| Forum | Topic | Date | Replies |
| Health & Support | i don't mean to complain but can i just have a bit of reassurance?! (tw) | Nov 16 2012 08:40 (UTC) |
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I bet you're relieved your mum took your scales away (I was), that sounds like ED torture. Let your doctor do the weighing and doctoring (he will not have a personal opinion on how you look compared to last week, trust me!) and just concentrate on keeping eating. Things to do to stop the internal ED monologue: watch movies/TV/box sets, read a book, listen to music, write a diary, do homework, talk to the rest of your family, ring a friend, text a friend, meet up with a friend, go to the movies/the zoo/a museum (if you get really desperate haha), go window shopping, do some Christmas shopping, plan your Christmas shopping, make lists of what you're going to do when you're better, make a scrapbook, do some drawing/painting, play with pets if you have them, do anything else that's not ED related.... Best of luck. P.S. Being a 'good anorexic' is being dead. You do not want to be a good anorexic. Being 'normal, healthy and happy' is a much greater achievement. P.P.S. I will reassure you, on the off chance it gives you some comfort (I hope it does): You are not chubby. You are not carrying fat. You are not ballooning. And you will not have overshot your goal tomorrow when you get weighed. All of these are physical impossibilities.
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| Health & Support | regrets and an inability to maintain my weight... | Nov 16 2012 06:31 (UTC) |
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It sounds like your set point weight is higher than a BMI of 20, which is why your body wants to keep gaining. Would that really be so bad?!? Most people have no idea whether their BMI is 19, 20, or 23 - it doesn't matter and it is certainly not the be all and end all of being 'healthy.' Nor is it an indicator of what you look like. If you're gaining on 2000 calories clearly you need to gain, by your body's standards. If I were you I'd leave the weight and BMI calculations to the doctors and get on with my life. Actually, that's what I have done and it's working very well. |
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| Health & Support | Back AGAIN. Much worse. TW- weight and food | Nov 06 2012 07:23 (UTC) |
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You need to eat from all food groups - not just nuts, fruit and vegetables!! Have some bread, some pasta, some rice, some full fat dairy. You are depriving yourself a normal diet. Can you honestly say you didn't come up with spinach with almond yoghurt in a bid to have something vaguely palatable that's basically calorie-less!?!?! The risk of binging decreases rapidly when a balanced diet. A normal diet. (My doctor and two different dietitians told me this, I'm not just making it up. Plus I can say this has been my personal experience). Have cereal for breakfast, or toast with butter and jam (if you're serious about recovery you'll have both!). Have something yummy for a snack, a muesli bar, some chocolate and fruit, cheese and crackers. Have a bagel or sandwich with some juice and yoghurt for lunch. Yeah, I know you might be thinking that this sounds impossible. What can I say other than: it is very possible. And you must do this if you want to get better. I'm sure you know that though. Best of luck. |
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| Health & Support | Weight restored - can't stop eating | Nov 03 2012 01:43 (UTC) |
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I second that, wicked_b*tch - just like anyone else, someone in recovery from an eating disorder can overeat once they are weight-restored! And we have to be conscious of this as it can be very uncomfortable, and can lead to further unhealthy behaviors. My doctor warned me of that once I reached maintenance stage, that binging and purging sometimes becomes an issue and it's important that I'm aware of that, so I can be mindful of avoiding it. schlabayzell, I can relate. For a couple of months after gaining back to my normal healthy BMI I couldn't stop thinking about food. What helped was to notice the obsessive thoughts as 'obsessive', verbalize them to someone (friends, parents, doctor, therapist etc.) and they then helped me to realize that the thoughts were indeed obsessive and disordered. This way I did not overeat or under eat due to my lingering food obsession. Often they were very helpful with distracting me with something completely unrelated to food and eating "let's do some chemistry homework" "why don't you watch an episode of Homeland" "can you put the washing out" etc. or in terms of the experts, giving me ideas to help dampen down the food thinking - listening to music, finding someone to chat to, texting a friend, etc. By this stage your body probably has everything it needs to recover, you just need your mind to catch up. Oh, also, I avoided fueling the obsession - I stopped reading recipes, food and recovery blogs, etc. I took a long break from CC for about 3 months. I think all of these things helped too. Good luck.
