Posts by goobyb

It definitely sounds to me like you may have an eating disorder. Have you talked to anyone (doctors, therapists, etc) about it?

Given your stats, your BMI is about 16, which is very underweight, especially for a male (a healthy BMI is between 18.5 - 25.0). To put it in perspective, even when I weighed 130 lbs, and being 5'7", I still looked way too thin. The loss of libido is to be expected. When you're underweight, levels of hormones like Testosterone drop. To complicate matters, these hormones are derived from fat, and since most people with eating disorders avoid foods with fat, this could be a major contributing factor. Your sexual drive won't return until you gain weight and allow your body to repair the damages done during your restriction. Although, I highly recommend you see a doctor and have them help you develop a meal plan and work at the issues that may have triggered this behavior.

Hope this helps a bit!

Actually, I'm at a lower weight now as compared to pre-ED. I used to be around 170 lbs..but now I maintain in the neighborhood of 140 lbs effortlessly. For me, it took awhile for the metabolism to speed up because I kept doubting myself and my body's abilities. But if I would've just jumped to a decent amount of calories early on, I probably would've been completely restored in 6 - 9 months. The guilt took a very very long time to go away. It's definitely a very difficult fear to overcome, I'll admit. But man, it is so great to be free of this!!! It all starts when you release a tiny bit of your control. It's like a snowball...since you're eating more you can think more clearly and rationally. The fears get less and less controlling. Granted, you can't have recovery without slip-ups. So don't let those get you down. But if you can keep going despite slip ups, you're pretty much home free!

Good luck, my friend. :)

You need to increase your calories to at least 3000. At 2000, your body doesn't have enough to even begin the repairs that must be done.

To answer your question about maintaining, your body is more than capable at maintaining its weight without any conscious influence. For some, the amount they gain on becomes their maintenance amount. For me, my maintenance amount is slightly lower. But the cool thing is, I didn't have to micro-manage my calories to get around this. As I approached my goal weight, the intense hunger I felt during recovery started to taper off. Until my body physically wouldn't let me eat that much. I'll feel overstuffed if I eat that much. Of course, if I skip a meal or restrict at all, that's another story. My body will react accordingly and cause me to feel hungrier. Conversely, if I have an extra rich meal (think Christmas dinner or Thanksgiving), I'll feel less hungry than normal. I don't have to think about it. Oh, and I forgot to mention I'm almost completely sedentary…no regular workouts due to college. It's  really quite amazing actually what our bodies are capable of. But the only way to reach a point like this is to trust that your body will do the right thing and let it. 

Don't get fixated on a particular number either. I can pretty much guarantee you will be disappointed. Your weight will fall where your body wants it to. If you try to stay at a particular weight, it will just cause more anxiety and frustration. Take this from my own experience.

I wish you the best of luck in your recovery. :)

The stomach bloating is just something that everyone who restricts will have to go through if they want to recover. Yes, I'm not gonna lie, it's not fun. But the life you have afterwards is so worth it! Like you, I was reluctant to start the gaining process. I realized that no matter what, I'd think I was fat. It didn't matter if I was 100 lbs or 140 lbs...I was always "fat". Granted, few people have such a major realization, especially with the ED engrained into their thoughts. Once you begin full recovery, I can assure you it will get easier. As your brain gets more nourishment, you begin to think more rationally. That's really what you need to do...is break the loop that you're in right now. You'll have to venture out of your comfort zone...eat "fear foods", cut back on exercise, increase your calories, etc. If you make small, gradual changes and literally "prove" to yourself that it won't cause you to blow up in weight, it will really set recovery in motion. I know this is easier said than done. But I'm positive you can do it! :)

This could be caused by a combo of things..

1) Water weight - in addition to the water weight that is standard with recovery from an ED, it could also be a result from the food. If the food was particularly salty, you'll definitely retain more water. But carbohydrate-rich foods will also cause a certain amount of water retention. When you eat carbs, they are first stored as glycogen in the muscles for quick energy. But when this happens, a certain amount of water is also stored. I believe the ratio is for every gram of glycogen stored, 3 grams of water is also stored.

