Posts by scrunchy10

You ED is bad. Really bad. You can tell it's bad because you seem like you're struggling and it's controlling your behaviours to stop you getting to full recovery. It's not a competition, even though ED always tries to make it one.

The bloating will stop once your digestion is running properly. This repair takes time, but only comes with full nutrition. Full nutrtition isn't 1500 kcals. That's a weightloss die as you seem to be experiencing. Plus small, but regular helps. So lots of snacking. And probiotic yogurt.

At 24, you should probably be eating more than 2000kcals a day to maintain. I'm 23 and I maintain on 2300-2500 a day. with occassional days way about that. And honestly, I've always considered my metabolism kinda slow.

You need to be eatitng more and you need to gain. A bmi of 19.5 (I just checked) is low, and considering that most women don't have a period under a bmi of 20, that's probably why it's becoming irregular for you and it's definitely a sign your health is suffering. Most people need to be higher than 20.

So eat 2500kcals a day and get your bmi up a bit. It'll help with your digestive issues and give you more calories to heal your body with. Maintaining a bmi of 20+ also helps prevent relapse so it's worth it.

I can't help you on the arthritis stuff though. Sorry.

Hope you're doing ok x.

Hello!

Well I saw my dietitian on Tuesday and she weighed me (bmi 19.8 now! Yuss!) so my therapist said it was ok to only be weighed once a week. However, when I asked what would happen next time I saw him, he said he wanted to leave it "ambiguous" for now. What does that even mean? Argh so annoying. So I guess we'll see next week. All it means is that I don't know if I need to prepare or not. I guess it's good if I dont though. I don't know. He still believes  it'd be good for me to let him weigh me. I'm less sure though. Hopefully he won't.

The stress continues.

Hopr you're well x.

I started taking olanzapine a couple of months ago, but stopped as they gave mere severe digestive issues. Led to me needing laxatives which was too triggering for me, so they stopped being helpful. Not a common side effect though don't worry. I did a lot of research into it's uses in recovery from anorexia though, so I'll share some.

Basically, they are linked with increased appetite. If you follow your meal plan, you will not gain more than expected. I didn't gain beyond what was normal and didn't experience any major appetite increase - probably because I'm already eating above normal bodily hunger cues.

There is conflicting evidence about their effect on weight on those in recovery from anorexia. Basically, they really work, even at low weights, when other medications show little benefit in low weight individuals. They make you way less anxious and are very calming. They can also help with self harm/suicide urges, OCD symptoms, PTSD symptoms and dissociation - all of which are common in ED sufferers.

The research data on their effect of weight gain shows differing outcomes. Some studies notice no difference between those taking it and those taking a placebo. Other studies show a marginal increase in those taking olanzapine. However, in no study did I see any evidence of run away weight gain - it always seemed about 1-2lb per week. The difference seemed to come from outpatient settings only, presumably because less anxiety around food and increased hunger led to more eating, unlike in IP where intake is tightly monitered.

Most clinical evidence suggests that unexpected weight gain and markedly increased appetite is hugely uncommon in patients with AN on this medication. It has been suggested that this is due to the fact that those with eating disorders are too keenly aware of their food intake and out of touch with their appetite to notice this side effect.

Basically, it should never be prescribed for solely weight gain purposes, but if you suffer from other symptoms, it can really help. It works at low body weights and it doesn't cause any decrease in appetitie or possible sickness, so it's useful to those who need to gain weight. Without psychotic symptoms, you probably will not need to be on it long term and will be at a low does. You will most likely no gain a ton of weight, but it is better to try it whilst still under supervision from medical professionals. That way, if there are any negative side effects, the best course of action can be found. If you wait, but are still anxious once the weight has been gained, you may end up needing it with less support. It is unlikely it has been prescribed for no good reason and you should follow the advice given to you by your health care proividers,  as they know your case and needs better than anyone here.

One thing I will say is it made me incredibly sleepy and drowsy most of the day. Which was annoying. But it's better from the insomnia I have when I don't take it.

Try it and see. You don't have to take it forever or anything, but if you don't try it, you'll never know how it'll effect you and if it will help you. If you don't like it, you can stop. Just give it a few weeks to settle then decide how you feel.

Hope this is helpful. x.

Hello! Good job on setting up the support for recovery. Brave first step.

I've been in recovery for about 8 months now. I gained about 10lb in the first couple of months I guess, though I can't really remember. I've gained 28lb all together now though. Takes a long time.I have stalled more times than I can count though.

