| Forum | Topic | Date | Replies |
| Motivation | having a hard time keeping my head above water | Mar 31 2006 00:02 (UTC) |
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| Karenie- this is going to sound trite, but listen please: give yourself permission to grieve. When I was in high school, one of my good friends was murdered. It took years to get over, and the grieving process is different for everyone, but the first step, and what I hear in your log, is that you need to stop thinking that somehow you should hurt less because youâ??re not the spouse, or the mother, or... your pain is valid. Itâ??s real. And itâ??s OK to hurt, and to grieve, and to lie on the floor and howl if you need to. Your pain is yours, and individual. Itâ??s not somehow "less" or "more" than someone elseâ??s, it just is what it is. You have your own burden of grief to bear, and the worst thing you can do is (forgive my metaphor) put it aside and refuse to bear it because itâ??s not "as important" as someoneâ??s who was "closer" to the person who died. All that trying to put the burden down does is ensure that you have to walk all the way back to where you left it, pick it back up, and start walking at the same place you were when you tried to put it aside. It does get lighter, I promise. Be strong. Youâ??re not alone. Obsidyan would have said this better, but I tried (hug). | |||
| The Lounge | trying-broken heart | Mar 30 2006 23:01 (UTC) |
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I understand. Better than I would like to *(hugs)*. Year before last I had to walk out on a VERY serious relationship, because my SO moved in with another woman. He insisted they were just friends, I knew (she told me) that she wanted to be more than friends, and I asked him not to move in with her (moving in with me wasn't an option at the time, for reasons both geographical and personal) because I was uncomfortable with him being there and being tempted all the time. I'm still heartbroken that he chose to move in with her anyway. I tried to make it work, but under the circumstances...
Anyway. Personal confidences aside. I suspect you are right not to trust him- but I understand you wanting to give him a chance to regain your trust. He may even be trustworthy, it's hard to tell without knowing either of you. Maybe you can sit down with yourself and try to figure out what bothers you and when, then you have a clear line to take when you talk to him next. Say, Honey, I love you, but it hurts me when you do (behavior X). I am OK with (behavior Y). I know it doesnt' feel to you like you're doing anything serious, or doing anything wrong, but this hurts me. I need to trust that you will not hurt me on purpose. Can you please just (whatever the acceptable level of behavior is)? We can try this for a month and see if we are both comfortable, and then discuss it again... My 2 cents. For the unasked third penny, you need to take care of yourself and love yourself. If you depend entirely on another person for your self-esteem (including losing weight for him rather than for you) then you will be lost without them - and clingy with them. Hopefully this journey you started on will lead you to a place you're secure in yourself. Until then - we're here for you too. Hey, self confidence is a lot easier to prescribe than to obtain :) |
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| Motivation | Kind words | Mar 30 2006 22:24 (UTC) |
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elin, i'm not sure why you put dogs and family separate, as far as i or my dogs know, they're the same thing...
OK. (takes a deep breath) I'm really smart about inanimate objects. I am a good negotiator/peacemaker for my family and friends. I have beautiful auburn hair. I have great big feet, which means I never have to share my shoes when someone didn't bring rainboots, I only have to share with my sister who also has great big feet. (i'm not sure that's totally positive, but i'm perversely proud of my huge feet. sometimes i have to shop at drag queen stores to find shoes that aren't ugly) |
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| Fitness | Great tool for runners/walkers/bikers | Mar 30 2006 02:17 (UTC) |
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| mapmyrun.com also is awesome. It will save routes for you and you can see routes saved by other people in your area, so if you're looking for, say, a 4-mile walk that you haven't done before, chances are someone has one in there. OF course, some of them suck (I'm a loop girl, myself, hate all the out-and-back stuff). | |||
| Motivation | My first post...I need a buddy! | Mar 29 2006 21:59 (UTC) |
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Obsidyan, if I were there, you wouldn't have to worry about eating too much salt, cause I would have eaten it all already. Now what I do is, when I find myself wanting to binge, I log it all first. Cause I'm a planner, I think and think and think about what I'm gonna eat, and then I go make it all, and then I go eat it all. So while I'm thinking, I start logging. No matter how many calories it adds up to, cause I haven't eaten it yet. seeing myself eat before I eat gives me some control. I still go eat some of what I planned, but at that point i'm kind of grossed out by how much I was just thinking about eating and it's more exciting to be proud of myself while I'm subtracting stuff than to feel like a big fat cow logging it all in. Even if I end up going over calories, it now looks like a maintenance day instead of (beating myself up) whatever, a failure. Also the longer I do this the more my tummy shrinks and the less it holds... all i can fit in there anymore is a snack-size bag of chips, not a whole family-size bag, plus half a cake, plus a whole bag of jerky, plus... OK, making myself hungry, no good, gotta quit while I'm ahead :) (rocketd, i saw WoW in your profile- which server are you on? my WORST binges are while I'm staggering around trying to retrieve my @!#$%@$ corpe, seriously, I had to quit playing at mealtimes!) |
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| Weight Loss | what size at what weight? | Mar 28 2006 22:15 (UTC) |
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ismile, oh my GAWD how much muscle are you packing????
