Okay guys/gals,

I am a mother of 2 beautiful girls.  I have been blessed with them.  Married for seven years in Sept. 

I have been really battling my weight since about 14.  I was never really huge, but bigger than I should have been.  I was always the smallest one in the group when I was a kid.    Then puberty set in ugh.  In high school one day they showed an educational movie about bulemia.  Suddenly I thought That's It.  That was my downfall.  I instantly lost 45 lbs. in about 3 months.  I maintained that weight until about 20.  Then I got pregnant, no more bulemia.  I gained 57 lbs.  It took me one year to lose the baby weight and how did i do it.....bulemia.  I gained and lost 10-15 lbs. for the next 4 years.  Guess what, I got pregnant.  55lbs. this time.  I lost it all except 6 lbs. withiin 2 months of having her.  (most of it was fluid)  my doctor was shocked.  Slowly, ever so slowly 45 lbs. has crept back.  I now hate myself again.  I still battle with bulemia every day.  Most days I purge at least once.  But the weight is not comeing off.  I will lose 5lbs. here and there, but usually it comes right back plus a pound or two.  So I started running/walking everyday along with it.  I am not seeing any results.  My underwear fit better but not my clothes.  I have been doing it for 4 weeks.  I have a major problem with depression.  I have found that all of this is really affecting my relationship with my older daughter.  For some reason I am angry with her all the time.  I love her sooo much and wouldn't trade anything for either of them, I don't know why I have these feelings.  I know I am seriously depressed.  I found this website and I am really hoping to turn things around and become healthy and happy for my kids.  I am doing this not only for me, but for my girls too.  They are wonderful and deserve a happy, healthy mother.  Plus, I don't want them to develope the patterns I have.  I am trying.  I am taking it one day at a time.  Step by step I AM going to reach my goal. 

I WILL LOSE 45 LBS. BY THE END OF THIS YEAR ONE WAY OR ANOTHER :-).  IF I HAVE TO RUN 20 MILES A DAY, LOL, NOT.