Posts by gemzywemz

Thanks guys...going to see a specialist tomorrow i am sooooooooo scared. I feel if i have this through being anorexic then i am to blame. I have found that mitral valve prolapse has links to anorexia but not aortic valve leakage. Does anyone else have this condition? x

thanks guys....anyone else suffered compression fractures?

Im back!....sorry not posted for a while but things have been a little crazy....first with the bad news...I got told on tuesday that my position at work can no longer be held open for me as they have no idea when I shall be fit enough to return to work and therefore they are terminating my contract on the grounds of ill health :( I am absolutely gutted. I loved my job and the company that I worked for and they had been incredibly supportive and kept my job for 14 months whilst I was unwell to work. I went to occupational health about a month ago and they reported to work that I was unfit at present and likely to remain so for at least another 3-6 months. The positive side is that they did say if I can get myself well and they have positions available once I am well then they would certainly welcome me getting back in touch. I worked for them for 9 years and had worked my way up through to ranks to become a supervisor. The really annoying thing is that it has happened just as I do feel like I am making some progress........but I cant let it push me back so I am trying to look at it is as something positive. I can get well and then maybe persue a new career...really start a fresh and create a whole new life for myself.

The good news is that I have not been doing too badly with my eating recovery plan. Ok, so I am not coming on in leaps and bounds, admittidly I am taking things slow, BUT, over the last week and a half I have challenged myself and eaten EVERY evening meal without having it re-heated, and no meal has taken me over an hour and a quater to eat. I have eaten foods I have not eaten in years include bacon and half of a mince beef and onion pie! I have to be honest though and say that although I am doing well, I am still not eating anywhere near enough calories. I am averaging 1300 a day really, whereas I should be on 1500 but I struggle with getting the snacks in. Next week I am aiming to add a 200 calorie snack in every day. That will have been 2 weeks on 1300, then a week on 1500 and I think the 4th week I shall try to go to 1600-1700. I have only got weighed once since I started the plan which is an achievement too.

My OCD is really bad though.......and I keep hurting my back which is making things worse for me as I am struggling to move. I keep feeling it rip when I bend. Each time I put my socks on I set it back again. Has anyone else experianced this at a low weight? I am a bit afraid as it feels like I am about to break something when I move.

I think I shall give the eating plan till a month is up and then hopefully by then I will be a bit stronger to be able to start to challenge the OCD.

I want to thank you all for your kind words and suggestions and for asking how I am getting on - it really means so much to me. I do struggle to leave the house alot, but I do enjoy reading and watching films and tv series so for every week I do well I am going to treat myself to one. I just get so fed up of sitting around all day. But with my back now too there isnt really much I can do. My OCD is so bad that I wont even touch a book or pen so even journalling is out the question.

How is everyone else doing? I hope that you are all doing well xxx

Hey all...im still going!! I had spaghetti hoops, sausage, mash and some potatoe letters with ketchup yesterday and special K for breakfast, and half a victoria sponge for my snack today....ok I know they are a little like kids meals but hey I dont care at least I am actually eating full meals....and I have not re-heated any of them either....my dinner yesterday would have been re-heated about 2-3 times if I had allowed myself but I refused to give in to the urge as I am sure it is partly just an ocd ritual.......I am not quite hitting the 1500 mark but I am not far off and next week I am going to aim for a little higher....every single mouthfull I take I am reminding myself that it is going to make me feel better and that It is going to enable me to do the things I long to do again.......even if I dont quite believe it.....I have decided if I just keep on saying it and forcing myself then eventually the light will come back on in my starved brain and begin to see that it is actually the truth!....All of your support keeps me going so thankyou so much....xx

Breakfast all done and ate it all....YAY....I am DOING it!!! x

I know that people are only stating their opinions on here, but please remember to be wary when posting about medications and side effects etc...I have recently been prescribed Olanzapine and was scared stiff to start taking them...I managed to finally get around to starting them 2 weeks ago and then I happened to read your post horizon and it really wasnt what I needed to hear right now!! To the OP, please remember that everyone has different experiances with different medications......I take escitalopram daily as an anti depressent and to help my OCD but find that it doesnt really help......many people however have said that it worked great for them........I have now been prescribed Olanzapine alongside the escitalopram to try to combat my severe OCD...but I do also have Anorexia and was very concerned about the weight gain but have been assured by my consultant that the dosage I am on will not see a huge increase in weight as I am not taking it for pyschosis. So far I would say that the pills have left me feeling a little less aggitated, just a bit calmer...my OCD hasnt had any benefit yet but I am conscious that they take more than 2 weeks to begin to work. I would say I am a little more sleepy, but nothing drastic.......listen to your doctors...best of luck xx

I got it JUST like thae laptop picture! Mine is from the hot water bottle being so hot and using it daily it never gets a chance to recover. Dont worry I reckon yours is the same thing xx

