Posts by cupcake45

Original Post by bellealyce:

I'm actually getting a lot of support because my friends and parents are coming to my dietician appointments and I've accepted huge meal increases this wk. I think I do need to be realistic and accept that I have a long way to go, even if I don't see it, and sustaining the hard work outside of hospital might get just too distressing. It will also be upsetting no doubt when that scale needle moves- I need to prepare myself for that.

Thanks for the supportive comments guys, and to those who have been harsh or impatient I wish that you manage to treat others how you would like to be treated. We are all at different stages in our journey and all on a unique path x

Just a bit of advice... do not go near a scale, not one that you can see. If someone on your support team wants to keep track of your weight, fine. Have them blind-weigh you, but don't go near a scale yourself. I can't think of anything much more detrimental to recovery. But honestly, no matter how hard you "try to prepare yourself," your mind will still be malnourished and won't be able to take it - so just don't torture yourself.

I agree with foodgirl71 that you need to seek help. Your mom might be in denial that you have a problem, but maybe you can talk to someone else? Either make an appointment with a doctor on your own or talk to a school nurse? counselor? aunt/uncle/grandparent? The sooner you can break the cycle, the better. Good luck!

Also, I want to commend you on desiring and seeking help. So many people wouldn't want to admit to themselves that something was wrong, so good for you!

False-ish. It's not that I don't like them per se; I just rarely eat sandwiches and even more rarely paninis.

TPBM knows someone who will be graduating soon.

Ugh! It ate my post. It was long; I'll try to retype but it might not be as detailed.

First of all, I consider myself ~98% recovered (so nearly completely). I started recovery nearly 2 years ago so I'm trying to remember what it was like but it's been a while. I'm still on CC because I tend to get bored and look at the forums but rarely look at posts in Health & Support these days (in regards to the above 2 posts).

1) When you started to up your calories even a bit did you feel less guilty? Were you able to think better?

That depends on what you mean by "a bit". If you mean a 100 calories, absolutely not. If you mean something well over 2000 calories/day, then yes, with time. At first it was hard. It was torture. My emotions were completely on edge. I definitely avoided scales and would recommend you do the same. That being said, with time you get more into the swing of things, and it becomes much easier. As with the feeling less guilty, thinking better took time. You really have to go through the motions at first. I would highly recommend finding a friend/ family member you can talk to who can be your voice of reason when your own thoughts are still illogical. My mom was that person for me. :)

2) When you were deep in ED were you thinking irrationally? After recovery do you see how wrong you were?

Yes and Yes! At the time I thought I was being "healthy" by exercising and eating like I did. Now I'm amazed and truly grateful just to be alive. I look at pictures of myself and cringe at how gaunt I was.

3) How long did recovery take?

I kind of think my recovery had "phases". There was the first phase where I dove in head first and ate ~2500 cal/day, did very little physical activity at all, and gained weight pretty fast (though I don't know how fast, again, no scale). That phase was probably about 3-4 or so months. In the next phase I started walking some (still ate to make up for it) and with time, my calories decreased slightly (still over 2000/day most days though). That went on for maybe 8 months or so? Ultimately I was given the all clear to start moderate exercise and from there I've just kind of found what works for me - and that changes depending on my mood. :)

4) How is life better now?

I'm not controlled by food! I am amazed at how much I used to think about food. What did I eat? How many calories is in that? When can I eat again? How much should I exercise to burn off this? Etc. Now, I think about that some, but barely. More just to try to make sure I'm eating enough (and sometimes not too much), but most of the time I just think about life - not food! I can go to an impromptu dinner with a friend and not freak out because I had not planned on eating so much. I can completely indulge and know that my weight is not going to skyrocket for it. I can see the scale fluctuate and not have it ruin my day. I can be me and not just a disorder. I am not so tense and easily upset by the small stuff anymore. I am more relaxed in general. There are just so many ways it's better!

5) Did your normal eating habits return?

Well, it's hard for me to say. I had an eating disorder off and on for about 6 years, and before that I'd had a GI problem which somewhat dictated what I could and could not eat. Additionally, I come from a family of unhealthy eaters so to eat a healthy diet, to them, is somewhat "abnormal." I guess to an extent my habits are a little different. I sometime tend to eat smaller meals and larger snacks rather than vice versa and on occasion I get stuck in ruts. However, the thing is, when I see myself, say, eating too little, rather than kid myself that it's okay, I force myself to start eating more just so I don't make it a habit which could spiral out of control. So, I don't really know how normal I am, but I'm doing okay, eating healthy foods, eating some unhealthy foods too, and I guess that's fairly normal. It sure beats what it used to be though!

