Posts by peanutbuttercup12

Without a doubt, your issues will get worse at university away from home. Being in a new place, making new friends, getting to know a new system of life, and handling classes is stressful enough in of itself, without an eating disorder. Stress usually makes eating issues worse, and being by yourself, no one will stop you from relapsing.

I would highly, highly recommend either staying home or getting back on track right away. I know how hard it can be to keep going with recovery now, it's easy to say "things will get better in a new place" but it's not true. I was in your position last year, having 'recovered' from anorexia but severely bulimic, which I thought I could stop when I went away (I flew all the way across the country ...).

Long story short, I flew home after 2 months. It was awful - I would fast, restrict, b/p, do it all over again. I isolated myself, made friends but always bailed in order to cry and be depressed in my room, spent too much time at the gym, an equal amount of time crying to my parents ... until I was suicidal, and realized I had to go home. Hardest decision of my life, best decision of my life.

I can truly say I've been in recovery for about 5 months. I entered a hospital treatment program highly motivated to get back to university, and I haven't had any symptoms in over 3 months. After having an eating disorder from age 15. It's possible to recover completely, but you cannot do it away from home at university, you need more help.

I'm not sure what you wanted to hear, and I'm sorry if this wasn't it, but I want to prepare you so you don't make the same mistakes as I did. Good luck :)

darkangel: looking much better, it's nice to see :) you could still increase if you wanted to though, 1900 isn't too much for a teen!

Breakfast (H) - multigrain cheerios with almonds, grapes and raspberry yogurt

Snack (H) - strawberry soymilk (DISGUSTING)

Lunch (H) - ham sub on w.wheat with lettuce/tomato; caesar salad; 3 PIMs cookies

Snack (H) - honeydew melon

Dinner (H) - chicken fingers with ketchup; w.wheat breadroll with margarine; steamed broccoli; 3 chocolate digestive cookies

Snack - cappacino frozen yogurt with granola; tea with skim milk

Just wanted to let everyone know that I will also be leaving the thread. I've been doing so well lately and I feel like I really don't need to be writing down my food anymore! I feel very happy with my recovery and I have no doubt that I will go on to be fully recovered soon. Thanks to everyone for the support, and best of luck to you all <3

Good luck to everyone who's leaving, I really hope you all manage to conquer your food issues and stay healthy :)

darkangel: thank you for the reassurance. i'd just like to drop you a note of concern though - your meals are really small, and you definitely seem to be undereating (from an objective standpoint) ... are you okay? Tea isn't really breakfast, why don't you try having a real one? And try adding some more to your lunch? You get to dinner basically just having eaten some fruit ... I'm worried about you :S It doesn't look very healthy. This isn't an accusation at all and I don't want to seem rude, just out of concern.

 Breakfast (H) - carrot muffin with strawberry jam; raspberry yogurt with almonds

Snack (H) - chocolate soymilk

Lunch (H) - chicken quesadilla; carrots with caesar dip; 3 PIMs cookies

Snack (H) - honeydew melon

Dinner - fusili with chickpeas and vegetables; green salad with light poppyseed dressing

Dessert - hazelnut hot chocolate; 2 small chocolate chip cookies

princessroo: good luck on tuesday. don't let it affect your eats, just put it out of your mind for now. good job on the cupcake, i know how hard it can be to eat your own baked goods! i hope it was yummy :)

So ... last night I drank too much and was sick, it was really awful :( Surprisingly I feel completely fine this morning, I guess the alcohol is out of me. Still though, it's like 10x worse being sick accidentally when you have issues with purging, it just feels weird. Trying to put it out of my mind today though, staying positive :)

Brunch - bagelwich (2 egg whites+slice of ham+lettuce+tomato on montreal style sesame bagel); homemade hashbrowns with ketchup; 2 small clementines

Snack - vanilla yogurt with blueberries and granola

Snack - carrot with light hummus

Dinner - spaghetti with meatsauce; caesar salad; garlic bread

Dessert - strawberry frozen yogurt with (just made!) 2 chocolate chip cookies

*Exercise - 1 hour leisurely walk in trails

cianna: i'd encourage you to gain the few extra pounds. you do still look very tiny, so the pounds won't do any harm and you probably won't even notice them ... i can actually still fine into clothes i had 15lbs ago. i know you won't be gaining 15lbs, but just to ensure you that a few extra pounds will do no damage, promise :)

rose: i am also still hoping that my weight will decrease now that i've been eating regularly and normally ... hasn't happen yet, but the doctors told me it takes months of consistant, nutritious eating for your body to trust you enough to go to its set point. i hope you are able to continue eating every 3 hours (i actually eat every 2!), if you're getting hungry it's a good sign. trust your body and the professionals and everything will turn out fine, it just takes time.