2) Food weight - by consuming more calories, it's more than likely it was also more food (unless you ate small amounts of very calorie-dense foods). This extra food has weight as well, and could result in a substantial jump on the scales. 

3) Bowel movements - did you weigh yourself before or after you used the bathroom? The weight of the leftover food in your intestines plus the weight of the extra food you ate before could cause a large "gain".

And if you're still worried, do note that it is mathematically impossible for you to have gained that much weight. This used to help me when I felt down..

7 lbs x 3500 cals = 24,500 cals

So that means in order to have gained 7 lbs of fat, you would've had to eat 24,500 OVER what you need to maintain your weight (which is probably about 2500 - 3000 cals in your case)

I hope this helps and makes some sense. 

Sorry its been so long. School has kept me sooooo busy!

Abbi- Hey, how've you been? Truth be told, I just don't trust those therapists. I never "click" with them, and honestly, I think I've actually done a lot more without them. I almost feel like they look down on me because I'm a guy with this problem. After my last experience with one, I told myself "**** it! I don't need some clueless shrink to help me". That was wayyyy early on. I completely weight restored myself AND improved my mindset without their help. I guess I've just had a bad experience with them, that's all. Funny thing.. I just don't see time for friends, relationships, or anything anymore. Just school, workout, sleep, and repeat. Less to worry about, and I don't feel as trigged because I'm not around people to compare with. The good news is I'm finally settled in the "new" house. We have been bringing the dog over on weekends, so that's been fun :) I haven't been doing too well food-wise though :/ 

Carly- Hey how'd your driving test go?? (Sorry if you mentioned it somewhere already…lol). Ohh man, thats exactly how I feel! I just can't squeeze anything in after school..so I decided to wake up early to do them. It's not great, but at least I'm still doing it :) How've you been doing in terms of workouts lately?

Lacey- Oh Lacey, you're too sweet :) I'm happy to say I'm finally settled in! My room is put together and we've slowly been stocking up on basic household items (like a broom, spices, soap, lightbulbs, etc.) All stuff we usually take for granted!

Well, the good news is we have been bringing Enzo on the weekends. Sometimes, my mom and I will take him up to the forest and let him go off leash. This is totally new for me..I've NEVER had a dog that I could take off leash. It's awesome! :) Unfortunately, this coming and going is very hard on him. I can tell he feels very conflicted..he loves the big property to roam on, but he loves us too. I mean, when he's at my stepdad's, he's not ever stimulated or given the kind of attention we give him. Man I am SO relieved you were able to find Maggie! That story still gets to me <3 

I think I was stiff as a board for a week or two after that lol. It's a wonder I didn't need a surgery or a serious massage to loosen up (although a massage sounds pretty darn good right around now :D). Haha, I remember some of the hilarious combinations my mom would put in boxes. Like one: nail polish, tea, and plastic bags. There were some other random ones, but I can't remember them now. xD Wow, that's a loonnnng time! I managed to get settled in about a week. I was suuuuper determined. 

I think in some ways the ED is creeping back. I got into a massive fight with my mom at the grocery store. I was telling her about how the waffles with butter and syrup that she makes for breakfast are gonna make me fat. I told her I'd just make my own breakfast, but she said she wanted me to stop being "irrational". Ever since that, I have felt pretty guilty about certain things despite working out. And now with my appetite kicking into full gear for some reason, it makes me feel even worse. If I let myself go, I'd eat way more than my mom and brother combined. But I feel like I need to eat less than them. I feel like my definition of "normal eating" is messed up again. :(

Ahhh dang it! I was JUST at the bookstore the other day. lol I'll have to make time one of these days to go again. Thanks :) Ever since my bad experience in early recovery, I've vowed never to deal with those therapists again. Seriously, they made me feel like I was stupid for having this disorder. Jeez, like it was my choice.. :(

