Posts by suspendue_lahaut

I don't usually like watching movies, can't bear sitting down for more than 30 min.

Last spring vacation I went to the movies alone tho, I was feeling like crap, all my friends were out of town. So why not turn things around and have fun by myself? I decided to watch the most ridiculous movie (HOP, which turned out to be hilarious). The only others watching with me were a bunch of kids who, at the end of the movie, started dancing like crazy everywhere just like the bunnies and chicks on the screen. That really made my day ;D

Original Post by shane_paladin:

3) chocolate, pineapple, whole wheat flour

 

I'll try that.

I feel like having dessert pizza! So I'll make a soft crust using whole wheat flour, top it with pineapple chunks and sliced pears, strawberries, kiwi fruit, and apricots. Bake until the crust is golden, drizzle with melted (white) chocolate syrup.

Those who read my posts might have noticed I've been craving nothing but pizza lately.

Soy sauce, orange peel, quinoa?

You're definitely not a weird anorexic. Not very common, but still, not "weird", seen that anorexia is not about being "pretty" in the first place.

I was also like that. Never hated my body, always ate healthier than other kids my age, but without even trying to, I respected my palate, I exercised because it's fun, but I still took days off and ate cake just because I wanted to. I was (and still am) more interested in literature, science, music,etc. more than clothes or beauty or weight ever will. I'm just too busy to care! Yet, I've had anorexia.

I remember finally stepping on the scale, seeing 52 kg, seeing the bones in my chest pop through the skin, thinking "You look like a starving stray dog. EAT!" I couldn't. I then saw 49 kg, "EAT YOU FREAK!" Still couldn't. 35 kg "You're gonna die this way" Well I almost did.

But THEN, I started noticing how some people are skinny, AND complaining about their "bellies" and "fat". THEN I started comparing myself, THEN I started feeling guilty about thinking I should be eating more than I already do.

I never had a problem with weight, but my perfectionist and competitive personality had me push everything to the limit, I had to test how far I could go. These traits got thinking I had to lose more. Even if I knew very well I should not of.

I'm also extremely surprised at how sometimes I'll tell myself I'm a "fat cow", unconsciously, without even being aware of it. I still try to make that voice shut up. It's still there, a bit loud sometimes, but it's calmer than it used to be.

And that doc... reminded me of the first psychiatrist I met with. 

"So, meds can help ease off the anxiety you have around food. Eventhough I'm pretty sure you'd rather have appetite suppressants instead, I'm sure these could help you more."
"...Um, not really. I never even thought about taking any appetite suppressants =S"

*Looks at me strangely*

The same doc weighed me. I told him I was 42 kg. Well that's what MY scale at home reads. His scale read 44 kg. He thought I was lying to him at first, making myself seem skinnier and more "vulnerable". And he said "So, you weigh 2 more kg than you thought you did. Freaking out, kid?"  

"Not really..."   He almost burst out laughing!!! Seriously, not everyone is obsessed with being skinny and pretty!

Last one: "Do you use laxatives?"

"Yes"

"Stop it, they won't make you lose weight"
"I know they don't make you lose weight, but I can't.. you know... "go" without them"

"Eat more, then you'll be able to "go". I repeat, they DON'T make you lose weight, stop it."

Oh really? Having a diploma hanging on your wall doesn't make you a professional. Nothing but an ape with a certificate!

*Wow, the venting part is so great =D*

Original Post by michelletroszak:

I feel as though food has become my main focus, and I'm not enjoying my life as much. I am slightly obsessive compulsive, and I think this may be contributing somewhat to my bad habits. I try to eat healthy, and I don't actually starve myself usually, but I am still just constantly counting calories and feeling guilty when I eat more than 1500 calories a day because I'm freaked out about gaining weight. And then I'll go to a party or a friend's house, where I can't really keep up with counting calories, and then I just give up and end up overeating to the point of feeling sick, and then I feel even worse about myself.

 

 

Can anyone offer any advice? Do I need to get therapy or something?

Very clear signs of an Eating disorder...

I'm so sorry you have to go through this, but for now you'll probably need to put a little more focus on your issues (And yes, get a therapist, it can help you make big progress if you cooperate well!) and a bit less on dancing.

Why? Because you have mentioned you cannot enjoy your life. And you're 17! Major thing to be worried about! And, IMHO, that's the clearest sign that you should be dealing with this problem.

This is all the advice I can offer. Get direct, professional help. It will benefit you more than anyone on this website can. Keep us updated on what steps you take, okay?

ETA: Just to calm all of the disordered worries you are most probably having right now, like others have said, you need a LOT more calories than you're getting. Not only because you dance, but also because your body composition is mostly muscle, I don't know how you can keep it with such little calories. I once read this on CC, a long time ago... A member was on her way to becoming a professional dancer. The group she danced with met with a dietitian who works with the Bolshoi Ballet. She insisted they should be getting around 5000 calories because they want their dancers to be strong, not skinny! Now I'm not saying you also need 5000, but seriously, at LEAST double the amount you're currently eating. In fact, I'm 16, female, do a daily hour of cardio and have started strength training, sometimes I throw in some yoga, I'm rather active in general, BMI 20.5, maintain on 2700-3000. (And more if there's pizza, ahm...)

Original Post by amethystgirl:

Edit: Apparently, I already made this point in #24 (a year ago). But it really bugs me that people see this as a mistake. Does this mean that if I eat a cheeseburger and fries, I might as well have dessert, because I've already "ruined" my diet? Of course not.

