Posts by lostpumpkins

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Pregnancy & Parenting Pregnant and this is not ideal... Apr 12 2014
11:10 (UTC)

Thank you for sharing that.


I feel a bit better each day.  Trying to keep it in perspective.  I'm still not terribly excited, but I'm trying to stop picturing us as characters in Angela's Ashes at least.

Pregnancy & Parenting Pregnant and this is not ideal... Apr 11 2014
19:01 (UTC)

Oh, I'm not jobless!

Just wanted to clarify that.  I don't make much money, but I work full time.  And hard.  And I've been miserable at my job for years now.  (That's another concern:  how on earth does one motivate to come back to a job they hate after having a baby and hanging out at home with it for a couple of months?  That sounds really difficult.)

It's weird...actually really your post, Blondie, made me realize that my situation isn't as bad as I've been thinking.  I guess maybe I got defensive and felt argumentative?  Not because you made me mad but...because maybe I do want to the baby.  It made me look at what I do have:

  • an amazing group of awesomely supportive friends
  • a mom that is able and willing to help with childcare and logistics
  • a partner who, despite our uncertainty with each other, is 100% on board, relatively financially stable and able to provide for the baby.
  • A job.  No matter how much I hate it.
  • Health insurance
  • Disposable income that I can pile into my savings account
  • The blessing of not having a ton of fixed bills


Pregnancy & Parenting Pregnant and this is not ideal... Apr 11 2014
15:54 (UTC)

Thanks for your response.

I am planning on having and raising the baby.  The father is totally on board, though I am not 100% sure what the nature of my relationship with him will be at this point. 

One good thing is that my due date should be right after the fall semester of this year ends.  So, I can finish this semester and squeeze in another four classes before I have the baby.  And then I definitely think it's feasible to try to take online classes after the baby is born.  The spring semester starts mid January, so that's a little window.

I do qualify for FMLA, so that's good.  And I do have disposable income that I can hoard till the baby gets here.  But I am historically horrible at saving.  Good bill payer, bad saver.

It actually just occurred to me yesterday that there is actually a daycare on campus.  I don't know how much it costs, but it's there!

Pregnancy & Parenting Expecting #2 Nov/Dec, already overweight, anyone in the same boat? Apr 10 2014
18:09 (UTC)

I also just found out that I am expecting in early December.  I don't know if I've gained any actual weight yet or if it's just bloating...but my clothes are already fitting a bit more snugly and in general, I feel like crap.  I feel ugly and gross.


I already have one son, but he's 10 so it's been a long time since I've done this!  Sort of dreading it....

Pregnancy & Parenting I'm not sure how popular this thread will be in this forum... Apr 09 2014
12:08 (UTC)

Do you vote?

The Lounge expressing anger Apr 08 2014
13:59 (UTC)

I've always struggled with anger.

For a long time, I had a bad habit of always expressing my anger physically.  Not necessarily violently against another person (although that has happened, unfortunately), but by breaking and throwing and destroying things.  I've even physically harmed myself when I was angry:  I've scratched my own face, pulled out my hair, slapped myself.

I'm better now.  I've learned that it's okay to see a feeling through and let it fully grow, extend and then deflate a little before I express or act on it.


Growing up, our family was just about as dysfunctional as you can imagine.  Not a single one of us knew how or chose to express our anger in a healthy way.  It was hell.

The Lounge Would you ever tell your friend that their kid was horrible? Apr 08 2014
13:56 (UTC)

I think the reason that they haven't had her tested or taken her to therapy or to see a professional (besides their considerable financial issues) is that she doesn't seem to have any issues at school.  At least not anything that they've had to go pick her up early for or that she's been disciplined or suspended for.  She's definitely overbearing and bossy and opinionated...but she at least seems to know how to behave in the school setting.

(Which, if anything, makes it worse.  She knows and has the ability to behave properly.  She just chooses not to in the home setting.  I was really angry with her Sunday because even though she could see that her mom was breaking down, she wouldn't stop.  She just kept going and going, getting louder and pushing more.  I think she fully recognizes when she has gone too far...but she just doesn't care.  She doesn't seem to have any empathy whatsoever.  Even on the rare occasion that she does something nice or seems very contrived.  Overall, she's incredibly manipulative.)

