CaitlinH97still fighting, one day at a time...

Posts by caitlinh97

User's Posts | User's Topics

Forum	Topic	Date	Replies
Health & Support	Yep, ANOTHER period post...	May 22 2012 22:07 (UTC)	3
anyone? :( bump
Health & Support	Self Harm	May 20 2012 22:45 (UTC)	8
I don't really have anything to offer - this is a demon that I too am fighting. Just the reassurance that you are not alone in your struggle. A quote that helps me is "Even the darkest night will end, and the sun will rise." <3<3
Weight Loss	Should my thighs really be this big?	Apr 23 2012 17:35 (UTC)	4
emcarteraz Yep, I'm really unfit! I've never had an exercise addiction or anything. So my legs are usually the same size as somebody who is maybe 10-20lbs heavier than me. I'm a UK size 8, US size 4. emilyybab are you sure that your daughter's thighs weren't 20cm? 20 inch thighs on a little baby would look very strange! Hahaha a 'hooker gap'? That made me laugh :P And smashley23 is right, guys. Even at a 14.2 BMI, I didn't have a thigh gap. My legs just aren't that shape. I wouldn't waste time and energy trying to get one because if you are a healthy weight and don't ave one then it's likely that your legs just aren't built that way.
Health & Support	Mourning Stargirl213....	Apr 22 2012 15:25 (UTC)	17
I hope people see this and can take it as an incentive to put 100% into recovery. Such a lovely, beautiful girl. <3
Weight Loss	Should my thighs really be this big?	Apr 22 2012 15:22 (UTC)	11
mrswilsonscat I'm sorry. I sound like a whiny, naive little kid. I've been told I may have BDD but never actually took any notice - I thought I was really as big as I saw myself. I'm starting to question that now. I just want to see myself how everybody else sees me. And I definitely don't want to lose any weight! You don't have to worry about that. I don't want a thigh gap or whatever... just my thighs to stop getting sore from rubbing together at the top. Thank you, it's lovely to hear from somebody in the same position... really puts things into perspective.
Weight Loss	Should my thighs really be this big?	Apr 22 2012 12:45 (UTC)	13
Thanks coach_k. Guess I needed that. I obviously know I have muscles, they are all just very hidden. I had muscle atrophy and gained weight, so it all went on as fat, and the place I gain weight is my thighs, so they look very disproportional to the rest of my body. I would actually post a picture, but I think its not allowed due to the posting guidelines if CC. But I understand what you're saying. Thanks.
Health & Support	Body Image and SH (strong TW if recovering - enter at your own risk)	Apr 18 2012 20:34 (UTC)	1
cupcake45 Thank you. Yeah, I mean self-harm - it seems I cannot go through a significant period of time without being self-destructive, whether its my ED or SH or other methods. Now you mention it, remembering how bad I felt 12 months ago really does help. I am at a low point now, but then I was even lower, and I never want to go back to that dark place again. I wouldn't wish it upon anybody. Once again, thank you for your compliments. I guess I must be stronger than I think, and I hope that when I'm in a better place I'll see myself that way too. :) systemic Oh you know I don't believe that! But thank you so much :) I agree, keeping busy helps a lot. I need to draw attention away from myself. I love being around other people, however I tend to isolate myself and really need to see my friends more I guess. I'm not really good at anything, so I haven't found a hobby that I'm passionate in yet. I'll keep looking, I promise! reinewen Hey :) I'm at my highest weight too. I know the weight is what my body needs, and being a sub-20 BMI (I'm only 14 and have no muscle tone whatsoever) I am being stupid, but... body dysmorphia sucks, huh? You see, I'm in a dilemma about self harming. I have a possessive personality, and when I told my parents about my ED, then the anorexia got taken away from me and it was extremely hard to handle. Now, SH is the only thing I feel is 'mine'. It sounds silly. I want to stop however I don't want to have SH taken away from me... I probably don't make sense. Sorry about that. Thank you for your kind words. You are the beautiful one. Stay strong. <3
Health & Support	help with my recovery! I have something to ask.	Mar 15 2012 20:46 (UTC)	1
The rate of gain will be the same - a calorie is a calorie. However, saving your calories until nighttime in case you get hungry is an ED behaviour, and I understands because its one I used to struggle with. Eating at regular intervals keeps your energy constant and revs up your metabolism! But if you're gaining, it would probably be best to just focus on getting those calories in and then adjust your eating times when you get less ED thoughts and aren't tempted to restrict (if you are!). Keep going - you're doing well! Don't stop now! :)
Health & Support	So hungry...is it gluttony and should I give in?	Mar 15 2012 17:32 (UTC)	5
If your ED thoughts start kicking in when you deny yourself food, then have the food! Hunger signals aren't meant to be ignored - they're signs that your body wants more energy. Consider this validation - if you have any guilt, try and counteract silly thoughts with positive ones.
Weight Gain	loving this recovery around christmas	Dec 29 2011 16:38 (UTC)	2