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| Health & Support | how do I recover without support? | Oct 24 2012 22:23 (UTC) |
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You're not alone. You have an army of recovered eating disorder sufferers behind you. People like me, who know you can do this. Firstly, those stomach issues sound really awful. Have you spoken to a doctor about that? I had some similar problems and my doctor ended up giving me so medication to help. I'm so glad you want to recover. And fair enough that you miss your life - I did too!! There's one sure way to get your life back: eat and gain weight. Do you have photos from before you got sick, maybe of you with friends and family, having fun? I had a scrap book and a photo wall and when I just felt desperate I would look at the photos and remember all the wonderful times I had she I was anorexia free. That was my motivation: to get back there. The self-loathing comes right from anorexia. I know how hard it is to deal with. Try to think of it as a trick from anorexia. Try to remember how brave and strong you are to be fighting this war against anorexia. Remember what an incredible person you are to have come through ip. You are not selfish, unworthy or a burden; you are sick. You are deserving of help as much as someone with a different illness, be it mental or physical. You wouldn't call a cancer patient needing care unworthy, would you?! Your illness manifests and presents in a different way, but it renders you no less worthy. YOU are not selfish, anorexia is the selfish one! I'm sure you are a beautiful person inside and out, which is why anorexia is targeting you. I'm really sorry to hear about your troubles with your mum. I bet anorexia is having a field day torturing you about those comments! Once again, don't listen to it. It's wrong. I'm sure your mum is at her wits end because she loves you so so dearly, and she can't bear to see you suffer so much. My parents used to yell at me too, and swear etc., but I now know that they didn't mean it at all, they were just so frustrated that they couldn't take away my pain and suffering. They were angry at anorexia more than anything. So you DO deserve health and happiness, and it IS possible to beat this. Focus on completing the next meal. Keep eating, and keep gaining. You will get there, I have no doubt. Sending you much strength, and much hope. Best wishes xxx |
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| Health & Support | What if the tests come back normal at the ER? | Oct 24 2012 22:01 (UTC) |
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Just wanted to add - you will never be sick enough or scared enough for your ED. Waiting until you get scared enough to embrace recovery will get you nowhere - you'll be dead before you're scared enough and sick enough for ED. Sorry for being blunt but it's true! I can so relate to recovery being scarier than getting sicker. I don't think there's any other way to get past this feeling other than to choose recovery over sickness anyway, simply because it's what all the people you love and trust are telling you to do, and what is required of you in order to gain freedom. Well that's what I did anyway, and it's worked out very well. Once again, best wishes. I am thinking of you. |
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| Health & Support | What if the tests come back normal at the ER? | Oct 24 2012 21:51 (UTC) |
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Ugh this happened to me too. I was not clinically underweight, just on the verge, and although my heart rate was in the 40s and orthostatic drop was significant my doctor said I was fine, my heart rate must be that low because all of the running I was doing..... I left telling my Mum triumphantly 'see, I told you there is nothing wrong with me!!' while ED screamed at me for 'not being sick enough'. Anyway I got a referral to an ED specialist, and she admitted me immediately to hospital. Their policy is to admit anyone with resting heart rate lower than 45 immediately. My heart rate was dipping into the 20s overnight as they found out when I was admitted. So, the moral of the story is LISTEN TO THE ED SPECIALIST!!! The ER doctors and nurses are so ignorant to EDs. I have many examples of this, the worst of them involving comments on my appearance made by doctors and nurses.... i found them very triggering back then so won't repeat! The other thing that can happen, I have been told, is that the longer your body is at a sub-optimal weight, the more it adapts to cope. That is why my vitals were worse at BMI 18 than at BMI 16 a year later! So your organs may have adapted (which is not to say they aren't still damaged), however your heart is still showing massive strain going that slowly. Best of luck, don't listen to the EDs's ridiculous lies. |
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| Weight Gain | Oh help....please | Oct 22 2012 22:07 (UTC) |
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Yes, yes and yes I have been through that dilemma and my best advice is to take the plunge and start eating MORE. The weight may go on quickly at first, but trust me, it will slow down. You are needing to gain a lot of weight as well, so there's no need to worry at all about gaining it too fast - it would be impossible. I was slowly gaining on a similar amount to you, with very similar stats. I was hospitalized and my intake went up, up and up. The first couple of kilos went on fast, but after that i started having trouble gaining - i left with a very hefty meal plan and that was to gain 500g a week. I now eat more than double 1600 just to maintain. Take the plunge and DO IT. Best of luck. |
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| Health & Support | Teen Anorexia , Is there a way to beat this? | Sep 11 2012 10:36 (UTC) |