The Lounge Would you ever tell your friend that their kid was horrible? Apr 08 2014
13:08 (UTC)

8 in a few weeks.

The Lounge Would you ever tell your friend that their kid was horrible? Apr 08 2014
12:48 (UTC)


This past Sunday, things really hit the fan.

We all went to an Easter egg hunt at a local church.  It was a big group of us and our kids.  Things were going okay until H started pitching a fit because she didn't get enough eggs.  (She had plenty.)  My friend tried to get her to brush it off, but instead, H dumped all of the eggs that she did have out on the ground (the logic of children...).

And then it was an all out meltdown.  She just wouldn't stop screaming, throwing stuff, flailing her body around, wailing.  And my friend totally lost her cool :(  It was the first time I ever saw her break down and I felt horrible.  Her mom and sisters were there and tried to intervene and get H to chill out...but it just kept escalating. 

My friend was sobbing.  She never reacts like that.  She is one of the most calm and patient people I've ever known.  It was really bad.  Something really needs to happen.  From what I can tell, H is pretty much always like that.  Even if she's just talking back or bickering with her parents, she never seems to be content or agreeable.  And most of the time, it's more than talking back or's screaming and hitting.

I wish I could help, but I now I feel even more like I shouldn't say anything.  Clearly, my friend is feeling sensitive and frustrated.  I don't think anything I could say would make it better...but it might make her feel judged and I would never want that.  I have a lot of respect for her.

The Lounge Working parents:how do you do it? Apr 08 2014
12:40 (UTC)

How do other people do it?

With the help of family, spouses and friends.  Two of those things you indicated you don't have, so yeah, it's going to be more difficult for you.

Without my mom, I would be screwed all the time.  Her work schedule is more flexible (and she has a higher position in her company), so if Payton gets sick at school, she can go get him.  She kept him the majority of the 500 snow days we had this winter.  She can take him to appointments in the late morning/early afternoon.  I lean on her very heavily.

One thing I will say:  I have been surprised by the resources that are available if you look. 

The Lounge Should I call off the wedding? Apr 08 2014
12:32 (UTC)


I don't know if I believe in "harmless flirting" in the digital world.  It's one thing if you're at a sandwich shop for lunch and a chick happens to be there and there's a little flirty banter and then you both walk away...but when it comes to texting/emailing/Facebook, those things tend to build and continue.  And the opportunity lingers.  You have constant access to the other person (whether you take advantage of it or not).

Also, it's much more intentional.  In person, if someone flirts with you, you might feel caught off guard or obligated to be polite...but if someone sends you a flirty text, you have the choice to ignore it or respond with something more appropriate without having to deal with really embarrassing the person.  I think it'd be easier to send someone a text along the lines of "this line of conversation is inappropriate" than to say it to someone's face...

I say go with your gut sister.  Something is up.  It's not necessarily unfixable.  It's not necessarily a Brad and Angelina level of betrayal...but it's something.  And it's a something that needs to be acknowledged honestly if there is any hope of moving on from it.

Good luck...take your time to think it out and really feel your feelings so that if you feel pressed to make a decision, you'll feel more confident about it.

Pregnancy & Parenting I'm not sure how popular this thread will be in this forum... Apr 08 2014
12:22 (UTC)

It doesn't matter if you are a "fanatic".

To say "life trumps other things" rather than: "I believe life begins at conception and thus takes precedence" indicates that you think of your own opinion as more factual than it could ever be. 

Pregnancy & Parenting I'm not sure how popular this thread will be in this forum... Apr 07 2014
14:06 (UTC)

I was incredibly pro life until I got pregnant.

I was seventeen.  My dad was extremely strict, conservative and religious.  My boyfriend was old enough to get in trouble and poor. 

I have never felt so hopeless, scared and doomed.  I can still remember that knot of panic and fear in my stomach when I took that pregnancy test.  I was certain that both my child and I were destined for a life of poverty and struggle and hardship.  I was terrified of telling my parents. 