Breakfast (H) - cheerios with almonds, grapes and raspberry yogurt

Snack (H) - chocolate soymilk

Lunch (H) - turkey wrap; carrots with caesar dressing; 3 PIMs cookies

Snack - tea with milk; red delicious apple

Dinner - 1/2 chicken pot pie; steamed broccoli

Dessert - cappacino frozen yogurt with homemade granola; dark lindt truffle balls

zebulancherry: hi, i'm so sorry to hear about your relapse! i remember you from the YCC forum, again i'm really sorry to hear how things have turned out. i'm glad that you've decided to give recovery another go, hopefully this will be the last run! i'm sure your meal plans are great and that they wouldn't trigger anyone, but this is the maintainer's forum so you kind of do have to be at a healthy weight to post ... that's what has been said to others in the past who've needed to gain weight. do you have a while to go?

rose_93: hey, are you doing alright? your calorie count looks really low for that amount of exercise ... doesn't seem too healthy :S is anything up? or just a random low day?

lowri: hope you feel better soon! sunny days always give me an automatic mood boost, rainy days tend to make me feel down too (though i love them once in a while). it's good that you felt great about your eats, for grains why don't you try adding some granola to your yogurt? or a granola bar with a snack? and thanks for the kind words, i really do feel i can do it and i'm going to work really hard over the next few months to show everyone that i can go away again. and i agree, it is a lovely combo :)

princessroo: i would go away in september and it's on the complete other side of the country ... i'm from south-eastern canada and it's the farthest city on the west. i went away last september to that university and came home after 2 months, so same as you, to recover. i can get that my parents would be hesitant to send me back out because i crashed and burned quite fantasically last time, but i guess i feel a lot better and i actually want to be recovered, which i didn't want when i went away last year. and the therapist and counsellor are on the same team in the hospital, that's what makes it so confusing! it's not even like a hospital counsellor and outside therapist, they both work together. but i'm just going to give it my best and see what happens, i want it so badly so i'm prepared to do a lot of work :) and good job for upping the calories at the end, i'm proud of you! just remember that cutting back here will bite you in the ass at somepoint, especially with bulimia. and we don't ever want to go back there again.

Breakfast (H) - two blueberry waffles with peanut butter; banana; raspberry yogurt

Snack (H) - chocolate soymilk

Lunch (H) - ham sub on white bread with lettuce+tomato; caesar salad; strawberries dipped in chocolate

Snack (H) - red delicious apple

Dinner (H) - spaghetti with meatsauce; broccoli; 3 oreo's

Snack - vanilla yogurt with granola; tea with skim milk

*Exercise - 75 mins hot yoga

annabel: sorry to see you leave, i liked reading your menus as they were always very balanced and healthy :) good luck, drop back in and say hello every now and again :P

cianna: lol i can completely relate, when i drink i tend to go all out as well :P moderate drinking just doesn't exist, not when you're 18 anwyays :P always have a blast though! until the next morning, and same i have sworn not to do it again but there is a huge party on saturday that i'm excited for ... lol. and i love how when you're recovered (or almost) you can do things that were once so scary, good job at your nana's! it's really satisfying to me to be able to face fears that were once unthinkable.

princessroo: thank you for the concern, don't worry you're not being nosy! and yes, it was essentially my normal breakfast, i just added a little bit to my snack and dessert. didn't quite cover every single thing, but was close-ish! and wasn't titanic amazing?!!? i thought it was completely epic on the big screen, i want to see it once more before it goes out of theatres.