I didn't forget about you, I promise! Life just gets in the way around this time of year. I am so glad you decided to take recovery seriously. There are SO many people on this site with eating disorders and whenever I see a new member with an ED post a little part of me cries. Congrats on not weighing yourself, by the way! I wish I had a choice not to weigh myself but my weight is pretty low and I have to be monitored by my treatment team which means getting weighed every week. I hate it but my Keyworker insists that I don't do blind weighs. My advice would be to focus on the mental and emotional recovery just as much as the physical aspect. I see many people on this sight who become weight restored cannot deal with what is happening/has happened to their bodies and they relapse because they are scared and/or stressed. They disappear and don't post for months on end, then come back looking for help because all their hard work has unfortunately been undone. You said you were seeing a therapist so don't hesitate to contact them whenever you need to, because your recovery may depend on it. Also, do not restrict ANY foods. If you want 'junk' food (no food is junk in recovery) then go ahead. At your weight, you just need FOOD. Yes, 3000 is just the minimum! You probably need lots more to gain real weight because you are really tall and really underweight. I really suggest you visit http://www.gwynetholwyn.com/ if you do not currently. She is an eating disorder specialist and she has a forum a lot like this AND explains the recovery process in detail in some of her posts. Whenever I begin to doubt my body and recovery I check out some of the advice from her and it shuts my ED right up! You seem like you are doing really well. I wish you ALL the best in your recovery. YOU CAN DO IT!!! Oh, and I am in England too! Small world, haha.
Health & Support	'Skinny-fat' (TW)	Dec 29 2011 16:26 (UTC)	1
chrissycoff Thanks, I really hope so. It's pretty hard to deal with and I just want to look normal again. :/
Health & Support	'Skinny-fat' (TW)	Dec 29 2011 16:06 (UTC)	2
secret_tiger Thank you. I know that it is impossible that I am fat, I just feel so flabby. I have never really been toned so I am looking forward to having some definition when my weight is healthy enough. I relapsed a few months ago because I could not handle the weight going onto my stomach first. How did/are you dealing with this? Any tips? coigue Slapped HARD, hehe. It's not loose skin, I know because my mum has lost a lot of weight over the past few years and she has pretty loose skin on her stomach, but mine doesn't look like that. I will have to try to push through these thoughts :/ ms_pixie I've never really been sure if I see my body for what it is. I lost weight in the first place to get rid of my 'poochy' stomach but I was looking through old photos yesterday and I actually had a really nice body. Now I feel bony and flabby at the same time... I don't know what is going on in my head at the moment. I will keep eating, I promise! :)
Weight Gain	loving this recovery around christmas	Dec 29 2011 00:27 (UTC)	4
im gonna have to reply properly in the morning... its past midnight here and i should get some sleep :) i will just edit this later
Weight Gain	loving this recovery around christmas	Dec 28 2011 23:17 (UTC)	9
you have such a positive attitude! get a dominos and ENJOY it. jealous of your discount! :O i have been in treatment since july and wasnt really putting much effort in so i relapsed, but around 2 weeks ago i decided to really put my all into recovery and get rid of this terrible disease. carry on eating the foods you want. i ate about 800 calories of chocolate last night... still no regrets! you are only 23 and have an amazing life ahead of you. i know you will not let ED ruin it!
Weight Gain	loving this recovery around christmas	Dec 28 2011 21:44 (UTC)	15
eat all the lovely foods you want! my ED is quiet at the moment and i am taking this time to eat lots of cakes and chocolate and chips ;) there is no case of anorexia where somebody is not 'ill enough' to recover and re-nourish their bodies. eating disorders completely screw up your body - but luckily, it is reversible. you are not weak, for you are fighting against your ED and taking control of your own life.
Weight Gain	loving this recovery around christmas	Dec 28 2011 21:20 (UTC)	17
yeah, i struggle with that too. i get scared that I'm going to overshoot 3000 by loads if i eat too much during the day. BUT you have to remember that 3000 is just a MINIMUM amount you have to eat. you probably need more, especially as you are male and very tall. the more food, the better, no matter if it is veggies or chips.
Weight Gain	loving this recovery around christmas	Dec 28 2011 20:47 (UTC)	20
i agree! i used to count religiously and on christmas day i just decided 'nope. i will NOT count calories today.' and i have not counted since! it has been so nice having no anxiety and being satisfied with eating whatever i want. i figure that if we all have to gain, why not make it fun by eating all the yummy foods we denied ourselves for so long?! :)
Health & Support	Recovering from ED, and I can't stop eating!	Dec 04 2011 22:30 (UTC)	17
if you're underweight, you need the food! Don't dwell on it, just embrace it :)
The Lounge	English Task - Pressure to be thin?	Nov 30 2011 21:34 (UTC)	6
liseey02 + nebichan - thank you! gave me some great ideas. amethystgirl - sorry if i was unclear - I am looking for reasons that the peer pressure is bad e.g. developing eating disorders and such.

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