I had my son (as some of you know).  My father refused to even discuss abortion.  I am thankful for my child and he is a wonderful, precious gift.  But the experience made me 100% pro choice.

That fear?  I wouldn't wish or force that on anyone.  It was devastating.  I was a kid and felt like my life was literally over.  I felt sorry for my child, as well.

I was lucky enough that I had family who, despite their extreme disappointment and displeasure, helped and supported me and pushed me through.  That is most definitely not the case for many other teen mothers.  And not a single one of them should be forced to carry that sadness and fear and hopelessness with them.  To get up every morning for 9 months, feeling your body changing, feeling the sickness, and on top of the already challenging circumstances of your life and the judgment you will face and the decisions you will have to can anyone think that is a condition they have a right to force upon another person due to their own personal beliefs???

Jesus.  It makes me sick that people honestly believe that what they think has any bearing or relevance in the life, the body, the womb and the future of another human being.  You think you could handle carrying a baby for 9 months and then just passing it off like a tray of deviled eggs after giving birth to it?  Good for you, go for it.  But what does that have to do with what another person is able to handle, what they are willing to do, what they want to do and what their life will allow for them to do?

It's so great that you believe that life begins at conception.  Really, it's fascinating.  I'd love to hear all about it and how that belief has guided you in your personal life decisions.  You know, the life decisions that you make based on your personal beliefs and personal resources and personal circumstances.  I'm sure it's quite a lovely tale.  That varies quite vastly from mine because, you know, we're two different people.


The Lounge Let's Talk About Our Dogs Apr 03 2014
16:38 (UTC)

It's the thick round lab tail for sure.

He's gotten me in the eye with it more than once.

This conversation is making me want to go home and snuggle him right NOWZ.

The Lounge Let's Talk About Our Dogs Apr 03 2014
16:25 (UTC)

Oh gosh!

And what about wild and dangerous tails?!

Simon doesn't even seem to realize that he is in control of his own tail.  He just whaps and whips it all over the place and everywhere.  In the morning, he always follows me in to the bathroom and the sound of his tail beating against the walls echoes through the whole house.

The Lounge Let's Talk About Our Dogs Apr 03 2014
16:21 (UTC)

Funny Simon story:


The day he peed on the bed?

Once I realized what he had done and then he realized that I realized what he had done...he took off running down the hall, into Payton's room, and I swear to God he pushed the door shut behind him.

Lol, it was so funny I couldn't be that mad.

The Lounge Let's Talk About Our Dogs Apr 03 2014
16:16 (UTC)

I don't trust cats. 

The Lounge Let's Talk About Our Dogs Apr 03 2014
16:05 (UTC)
Original Post by catwalker:

You haven't put me in time out yet for the cat post.

*has a sad*

You'll get what's coming to ya!

The Lounge Let's Talk About Our Dogs Apr 03 2014
15:53 (UTC)
Original Post by catwalker:

Bunker got a 4-5 ounce piece of barely cooked meat last night. She was the happiest dog ever.

Oh my gosh, I love giving Simon fancy or special food.  It's weird lol.  I have to really fight my urge to give him table scraps.

The Lounge Let's Talk About Our Dogs Apr 03 2014
15:52 (UTC)
Original Post by theviewfromhere:

Original Post by lostpumpkins:

Isn't there something really sweet and comforting about an animal reaching out to touch you? I love it when my dog seeks out contact with puts his paw on my leg or his face on mine.

Omg, he does this weird thing: he won't kiss like a normal dog. He won't lick your face or anything (except for Payton...he tries to devour that kid), but he will put his lips directly on your face and just sit there like that. It's so funny and kind of unnerving.

mine does a few things that are completely heart-melting.

  • if you're sitting, she'll come up, press her forehead against your knee and just lean.
  • if we're out and see a parent holding a little kid on their hip, she'll go up on her hind legs just enough to touch her nose to the kid's foot. sometimes the parent doesn't even know she's done it.
  • sometimes when she's walking on leash, she'll turn to look over her shoulder and smile at me, like she wants me to know how happy she is.

She sounds sooooo sweet and good natured.