Breakfast (H) - multigrain cheerios with almonds, grapes and raspberry yogurt

Snack (H) - chocolate soymilk

Lunch (H) - turkey bagelwich with lettuce+tomato; steamed green beans; 2 chocolate digestive cookies

Snack (H) - canteloupe

Dinner (H) - beef lasagna; broccoli; chocolate pudding; oat cookie

Snack - cappacino frozen yogurt with granola; dark lindt truffle ball; tea with skim milk

princessroo: that's awesome :) glad you're feeling so good! i definitely feel that way too sometimes, when you have less restrictions you just eat better, it's a lot easier when you don't feel like you're trapped, which then causes a b/p. sucks that you still feel tired but your eats don't look unhealthy, you had treats but you got all the 'healthy' stuff in so don't worry about it! and you're right, last night when i had to have a slice of cake (sister's graduation celebration from university ... couldn't really skip out on that) i was panicking and realized that obviously i was not over my eating disorder. and i will be symptom-free very soon, if i make it through the weekend fine, which i think i will!

Breakfast - cinnamon bagel with peanut butter, honey, cinnamon and a banana; tea with skim milk

Lunch - dahl; steamed broccoli

Snack - vanilla yogurt with granola; tea with skim milk

Dinner (Subway) - oven roasted chicken breast 6 inch sub on whole wheat with lettuce/tomato and light mayo

Drinks - raspberry vodka with diet peach pop; amaretto with coke; butterscotch schapps with coke; jagerbomb; vodka shot; blue carousel shot; 2 beers (holy crap, i am advising everyone to never drink this much!!)

*Exercise - 75 minutes hot yoga; 1 hour rushing around in the mall

Original Post by rugby123:

lowri -- I am not sure! I am really spooked just because I learned yesterday that my BMI is definitely higher than I would like to to be, and it could be lower and I would be healthy. I am hoping to lose 5-10 lbs? I have been sedentary for a couple months, and I think that is why I have gained weight, really.

Is it still okay if I post on here, even if I am trying to lose a little bit of weight?

Hi :) I'm just wondering why you're trying to lose weight? In a thread you wrote literally a day ago, it says you are 5'5 at 110lbs and you've just recovered from anorexia! It also said you were worried about maintaining your recovery, and I assure you that losing weight to get to the bottom of a healthy BMI will not help with recovery. I'm not trying to sound forceful, just concerned as you really shouldn't be trying to lose weight at all.

lorikeet: thanks <3 i did talk to them about it today and they said that if they were to let me leave now, they'd be really worried that i would relapse. it didn't help too much to hear that though, i still left feeling the same way and cried when i got home :S gah, just very confused. your food looks great by the way! especially the mocha almond fudge icre cream, those flavours together sound heavenly.

hannah: doesn't look like too much. 3 meals and 3 snacks is perfectly balanced!

hayley: i am so glad that things are looking up with your step-dad. and congrats on making the brave decision to change things, hopefully the location change will help you out! remember though, you stay the same no matter where you are so stay motivated, and you will leave your anorexia behind. keep us updated :)

princessroo: we have groups sometimes, but they are very informal and i really don't get much out of them. it is a children's program (i was 17 when i started, just turned 18) so they do school every day for a couple hours, which also contributes to me feeling like i do nothing because i'm literally on downtime when they're all in school ... just reading and stuff, it feels quite useless. i think i would be able to keep it up, because i'd be going back for regular appointments and stuff, and i'd be getting a job for the summer. i talked to them today and they basically said that they couldn't really let me go now, i wasn't ready, they wouldn't feel comfortable. obviously they can't keep me there but they said that they thought it wouldn't be wise. however i'm goign to talk to my parents and see what they think, i just feel like i need to be committed completely to continue, and not feel like **** most of the time :S and  your mp doesn't look like too much, so don't be nervous! your sleep was probably because of the medication, your increase doesn't look that big so it's unlikely it affected your sleep. and exercise is exciting, i hope you can find things you enjoy!

Still feel bad ... hoping those feelings will end soon.

Breakfast (H) - english muffin with peanut butter and a banana; raspberry yogurt

Snack (H) - chocolate soymilk

Lunch (H) - vegetarian burger on bun w/ lettuce and tomato; carrots with caesar dressing; rice krispie square with chocolate chips

Snack (H) - honeydew melon

Dinner (H) - spaghetti with meatsauce; steamed broccoli; 3 PIMs cookies

Snack - vanilla yogurt with granola

*Exercise - 75 minutes hot yoga