I did well in all my quizzes..and I have another set this week. Yuck!! lol How's school going for you? Man, I hate it when teachers do that! Tests should test what you KNOW! They shouldn't try and trick you like that. Unfortunately, I think personality isn't until later in the semester. When we get to that section, I think thats when we'll do it. We just recently got into the section of 'motivation', including biological drives. Among those of course was eating..it was interesting, they discussed the whole set point theory..I thought that was rejected? But the rest of it was all about leptin…if I didn't know any better, I'd say hedgren wrote it :P

OMG I'm so pissed!!! Apparently starbucks doesn't sell ANY syrups anymore!! :O My dad has a friend in starbucks and he ALMOST gave me some of the pumpkin syrup..but another coworker caught him. Damn! That's great that you like your school! I sure hope I find a university that I "click" with like that. Wellll, I'll be in Colorado Springs during winter break……(that's a hint ;) )

The second trip to Ikea was even better! My brother wasn't there to slow us down..lol But getting everything to fit in my car was a challenge…:P I agree! It's amazing how colors can make such a difference. Haha, nice guess :P The second time around, my mom got a bunch of furniture for her room. I got a filing cabinet (cuz I've actually got statements and documents now lol), a night stand, a foot rest for my chair, and this round lamp for my nightstand.. I'll have to snap a pic of my room so you can see it (while it's still nice :P) 

Yep, that lucky dog has his own twin mattress! :P Awww, you're kitties sure are lucky to have you! I mean, a pedicure?? How lucky are they?! :) Enzo was suuuuper excited to see me (he knocked me to the ground lol). But man, when it comes time to go back to the other house, he gets so sad! And you can see it too :( 

Annnyway, I'm tired as heck! I'm off to bed B)

Hey everyone. Sorry, it's really hard to go through a move AND be attending school at the same time. It was a very VERY emotional weekend. The worst part was saying goodbye to Enzo (my black lab, for those who don't know). Of course, there's no way to tell him what was going on, and during our goodbyes, he seemed very disturbed by how sad everyone was. The worst part was watching him stare at us out the window as we drove off. It's a good thing I didn't crash, cuz I could barely see through all the tears :(

Carly- OMG sweet! Ikea's pretty awesome isn't it? :D Yep, I sure did! It's a lot like regular bio, except in much greater detail. There's definitely a lot of work involved. But with that work comes lots of great info! Best of luck to you! :) And how did your driving test go?

Abbi- How have you been, my friend? Thank you so much for that. :) In all honesty, I have thought about helping others who are in my situation now, since I can relate so much. However, I can't help but worry about the possible triggers that come with that. I really have no idea why I feel so bad about myself. I've gotta say, it's got 10X worse this week. It's been many weeks since I've worked out. I'm pretty much 100% sedentary now. I don't think I'll gain though..the past few days I've only had a small breakfast with coffee and dinner. I ate sooooo badly this past friday and saturday during the move. I seriously had nothing but pastries, cake, rich foods, and a little soda once or twice. The guilt I felt was immense..I can't even tell you. :( I just don't think that even if I tried harder, I'd make any friends. I'd just disappoint myself. I dunno anymore :/ Sorry this is so negative..I'm not in the best of places at the moment.

Lacey- Ohhh just who I wanted to talk to right now :) This weekend was incredibly busy. We ended up doing the move late Friday..we loaded a 17-ft truck COMPLETELY and unloaded it all on the same night. My lazy SOB brother did absolutely nothing, so I did most of the heavy lifting. My arms hurt like crazy for DAYS. And since they were so fatigued, I was bad and used my back to lift, which of course now is sore :/ Ahhhh!

Haha, I know I'm crazy. So far, so good. I had my first chemistry quiz today. I've got one in math tomorrow and another in psychology on friday. Ahhhh lol There's still a crazy amount of work…but I don't think it can get much worse than this..haha

Ugh, I know!! High school is bad too. I'm glad I live close enough to walk to school now :) As for where I wanna transfer, I gotta start figuring that out. Before I can even travel, I need to do some serious researching here. I need to find a school that has what I'm looking for. Haha it's quite possible I may pay a visit to ASU ;) 