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I agree with sunnyskies that you should go and see a doctor. When you lose weight drastically and unnecessarily you lose a lot of muscle mass. Your heart is a muscle - hence why many people with eating disorders have bradycardia - a slow heartbeat (because their hearts are wasting away). This was what i was hospitalized for as well. It is really really dangerous being at such a low weight, and you cannot stay at that weight. You are risking infertility, osteoporosis, and malnutrition induced heart failure. You definitely want to be able to have babies one day, right!? Or at least have the option haha. Please see a doctor - preferably one with experience treating ed's. I would recommend you show your parents the F.E.A.S.T website (maybe google it) so they can educate themselves about anorexia and how to help you. That website, along with this one, was instrumental in helping me regain my health, my happiness, and my life. It offers fantastic support to carers of patients with eating disorders. Try and let your friends and parents in. They were my biggest inspirations and my greatest help. I can honestly say I might not still be here today with my parents and friends insisting on my full recovery from anorexia. I'm 18 now, was diagnosed and first hospitalized at 16. YES IT IS POSSIBLE TO BEAT ANOREXIA AS A TEEN!!! Sorry for the shouty capitals but i reckon hope is so important in this battle. You can do this. You must reach out to those around you and let them help you. You deserve a wonderful, happy life, free of worry about food and weight and calories. You can get there. Best of luck to you. I am sending much hope and strength. You will be in my thoughts. xxx |
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| Health & Support | Returning to a normal diet | Sep 11 2012 10:22 (UTC) |
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Ah, I know how you feel! Being told to maintain is almost as hard/scary as being told to gain I reckon!! It feels really hard to judge, but in reality our bodies are really good at judging it for us. Do you have family/friends around you (who have healthy normal eating habits) who you can copy for a while? That's what i did for the first couple of weeks until i got confident trusting my body to tell me what it needs. Remember, your doctor won't let you get overweight. They want you healthy too. I always found that a great comfort, knowing someone else was watching out for my health and weight so i didn't have to. Best of luck and congratulations for reaching weight restoration! xxx |
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| Health & Support | HELP! What was good turned to bad :-( | Sep 11 2012 10:13 (UTC) |
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Hey, BREATHE!!!! It's okay. 0.7kg is hardly anything. You have not gained 0.7kg of fat. You may have eaten slightly different foods, you may have been to the bathroom at a different time, it may be a slight fluctuation, it might be due to hormones (period), there are a million reasons that you may have gained this little bit of weight. Please don't let ED blow this all out of proportion. I get weighed weekly by my doctor, and there is a pattern we have noticed happening. Each week my weight goes up or down by 0.8-1.1kg. The next week, it will restore itself to what it was the previous week. So it evens out to be pretty much constant. The first time I gained 1.1kg when I was supposed to be maintaing, I was pretty scared it would never stop. But not only did it stop, it righted itself! Our bodies are fickle things, and they aren't always the same all the time. Don't let this freak you out!! It's okay. You are fine. You will be fine, and this is nothing. The number on the scale should not and does not define you or your mood. Sending much strength to shut ed up and stay strong xxxx P.S. You sound like you need to gain weight with a BMI of 18! If you ever need any support, let me know :) |
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| Health & Support | Recovery from ED whilst sister is dieting | Sep 08 2012 22:03 (UTC) |
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Yes, totally had this problem. When I got upset about it my Mum would do the same thing, remind me that our needs were very different, and for my health it was imperative that I eat more than her. As my calories went up and up and up to maintain weight gain, I started having to eat more that everyone at the table - even my dad!! Try not to compare yourself to others, it's a tricky habit to break but by no means impossible. Imagine how much more headspace you'll have when you're not comparing! Best of luck xxx |
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| Health & Support | What should I do? Please help? | Sep 07 2012 06:15 (UTC) |
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What was your weight before you developed an eating disorder? If your BMI was less than 25 and more than 20 when you were healthy and ed-less, you should aim to reach that weight again for optimal chance of complete recovery. Google search 'Julie O'Toole Setting a Goal Weight' if you would like to read more about this. I know when i got back to my original weight (which is around a BMI of 23) many of the anorexic thoughts lessened in strength. Yes they're still there, as teatoddy says it takes years to fully recover, but they did get less debilitating. My doctor insisted that I reach my pre-anorexia weight. I have gained around 45 pounds and gone from a BMI of 15 to 23. I was still in hospital at a BMI of 19. In my humble opinion (and remember none of us here are medical professionals) I think you should gain more weight. Or at least go to another doctor just to get a second opinion. Also, the fact that your doctor deemed you able to maintain because of how she perceived you look is absolutely ridiculous!! Transitioning from weight gain to maintenance should be a decision made based on many factors, including physical and mental health, but certainly not what you look like!!!! I was once having an ECG done at BMI 15 and the nurse, who had no idea what my diagnosis was, said "Oh gosh aren't you lucky to have such a lovely figure" !!!!!!!!! What i'm trying to say (sorry it's turning into such an essay) is that people have very warped views of what's healthy body-wise. And if she's seen you underweight, you probably do look healthier than you have done in the past - although still not fully healthy. Best of luck, thinking of you in this tricky situation. Good on you for wanting to recover properly!! |
