Hayley JaydeA work in progress...

Posts by hayleyjayde


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Forum Topic Date Replies
Health & Support Does anyone share my binging problem? Oct 12 2012
11:30 (UTC)
1

I appreciate your tough love approach, and I agree that I am overeating as well as taking these drugs, perhaps leaving my debit card with my boyfriend would be a good idea but then I would have to tell him why and I don't want to admit what I've been doing :( 

Health & Support Does anyone share my binging problem? Oct 10 2012
09:56 (UTC)
5
Wow I am so glad to hear someone else had experienced the same extreme weight gain. At the minute I am on Abilify to stabilise my mood and although my psychiatrist told me it was weight neutral it is this drug that has made me gain the most weight! I have bipolar 1 and although usually antidepressants aren't recommended in this, my extreme low mood means the benefits of the antidepressant outweighs the risk of me becoming manic.
Health & Support what supplements are good for hypothyroidism? Oct 10 2012
09:50 (UTC)
7
Kelp is great for the thyroid, it contains lots of iodine which the thyroid needs to produce thyroid hormones that regulate metabolism. But if you have an under active thyroid you should really see your GP for blood tests and be on a drug like levothyroxine. Hope this helps!
The Lounge Devastated - Please help May 30 2010
19:01 (UTC)
2

I'm still feeling pretty dismal now that my exams are out of the way, I had a job interview on friday also, they said they'd call before 1pm on the saturday, they didn't call :( so now I have nothing to do for 3 months, and I'm struggling to find reasons to get out of bed, I haven't really got up, except to get food/use the bathroom in 48hrs, and even then I've just come straight back to bed with my food or whatever. And even though I don't feel sick anymore, I just don't see the point in eating, even though I know I still burn calories whilst laying in bed all day I don't want to eat then just lie around, seems silly. I don't want to shower and get dressed either, what's the point, who do I have to look nice for? I can't even go out and do fun things with my friends because I'm staying at my mum's house (she won't let me stay at my house because she's worried about me) and it costs me too much to travel into the city, to where all my friends from university are. I know I just need to get a job, because without one I can't survive the summer, and I can't go back to university next year unless I earn some money, it's just so hard to find the motivation to do so, especially after one rejection and when I'm feeling like this.

The Lounge Devastated - Please help May 27 2010
22:07 (UTC)
14

OK, so I think I need to get help for my depression, but are drugs really the answer? Originally I took 20mg of fluoxetine per day, which got upped to 60 in 20mg doses because I was continually unhappy, then I went to citalopram because of the sleeping, and that was better but my head was still all fuzzy. Plus nothing totally got rid of the depression and I couldn't drink alcohol whilst taking the meds, a hard lifestyle for a student to live, when I did drink I would end up getting very very drunk off about 2 drinks and forgetting my whole night, probably doing things I regretted and meaning countless friends had to look after me. Luckily they did, worse things could have happened.

ALSO, when I originally began taking antidepressants they made me suicidal for the first 3ish weeks, as is a very normal side effect (especially in young people) but obviously that effect does occur on me. And for right now, when I can honestly say suicide hasn't  been an alien thought to my brain, would that really be a good idea?

The Lounge Devastated - Please help May 26 2010
19:58 (UTC)
18

I think you're all correct when you say I need to be on my own for a while, and my obsessive thoughts are a problem, as is the fact I dislike myself and don't want to be on my own. The trouble is I just believe that my obsessions and my dislike for myself will never get better. My doctor has said it's most likely my depression is a chemical imbalance that I just have to learn to deal with, and I see my self hating and obsessions as the way I deal with depression. I no longer take antidepressants because they made me sleep about 12 hours a day and made my head cloudy, not great when I'm meant to be studying 45 hours a week. I had counselling after my eating disorder but it never really helped. They offered me CBT which I thought might work, but I would have a year's wait for that, looking back now, I should have just got my name on the list, because I would have been beginning it soon, but last year I was determined I'd be fine before that and thought it was negative thinking to believe I would still be depressed a year later. 

The fact is I don't do anything for myself, I just have no desire to. I live for other people, and now I don't have my boyfriend, I don't have any meaning.