Omg, I've had sooo many lattes already! :P I just love it soooo much! The one I went to now puts the pumpkin syrup next to all the other ones up on the shelf! What a friggen tease considering they can't even sell it!!! :( I wish we would conveniently be in Colorado at the same time ;P

I really hope my brother didn't mean that comment…he sure was convincing though. But man, I'm sooo glad I don't need to share a room with him anymore. w000t! :D He's very unusual in that way..I do often wonder if he has some sort of overlooked problem. My mom wants to get him into counseling..so far, nothing yet though :/

You'll never believe it, but I'm going again! :D This friday, my mom and I are heading over there after we drop my brother off at school. Once again, we need to be careful with spending..luckily the size of my car will be limiting us from buying larger (and usually more expensive) things. I got blue towels (blue's my color :P). Actually, I didn't realize this, but my mom got Enzo not a doggie bed, but his own twin mattress! lol (a cheap one though). I swear, that dog gets only the best! :P Speaking of him, we are gonna pick him up on friday too. I'm sooooo excited!

Now I'm somewhat settled in the 'new' house. There's still a ton of boxes, but a lot of it is just household stuff, not really specific to one person. That perfectly describes how I feel! It's very weird..Going through some of my old stuff was weird too. Brought back so many memories…I wish that ED metaphor would apply to me. The way things have been going, it seems to be the opposite: rather than moving away and leaving ED behind, it's coming back to the house with ED sitting there waiting for me. :/

I know what you mean..it is pretty difficult to explain. I wish I could do that..I think I'm just too weak or something :/ I honestly feel like I've been backtracking these past few days. I haven't worked out in weeks, and because of my crappy eating this weekend, I know I've compensated this week cuz I haven't had much to eat during the day. Oh how I wish I could eat normally. I don't foresee me being able to do that for a lot longer now :/ I don't even think I'll ever be able to maintain my weight without dieting. Sure! I'd like to hear some of those book recommendations :)

Haha how funny!! :D Yes I have seen the new beetles, they are pretty sweet!! It totally does kinda look like an Audi TT now that you mention it! But I also agree it does deviate a bit too much from the classic beetle design. Haha, I sure can tell! Audi's, VW's, and especially BMW's are my favorite cars ever :)

I'm sorry about this post..it's been a difficult weekend :/

Hey everyone! Sorry, busy weekend.

Abbi- I'm glad you're moved in finally! Man, how awful that must've been to living in a hotel room! I'm sorry about your sleep habits. All I can say is that my sleep is a bit disturbed as well. So I can relate :/ Well, I know I want to go into the medical field. I'm taking stuff that *generally* is a prerequisite to a medical degree. I've considered nursing for awhile. Got a lot more research and talking with people to do though. You think? Because I swear, my metabolism will never be like that of my friends. I really really don't want to gain more (assuming my set point is up higher). In all honesty, I have a very hard time seeing anything positive about me. I'm not trying to look for attention or anything. I really cannot see that side of me :/ As far as I see it, I'm not really good at anything. I always manage to screw everything up. :/ Haha I wish you and Lacey were closer…we'd spend the whole day at Ikea! :P Just be warned, it's sooooo tempting…you'll probably leave there with more than you were looking for. Even if you're not buying furniture, just to see the latest styles and how stuff is arranged is enough to give you some great ideas.

Lacey- Hey! Awww you're too sweet :) I'm doing pretty well. Had a lonnnng day today. So my mom got the keys to our house early, she decided to rent the truck today. So we emptied out both of our storages and moved some heavy furniture in (we all have achy limbs and busted backs lol) 

Yep, you heard it right! 17 units :) Well, it's technically 4, but when you count the mini online library course I have to take, it's 5 (1 unit). So in all, I'm taking chemistry, calculus, english, psychology, and library. All my teachers are very cool. I'm soooo glad, cuz I was so worried about that :) Funny you should mention math…thats probably the one class (next to chem) I spend the most time on. Psychology is a lot of reading and therefore notetaking. But with chem, you've got write-ups, readings, problems, etc. In math, you've got notes to review and lonnnnngg math problems to do. I'm actually sorta looking forward to my first "set" of exams. I want to know if what I'm doing is working. I'm sooo excited for psych! Funny, we were talking about those tests the other day. I'd love to take em! I'm really curious about that kind of stuff. Ugh, I couldn't even get INTO biology! I was waitlisted for chem for a few days, but I got in once people dropped out or didn't show up. I will have to take bio at some point. Speaking of bio, I received news that I got a 5 on my AP bio test! WOOOOOO! :D

