Posts by mapledreams

Hey I really hope I can be of help - in practically the exact same situation here, I am 20, 5'4 and 94lbs, 105lbs is my target for the meantime so we will be gaining together :) I never restricted totally either, just cut down and exercised more.

Firstly, you do NEED those extra 10lbs on you, for overall health and wellbeing.  The longer you stay at 95lbs, you are at increased rish of heart failure and osteoporosis (thinning of the bones) as well as low blood pressure.  I expect you don't have a period at such a low weight either which is a sign that you are not healthy.  By eating a few extra bars etc, you are very unlikely to gain weight.  When you talk about eating loads these last few days, that is what you need to be doing constantly to get the weight on realistically - I thought I was eating loads and wasn't gaining, it was only when I'm now eating toooons that I am gaining roughly a lb a week.  It's probably best not to weigh yourself but if you must, do it at the same time each week (e.g in the morning before breaky always). 

If you understand calories and stuff, it can be a useful guide to help you gain, especially in the 1st few weeks so you know how much you should be eating.  Aim for 2500 calories a day - more is better but start with around 2500 if you want to gain a lb a week. 

I completely understand your 'afraid to put on weight' thoughts. These thoughts are a sign that you have an eating disorder.  The best way to overcome this is to ensure you get 2500 calories minimum, it won't always be easy and sometimes you will probably feel like crap but the more you stick to it, the more these thoughts will fade I promise!  Message me if you like hun with any questions and stuff.  I also reccommend you read the 'Weight gainers, what did you eat today?' thread to get some idea about how much you should be eating but bare in mind that many who post there are struggling with overcoming eating disorders so their menus may be full of foods they deem 'safe' and healthy, but to gain, you can realistically eat whatever types of food you like.  Use easter as an excuse to incorporate lots of chocolate into your day! 

thanks for posting, this is such a relief!  I'm in the 'when's it due' catagory atm and am getting seriously fed up of looking like ive just drunk a ceg of beer or something.  adrienne apple shapes are the easiest to pull off i think in most clothers cos as long as you don't become overweight with an apple shape, most girls tend to suit all sorts of styles :)

Hey everyone, wow I've not been here in a while!  It makes me so happy to see that some people who used to post here have already made it to 'health'.   

 I used to post here but had to stop due to not making the calories at uni...

I won't bore anyone with all the details but basically major things were said which made me believe I didn't need to bother gaining and getting 2500 cals.

Sometimes I think that the thread can become a tad orthorexic (not blaming anyone in particular at all!  But my ED side of me would make me compare my eats to others all the time) so even though I've been gaining recently I have not posted.  But....I honestly can say that I now don't give a monkeys about how much I eat and what sort of foods - i eat what I want and when I want but eat enough to gain and it feels so so liberating - it is like the real me is saying 'Enough! This is boring, just be normal!'  So I shall post today!

B: About a cup of muesli with skim milk and blueberries, 2 petit filous yogurts

S: 3 fig rolls spread with peanut butter, purple grape juice

L: Turkey mayo tomato wrap, carrot sticks and a huge scoop of peanut butter icecream in a waffle cone

S: A hovis digestive spread with cream cheese and strawberry jam, 2 petit filous natural yogurts with agave

D: Two poached eggs on 2 slices of toast with butter and ketchup

S: About 40g of shreddies with loads of raisins and milk, 3 spoons of peanut butter

I hope no one minds me jumping into the thread again!  You are all the most lovely supportive bunch if I remember rightly, keep up the good eats guys we can do this :) 

Original Post by _adrienne_:

  To me, I look incredibly fat and I feel miserable in my new body.  I thought that when I gained weight I’d be happier.  And I do feel more energetic and less anxious, to a degree.  But I’m still just as obsessive about calories as ever before. 

And to make matters worse, I’ve started purging, which I never did when I was starving myself.  I’ve gotten into a cycle of restrict-binge-purge.  I feel like I’m just trading in anorexia for bulimia.  I’ve gained to a healthy weight so I look fine to everyone else, but in reality, I’m still really struggling with my ED! 

First, I'd just like to say congrats for getting to a healthy weight - at least you are not in any physical danger anymore which is a huge worry averted.  I truly believe that taking some time away from this site called 'caloriecount' will lead you to become less focussed on calories which is ultimately controlling your thoughts.  As amazing and suppotive as the site can be, I have found that by stopping posting and just making sure I eat sensibly (i am still gaining so for me this means lots and lots of high density carby, sugary, fatty and protein rich foods), my thoughts and worries about foods and nutritionals have completely diminished and I am focussing on life rather than spending a large majority of my day thinking about food (which i did when posting my meals on the site).  Try and immerse yourself in life - take up volenteering maybe, go out with friends whenever possible, plan to visit family, go on trips etc.  I know its hard to push out ED thoughts when they have taken up so much of your day for so long but keeping busy means they have to take a back seat and eventually will just not be in the forefront anymore. 

