So here's the story:

From the time I was very young, I was always in the high percentile of overweight.  I was never the kid who wouldn't eat everything on her plate!

I remember being reprimanded about too many crackers at a party from the time that I could feed myself.

I was probably nine or ten when I saw a nutritionist.  I knew I was pudgy... definitely developing earlier than the other girls (I wore a B cup and my period started when I just turned 11)... so mom took me to a nutritionist.

We NEVER had unhealthy snacks at home.  Apples and fruit... but as soon as I was old enough, I would come home from school and bake entire batches of cookie, loaves of bread... and eat them all.  ON weekends, what I hoped for more than ANYTHING else was that we would get McDonald's for lunch.  Friday was the BEST DAY ever because it's the only day we got take out.  Mom was a VERY healthy cook... vegetarian sometimes... but always healthy.. always salads... and I always hoped that she WASN'T cooking.   What fun was that?

I lost weight when I was twelve... only because I broke my leg and was bedridden for two months.  WHen mom REALLY could control my diet, she did!   I'm probably the only bedridden person who ever lost three pants sizes.  I was sooooooo happy when I came out of that cast, but I put the weight back on quickly.

Once, just before my freshman year of high school, I went to Diet Center.  I did lose about 30 pounds... down to 180...  then I went back to EXACTLY the same things... and skyrocketed from there. 

245 pounds through most of college... In college, I discovered bullimia, however.   Once or twice I lost ten pounds while in college... but I did it on a highly restrictive diet... then about once a week I would do a planned binge and purge..

and then college ended...  by the time I decided to get a handle on things I was 343 pounds.  My daily diet was LITERALLY as follows:

On the way to work, stop and pick up a McDonald's Mcgriddle and two hash browns, once at work, eat two sausage kolaches and a bag of peanut m and m's, lunch time, slice of cafeteria pizza and large fries, and a package of reese's peanut butter cups, on the way home from work, double quarter pounder with cheese, two supersize fries, and a six piece mcnugget, for dinner, a large extra cheese pizza, a full order of cheese bread, and chicken tenders.

This was NOT an unusual "day in the life"... this was me... I was ashamed and embarrassed all of the time.  I kept going to different McDonald's because the people started to recognize me and know my order.  I had become a monster.  My health was so out of wack.  I had been bleeding large clots for over a year but I was too embarrassed to go to a doctor.  I would not look at myself in a mirror... but would instead use a hand held compact to put makeup on...  I would hide the end of my seatbelt on a plane because I didn't want to be embarrassed by the flight attendant bringing an extender... I couldn't fit through turnstiles... I needed a change FAST!

Mom came to the rescue one last time.  She learned about a weight loss program for the morbidly obsese at a continuing ed program.  So, I went to Methodist Hospital in Houston and did a weight managment program.  It was an all liquid diet including behavioral and nutritional counseling... and it was AWESOME.  I lost 160 pounds in 6 months... with lots of exercise... and support, and I felt GREAT.  I went from wearing a size 30 to a size 12. 

I started online dating, met my husband... who is 6'4 and 280 pounds... and I started eating to match him :-)

So... I ignored PRETTY much everything I learned at Methodist... eating what I wanted, not journalling foods, working out sporadically... and in the two years that he and I have been together, I managed to gain about 50 pounds (30 of those in the last four months)...

...so now that's over.  I REALLY get it this time.  More so than ever... it's not about reaching a "goal" for me this time.  I'll get there whenever I get there.   It's about eating like I should ALWAYS...it's about working out like I should for the rest of my life... and I wish there was some pill I could give everyone out there who is struggling so they can get it too... but the thing is this...

It's JUST food...  You can always find something healthy to eat... there are so many other places in life to find enjoyment.  Food does not have to be the thing you're looking forward to... food does not have to be "fun."  It's healthy.. it makes you feel good.. it's nourishment... other things are your entertainment... and I'm so excited that I've become this new person.  I thank God for it on a daily basis...

So I am excited that I'm going to get smaller and healthier during this journey... but mainly...I"m excited about the new me!