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|Member Since||Oct 24, 2011||Send Message|
|Last Login||Jul 5, 2013|
|Didn't have it right, but that's okay.
Entry on Jan 10 2013 16:08
For my entire life I've usually been the biggest, if not the biggest overall, always the biggest female. For as long as I can remember people have judged me based on weight, I've been teased, hit and called names. I've been assumed to be stupid (despite winning awards during my studies). During childhood and teens I had 'friends' drop me after they started getting ridiculed for being around me.
For a long time I had the misguided perception that nothing else I did mattered enough - I worked hard, tried to be a good person, no matter what I did, there were people out there that would look at me with disdain. I've even had total strangers cuss and cat call me from cars going past on the road.
Believing the root of my problem to be the weight, I did what many people do. Doctors, dietitians, nutritionists. Severe calorie restriction, fasting, binging, moving more, eating less, fad diets, stopped short of pills or surgery and resigned myself to a life of being obese with half hearted limping attempts to rectify the situation once in a while.
Through my life I've gathered information on food, exercise and the effects on the body. I've studied health & human development, anatomy, physiology and molecular biology during my studies and always had a keen interest in the way the body works. I knew what damage I was doing to my body, but it wasn't enough to change.
Around 18 months ago I had my first snap. I went from smoking a pack a day to quitting cold turkey, I went through hell for 2 weeks dealing with my emotional, physical and mental responses to that but came out relatively unscathed, haven't had a single puff since then.
In the second half of 2011 I had my second major snap. I'd been changing a couple of things here or there but still ate absolute crap. Virtually over the span of a weekend I turned my perspective around. At first it was hard, I slipped up but I expected that to happen so wasn't discouraged, the mind rebels against big change. I kept enduring.
At the moment I think I have a relatively good balance. I've found exercise I enjoy (Zumba), have a home gym for weight/resistance, practice balance and stretching. I drink plenty of water, eat well balanced nutrition most of the time and have occasional treats.
Just as importantly, my best friend lets me natter on about my journey and has started picking up some of my habits in the process - it wasn't my intention but definitely a good side effect. I tend to lurk on the forums too, I try to help others if I can, though I do get it wrong some times! It's therapeutic to me.
Currently I have a long way to go, but that's okay... I am around 60 pounds lighter, feeling better and able to happily sustain the lifestyle I have now - I can't even imagine going back to how I felt before, I didn't realise just how sick I felt until I started feeling better. Looking forward to more changes as I go too :)
|Groups|| 1: 30 Somethings (View Details...)
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