I have awful teeth problems....and have never purged either. I have had terrible teeth for years though ( the main reason I think is due to the large amount of fizzy pop I have always drunk ) but recently they have been really upsetting me because I am trying so hard to tackle this damn anorexia and I have got totally paranoid about my teeth and what I can manage to eat with them. I have a blister on one gum from a tooth that already has been root filled and crowned, so the only thing I can do is either have it out or try to save it by going to a private specialist. The blister is horrible so that is putting me of eating things, but I dont want it out as then I will struggle with missing teeth ( I already have 3 missing ) but to go to the specialist etc whilst being ill with my anorexia is not easy either. Recently my front tooth enamal has gone wierd - this I DO believe can only be down to my anorexia. I have been told I have osteoporosis and a calcium deficiany which is now under control as I am taking a supplement but this can not have helped my teeth surely? I dont really have any answers for you I am afraid but can sympathise with you. I really really really wish I had taken better care of my teeth over the years. Though I might add that I have ALWAYS cleaned them and ALWAYS been to a dentist regularly. Some of us are just unlucky I think :(

Original Post by dansmum99:

Original Post by abbi333:

Don't you think being malnourished could cause pain? You are destroying your body and it is falling apart. That causes pain with lack of nutrients,deficiencies,no cushion from muscle/fat. Are you eating a weight gain meal plan,not exercising,no other ed behaviors? Have you thought more about ip like it was suggested? Osteo does not cause pain but if you fall you are very likley to break bones. Or you may not even fall but because your bones are so brittle your leg gives out and you shatter your bones.

Gemz, every post i see from you makes me feel so sad for you - your poor body can't take any more of this, and yet you are still starving it, no matter how serious your condition becomes...

Please, reconsider IP - I truly fear for your life.

Awww...you have almost made me cry with this post...please do not feel sad for me. I am still battling...yesterday and today I have done a little better too. Put scales away again and trying so hard to eat more...I want rid of these terrible pains! I have an appt with the hospital in 2 more weeks so will see what happens then. I am still petrified of inpatient treatment, but I will consider it again because your post actually means a great great deal to me. The support from certain people on this site is what has kept me going...oh, and whilst I am at it I am really proud of you for reaching a healthy weight but still continuing with the weight gain - I read your other post before you deleted it and then changed it, and I think its soooo good that you have realised you still need to keep going. You are an inspiration to me xx

I really think you should get proper medical help with this, I am not medically trained in any way, shape or form, but I will just explain of something similar which I used to suffer from - however please bear in mind that this may not be the same thing you are suffering from it just kinda rang true when I read your symptoms. Incidentally I do suffer from anorexia myself, but this was years ago - long before my ED, and at the time I was prob more overweight than underweight. I have always been an anxious person and suffered from panic attacks and intrusive OCD thoughts throughout my later teens and through to today. At one point I began to suffer what I used to call "my dizziness" and "the wave" feeling. I cant recall how it started but basically I used to feel constantly unsteady and on edge as though I was kinda balancing over the edge of something and felt like I could fall at any minute. I used to say it felt like being on a boat and waiting for a wave to come. Then the wave would hit and I could litterally jump it was that awful. All of a sudden I felt like I was being dropped an inch or so. Like the feeling you get in your stomach when your on the pirate ship...or when you are high up and look down to the ground and get a bit of vertigo. Another way to describe it was like waiting in a lift for the lift to go down - and expecting it at any second. It was the most AWFUL feeling. I couldnt even sit down for it at one point. If I sat down I was constantly on edge, and would fidget around trying to stop the "wave" from hitting. But it always seemed to hit me in the end. Nothing helped it....apart from one thing!.........travelling in a car! When I was moving in the car I didnt have it. Stop at traffic lights and wham! it was back............but whilst the car was moving I was fine!! It made me really ill for a good while and I was scared to go out because when it happened I would freak out. To this day I still have no known cause for it - and one day it just went away. I believe it was all anxiety with me. The more I thought of it, and got afraid of it, the worse it became. I just thought of another way to describe the sensation.........like walking across a rope bridge and someone walking behind you on it........swaying you from side to side. Ironically about 2 years ago my sister experienced something very similar - this was like 12 or so years after I had suffered. My sister eventually got diagnosed with something called vestibular dysfunction.........something to do with the inner ear and your eyes and she had to have physio to correct it. However as my sister is a very anxious person too, I am never 100% certain that she wasnt suffering from what I had - it sounded so similar. Or maybe I had the dysfunction too and never got diagnosed and recovered anyway? I am not sure but it is funny how similar it sounded when I read you post. It may be worth considering - but like I say, I do think you need proper medical advice, and would hate to set you off on the wrong track - yours may be nothing at all like what I had.

Wishing you all the best anyway - the feeling I had was absolutely awful and I wouldnt wish it on anyone. Hang on in there - I hope it clears up soon x