Posts by horn25

you are all absolutely correct. I think I am in a way looking for someone to tell me that what I am doing is okay, and obviously no one is. I have taken this way too far and I keep posting because it is NOT registering in my head how dangerous this all is. I need a wake up call i keep saying because I am not learning! I definitely have been eating more and enjoying that, but this exercise thing is on my mind all the time, as is my health and weight gain.  I still am monitoring my weight daily and am not gaining, i am merely maintaining.  I know this is unhealthy and I know 88 pounds is SCARY skinny but i dont SEE IT.

But I live in a humid environment already, what would be the different of doing light poses. i was told yoga would be beneficial for me. 

At least I dont run anymore, i've gotten past that. I dont have anxiety about exercise anymore, but I incorporate walking into my daily lifestyle still. I am learning though through all of this that my body needs more fuel, and it is starting to respond positively with more calories which I am excited about.

I cant do dairy or wheat right now- my stomach is veryy sensitive to it so I have been avoiding those things for almost 2 years now. Compared to what I used to eat this is definitely an increase! I thought it would come close to 2500 calories.

I should also mention I have been walking about 7 miles at least in a day.

that's a really great idea because I love making lists/plans and organizing out my day to day schedule so I dont see why I wouldn't be able to do this. Genius!

Now does anyone have healthy snack suggestions for me please! I was thinking trail mix, apples/celery with almond butter, larabars (or any gluten free vegan protein bars that people like out there??),... need more ideas!

Thanks for the suggestions! its reallllly hard for me to force myself to eat these snacks though! I dont know how to convince myself to do it. Maybe i need to change my outlook on all of these and see Food as my Medecine to heal my organs, my weak immune system etc.  I dont know why but I have gotten so many parasites recently and it is due to a weak immune system... not sure what came first having a weak immune system or having a low weight that caused a weakened immune system.

Anyways, it is very uncomfortable and I have to be careful about the types of food I introduce into my diet right now as well. It has become complicated but I am working with a great nutritionist who says protein is the best option for me right now as well as good fats.  

What are some ways to trick myself into eating more snacks even if not hungry??

Alright, Ever since decreasing my afternoon exercise, for the past few days I have not been hungry for dinner.  Obviously I forced myself to eat it anyways but I dont understand what is going on. Shouldn't I be MORE hungry?

I had a lunch of grilled veggies and then didnt do anything all day, came home and at my usual time for dinner I just didnt have any hunger feelings like I usually do after a a good cardio workout.  Then Yesterday was even worse, I really had the smallest lunch and then at 5 had a small snack of nuts and some applesauce, and still was not even hungry at 9pm. 

What is going on here?

I am commited to this 100%. Please do talk me through this, your posts are really inspirational to me.  I posted on this site because I need people to relate to, and it seems like youve been through exactly what I am going through now. God yes, I want my breasts back, I want hormones, I want emotions! I feel like my energy is so artificial right now, it has been for quite a while, by using exercise to boost my mood etc. Did you ever feel that way- that you used exercise to make you feel happier and elevate your mood?

you are right, I dont think I can gain anything by too much exercise and i know people have explained that to me before.  I think my metabolism has slowed down, i mean I dont even have a full appetite anymore how sad is that. I LOVE food and i have a passion for cooking, and I can't even feed myself completely.  I feel like i eat the smallest amount and get full.

i have been indulging, I bought coconut milk ice cream and have been eating that for the past week with chocolate melted on top. I am trying to enjoy the pleasures in life and let myself feel more freee. I have been so disciplined with my body and I honeslty feel like it is relaxing now. My digestion seems to be better, i feel like i have caused it less stress.  I used to rely on running to help with constipation issues etc, but honestly at this point I dont even think I need to run anymore to help with that. It is finally relaxed, I am going to get to the point where my body will function on its own again. This has been so artificial.  

I dont regret taking up running because it served its purpose for a while. I needed it to help my stomach issues and energy issues, but at this point it is only hurting me and I do not need to rely on it.  I want to get my passion for life back, my passion for creating and designing and art, which I have always loved.  I have let this control MY LIFe, and all this time I thought I was in full control of my life... apparently not seeing how I was so emotional today around 5pm, my typical hour for aerobic activitiy.

Thank you for all of your help, any other experiences please share.  I  can DO THIS

i am going to see a therapist this is getting out of hand. I just walked almost 7 miles today and I still have this urge to go to the gym. I need to stay away. How did your mood, energy, body improve when you quit exercise? please tell me it will be okay

you are right. I am not lance amstrong what am i doing??? I am not a professional athlete at all, I just want to achieve good health and I took it overboard. I need this balance.