Final point is, if this annoys you then you might as well tell your daughter what you think and why, if you honestly believe it's all delusional then tell her. Like I said before, because you're her parents the chances are she will come round to your way of thinking, on the other hand I've rejected Catholicism after following most of my life.

Original Post by pgeorgian:

i'm torn. while i believe that it can lead to a better academic education, i think it leaves some kids a little socially retarded and potentially vulnerable. 

Not true at all. In fact I went into in like a little lamb and came out fighting and kicking. I didn't get homesick at uni, it taught me great things about perseverance and aiming high in life. Most of the people I went to boarding school with turned out just fine even though some of us had a rough ride. I only knew one guy who was already screwed up, he was in the same school and he actually ended up coming to the same uni as me also doing a good degree. Only thing now is that he's turned into a coke dealer. Like me, (NOT the coke dealing!), it probably wasn't the school itself but other things going on and the general lifestyle we had. But hey, we all lived and who doesn't come outta life scarred? We cannot wrap future generations up in miles of bubble wrap. 

Actually I agree. I lived in a boarding school situation for a number of years. They were both co-ed so males and females, however there was definitely NO mixing allowed of any types in the sleeping areas that could lead to being expelled.

Between the ages of 9 - 11 I was originally put in boarding full time, that included weekends. Basically living at school, however, it was a very rubbish school that hardly did anything for our pastoral care and my poor older brother was very, very homesick and I was always expected to go and calm him down. We had to go into boarding school because our mother took up the job of working as an air hostess and did some long haul flights. Now that I actually think about it, I think that was probably a very selfish decision she had made BUT she did make sure that we liked it (I loved it at first but quickly grew to hate it) and she got a house nearby. As time went on, I realised how much I hated everything about it and sure enough, I was picked on day and night. Imagine being bullied, but you can't even go home to escape it. Not only other pupils, but teachers too. That was 2 years of hell.

The next time I decided to go back to boarding school it wasn't too much better. I was 16 and finished up my last year of compulsory education and I then decided to move schools after a few years in a state school as a day student to becoming a full time boarder in a private school. I must say, academically I found the jump quite large because the new school had obviously been a lot more strict on its students and anyone dared play up - you were in for it! This time round we were again in a house just for girls and there was a separate one for boys. Now this school was the very typical 'Harry Potter' looking school - it was built in the 19th century and even had its very own ancient chapel in the courtyard. At first, I had some teething problems, at state schools you don't realise how lucky you are when teachers let you get away with murder. Nuh-uh - that one didn't wash with the new school so I felt repressed. Despite having my own room this time, we were still monitored 24/7 - we had 'prep' time every weekday (which was actually a good idea) for a couple of hours after the 7 hour school day we had to be working on homework and assignments (got everything done though!).

What I didn't like was the fact that I was surrounded by Jack Wills-wearing hoity-toity perfect students that not only were brilliant academically but sporty also. I was a goth at the time. Other students were unsure of my look and didn't care to involve me in too many things and teachers did not like my sense of individuality - far too threatening!! Narrow minded @$$es. Then when we wanted to leave the campus we ALWAYS had to go and ask permission and sign in and sign out (probably fair enough) but we were INTERROGATED about everything and I felt like I had nothing left to myself anymore. Because we were a boarding school we also had lots of foreign students, some of the Russian guys were very mean about me. (She never should have said anything) but my very tactful Russian friend translated everything they had said about my UK size 12 body calling me a 'tank'. Apparently I was considered one of the larger girls because I didn't conform to their ideal of being a blonde haired, blue eyed model who was not only academically excellent in all fields, but arty AND sporty as well! You cannot imagine the stress and misery I went through with that

The only beneficial thing that came out of it was that I was uber prepared for university - I had no trouble at all, in fact it was brilliant because I wasn't being smothered to death by the nosy housemistresses.

Interesting topic. Many possible responses!

Well in my own thoughts, Homo sapiens sapiens (us) are definitely the most dominant species, i.e. our brain sizes and capacity for information and critical analysis is considered outstanding compared to lower vertebrate species. I don't mean to offend anybody when I say this but in reply to the first OP point, there has been no proven existence of any God, so I'm not sure if it's there because religious members believe it to be true or the OP was simply stating it from mass observation from religious dissemination...anyway, in terms of dominance we have advanced considerably which has given us 'power' to catch prey, to harvest produce for feeding ourselves (however other species also do this, although not to the same extent), outsmart many pathogenic species that attack us and to find loopholes in anything (even difficult situations) that we can exploit to our benefit.

However, we definitely are not the most successful species. We are the only remaining hominid species, so once we die out that will be it. Comparing this to other taxonomic and phylogenetic groups there are millions of other species in the same Classes and Orders when we look at bacteria, insects and fungi - they produce a lot of offspring very quickly so we're pretty weak in that sense!! 

I don't think we created the subjects per se, they are all simply concepts, observations and predictions. For example, the science and maths behind some astrophysics theorem has always existed, but it has only been taken into account very recently (in terms of thousands of years) and we've only been around 0.2 MYBP!

I am answering this a bit willy-nilly in order to OPs points, but we are definitely not the only species to be sociable. It is actually an evolutionary trait dating back before we even came into existence, it is believed to be advantageous to be included into a 'group' because we have higher chances of finding food, mates and protection from threats and therefore survival and reproduction prospective to pass your genes on. An example of eusocial insects are many species of bees that collect pollen to harvest into honey, Pseudomyrmex ant species are often found in association with Acacia trees where they work to keep their tree free from enemies and also display hierarchies between workers, soldiers and queens. 

Last thing I'll say is that I can definitely see 'devolution' going on in some areas of the Western world. There are so many ignorant people who don't educate themselves about anything, I'm not referring to level of intelligence because that's not fair and everyone has their own limits. But it frustrates me so much when those people know they don't have to try (I blame our very poorly regulated benefits system in the UK) so will then go onto reproduce en masse, where then their children will also learn to not bother with education. Sometimes I feel very misanthropic when I see such horrendous news headlines about what humans are actually capable of doing.

I know this sounds harsh and definitely not true for a lot of honest people but there are always just those few who will ruin things for everybody else, like when I was at school there were so many ignorant-parented children who always interrupted class and generally acted like d*uchebags all the time that prevented me from potentially furthering myself. Not that it matters, because as soon as they got free they went out and all had kids continuing this line of 'devolution' whilst I got to do what I wanted (go to uni with like-minded people: serious about following a passion).