Ohhh I know! I consider myself very lucky! I'm so glad to have this opportunity. And it's about to get better…starting after the move, I can walk to school. I won't have to drive and squeeze into a tiny spot (and risk having my car abused by evil college drivers). As for next summer, it's tough to say right now.. I may take classes if I can't get into certain ones next semester. Or I may use that opportunity to travel and visit universities (although ideally it would be DURING school…) After all, after next year, I have to transfer elsewhere.

OMG yes! I'm so stoked on that!! :D My friend and I are gonna get another one tomorrow lol I used to think they didn't come out till October..I'm so glad I asked! Isn't the peppermint mocha offered annually? I swore that the starbucks I frequent has that syrup on display (they put them all on a high shelf for everyone to see). I'm looking forward to the fall. I so wish I could visit a place (like Colorado) where you can truly see the effects of fall in the form of fall foliage! It's been a dream of mine for quite some time.

I've always been that way..and I'm very well that the fear of being the "idiot" has definitely held me back. I've passed over so many opportunities because of it. Haha I like that plan! But it is sometimes difficult to talk to them..I hate feeling dumb (then again, who does?!) I know it's such a childish way of thinking - the need to be better than someone at something. Wish I knew why I felt that way…lol I still have to look into those clubs though..

Ohh man, me too :/ I don't want him to get bugged by other because of it. And he seems to be getting more and more extreme with it. Just the other day, when I was dressed up in my hospital uniform, he told me that he wanted me to become a surgeon to help him with his sex-change surgery. All I could think was 'WTFFFFFFFF????!!!' I can only imagine how he feels too. But at the same time, I'm tempted to just let him fail miserably. I've known him long enough that he has to have some kind of extreme action to set him straight again (no pun intended lol) He's just starting his freshman year in high school. From my experience and the experience of others, I've learned that the impression you make during freshman year can really make or break your 4 years at high school.

Haha I had a great time at Ikea! If I won the lottery, I'd definitely spend a ton of money remodeling the house (after buying my BMW of course ;) ) We got a bunch of stuff..a new bed frame for my mom, these really cool chairs for my brother and I, a doggie bed, some towels, and lamps.

I know right! I know in the case of Enzo, I'm sure he wants to make the sheets smell like him again (like marking his territory :P) As for your kitties, they're probably just being silly. :P

I know :( I can't even express the sadness and anger I have. I mean, we'll probably be getting him on the weekends, but it's just not the same. So every once and awhile, one of us will pick him up and bring him home for the weekend. I am happy I'll still at least occasionally get to see him…but like I said, it's still not the same. :/

That's such a good way to describe it! I hate how unsettled I feel right now. Walking around my old empty house was very weird as well..not only was it just strange to see it empty, but it brought back so many memories…some good (like those of my golden retriever, Misha :[ ), and some not sot so good (like my ED days). It must be very hard to have to adapt to not only a new school, but also a new home at the same time! At least I'm moving to a place that's still somewhat familiar to me.

Yeah, I meant I underate when I said sketchy. lol I realize most if not all of this is all in my head. It's sooo hard to change my thoughts though..how did you manage to overcome this? lol I realize that's probably not something many people pay attention to. But I do all the time (on myself anyway). I constantly pinch my stomach, check my wrists and legs, etc. It's almost automatic. Ohh man, I cant wait for the day that I can truly accept that statement :)

What exactly do you mean by "normal eating"? (Silly question, I know..but I really am wondering). Wow and you lost weight too?? How the heck does that work??? Very interesting study too. Although it's so frustrating that the body is so counterintuitive! :/

Great to hear from you!! :)

Carly- Oh wow, I dunno if I'd ever be able to do dieting/fitness etc. I'd get too obsessed lol But I think your idea of becoming a fitness column writer is pretty awesome! (Just as long as you publish accurate info, which I'm sure you will ;) ) I can't stand all the false info that's written… You've really got this all lined up! If I were you, I'd pursue it! :)

Chrissy- Well, I'm never by myself..unless I'm in the car or…exercising. I'm always with my crazed brother. I can't stand being in a room with him any longer..I think I'm slowly going insane…lol We move out on the 10th I believe. I agree, the actual MOVING part sucks..but I like the idea of remodeling my room.