I try to eat 2,500 a day, but often struggle with this. Never below 2,200 though and mostly 2,500 I think. Still, I keep pushing and working it up. I've been maintaining recently and would like my weight ot go higher (I'm at a bmi of 19 now, but would like to get to 21 as a minimum - my pre ED weight was much higher than this and I still look too small).

Exercise wise, I walk everyday, but not to walk, but to do normal things. I do think of it as exercise, but won't do it unless I have other reasons. I also do yoga twice a week. I used to exercise for 4 hours a day so this is a lot better. You should ditch the eppilectical entirely and rest your body a lot more.

Given how much you are eating and how much you exercise, your team are likely to suggest you start with a lower calorie meal plan. I was eating 600kcals with exercise, so I was started on a low meal plan of around 1,200kcals for a week. This was upped by 500 each week until I hit the 2,500-3000kcal meal plan. This was to prevent refeeding syndrome. And exercise will be strongly advised against.

Tips and things - Expect it to be hard. Like really hard. At first, it'll seem like your body is fighting you. It is incredibly likely that you are very dehydrated and that your digestive system has all but shut down. You will probably gain water weight and will be very bloated for the first few weeks. Do not let this stop you - if you restrict, you'll just have to go through it all again. Just keep hydrated, drink peppermint tea, don't eat too much fibre and have plenty of easy to digest food, probiotic yogurt will be your best friend and steer cleer of fizzy drinks. If you suffer from constipation during refeeding, it is common, but don't let your GP prescribe you laxative. Mine did and it was way more trouble than it's worth.

At first, it can seem impossible. Not exercising and eating more will not feel natural to begin with. A part of you will fight it. If it starts to win, pull in family and friends for support. I had to get my family to support my meal times as I just couldn't decide to eat by myself. That's normal and fine and does get better. Now, I eat for myself and by myself regularly. It's really good. I couldn't imagine starving myself again. I don't know how I did it. I still get restriction urges but I am better able to deal with them and know when to ask for support.

Motivation wise, trust me it's brilliant. I've only really recently started to feel better mentally. And it's great. I literally didn't think I would feel like this. A mixture of refeeding and therapy has made me so much more comfortable with myself. I didn't think I would feel like this - I thought it would just be about being ok with food and a healthy weight (good in itself, but not the best motivation). It isn't. It's so much more. Please remember that.

Hope this helps x.

I've never eaten cheese in my life. It's not a fear, it's just something I find really repulsive. I always have, way before ED, and still do now. I don't think it's an ED thing really. It just smells and looks horrible to me. Absolutely no urge.

I'm eight months in. I'm am ditching counting and measuring a lot. I've stopped counting entirely, and measure a lot less (I used to measure vegetables, spreads, milk, herbs and spices, bread, hummus etc. - now I'm just down to soup, cereal, ice cream and protein. The yogurt comes in pots that size, I don't measure them. It was just to give an accurate idea). But this is still really hard for me. I only stopped weighing vegetables last week. You're right though, it is an obsessive thing. Working on it.

Any tips? x.

You are 1cm shorter than me and your current weight is my minimum target weight. You do not need to lose weight. 1200kcals wouldn't be enough for you and will only supress your metabolism and possibly spark a full blown relapse into ED.

Cutting yourself isn't nice and I struggle with it too. Especially linked with my weight. Your feelings towards yourself and your body will not improve with weight loss. Your weight isn't the problem here. Depression is rubbish and can often get worse during weight restoration, but losing weight won't make it go away. It may mask it, but it is better to try and fight it now whilst your able to feel something than quieten it down through the numbing effects of weight loss.

2000kcals a day probably isn't enough for you. As a teen, even completely sedentary, you should probably be eating more, If you are gaining on this amount, it is probably because your set point is slightly higher than you want it to be or your metabolism is supressed. Either way, the only way to achieve health is to keep your calories up and not restrict.

Weight loss and self harm as coping mechanisms for poor self worth and depression don't fix anything. They only numb it out. Use the psychiatric help you are recieving right now to work through it. Numbing it will only lead you to ignore the problem for longer. It is important that you keep yourself safe, both in terms of diet and self-harming behaviours. If you are feeling unsafe, get someone straight away and make sure you are not alone. If you need medical help, get it straight away. Your physical safety is the most important thing right now.