The Lounge Devastated - Please help May 25 2010
23:12 (UTC)
27

Many many reasons, mostly all my fault, things I created in my head that upset me. I've suffered from depression for a number of years and I'm still struggling to recover from an eating disorder. I never truly believed he liked me I think. Also he's had quite a number of long term ish girlfriends. This guy is so hard to explain! He doesn't have any interest in sleeping around but he is the type of person always seeking someone, I think he struggles to be on his own, but in a more dramatic way than me. Anyway I never believed he was over his exes, thought he must compare me to them, I used to stalk these girls on facebook. He was still friends with some, one in particular really got to me, he hadn't been with this girl for about 3 years and I'm sure they were only together a month or two, but I could never get my head round her. The trouble was he was too honest with me, he thought he was doing right by not hiding things, but a lot of it I just didn't need to know. He told me about all these girls and told me things this particular girl would say that made me think she still wanted him. I never trusted him, despite the fact I'm sure he never cheated, it was odd.

I had so many irrational thoughts all the time, my mum and all my friends I spoke to tried to tell me they weren't true, and in my heart of hearts I knew they weren't, but I got so worked up, I had to start taking beta blockers because I would feel sick and my heart would race and I'd almost have panic attacks. I was able to convince myself he was having an affair with someone from work, a girl who's name he mentioned in a work type context twice. I used to hate watching tv shows with pretty girls in them because I was worried he'd be checking them out. I hated walking down the street and seeing girls prettier and thinner than me, thinking he must be looking at them and wondering what he was doing with me. I was jealous and suspicious of all his female friends. I think I latched onto this guy in a big way, and he was the first person I was able to like after my long term ex, I found that I could love someone else and I was always terrified of losing him. In truth I think maybe I was a little obsessed.

The whole situation came to a head last Thursday when he went on a night out with the ex I hated and her friend, I didn't sleep and went crazy all night. I tried to go round to his house the next day and be normal but I just couldn't. I ended up freaking out and saying I couldn't do it anymore. We talked a lot and both cried a lot, got really upset and decided to think of a way to fix it. We met up on Sunday and I told him my "ideas" for how I could get over it, but really none of them would work, I was just clinging to any hope not to lose him. He said he didn't think I would get over it and he couldn't try, it wasn't fair on either of us. He was right. We'd had a rough few weeks due to this kind of stuff before it all blew up on Thursday. Now I'm seeing that I would have spent the whole relationship making myself ill, and that as much as I want to call him and go round and cuddle up to him on his sofa, I can't do that because if I do I'll be in for a lifetime of hurting myself.

The Lounge Devastated - Please help May 25 2010
21:13 (UTC)
33

I think some comments here are a little unfair, but then none of you have the full picture so that's understandable. I don't think my ex is a "skirt chaser" I think I've come to find that he has actually been very hurt a few times in his life and never got over them, I don't believe he's ever had a healthy relationship and his parents didn't so he has nothing to compare to. He always said how I treated him better than any girl before, I think he'd fallen in love a lot and been hurt and replaced people rather than getting over things, leaving him emotionally scarred. I feel worried about him and his ability to make a relationship work and to be happy, but this isn't my place and I can't help him do that because I need him out of my life.

Funnily enough, I didn't like being chased by him, he used to scare me with how full on he was and originally I told him I didn't want anything serious. I think somewhere along the line I fell for the comfort he could provide and let him fill gaps and give me a place to escape to. I loved his life, his family, his house, the lack of stress compared to my current situation, so I just made his life mine, and I think that's why it feels like my world has broken apart, it belonged to someone else all the time.

I am very young in the scheme of things, only being 20 so many people have told me I have much more time to find someone new. I think with my chosen career path I feel the need to have the man I want to spend my life with right there, because having children will have to be a compromise, or perhaps not even happen at all in my life, I need to be ready to fit it in whenever that opportunity arises. Also, I was single until the age of 16, always feeling like something was missing, I had a beautiful relationship for 3 years with someone who was my best friend, unfortunately things beyond both of our control made that relationship unbearable, though I will always be happy I experienced the good times.

