I came to CC to look up some nutritional information, and ended up finding a whole amazing community of people just like me - working towards achieving a healthy lifestyle, and leaving the pains, sorrows, and inconveniences of being overweight in the past!

 All my life I have struggled with my weight and food issues. I have dealt with emotional eating, yo-yo dieted like crazy, flirted with bulemia, and had a good long relationship with a binge disorder and a drinking problem. When I look back I know it was all tied to how I felt about myself as a person, nothing "just happened". I ate for comfort, I drank to feel like someone else, I generally treated myself poorly because I didn't think I deserved better. Now that I am much older and wiser (lol) I have come to love myself, for real...ok I know that sounds cheesy but it's true. I have been through a lot in my life - rape, emotional abuse, and the day to day agony of being severely overweight. I am tired of not fitting - physically and socially. I want to be able to do so much more, and not be so tired all the time. And...I am unhappy with how the world sees me. There I said it.

I have been on this journey of self-discovery and self-improvement for a couple of years now, but have only been truly committed to losing weight since January. It was just the next logical step - I woke up one morning and dusted off the scale and shocked myself into making that commitment. You see, back in 2005/06, I left a bad relationship, it was a long and painful break up, and during that time I lost about 70 lbs and went from 340 to 270 (I am mostly just guessing at the higher weight, you can bet I never got on a scale back then!). It felt sooo good...but I ended up gaining most of it back the following year, just out of complacency. On January 14, when I got on that scale and realized I had set myself back so far, I was saddened by all that hard work lost. Tragic. Well no more. I changed everything that day.

And now, at 36 years old, I feel like I have finally found the secret, and it's not a secret at all...it's just plain common sense and hard work and vigilance. Maybe some people are just naturally good at maintaining a good balance of intake and expenditure, but clearly I am not, and so I have been teaching myself these skills. I measure everything, count everything, and use a spreadsheet I created to track it all (this was before I even knew CC existed, their tools do pretty much the same things!). It is incredibly gratifying and empowering to watch the numbers...meet my goals on a daily and weekly basis, lose the expected amount of lbs, track changes and their impact. Gosh it feels good! I know I won't count forever (though I do have fun doing it) but I consider it a learning process. And the food I choose to eat is not only good for me, but yummy! I have made it my goal to create delicious recipes, some of them healthy versions of old favourites like pizza and burgers, some of them completely new foods I never expected to try or like.

Today I reached the 25% mark towards my goal weight. Well actually I reached it a couple weeks ago but end up adjusting my goal weight to a little lower - I feel like I can reasonably attain and maintain 180 lbs. Maybe as i get closer I will adjust it more, we'll see. So far I am really amazed at how easy it had been to lose weight with just a few lifestyle and menu alterations. Having been diagnosed with PCOS a few years ago, I thought it would be so much harder. I am sure there will be bumps in the road...I am really glad there is such a supportive community here to help get me through the tough times and give me inspiration and maybe that I can give back to, myself.

UPDATE: Well it's been nearly a year and a half of calorie-counting and my new lifestyle, so I figured an update was due. I ended up re-adjusting my goal to 164 lbs and am now, in July 2009, 54% of the way to my goal. It's been a slow goal during the past year, a looooong plateau stalled my progress for nearly 8 months, but hey at least I didn't gain anything! Holding onto my weight loss is a kind of success too, I consider it practice for when I get to maintenance ;). Joking aside, it was a tough time, and I am very glad for the support I have here and a true commitment to living a healthy lifestyle. I never considered going back to my old ways, those days are gone for good. Now, instead of using food as a dual source of comfort and guilt, it's become a source of pride and increased confidence and nutrition. Imagine that. I feel really good about the choices I make, and feel so empowered!

Goals:

1. 299: Under 300! (25/02/08)
2. 284: 25% to goal weight of 180 (11/04/08)
3. 280: 100 lbs to go (25/04/08)
4. 270: Back to where I left off 2 years ago (09/06/08)
5. 267.5: 50 lbs lost (04/07/08)
6. 262.5: BMI Obese Class II (15/07/08)
7. 255: Approximate weight at age 22 (30/08/08)
8. 250: 50% to old goal weight of 180 (04/10/08)
9. 241: 50% to new goal weight of 164 (20/04/09)
10. 240: 100 lbs less than my highest weight of 340 (21/04/09)
11. 229: BMI Obese Class I  
12. 217.5: 100 lbs lost since January 2008
13. 216: 75% to original goal weight
14. 202.5 75% to new goal weight of 164
15. 199: Under 200!!!
16. 196:  BMI no longer obese, just Overweight
17. 192: Less than my bf!
18. 190: Only 10 lbs from original goal weight
19. 180: Goal weight (original)
20. 170: What I weighed in 1990 (age 19) when I was a hot tamale
21. 164: New Goal Weight! BMI Normal - oh to be normal!

Just to balance out the number goals, I thought I'd come up with some goals that are more life-oriented. I have no idea what order they will occur in, except for the sizes of course, the rest is all a mystery to discover! I warn you...some of them are very personal are probably TMI!

1. Fit back into my size 22 pinstripe work pants
2. Fit into the capri pants I bought last summer that never fit
3. Wear my high heeled boots all day without dying
4. Be able to have sex in missionary position while kissing at the same time!
5. No longer worry my ass will be too big for a chair
6. No longer need a seatbelt extender on planes
7. Throw away all size 24/3x clothes because they are too big
8. Be able to stand in front of a mirror and see my own crotch instead of just belly
9. Bike to work
10. Lose the double chin
11. Be able to jog on treadmill for at least 5 minutes
12. Wear my boyfriend's pinky ring on my ring finger
13. Fit back into my size 18/20 non-stretchy fabric top
14. Never have to worry about skin rashes under my belly again cuz it no longer touches
15. Wear my high heeled pumps all day without dying
16. Lose the thigh-fat folds
17. Lose the back-fat folds
18. Be able to jog on treadmill for at least 10 minutes
19. Ride a roller coaster
20. Run
21. Fit into a size 18 pant
22. Be able to have sex against a wall,standing up
23. Run up a flight of stairs without getting winded 
24. Look forward to going to the gym instead of trying to avoid it
25. Fit into a size 16 pant
26. No longer be the biggest person I know 
27. Shop in regular stores/depts, not plus-size
28. Wear a skirt with bare legs underneath, no bike shorts!
29. Tuck a shirt into my pants and have it look good
30. Fit into a size 14 pant
31. Wear a mini-skirt and look hot
32. Wear a bathingsuit in public without embarassment
33. Fit into my skinny jeans from 1990 that I havent had the heart to throw away
34. Someone tells me they wish they had my... (any body part below the neck!) 
35. Fit into a size 12 anything!