Are we promiscuous?

A few weeks ago I was listening to a morning radio show, and the question was asked....how many men can a women sleep with before she is thought of as 'easy' or 'loose'...or even *gasp* a slut? 

It was an interesting discussion and many points were raised.  Such as: Why are men considered "rakes" or "playboys" or 'experienced' and women "sluts" or "easy"?  And what factors into this number calculation...how long has she been single? How old is she?

No one could really agree on a number.  Is it 4? Is it 5? One partner a year for every year they've been single....well if you've been dating since you were 20 and you are now 30, then one a year would be 10...and boom! everyone thought that was excessive.

I thought it was an interesting debate and was interested in hearing what the thoughts here were.....what is a "good" number? Does it even matter?

PS....hope I'm not offending anyone :p

A number seems absurd. I mean .. is a 60 year old grandmother promiscuous because over 45 years of being capable of sex, she slept with 5 people? That seems absurd.

Here are some better ways to define an 'easy' woman. An easy woman is spottable by her attitude and behaviors, more than how many men she's been with. If her attitude is "It's all about fun/sex." then.. she's "easy" (trying not to be too inflammatory). If, on the other hand, she's trying for real relationships with guys, trying to make something actually work.. then I don't think it's really the number that counts.

An easy woman cycles through men. 1 a year? That's not promiscuous.. five a year.. maybe. Very possibly, even.

That's my answer.

(P.S. I'd say the same thing about guys as I do women here.)

I am consistently shocked and surprised by our attitudes toward sex.  How sheltered and prudish I must seem.  I am 26, and am very liberal-minded in almost all respects, but I still believe that unless you love the person you are sleeping with, it is wrong.  I don't think that the idea of being a slut figures into it, it's just that it is such a personal thing.  People who are doing it with someone they just met, barely know, or have no real connection with, whether a man or a woman, lose my respect.  Not because I think they are "going to hell" or something, just because I think it is just plain a bad idea - it shows poor judgment and lack or relationship skills.  I think it says a lot about our culture of instant gratification that people need to have the ultimate experience right away and often.  No wonder we are so bored.  Everything is disposable and nothing is sacred or special.

I think if you google it you could find all kinds of articles on this very subject.

well that and maybe some porn whores you would just have to rummage through the stuff lol

Hmm personally the number doesn't matter too much (I say "too much" because when I meet people who claim their "number" is in the triple digits... it kinda makes me do that internal shudder). I have friends who have slept with zero people and friends who have slept with over 50 people. It depends more on the personally I think... if that person comes across as being easy and sleazy, then it doesn't matter how many people they've slept with, they still look like a ho. It's all about how you carry yourself. 

Well, I WAS very promiscuous and now I'm in a long term relationship so because in my past I slept with so many guys does that make me promiscuous? This is a tough question, I would have to agree with HK, it depends on the attitude.

Well, a number might matter in terms of exposure to STDs, but even statistically this would only increase odds, and doesn't mean squat when you consider that it only takes one instance of unprotected sex to catch something.

on edit:  And that's only the physical side of the equation.  Is the person using other people for gratification, or are they actually considering what's happening with the other person? 

IMO it's not a matter of quantity, but whether or not a person has engaged in responsible behavior and how they treat other people.

I dont think you can use a number to define it...more so the actions. Promiscuous to me is someone who consistantly sleeps with someone they just met, only to never really see, or date that person again.

I think women are judged more harshly because they are, well, somebody's mama.  And nobody wants to think dear ole mom is being 'easy', lol.

That said, I think it's individual.  I don't sleep around a lot because that makes ME feel bad about me.  I've had a couple of 1 night stands, wasn't for me.

But what OTHER people do, is not my business if it's not involving or hurting me.

It's all about individual perception as to whether you are, or consider another person to be: promiscuous or sexually adventuresome or easy, slut, gigilo, etc. 

Just my 2.

The idea of women being held to a higher standard regarding sexual behavior stems from the need (historically) of the male in our society to suppress the sexuality of the female, and thus demonstrate his own sexual superiority. A lynchpin of the male ego. The male fear of a woman's 'power' has prompted some of the worst attrocities in human history.

hee hee

I dont think it really matters. Im just saying that it shouldnt matter what other people are doing to you. If you think you might have slept with to many people you might have. but in the end it is a very personal choice for anyone who makes it and nobody should judge anybody o what they do with that choice no matter how many times it has happened.

nobody SHOULD judge, but we all do...  its just how we are...

its not right, but again...  it happens

If it is easy to get someone to have sex with you, I understand that makes you 'easy'.  Im fine with that but if we says someone who is easy is called a slut, I still cant get past calling a person a slut.  For some reason, its just so much more derogatory to me then saying their easy, even if they imply the same trait. 

I guess because 'easy' describes a behavior and slut seems like an encompassing label defining a person by that behavior eventhough I know that people use them interchangably.

Course Im of from oldschool SNL days when Dan Ackroyd did the news thing and would say, "Jane you ignorant slut."  As a Jayne, you think I heard that joke a few times :D.

I guess slut means someone who will allow themselves to be talked into sex which actually makes them feel sad for them while another person may be overtly sexual and also bed down the same number of people but because of choice and not being persuaded. 

We all judge....stlgirl is right.  We shouldn't, but of course we do!

You guys have made some good points.  The manner in which a person holds themselves and treats themselves is what constitues whether this person is promiscous or not.

But....if you were talking with a friend and that friend was talking about the women they were dating and how that women had had x partners....what is the number that would seem too much?

This is not a question I ask for myself....it's more b/c I'm curious what society tends to think is acceptable.

I think it also depends on the age range we're talking about...  Im 25 and honestly, I'm sure I've slept with more people than someone say, 40... only because more than likey, if someone who is 40 has been married for 10 years or so, has slept with that one and only person (lets hope anyway....)

I've slept with a lot of people so I honestly dont judge anyone for how many partners they've had...  only because I dont want anyone to judge me on how many I've had.   I've been promiscuous in my past, but now I'm in a committed relationship, and I'm not anymore.. its just my choice.  I liked "living" if you will.  I never wanted to be tied down to just one person.

If we're just talking number I'd say anything over like 30 seems like "too many" to me... but again there's so many factors to that. If that person has been single for years, then I guess 30 wouldn't be so bad. I dunno. It's hard to just pick one number, especially when it depends on so many things. 

I'm not sure if this is true, but it does seem like people younger than me are more willing to have more partners than I ever have been and more than people older than me have had.

Although, it's possible that people older than me actually did have more partners, but just kept quiet about it because they didn't want the disapproval that would have come with it.  Very possible I would think...

And here I am, the sucker who bought into monogamous relationship thing

*chuckle*

lots of good points jaclyn! i don't think it's possible to put a number on it. i mean for people who wait until marriage, 5 might sound like a ton of people, where as someone who is single at 30 might think 5 is nothing!

i'm perfectly comfortable with the number of people i've been with. and that's all that matters to me.

me too Jules... and I agree... if you're happy with it.. then screw what other people think!

The world tends to define everything by numbers we are obsessed with them. Weight,sexual parners,income the list could go on forever. You cant put a single weight on someone and say ok thats a right fit because well quite frankly your not them so how can you put a set number of sexual partners for someone and either call them promiscuous or not? Someone said 30 sounds like a good number to call for being promiscuous but someone else might say 30 is nothing for a single life of yrs. How can we ever set one ideal number on something as varying as this.