Hope this helps some. Recovery is probably the hardest thing I have ever done, but it truly was worth it.

Also, I would be remiss to neglect this - while I found recovery hard and definitely relied on others such as my mom, I know I couldn't have done it on my own strength. I don't know what your religious beliefs are so you may think I'm crazy right now, but I know I couldn't have done it without God's strength.

I'm about to be captain obvious here, but one way to stop eating it is to stop buying it/ throw any you have left away. I know that's wasteful, but you can't eat it if you don't have it. Also, log it! While it may make you feel guilty, at least you would be accountable to yourself, and maybe that would be the motivation you need to put the spoon down.

Also, I have found on occasion eating peanut butter fills a need for sweets - an equally if not more calorific substitute. If it's sweets you want, why not go with fruit? I know some aren't in season but surely you can find something (budget allowing). I adore apples and like a good banana too. Grapes were on sale where I am last week so that could possibly be a good option. While all of those have a decent number of calories, they're at least marginally filling.

Another option would be to use frozen berries and make smoothies or something. This might sound weird but I sometimes take some frozen blueberries and pop them in the microwave for a few seconds with a sprinkle of cinnamon. Kinda blueberry filling without any pastry. haha. You can also mix fruit with plain Greek yogurt to make it more filling so you don't keep eating. Just another thought.

Final thought - what is your overall fat intake like? I don't know, but it could be that you are craving something fatty because your diet is lacking in general? Could be dead wrong, but it's something to at least consider.

FYI: 120 lbs for someone your height is too low. That is why you have lost your period - because your body realizes you are undereating/underweight. It indicates that you aren't getting the nutrients you need and/or your body fat composition is not too low and therefore your body is making adjustments (and while it may seem "nice" to not have a period, it is indicative of bigger problems).

Also, the fact that you are lying about your weight indicates that you are having problems with your eating/weight. Rather than keep that in the dark (and you may not have even admitted it to yourself yet), tell someone - yourself included, and get help.

There are several ways you could do it.

One way is that you could look into purchasing something like this. You can freeze the bowl itself and it will keep everything cool. It also has a separate compartment for the dressing. I don't have the one I linked but something similar. The only downside to the one I have is it's more of a side-salad size. When I've taken salads to work I've used a larger container and but used the small dressing container from my salad kit thingy.

Another option would be to make the salad in a mason jar. You put the dressing in first, followed by the toppings that won't get soggy (so the peppers, onions, and chicken in your case) followed by the rest. I believe you just shake it when you're ready (or I guess you could dump it into a bowl) and voila! I've never done it, but I've seen pictures online (just Google salad in a jar and you'll see what I mean). You'll probably want a freezer pack to keep the meat, cheese, and dressing cold. For that matter, you could store the meat and cheese separately to make sure they stay really cold and use an ice pack for both (one for the greens, one for the meat/cheese)

Last, just get a plastic container of some sort (or any bowl with lid, really) and throw your salad in. Put the dressing in another container and you're good to go. You'd need an ice pack or two for this too.

Edit: Sorry for the redundancy, carmen beat me to the post. haha.

Because chickens are prone to anxiety - why else can they not cross the road without questioning intent?

Why do people use the term "fraidy cat"?

Crack an egg in a microwave safe dish coated with cooking spray/ oil of choice. Stir. Cover and microwave on high for 35-45 seconds for a quick "scrambled" egg. Can also do with egg whites, can add in some veggies, whatever.

Toast with peanut butter or spread of your choice.

Egg sandwich (use above egg + cheese + toasted bread)

Oatmeal: 1/2 cup old fashioned oats + 1 cup milk/water + fruit/nuts/spices of your choice. Microwave on high for 5 minutes at 50% power. My favorites are blueberries and cinnamon or bananas and cinnamon. I also like to add pecans or greek yogurt for protein. Makes it more filling. It takes a little more time, but peeled chopped apples work well too.

Cup of greek yogurt with toppings/mix-ins of choice (fruit, nuts, etc)

These are just the first that came to mind. There are many more things you could do!