Progress but keep "tripping up"....

Hi everyone,

I haven't posted on here for awhile but iv realised i have a number of questions that im still stuck with/ confused about.

A quick background...I am 5'5 and have always been between 9-9.7st but hit 10st at uni so started dieting to lose it.  This got out of hand and after a year of cutting down more on more on food and carbs and exercising more, i was eating an average of 900 calories a day and exercising 4times a week for half an hour.  My lowest weight was 7.7st and i didnt look or feel well.

I left uni, came home and after a couple of months of pigging out then restricting etc etc i finally managed to "find more of a balance".  For the past 3months or so i have been eating on average 1,200 cals a day including carbs with my tea but increased my exercise to an average of over an hour 4times a week.

I have gained half a stone and know that i look and feel better for it.  I went on holiday and gained a few pounds which i wanted to shed so i cut out 200 cals a day (for what was meant to be 2weeks)...that was 4 weeks ago and iv lost the couple of pounds but can't bring myself to start eating more again.

I feel like i can cope with being bigger and know i looked better and enjoyed life more when i was bigger but im stuck in a rut of comparing myself to what others are doing and whether im doing "as much as i can".  I can say to myself that i couldnt eat any "healthier" (except for decling meals out with my friends and family which im not doing again) and i do enough exercise but then i go to the gym and see people who are there more than me and panic that im not going as much as i could do.  I dont want to lose anymore weight but i cant seem to get my end around the fact that most people are at a constant weight...i feel that im either losing weight or gaining weight and even if i carry on eating and exercising as i am but stop thinking about it as much then i will gain weight.

Sorry its so long but i feel so confused!

Thankyou xx

I think you need to stop making a comparison of yourself to others. What you've described - the restriction of calories to a dangerous level and burning of them even then, the weight loss to an equally low level, the self-confidence issues you are describing... they all indicate disordered eating and the thinking that comes with it to me. I think you should try looking here: http://www.somethingfishy.org and here http://www.something-fishy.org/isf/questionna ire.php and filling them both out.

If you are eating only 1200 calories a day - which I doubt is enough given your expressed activity level and the fact you are at Uni, something that tells me you are likely still under 21 - your metabolism likely hasn't recovered fully from the low intake you once had. Perhaps try building your calories up to 2000 at a steady pace. Take it at your own pace, whether that be increments of 50-100 every couple of days or increments of 200-300 once a week. Then eat that steady 2000 for a while, and anything you might burn in the gym back as well. Tell your body you are not starving it any more and it will respond kindly. You might also want to consider more resistance and strength training in your workouts if you do not do it already as undereating can rusult in shrinking of your muscles.

While you do this, stay off of your scale, as any increases cause a temporary water gain much greater than you'd expect. After about two weeks, sometimes less, that water flushes out but to see such a gain - even if temporary - can be upsetting for some. And, truthfully, from what you have described regarding your relationship with numbers and comparing yourself to others I think you could do with throwing it out completely. Go by what you think of yourself and what you love in yourself, not what other people are doing or how they look. Four days a week of exercise is perfectly fine, actually higher than a general average.

If you are 7 pounds/half a stone up from 7.7st, which would be 8 stone/112lbs, then you are only just in the lower end of the healthy range at a BMI of 18.6. So, while I am glad to hear you do not want to lose any more weight, you could potentially do with gaining a little more - especially if you are missing your period at all.

But for now, congratulations on your progress so far. What you need to do now is to stop comparing yourself to others and love yourself for yourself, as well as building up your calories to a level not bare minimum for a healthy, active female. I also think it would be wise for you to speak to your GP about what's been going on and for a check-up, as undereating for a prolonged time can have lasting physical and mental effects and for general support.

If you have any more questions let me know.

- Ellie.