I know what you mean, but I see people around me making the diet coke thing an excuse to allow themselves so much junk food on an *almost* daily basis. I wrote this one down because I know a woman who used to be obese, got lapband surgery, lost some weight, but doesn't want to make any extra effort to lose the rest, so she will eat take out every day and say it's alright since she's having diet coke... which makes no sense. She's unhealthy, has several deficiencies in vitamins and minerals, and still thinks it's okay to eat like that because the diet coke is like a golden ticket or something =S And she's not the only one who does that...

I'd eat something like this =]

Original Post by kaylatron:

1. Favorite nut? I don't like nuts, but I'm okay with cashews.

2. Favorite style of jeans? (ex; skinny, straight, flare, etc) Straight and flare.

3. Your height? Your dream height? I thought I was 5ft8. Turns out I'm 5ft 7.5 inches D= (I'm devastated. Still waiting to confirm that, I'm not easily convinced...) I'd LOVE to be 5ft10. Yes, I want to be Nature's freak.

4. Top 3 favorite tv shows? I Don't like TV. But, I DO like House, Friends, and South Park.

5. Favorite way to exercise? Jogging, roller blading, lifting weights. And gymnastics, but it's been such a long time.

6. Favorite kind of bread? "Saj" Flat bread, french baguettes straight out of the oven.

7. Favorite 'fast food' place? None.

8. The best 'form' of potato? (ex; chips, hash browns, baked potato, french fries, etc) Baked sweet potato. Or mashed.

9. Dark chocolate, milk chocolate or white chocolate? Dark.

10. Favorite kind of M&M? (Coconut, peanut, almond, mint, pretzel, etc) I didn't know there were M&Ms other than the peanut and plain chocolate type!!! My mom is gonna DIE when she hears this lol [I hate M&Ms, she lives on them]

11. Urban, suburban, or rural? Rural.

12. Iced tea or lemonade? Iced tea.

13. Are you a cat person, dog person, or neither? Had a cat, was too stuck up, had a dog, peed everywhere. I'm a parrot person. I also have a pet falcon >=D

14. What color are your underwear? *checks* striped, black and lavender.

15. Why did you take this survey? :) I liked the randomness of the questions. And I'm killing time. *DIEEEEEEEEE*

Who thought I'd ever end a survey with "DIEEEEE"?

Ouch, this bruising can really hurt. I used to wake up with new bruises on my back and sides of the hips, and in between the knees... even if I put a pillow between them. (TMI -->>) Two patches of hard, thick grey skin formed on each butt cheek where I used to sit in class... Even though I sat on two cushions!

I used a crap load of pillows, cushions, layers of clothe and thick coats and jackets, moisturizing creams, oils, anything I could lay my hands on to protect me from bruising. It ONLY went away with eating and gaining weight. That's the best protection you can get!

Original Post by l2p:

Thanx for your words of encouragement everyone.

suspendue_lahaut, 50lb in 3 months is quite scary and sounds amazingly fast. Hopefully I don't get that much that fast because I would be in the upper end of the healthy bmi and the last time I was there I was not fat but I certainly didn't look fit either, and since I'm not going to the gym or exercising like I used to 50lb would give me a strange belly for sure!!!

The reasons why I gained so much weight so fast were because I was already at a BMI 11, and I'm naturally a BMI 21. I already had so much to gain. But in fact, that was NOT real weight, because like I mentioned, none of my friends believed I could have gained more than 10 lbs. Strangers were still staring at me in horror, asked if I needed help carrying grocery bags and stuff. On the scale, my weight skyrocketed, but in appearance, it came on... slowly! Point is, you WON'T gain 50 lbs if your body doesn't need to in the first place. So you have nothing to be afraid of!

To comment on the rest of your post, you probably will be surprised at how fast your metabolism is, because I noticed that most of us suffering from EDs GREATLY underestimate how fast they are. Or how fast ANY human's metabolism could be. Most teens I know who do not work out and enjoy healthy and junk food equally never eat less than 2500. They'll consume 3000 on average. Yes, BOTH genders. Grown men I know don't consume less than 4000. They're all healthy and maintaining, and have no idea what a calorie is! (They're too busy enjoying their food ;P). Heck, even I was surprised when I once tallied up what I'd consume pre-ED. 2700 on a school day, up to 3500 on weekends! I was younger than 13 and maintained my weight. AND I don't have a monster metabolism. So just imagine what your body is capable of doing, and how much it needs to function well =)

(ETA: Not going to the gym won't effect how your weigh is distributed and what you'll look like. I only incorporated very light yoga around the time I had stopped gaining on 2500+,  and I can sincerely say that not exercising did not make me look "flappy" or unfit.)

Okay, first it's good to hear you're still on track, francateresa! :)

Now all those cramps (If you feel them in your uterus and lower abdomen, not just intestines and stomach), libido, bitchiness (lol)... Sounds like PMS to me ;)

Personally, I had cramps and mood swings twice before I got my first period after the ED. Cramps but no period the first month for a couple days, they went away, came back one month later, but still no period, went away, and exactly one month later I had gotten my first cycle. But that is just my body, everyone is different.

I didn't have any cravings, in fact my appetite decreased. But it always does before my period. So if you usually feel hungrier before a period, it might be it!

Just listen to your body, what it tells you to eat, and give it what it wants. There's no logical reason for you not to get your period, even if you're 33. Good luck :)