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| Health & Support | ECG results? Anorexic abnormalities? | Sep 01 2012 06:08 (UTC) |
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I think you should go to the emergency room. If the clinic you are under is not admitting you with a heart rate of 46 (and that's when you're awake) - which is sinus bradycardia and extremely dangerous especially at such a low weight. Your blood pressure is also low. Have they measured your postural drop - like the difference between your bp lying and then standing? I don't actually know what the rest of the information you have listed means, I just know that my ECG showed I had 'prolonged qt syndrome' and 'sinus bradycardia' and had an emergency admission to hospital. THIS IS SERIOUS. I don't care what your doctor says (at this point i would not trust his judgment if you are in this condition and not in a medical environment), at least go to get a second opinion from a different doctor or got to the emergency room of your local hospital. I'm sure you must know in your heart of hearts that this is what is necessary. I HATE ED for what it does. None of us are doctors on here. Please take your ECG info and go to the hospital, if for nothing else to check that you're okay to be living without medical supervision at this stage. Once again, I urge you to go to your local emergency room and get yourself checked out. Best of luck and sending you strength to do what you need to do. |
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| Maintaining | What did YOU eat today to maintain? 24th March- 24th May. | Aug 30 2012 10:27 (UTC) |
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princessroo: that's fab!! Sounds like a really good idea. My Mum originally took over all my meals and snacks until i could trust myself to give myself what i needed. Keep up the hard work, as you say any weight you have gained will disappear once your tummy starts working properly. ilovemj: try not to focus too much on the number on the scale (i know it's easier said than done, but as my doctor told me today: it's just a number on the scale!!) You can fluctuate up and down as much as 1kg every day (i think that's about 2 1/2 pounds...) try not to let it freak you out - especially if you feel like you've got more water on board than usual. Daisychains: haha i do love my kiwifruit!! My metabolism does seem to be pretty speedy these days haha. Lucky i love food now otherwise it would be pretty hard to manage! ciana: thanks! I'm loving the sound of your lunchtime sandwich. Alrighty, on to my food from today. I have soooo much school work on right now... I hate chemistry!! Haha. I had a doctor's appointment today and i have exactly maintained over the last 2 weeks. Woooohooooo!!! Life is good :-) B: 4 slices of toast with butter and honey, lots of plum greek yoghurt, an apple MT: an apple, 2 chocolate timtams and 2 caramel timtams L: a huge slice of ham cheese and pineapple pizza, a bowl of seafood paella, lots of grapes AT: 85g caramello chocolate D: 2 big bowls of pasta with tomato sauce and lots of cheese S: a carrot with hummus, more plum greek yoghurt, another apple
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| Maintaining | What did YOU eat today to maintain? 24th March- 24th May. | Aug 29 2012 10:05 (UTC) |
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Princessroo: I just wanted to say, I know how horrible it is feeling like the staff in the hospital don't trust you, but trust me, it is the ED they don't trust, not you. I'm sure they know that without the ED you are very honest. I really empathize - in the hospital i was interrogated in my MDT meeting in front of 8 people by my clinical nurse specialist. She was convinced I must be losing weight through either exercising at night, hiding food or throwing food out. I wasn't doing any of this!! But the ED had been so sneaky in the past she just didn't trust it. She also didn't trust her judgment as to whether she was receiving an answer from me or from ED. So she ordered a 24 hour watch, the bin to be taken out of my room, no bags near my bed, total bed rest, wheelchair transfers, no visitors during meals... the list of restrictions goes on!!! I felt completely crushed that I was being 'punished' for things I didn't do. I now see that she had my best interests at heart and was simply closing all loopholes. Don't let the ED make you feel crappy about being perceived as a dishonest person - I know for sure that the staff are asking the question about binging of ED, not of you, and they DO trust YOU - they just don't trust your ED. Hang in there. Life is so much more than constantly worrying about weight and food. Maybe when you get out of IP you could let someone else take over the food, like they do in IP - your Mum or someone close to you? That's what I found stopped the revolving door of hospital admissions - handing over control of my meals