I think there's something amazing about sharing your life with someone, and someone being your other half, sharing all your emotions and worries and obstacles together. After my last boyfriend I spent 5 months alone, but always having some kind of love interest, I slept around a bit, and realised I didn't have any time for that sort of thing. Perhaps I am afraid to be alone, I just think some people do that better than others.

Today my exam was very difficult, I highly doubt that I will have passed but only time will tell. I need to concentrate on finding a job for over the summer, finding a new place to live, making new friends and getting over this guy. I'm so up and down, with so many conflicting emotions, certain people seeming helpful, then I'll be annoyed at them 5 minutes later. It's really tough.

A major issue is that he wants to remain friends with me, does anyone have any experience with this? D'you think that can ever work?

Also thankyou for all these responses, talking it out here helps me sort my head out a little.

The Lounge Devastated - Please help May 25 2010
01:16 (UTC)
43

I appreciate all your words so much, I'm still hurting but I'm going to go and sit the exam tomorrow and do my best. I totally wish I was 5 again but I know I'd have the trauma of growing up and doing all this at some point. I think its inevitable everyone getting hurt like this at some point. It's just such a steep learning curve, I didn't know I could feel this bad. I just hope I can leave this situation and not be emotionally scarred at the other side of it, my ex had a lot of issues from previous relationships, and he always jumps from one to the next without getting over things, his exes and his scarred ways made things hard for me, and I don't want to be that way to someone else in future. I know he's probably going to be seeing a new girl within the week and that is what destroys me right now. He'll be treating her like a princess, like he did to me at the start, when it was still fun and exciting to chase me. I keep feeling bitter and thinking, yeah but then they'll just have problems, but someone could come along and get it all right where I went wrong, that hurts a lot. I feel like I've failed, I was so determined this would work, battling from the start. We've had such a mixed history, ive been so blissfully happy, and now so awfully sad, sad throughout a lot of the time too, and he was always just the same, its not right to be that way, I guess I was always just hoping to change him :(

Vegetarian Vegetarian at Nandos... Oct 19 2009
14:37 (UTC)
3

I always get a veggie pitta when I go to nandos and they are delicious! Everything is cooked on a massive open grill so it's pretty healthy. Also the pitta just comes with salad on it unless you order cheese as extra, they do amazing sweet potato mash and corn on the cob etc. as sides and any vegetables come with butter on the side so you can decide if you want the extra calories or not. Hope you enjoy!

Weight Loss Is there any point in me trying to lose weight? May 22 2009
02:05 (UTC)
4

When I was doing my A levels I was majorly stressed about not putting on weight but I was also conscious I'd have to have enough energy to fuel all that brain power! So I ate enough calories to maintain my weight and planned meals and snacks meticulously so I never went hungry and I felt in control. (Which was nice seeing as I didn't have much control over exams)

And by the way, don't give yourself too much of a hard time if you don't do as well as you'd like this year, I remember before I came to uni everything seemed like it had to be done RIGHT NOW to keep up with friends who'd also be moving away, I didn't want to be left behind or miss out. But the truth is you have your whole life ahead and resitting one year of college might be frustrating but it beats pushing yourself too hard through tough health/personal issues and having a breakdown afterwards (trust me, I did this). Take some stress off yourself, it sounds to me like you've had a tough time so don't make it any harder. I also strongly advise you to submit mitigating circumstances for your exams and make your firm and reserve uni choices aware of your situation as they may reduce your offers.

All in all, keep eating healthily, exercise to de-stress and study as best you can, but don't make yourself ill! I'm sure you'll do really well in your exams but if you end up resitting or taking a gap year it's not the end of the world and it's definitely not your fault!