Abbi- How you doing? You get settled yet? Some moments through the day, I think how great things will be after moving. But then other times, I dread the change and I long for the times where we were all happy together and got along. So I still dunno how I feel about this..it's awful. :( As for work, I made the decision to quit right before school starts. Since I do in fact have a choice whether or not to work while in school, I'm going to take this opportunity. But that still didn't take care of my eating issues. I still feel awful about not having exercised in awhile. I exercised for the first time yesterday and again today, but I swear that I feel fatter and "jigglier". :(

Lacey- Hey! Great to hear from you :) How's school treating ya? As for me, I'm a little nervous about the whole move and even more so now with school next week. Part of the problem with the Safeway job is all the union dues you have to pay. I think part of the reason 24 hrs is a minimum is because any less, and you'll get pretty much nothing on your paycheck. Oh well :/ I met some great people there who I still continue to talk to now. Just minutes before I clocked out, they pulled out a cake that everyone had "signed" (with frosting). AND they made the cake a car theme. :) I'm not usually the emotional type, but it took every ounce of energy to not start bawling my eyes out :(

I think I'm one of those who could never adjust to such an early schedule. But man, that bread!! OMG! That was my favorite part of the day :) Haha, Starbucks would be awesome! :D I'm suchhhh a coffee freak! Speaking of which, do you know when the pumpkin spice lattes come out? They're my favorite! lol (Next to the gingerbread latte). I love the gingerbread latte so much that I actually bought the syrup that they put in it. And I'm gonna do it again this winter lol Unfortunately, I was talking to a barista, and she said that they can't sell the pumpkin spice syrup..is that true?? :(

The only thing with sports is that I'm sooo afraid everyone will be so much better than me and I'll look like a fool. That's what kept me from doing cross country in high school. :/ I have heard of a few groups at school of people taking heavy duty science and math classes. They basically get together and help each other out. Again, I'm just so afraid that I'll be the group idiot :(( If I could ever get past that hurdle, I'd totally join a group and or a sport.

OMG I'm going crazy right now! My brother's got his own issues with acceptance..and of course I have to live with it. He's the type who will drastically change everything about himself in order to fit in with a particular group. Like one time, he wanted to be the "foreign kid". He had everyone call him by a different name, talked in a cheesy accent, wore funky clothes, etc. It was crazy! Now, he wants to be the weird, cross-dressing gay kid. He is "supposedly" gay (I don't buy it). But he's always talking about errrrm…what gays do and even asking me to do it! :O Not to mention he wants to look and sound like a girl now…ughhhhh it's sooooo annoying!!! Sorry…long rant lol I had to get that out! Haha, I love Ikea :P It's a shame it's so far away though :( I think we're gonna go this weekend. I'm sooo excited!!

Ohhh yes, I'm dead serious :P I'm crazy, I know. It's a shame I'll never get to own one tho.. lol We're talking like $50K here! By the time I can afford one, all cars will be electric and then they won't be fun anymore :/

I'm starting to think it's just a human drive to want a routine in life. Like I told Abbi, I'm getting more and more conflicted as that day looms closer. Oh yes, I will no doubt need loads of quiet time for studying. Unfortunately, the first week or two, I'll still be with my brother :/

Yay! I'm so glad Maggie's doing well. :) Haha animals are so funny! Enzo murdered a gopher the other day. I felt bad for the poor guy, but I can't help but admit that it was pretty funny! Haha I love it when they chase their tails!! xD Enzo does that, and my kitties used to pounce on their tails..