I know it's not as simple as "just don't do it" but you can get through this eventually. With time and work it can be ok. People do get through this. It is horrible and hard, but possible. Getting the right support and if nescessary, the right medications, is crucial, but it can be done.

Message me if you want support. A lot of the things your experiencing, I'm experiencing too. You're not alone x.

The vast majority of women have cellulite. There really isn't much you can do about it. There are no creams or exercised that can change how fat tissue is distributed in women. You see it in gossip magazines all the time - celebrities with their personal trainers and live in chefs have cellulite. Fact of life.

It is not a big deal. At all. It's not even a thing. It's part of being a woman and it's completely fine. Cellulite wasn't even on people's radar till someone created a way of making money by creating an insecurity. It's harmless, bares little relation to weight and is so common that it's expected that women have it.

It isn't unattractive. It's just life. Remember, women look lovely regardless of cellulite. It's not "jigglyness" - it's softness. And softness is beautiful. At a bmi of 18.5, you don't have any "jiggly" areas to worry about, and are really far away (weight wise) from having any.

x.

For a really long time I didn't think I could possibly have an eating disorder because one website said that all sufferers experience "the voice" and I didn't. Turns out I did but that's just not how I express myself. Again, semantics.

I think that "the voice" is something all people have. It's not psychotic or an excuse, but rather negative self-talk. It's the part of your brain that tells you you're rubbish. In EDs, this becomes entangled with the need to restrict and exercise. When I was actively engaged in ED, it was just me. It was the only part of my brain I listened to. Starvation only makes it stronger as you lose cognitive ability and I lost the ability to chose for myself and make steps to recovery. I literally couldn't eat more because I couldn't hear anything else. It was all my brain, but it wasn't me. The negative self talk outweighed everything else.

Through treatment and actually eating (something my family had to chose for me), I've learnt to ignore it. I couldn't have done this to start with, but now I can and am able to chose recovery. I don't chose "the voice" but I do chose to do something different. It's not an excuse, but at the same time, I think that sometimes people don't have the tools to challenge it yet. But that's why IP exists. I don't believe people get to that point because they made conscious choices. I think the ED part of them took that ability away.

I don't identify with it as a seperate entitiy. I look at it as symptoms. When I have a stereotypical "ED" thought, I think "that's not me, it's a symptom of an illness" and that seperation has been entirely helpful to me in recovery so far. As another poster said, it gives me something to fight. I didn't consciously chose to have those thoughts but I can consciously chose to challenge them because they are not my true desires.

I do hear a voice yelling at me. It's my voice entirely, but it's not me, it's my disordered thought processes. I hear symptom after symptom running through my head. It's my brain screaming at me not to do the right thing. Sometimes, it does win, but this happens less and less as I learn to disentangle these thoughts from my own desires. I don't chose when it's just too difficult, I chose how to make up for it and do the right thing as soon as possible. Disconnecting from it has helped me identify lots of flaws in my thought processes and realise them for what they are - flaws.

Does that make sense?

x.

bmi is difficullt. I think with people who are underweight, its use has clear benefits. It puts a statistic fact onto subjective experience which can help people measure the damage done to their bodies through excessive weight loss for whatever reason (not just ED). However, bmi does not measure the severity of ED or the physical dangers of a persons weight. I know that my weight is naturally on the higher end of normal, so I stopfunctioning at a higher bmi than healthcare professionals tend to speculate.

However, bmi is not an exact science by anymeans. Especially when it comes to those in the overweight catagories. People with a high percentage of muscle can be overweight with minimal fat, people in the ovverweigt catagory tend to live longer than those in the normal weight catagory, people at either height extreme are more likely to have bmis outside the normal range and be healthy, some people are healthier overweight as that's where their set points are, quite often, higher bmis are linked with being preventetive of complications in many health procedures and indeed illnesses, and essentially, being overweight or obese does not predict how healthy you are - if you move enough and eat a wide variety of foods (all in moderation), chances are you're pretty healthy whatever your weight.

You don't chose your optimum weight - your body does. Being above or below that weight (whatever bmi it is) is damaging for your body. So yes, it's important to get your bmi up to 20+, but if it goes higher, even into overweight, the health consequences are minimal if they are even present at all.

x.

This can happen with proestrogen only types of contraceptives especially. It happened to me a few years ago. Go to your G.P. and they'll give you a some tablets to stop the period. It's fine and normal but entirely annoying I know. Totes fine x.