 

Good luck :)

Health & Support Cholesterol Question Mar 23 2009
12:59 (UTC)
5
Original Post by msh:

my triglycerides, and cholesterol, are also too high.  I don't eat a lot of meat or dairy, exercise A LOT, and get a lot of fruits and veggies.  However, I do have drink red wine (really no other alcohol).  I never though it was excessive, but could be the cause?  How much did you drink?  I'm going to another doc to see what else i can do

Do other people in your immediate family have high cholesterol? If so you could have a genetic condition known as familial hypercholesterolemia (basically high cholesterol that runs in your family due to a gene mutation) in cases like that sometimes diet and exercise alone can be insufficient to return cholesterol to normal levels because the way your body deals with cholesterol is different to the normal way. You may need to take certain medications in conjunction with changing your diet. But when you go to see a doctor I'm sure they'll give you better advice.

Weight Loss The diet of PAIN! Oct 08 2008
17:39 (UTC)
1

I'm on day 3 and I have to say I'm becoming evermore convinced that this would be a much cheaper and safer alternative to gastric banding procedures. You think it'll catch on?

Weight Loss The diet of PAIN! Oct 07 2008
11:20 (UTC)
5

Yep I sound like I have a tennis ball in my mouth, perhaps because my tongue is the size of one. I am in a world of pain :( but it looks so cool, it will be worth it!

Foods The Cheat Meal to End All Cheat Meals! Oct 01 2008
09:00 (UTC)
2

Oh yes it was very tasty indeed, worth every calorie :) I'm in the UK so maybe they only deliver here? It's so tempting though, especially when I've been feeling far too lazy to cook and looking longingly at the massive book of vouchers we still have left...

Calorie Count Tagging Suggestion Sep 19 2008
16:20 (UTC)
3

Is this actually the right place to make suggestions? Or should I message one of the moderators or something?

Weight Gain Is this unhealthy? Sep 13 2008
13:42 (UTC)
4

You could've eaten a lot of foods much worse than almonds, raw ones would've been better than roasted but they should still be nutritionally beneficial. Nuts are great for adding calories if you're trying to gain weight and they'll give you plenty of healthy fats and protein. The stomach pains are probably just if you aren't used to eating very much, I wouldn't worry but if they persist or if you get them even when you haven't eaten you might want to speak to somebody just to make sure it's nothing serious.

Foods What can I do with millet? Sep 12 2008
12:09 (UTC)
2

Thanks for the ideas everyone, they sound really great. I think I'll try cooking it savoury like rice to begin with because when I tried to make it a sweet porridge I found it quite bitter, maybe I'll try some of the sweet recipes when I'm feeling a little braver.

Health & Support I think my metabolism is ruined for life Sep 06 2008
13:58 (UTC)
4

First of all for your height and weight it's perfectly normal to gain fat when eating above 1500 calories, my maintenance number is about 1600 and I'm 10lbs heavier than you, so don't worry that you've screwed up your metabolism, that's probably very normal for you.

I just want to assure you of one thing, you won't be laughed at by any doctor for seeking help with an eating disorder, I finally overcame my fear of this and many other issues related to getting medical help 3 days ago. Once you explain your issues related to food and your weight it will be obvious that even if your body is still healthy your mind isn't. I was terrified of telling my mum too but it really might help you, no one knows you better than her and she can give you lots of support.

Instead of trying to up your calories by eating a large meal which will strain your stomach try having several calorie dense, healthy snacks throughout the day, nuts are ideal because they're full of protein and healthy fats and are very portable.

If you aren't eating a lot you can't expect to be very regular, when you start to eat more this should improve. Also instead of laxatives try eating fibrous foods, kiwi fruits, drinking hot lemon water first thing in the morning and making sure you drink plenty of water throughout the day.

I also get jealous of other people's confidence sometimes but I use it as a way of proving to myself that my perception of my body isn't what it should be, if other people who are bigger than me are confident and happy, then being thin can't be that important and why can't I be happy too?

I hope some of this helps, feel free to add/message me if you need a friend.

Vegetarian would you have done this? Sep 01 2008
03:57 (UTC)
10

I would never dream of doing something like that, it's incidents like that which give vegetarians and vegans a negative stereotype. I don't care about other peoples' choices, I have no problem with my boyfriend or friends eating meat or wearing leather, in my opinion it's their personal choice and just because I make a different one doesn't make me any better. I don't think people should try to convert others in any way, let alone by vandalism and violence!

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