to my Mum and trusting her judgement. Best of luck for your discharge on Tuesday. Phew, that was a bit of an essay! Sorry guys, that just really struck a chord with me. Well, I guess now I'm here I'll post my food from today! I'm 17, weight restored after anorexia, and trying to maintain. I'm needing lots of food (don't count calories) with no exercise....I've been losing recently so I've been aiming for more this week! Breakfast: 4 pieces of toast with lots of butter (love butter now!! can't believe i went without it for so long) and honey, an apple, lots of creamy rhubarb and strawberry greek yoghurt Morning tea: a large piece of banana cake with chocolate icing, an apple, a piece of fruitcake with icing Lunch: 2 salad and avocado sandwiches, a bag of popcorn, a toffee apple, a raspberry jelly and a glass of lemonade Afternoon tea: 3 slices of cheese, pineapple and ham pizza Dinner: 2 large bowls of seafood paella, a trumpet ice-cream Supper: 2 kiwifruit, a bowl of sultana bran with milk |
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| Maintaining | Higher calorie maintainers- What did you eat today? | Aug 03 2012 11:04 (UTC) |
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hannah_banana_7: thanks, your dinner in particular from today sounds absolutely delicious, my sort of food! average_batgirl: Hey! Haha, i doubt this speedy metabolism will last for very long...but i'll enjoy it while i can! Your food is looking really yummy :) keep it up! headz19: Thanks for the welcome :) I'm good thanks, how are you? Recovery was really hard but so worth it, i love having my life back to normal. I am at a healthy weight, been here for about a month now and still working on feeling okay about it...i'm getting there! I am 17 :) How old are you? Today: Breakfast
Morning tea:
Lunch:
Afternoon tea:
Dinner:
Supper:
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| Maintaining | Higher calorie maintainers- What did you eat today? | Aug 02 2012 11:17 (UTC) |
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Hey all! What an awesome thread! I would love to join in on the supportive fun, if that's okay?! I'm in recovery from anorexia, been weight restored for about a month now, and having to eat around 3000 calories just to maintain without exercise.... hello, hyper metabolism!! Luckily i now adore food, so don't really mind haha. I was posting sporadically on the weight gainers thread, but stopped that when i reached this healthy weight. I eat intuitively, sometimes with a bit of reminding from my friends and parents. I don't count calories, but i have weekly weigh ins so i know if i need to increase...as was the case today! It is so liberating just listening to your body and eating what you feel like. I wish all of you well with your new healthy lives..... this is so worth it!!! Today: Breakfast:
Morning tea:
Lunch:
Afternoon tea:
Dinner:
Supper:
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| Weight Gain | Weight gainers! What did YOU eat today? April 20 - July 29 | Jul 19 2012 21:12 (UTC) |
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Lilcarty: Come on girl, you can do this!! Trust me, it sill be so worth it! Relapsing will do nothing but make you feel even more dreadful. You need to feed your body so it can do all the wonderful things you want it to be able to do, like ballet. Recovery is so worth it! You will stop feeling cold all the time, you will be able to concentrate on things other than food, you will have so much more energy. You deserve to live a normal life, and the only way to do this is to recover. Can you get a family member or friend to help you with your meals today? Sometimes I find it easier to be sitting with someone as a distraction during meals when i'm finding it tough. Hang in there, i know how hard it is, truly i do, but if i got through it you definitely can as well. I hope this is the boost you needed to keep going. I hope to see you posting your meals later today. Sending strength and many hugs xxxx Hey guys, just popping in to let you know i have finally been given the all clear to maintain! I have been keeping up with eating around 5000 calories a day which is what i need to gain, but now will be dropping back a bit, probably to around 3000. However, because i'm no longer gaining it would probably be inappropriate for me to continue posting on here. I will keep up with all your progress though, and i wish you all well on your road to recovery, Never forget, you deserve a happy normal life, and YOU CAN ALL DO THIS!!! Keep going, you will get there and it will be so worth it. |
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| Health & Support | Relapsing (trigger warning) | Jul 03 2012 08:58 (UTC) |
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You can do this!! Barbecue sauce will not hurt you and is not bad for you at all. It will make no difference in the grand scheme of things. I know what it feels like to hate yourself and what you look like. I have been wearing a bikini today and it's been really hard because last time i wore this bikini i was 15 kilos lighter!! However, I have coped with it by distracting myself with a book, cleaning, cooking etc. and talking to my family and friends. This might be a good tactic for you when you're feeling really overwhelmed and like purging? Finally, remember that feelings are just that, feelings. They don't define you or tell you what to do, and they ALWAYS pass. Keep on keeping on, hang in there, you will be fine. Try not to let the ed beat you up about the bbq sauce - it's only bbq sauce, after all! (I'm not belittling your fear, as i know how strong and terrifying these can be, but try and think of it logically and rationally, it might help) Good luck, sending you strength.
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