Posts by w_eng

And then one day, for a physical check up, my body composition and weight were taken and I was so shocked. Needless to say my weight was very high, but I'm surprised that my fat percentage was higher than normal too! It was about 30% I think, which is crazy because just less than 2 months ago I was underweight! And I don't have any lean muscle, and my fat/lean tissue % puts me in the obese category, even though my BMI wasn't >30 technically. AND my BMR was lower than normal, less than 1200 calories!!
 
I'm saying all these figures because I want to let girls out there know that the damage you can do to your body IS REAL. I was only 20 then, I thought my teenage metabolism could spare me, but no. The physical damage was real.
 
Mentally it was another torture. Just a month ago I couldn't face being a normal weight, and now I'm "obese"?!? It just triggered me to eat more. That semester was a disaster. It was stressful, and I couldn't tell any of this to any of my friends. I got past with my results and all, but I cannot tell you how many times I've eaten to uncomfortably full and felt like vomiting when I bend over.
 
It was December by then. And that year I came across a website that suggested an activity to end the year and welcome the new year: "write down 2-3 important events that happened to you over the last 12 months. Don't judge, just write. And then sit on it for a day. Think about all that had happened, and at night, thank the universe for all that had happened and write down your goals for the new year. Put them on a piece of paper and place it somewhere where u can read it daily. Repeat these affirmations to yourself daily."

I did that. I looked at my planner and wrote down all the significant events that happened. I was able to see how the events that happened in my life affected my thoughts and my weight, and how they in turn affected my life. After writing everything down, I realised that for the first half of the year (when I was losing weight obsessively), I was so fixated over attaining perfection. But when I 'achieved' perfection, I began to feel that I don't deserve it, and I decided to veer to the other extreme of not being perfect instead. So in the second half of the year, when I was binging madly, my mind was often swaying between keeping up with appearances and hating myself inside. I don't know how to put this... but anyway, writing this down allowed me to see just how much I've gone through within a year.

And then on a piece of paper, I wrote down my affirmations. One of them was "I allow uncertainty to exist in my life." I pasted it in my wardrobe door and try to read it everyday.

I used to weigh myself daily, until it got a bit discouraging and obsessive, so I stopped it. Now, I can't get myself to weigh in regularly simply because I know that the number is higher now.

So, after seeing this thread, I decided to step on the scale, after a mini-high sodium binge, before getting my period (bloat, don't we know it ladies) and at night.

Let's say I'm surprised the number isn't as horrible as I thought, and that maybe if one knows the reason for the number, it isn't as discouraging to weigh in daily...

Glad to hear that you're enjoying your college life :) I'm in my third year, so not exactly a freshman. But I could relate to some points you mentioned.

Calorie-counting: in my freshman year I was too busy to count, just as I was too busy to eat. Then when the stress kicked in I was binging like mad (warning here girl), so I went back to calorie counting again to make informed choices. Downloaded the CC app on my phone and I must say it holds me accountable!

Rigid eating schedule: It's hard to eat more in a regular manner in college - project meetings run late, the queue is too long, you need to meet someone somewhere... BUT I would still recommend that you plan ahead  to eat something healthy. For me, I now bring a piece of fruit with me, usually an apple, wherever I go. Sometimes it's a small packet of almonds. I may not have a specific time in mind to eat it, but when my stomach is growling during lectures or when I don't have time to buy food, I could eat it and not resort to some unhealthy snack.

Exercising with friends: great idea! I usually work out on my own but I've signed up for a few runs and other fitness stuff with my friends and it's a great way to hang out.

I'm happy to hear that you're enjoying your college life right now, and I am not being a damper here. Just pointing out how I adapted to my college life, and hope the experience could provide few pointers for you to enrich yours! :)

Life just isn't fair sometimes, just like how some people can be safe and sheltered while others are struggling to simply stay alive.

It's a matter of perspective. I know the I'm-worst-than-my-friend thing may seem very frustrating now, and believe me I know how that feels, being surrounded by much more 'superior' friends than I am, but I hope that you can still be thankful for a healthy and functioning body each day. Hard as it may be, just try it.

Or, just find other friends ;)

So, reading from your very frustrated post, I see so many problems... which can be easily rectified! :)

1. "Lose 30 pounds by mid-Jan..." - set smaller goals with a specific deadline. It's easier to take baby steps than to take on the whole thing at one go!

2. "... since I don't have a buddy to workout with... My husband...doesn't want to work out with me..." - then workout on your own! You don't really NEED a buddy to workout with you just so you move. If the building is on fire and you're alone, do you wait for someone to come in and accompany you before running out? How much do you want to lose the weight? It all depends on YOU. No one is responsible for your state of health!

That said, if you really feel that having a buddy motivates you more, then FIND A BUDDY! You can go to online forums or ask around your group of friends/ neighbours! Alternatively, consider signing up for a class.

3. As Mia had mentioned above, you can try incorporating exercises in your everyday routine such that they don't feel like such a chore.

4. Remind yourself that it's easier to stay on track than to get back on track. Put a gold star on your calendar on days you worked out and/or ate healthily. See how many stars you can collate in a week. If you got off track, get back on RIGHT THIS MINUTE. Don't wait for the next day/ week/ month. There is no rule saying that healthy eating starts officially on Monday/ breakfast/ first day of the month. Bad things happen, but we need to respond to it by destroying ourselves.

5. If needed, start a journal to write down your feelings, stuff you ate, your worries etc. I don't know the main cause of your unhealthy habits (no money, no time, emotional eating etc), but this method is good for accountability and emotional release.

I know the above sounds very harsh; and yes I do believe in a tough love approach. I haven't had a smooth journey either - I've tried losing weight for so long and it's only recently do I begin to see some results.

Something that has stuck with me on this weight loss journey: You don't need motivation to do something.

Do I feel like brushing my teeth everyday? Do I feel like wearing my uniform at work? Do I feel like getting ready for bed at a certain time? Sometimes, no. But because it's such a part of my life that I don't think twice doing it. I just do it. Same for weight loss. You know the habits to incorporate, and you might struggle at first, but eventually it'll be second nature. Not to say that you won't struggle (e.g.: I would like to stay up late sometimes), but you become strong enough to say 'No' (e.g.: I know I have to get up early next morning so I go to bed anyway). You don't need to have a constant stream of motivation to do something or even get started. Just do it! You are much better off doing anything than nothing at all!

All the best!