Now that I'm not working and my body is normalized, I feel like I'm eating wayyyy too much now. But I'm only eating when I'm hungry.. I don't get it. Breakfast is still an issue sometimes. But I'll try your advice if it happens again. I just started working out yesterday, and I can really feel how fat and "squishy" I've become. Like when I'm running, I can feel all this fat on my belly moving around. It's a horrible feeling..and I'm worried that people can actually see that :/ Yeah, I'm a bit worried about that with college and all. Like, I'll be sitting around pretty much all day reading, writing, etc and not burning enough cals.. Now I see where this "freshman 15" comes from.

Hey everyone! Sorry, busy week. Haven't even had 5 mins on the computer!

Lacey- It's actually pretty neat. It's fun to handle all the yummy treats. My favorite is the hot bread in the afternoon….OMG it smells amazing!!! I've been working there since June. There's always work to be done, and I'm almost never idle. That sure helps with passing the time. It almost doesn't feel like 8 hr shifts! Ohh man, my body has never adjusted to the 4am shifts..especially cuz they're not really consistent. It depends on sooo many things. But that definitely kills me.

Oooh Starbucks! I actually considered that for awhile..especially considering how much I enjoy coffee! lol

I certainly hope I'll be able to go far..I mean, I worry about not having any extracurricular activities or anything like that going for me…just grades. I'm pretty sure I heard too that that's something schools look at..especially with all the competition nowadays.

I used to have my own room, but for this past year and a half, I've been confined with my brother. I swear, I'm sooooo done with this!! And I'm super excited to remodel. Ohhh we're gonna take a trip to Ikea one of these days..looking forward to that! Haha, you totally read my mind with the BMW poster :P I actually have a 6-inch wall-mounted BMW emblem over my bed right now..lol I'm like such a little boy :P

It's funny…I always have such mixed feelings about change. Part of me likes it, but another part does not. In fact, that other part HATES it. I guess I like consistency with everything..

Awww I'm just soooo happy Maggie is okay. Tell her I said hi :) My kitties were taken by my step-dad's ex-wife about a year ago..and they were't even really hers…:/ Anyway…Enzo is doing well! He still is pretty rebellious..but I guess that's just how they're supposed to be now. Like this evening he took a bar of soap from the bathroom. lol At least he smelled good when he licked us! :P

In regards to my eating, there's a lot of factors. The main being due to my shift schedule, my normal "rhythm" is constantly thrown off. I'm hungry at weird times, and I'm often not hungry during mealtimes. And when I do have mealtimes, it's either eat then or not until the next meal.. and sometimes I'm almost nauseous, so I'll skip that meal. Then there's the tremendous guilt I have from skipping my exercise. I haven't done a single thing in almost a week. No running, no weights, no stretching, nothing…. I've simply been too tired and drained to workout. All I say is that it's a good thing I haven't had a chance this summer to do anything that would involve "showing" my body, like going the beach or swimming..or I'd probably feel even worse.

Carly- I think 2000 would definitely be just a minimum for you, considering how active you are. Neat! You're going into the medical field too? I hope to also..only I'm not as sure specifically what aspect of medicine yet….lol Have fun on your vacation! Make sure you're eating enough too :) 

Chrissy- Again, I have mixed feelings about the whole thing, but I agree I think it is gonna be for the best. See, I used to have a pretty good balance. If I'd have something "bad" I wouldn't care too much. But that all changes when I'm doing zero exercise.. And I do mean NOTHING. I haven't picked up a weight or even ran in almost a week! It's killing me..and I swear I feel "squishier" already. :/

Abbi- I think more than anything the fatigue is just my crazy shift schedule. I still think I'm eating too much and too much of the wrong things as well. I can't stand the idea of completely skipping exercise though. I haven't done anything in almost a week, and I haven't done anything food-wise to compensate. I dunno what to do :/ I totally agree..I'd much rather see them be happy even if it means being separated. There's nothing more I hate than those awkward nights at the dinner table where you KNOW a fight or some sort of conflict had occurred. Thanks! I hope you're doing well :)