Stats (and I kept pretty close track cause I wnet through most of these in a year) I'm 5'6" and pretty muscular between martial arts and running. at 175 lb I wear a 14 (won't try jr sizes on, it just made me depressed) at 165 lb I wear a 12, or a 13-15 jrs at 150-155 I wear all 10's, some generous 8's, and 11 jr's. I'm a pretty solid 8 at 145. I'm hoping to find out what I fit in at 130, though! |
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| The Lounge | friend is beulemic | Mar 26 2006 08:04 (UTC) |
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ummm.... you could point her to anorexicweb.com (i think it's .com, it might be .net) for a pretty cool graphic example of what happens when you deprive your body of essential nutrients... and the fact that you can tear your stomach and esophagus and blow blood vessels in your brain... it's embarrasing to be fat, but it's more embarrasing to be found dead in your own bloody puke. Also it screws up your teeth pretty badly...
Seriously, if she's a good enough friend, have a talk with her, express your concerns, and if it doesn't work, you need to tell someone, as crappy as that's going to make you feel. |
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| The Lounge | I have a date and Im worried...!! | Mar 25 2006 01:21 (UTC) |
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babydeer-
Don't forget teh most important thing - to let us know how it went!!!! worst case scenario, it's a maintenance day, right? And remember you're probably going to be eating salty stuff so DON'T PANIC if you see a pound tomorrow (you'd be better off waiting to weigh in, but which of us can actually wait that long) cause it's probly water hanging on to all that red robin popcorn sodium. Now I want Red Robin.... pity that darn bacon cheeseburger with teh onion straws isn't vegetarian :) |
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| Motivation | Join In The Fun! | Mar 24 2006 20:20 (UTC) |
1 |
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That's the same day as the Portland Marathon out here in "sunny" Oregon... hey, wait, no fair, with the time difference, you ALL get to finish before me! I'll have to be with you in spirit, and when I get that kick of energy about 3 hours in, I'll know it's cause you're already done.
We don't have the team option as far as I know, but our course stays open for 8 hours and is walker-friendly if anyone's out our way.... Think about it. If you walk a 3-4 mile/hour pace, you'll come in between 7 and 8 hours. I have a friend who walked it 2 years ago while she was over 200 pounds, so you can too! The important thing is to start training now... www.portlandmarathon.org has race info and training tips... |
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| Recipes | Tired of Tofu... | Mar 24 2006 16:49 (UTC) |
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nirvrush, wow, thanks!
ismile, I'll try to squeeze the recipe out of him tonight. |
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| Fitness | Chafing Skin: How to prevent? | Mar 23 2006 19:30 (UTC) |
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No half measures for me- I use baby powder AND spandex. If you're into the natural thing, there are several powders out there (I think one is called Moonshadow? It's on my dresser so of course I never look at the label) that are based on baking soda, which has some beneficial drying effects. The last time I had really bad chafing, oh, it was so gross, all red and scaly and inflaned and... icky... I wore the spandex and baby powder NIGHT AND DAY for a week unti it healed, adn then I was super careful to wear the spandex every time i took a long walk. the trick seemed to be getting it to heal all the way so i wasn't inflaming it more...
Anyway, you're not alone! Given my current rate of progress and the natural shape of my body, I'll be worried about my thighs chafing until I have a BMI of 18 or so :) |
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| Recipes | tuna | Mar 22 2006 20:58 (UTC) |
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| I like mine with capers and JUST A COUPLE bacon bits (the soy kind, cause i'm not eating meat) then i mix em up to move the flavors around and dump it onto a bed of baby greens... yummy, crunchy chewy salty.... | |||
| The Lounge | anything planned when at goal? | Mar 21 2006 23:29 (UTC) |
21 |
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jen- that piercing will show just fine, that's when I got mine done <g> Go for it, but remember to keep it VERY clean (it's harder when you're still carrying a little belly pudge. Just remember this story- when I got my nipple pierced (don't wince, it wasn't bad) I saw a girl leaving the place IN TEARS cause she was TOO THIN and didnâ??t have a deep enough belly button to get pierced. So get yours done before you waste away to nothing!