Can I ask how you recovered to a healthy weight?  If it was in a largely orthorexic way (eating only 'whole' and 'nutrient rich' foods and not ever having pre-packaged foods or white carbs or treats and things) it is important that you try and include 'fear foods' to normalise eating and stop your ED thoughts becoming all paraoid about the types of food you eat.  Remember, people who don't give a damn about their weight and maintain easily eat junky or pre packaged foods all the time.  Anyway I wish you all the best!  If you feel the ED urge to purge again, remind yourself that you are lucky to be alive and be able to enjoy yummy foods - we only have one life on earth and it is simply not worth wasting your days worrying and throwing up when you could be out there enjoying yourself like you deserve to after all:)

I challenged ED today by having a large portion of pasta bake that my fried made for me.  She had put in a bowl ready for me for tea when I got home; in the past or even last week, ED would have made me try to not eat it or throw it away (white pasta! - gosh what a crime) but it looked so so yummy so I sat down and ate the whole thing, such an easy thing to do for most people yet i feel awesome now.  Yaay its the little things that slowly break eating disorders, well done everyone!

suspendue_lahaut, llamapow and hannahcrash : Yep add me to the club of refined snobby tastebuds!  I spent a long time trying to work out whether it was an ED thing or whether I genuinally prefered natural things (veggies, hummus, ww bread, peanut butter, oatmeal, muesli, tuna etc.) over things I used to go for (cheesy white bread, pizzas, processed cereals, bolognaise(healthy i know), ready meals)

...but I am 100% certain that the real me genuinally prefers the taste of whole foods now. I even tried the old macaroni cheese I used to be obsessed with and just felt a little sick...it was nothing special at all.  I still loooove chocolate and ice cream though so I guess the sweet tooth is genuinally a part of me too :D

Thanks guys you are so understanding! 

But I really don't think i can actually do this anymore, its like i can't walk the walk just with my own thoughts and encouragment as whenever something goes wrong I restrict, like today, I've come back to my flat and and girls have all been really distant and talking about me in the 3rd person when im there, despite me just being myself and being usually friendly and open.  It's like i know i need to pull myself together and man the hell up but ED + upset is a toughy. 

O wow thank you all so so much for your advice (brilliant ramblings pinktwinkle1!)  adrienne no I'm not seeing a doc at the moment but when i did get weighed at one before (with a bmi of like 14) she made absolutely no comment about it or showed the slightest bit of concern!  Yes, I do now feel like I have to convince her that my weight is a concern to me even though she keeps saying don't worry about it.  She has never had an ED but has a very restricted diet due to allergies etc.

Update:  Took your all your advice and left things until this morning.  Then I decided to show her what I looked like in underware to try and explain my reasons for needing to gain (and it's not a pretty site- hipbones, spine, bandy legs)  However, she simply said 'you are very slim but there are plenty who would kill to have yor body, just don't lose any more weight'.  Therefore, it is official, despite her knowing all about my body image struggles and ED I have no home support system.  Sucks asnow I'm thinking well maybe I dont look as bad as I think?  I mean I'm a small build so carry a light weight btter i suppose.  That being said, i know its not healthy from a medical view so am going to fight this!

 muttlover I am sooo sorry you have had to go through the same sort of thing, its like the ultimate obsticle for defeating ED thoughts.  Everyone, I have taken your advice and am going to try and increase anyway but hav a feeling this is gonna be hard, eek!

xxxx

Hey everyone and happy birthday lilemmieee! lol.  Btw your breakfast sounds literally AMAZING, i bet the rest of your family is so jealous of your eats!

qunni, welcome!  I'd say thats wround 2500, good job :)

glitter- 2nd interview, thats awesome news!  Is it a teaching job?  I soooo hope you get it and hope your operation goes ok too x

singingintherain7  i just used a fork to shovel it down hehe, hungry students and chopsticks don't mix it seems!  Sometimes when I find myself skimping or ED makes me opt for something lower calorie during the day I just say 'SCREW THIS' out loud and just try not to think about it!  You get some odd looks but such is life!

and llamapow 'hi!' cos I don't think we've 'met' yet ;P.  Can relate to the bare kitchen, so uninspiring when trying to think of a meal but well done for powering through, your food looks fab :)

Today:

B: a 9 bar (seeds and honey and stuff coated in carob), cup of tea

L: Sandwich - tin of sardines and ketchup, random cucumber mixed in and buttered both sides, an apple and a lucazade

S: Large bowl of peanut butter, muesli and a tiny bit of milk mixed up and topped with 3 scoops of vanilla ice cream and honey

D: French toast sandwich - 2 pieces of toast dipped in 2 egg and cinamon mixture, fried in 1tbs of EVOO and sandwiched together with 3 tbs of peanut butter :), baby carrot sticks and a glass of milk

S: Will probably be more milk and honey and a slice of toast with pb or something...I hate not having a car to pick up groceries!!!

Well done for reaching your goal!  However, in the future if you really do feel sick, you could always make up the 400 calories another day or divide it by 4 and just eat 100 extra cals on other days.  Make sure you DO it though and don't use it as an excuse of 'i ate less yesterday so shouldn't eat more than that today'!!

When you are eating to gain, what is your favourite....

Quick breakfast? Packet oatmeal with nutella and peanut butter and a yogurt

Portable snack? Banana and brazil nuts

Sandwich (bought or home made!)? Hummus, falafel, carrot and avocado on WW

Leisurely weekend breakfast? Eggy bread with peanut butter x3

Beverage? Chocolate milk

Home cooked meal? Fishfingers, mashed potato and peas ;p and ketchup

Dessert? Ben and jerrys cherry garcia or vanilla ice cream with maple syrup

Fast food meal? McChicken sandwich and chips followed by smarties mcflurry :)

Evening snack? Fage yogurt with a ton of honey, granola and nuts

Sweets/candy? Chocolate!!!!!  Especially easter egg choccie