Cg, VS has AWESOME sales a couple times a year. You could go to their website and get on the email list so you know when they are. BINS of cute discontinued stuff for $2-$20. Way better than the $42 bra I splurged on last night (my mommy gives VS gift cards too!). I have rewards about every 10 pounds, it keeps me from thinking about how much farther I have to go. The bra was the latest one. Next reward is new jeans (expensive, trendy ones). After that, my BF promised me a leather jacket... |
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| Fitness | to ladydeathbird, feet going to sleep? | Mar 21 2006 23:01 (UTC) |
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At a glance, it's usually one of two things - check your shoelaces across the TOPS of your feet (not the ankles or toes) and make sure they're loose enough. Your feet should be solidly anchored in a running shoe from about the top 2 laces back to the heel, no slipping, but can be MUCH looser in front. remember your feet swell as you work out and increase blood flow.
The other thing to check is are you getting enough arch support from your shoe? even if you THINK you are, try an insole with a higher or deeper (towards the outside of your foot) arch for a week and see if this solves your problem. there are blood vessels that get compressed as your arches collapse, and the last thing you want is fallen arches. Note that I'm just responding as a runner, there may be other causes that have nothing to do with your shoe fit. These are the ones that I usually hear from running coaches. |
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| Weight Loss | Going camping from Friday till Sunday with Non Dieters - Help! | Mar 21 2006 19:18 (UTC) |
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oh, just have some bacon <g>
Seriously, look up the foods you know will be on hand before you go, and figure out how much you can have and still stay on track with your calories. A great camping trick is to buy some of the new flavored vinaigrettes, they make great marinades for chicken. I throw the chicken breasts in the marinade in a ziploc baggie, throw the whole thing in the cooler, and grill up a wonderful meal while Iâ??m out. Try to get whole wheat buns... itâ??s the little things that will make a difference. But seriously, a couple pieces of bacon have less calories than the cookie a day I allow myself to not feel sugar-starved, and theyâ??ve at least got some protein! |
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| Weight Loss | Eating oneself out of a hangover | Mar 21 2006 19:11 (UTC) |
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babyd - the gatorade works. And I've had to fix my all-time fave hangover meal - it's supposed to be... are you ready? an onion bagel with cream cheese, cheddar cheese, bacon and scrambled eggs on it. Oh, and chives. like that makes it healthy!
I can apparently (thanks, best boyfriend in the whole world, who made this while i was asleep) substitute whole wheat toast, scrambled 2:1 whites to yolks ratio eggs, lowfat cream cheese spread VERY thin, and a little grated cheddar. I pretend like it's better for me... <g> |
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| Motivation | Need Tough Love | Mar 21 2006 17:59 (UTC) |
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Tom's Diner (Suzanne Vega) has that doo-doo-DOO-doo doo-doo-DOO-doo doo-doo-DOO-doo-DOO-doo-DOO-doo theme... (If you knwo the song, you're singing along now, if you don't that probably made no sense)
Or you could try singing My Sharona... I know just enough words to get caught in a song loop AAAUGH! |
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| Weight Loss | Difference with male and female diets | Mar 21 2006 17:54 (UTC) |
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| neeners, my doc actually recommended that I NOT be on a reduction diet in the last couple months of training for a marathon :( let me know if yours says differently. I HATE having to just maintain for months at a time and I always feel like Iâ??m eating like a pig when I get around 2000 calories! Actually, I find that sometimes if Iâ??m really training hard, I have to eat MORE to lose weight because it takes my bod out of starvation mode. Try eating around 2000 calories - it sounds like a TON but remember you burn almost a thousand more than that just training. If your body has too great of a deficit, it wonâ??t let go of anything. If 3500 calories is a pound, and you burn 1000 more than you eat (Iâ??m totally ignoring for the moment the 1200 or so calories you need to live, bear with me) then you have a weekly deficit of about 7,000 calories - or two pounds. When I was training hard and eating 1200 calories a day (which sounded like a ton at the time) I couldnâ??t shale any weight. Once I got over 1500 I dropped like 3 pounds that week. | |||
| Weight Loss | 'time of month' and the scale | Mar 21 2006 17:35 (UTC) |
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mmmnnn.... salt.....
I try to make sure that I drink a TON of whater when I get those salt cravings, cause nothing in teh whole world will keep me away from my salt. Chocolate I can resist, but I can't even walk down the potato chip aisle at the store! So I got a bunch of those cool seasoning salts, they come in lemon pepper or BBQ or a bunch of flavors, adn I put them on my otherwise TOTALLY PLAIN popcorn. With maybe a bit of no-cal butter spray to hold the salt onto the popcorn. Also I like brewer's (nutritional) yeast on popcorn, but I was raised by health nuts.... |
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| The Lounge | Have women's clothing sizes changed? | Mar 21 2006 16:54 (UTC) |
14 |
| Also don't forget my mantra as an athlete (distance running and martial arts): "muscle weighs more than fat" - so if you're exercising, you may weigh 10 lb more and fit into the same size clothes as a lighter person with a higher body fat %. I'm 154 now and I fit in the size 10 clothes I bought at 145 a couple years ago... I wonder what I'll fit in at 145? | |||
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