What qualities do you look for?

I'm sure we all have like a mental check list of qualities which a person must meet before you allow them to play a part in your life? (talking relationships of all kinds intimate and friendship).

What qualities do you look for?

Why are those qualities important to you?

If someone in your life no longer meets one of those qualities would you cut them out of your life?

I have very simple qualities which a person must meet:

How they treat me and also other people

What their sense of humour is (do they get off mocking people big no no with me)

Are they full of self importance (edit to clarify: I'm talking about people who are only interested if the conversation is about them, who are noticeably uninterested should someone dare to talk about what's going on in their life and or puts that person down in a way that brags them up!  modesty is attractive, too much is offensive, total lack of is just ugly).

What do we have in common

How well do we jell

In my book nothing else is important and or can be worked around or accommodated.

 

 

You have named all of mine.

Another would be ultimately am I happy being with this person?

I've actually just thought of one more

Do they hold a grudge? so we have disagreed or done something the other doesn't like, deal with it, and move on from it. Holding a grudge is a waste of energy and time.

Yeah, another good one.

While I was reading this I was ticking each off thinking if my bf had any. LOL.

Safe to say he passed

Can they smile?

Can they help put a positive spin on a negative situation?

Do they support your beliefs, whether they agree with them or not?

 

People who can't forgive is a huge turn off...let it go already

are they basically the same person wherever they are...not talking letting your hair down when alone of with close friends, but really changing around others.

are the kind and generous

responsible

can they make me laugh...even at myself.

can they laugh at themselves.

 

In my book nothing else is important and or can be worked around or accommodated.

You've named all the criteria well. I do have to say that serious addictions where the person's behavior could impact my health, safety or liberty can not be worked around. I would have to cut off time spent with someone who was a serious drug addict or alcoholic. I mean I could run into them in public and I'd still have good thoughts for them if we used to be close, but I'm not going to subject myself to the abusiveness of an addict.

I am not sure how these fit but personally I look for a person who I can trust....who is honest...tells the truth...a person who I can call my best friend....who I am not afraid to share my goals, secrets etc with and a person who wants to spend time with me as much as I want to spend time with them.

You see, I've often set out my 'ideal person' check-list and then found myself unexpectedly happy with someone of quite different qualities.   So I've learned to keep an open mind.  However some things are not-negotiable. I cannot abide anyone displaying the following...

• Boring or dull-witted
• Mawkishness and emotional dependency
• Aggression (include psychological)
• Stupidity
• Dishonesty
• Any hint of control-freakery or tendency to wing-clip 

I can usually spot if people are boring, dull-witted, stupid or mawkish pretty quickly so that's not a problem.  Control-freakery, aggression and dishonesty sometimes take a while to surface (people are on best behaviour early on in a relationship) but I do and have dumped boyfriends as a result. 

 

i'm going to refer you to alanis morissette for this question:

Do you derive joy when someone else succeeds?
Do you not play dirty when engaged in competition?
Do you have a big intellectual capacity but know
That it alone does not equate wisdom?
Do you see everything as an illusion?
But enjoy it even though you are not of it?
Are you both masculine and feminine? politically aware?
And don't believe in capital punishment?

These are 21 things that I want in a lover
Not necessarily needs but qualities that I prefer

Do you derive joy from diving in and seeing that
Loving someone can actually feel like freedom? are you funny?
la self-deprecating? like adventure? and have many formed opinions?

These are 21 things that I want in a lover
Not necessarily needs but qualities that I prefer
I figure I can describe it since I have a choice in the matter
These are 21 things I choose to choose in a lover

I'm in no hurry I could wait forever
I'm in no rush cuz I like being solo
There are no worries and certainly no pressure in the meantime
I'll live like there's no tomorrow

Are you uninhibited in bed? more than three times a week?
Up for being experimental? are you athletic?
Are you thriving in a job that helps your brother? are you not addicted?
...curious and communicative...

Well, I'm looking for someone with common views and interests to me--I mean we don't have to be 100% alike but reasonably so that we're on the same page and enjoy hanging out and the some of the same activities.

Also, someone who's reasonably self-reliant. Someone with a roof over their head that's NOT a friend's sofa or a relative's basement. I'm not saying they have to be some super-success, but you know, hold a job for more than three weeks, pay all the bills, do their own laundry, etc. If I don't want kids of my own I certainly won't want to play mommy to someone who's already out of college!

Talent and creativity are sexy. Being a tad kinky, and being comfortable and uninhibited with it. Makes their desires and needs known without being bossy about it (This goes for anything from sex to picking where to eat that night. Your input will be valued!)

And I guess it goes without saying that I'm looking for sexual/physical attraction. Cuz without that, I may like and respect you a whole lot, but you're just a friend.

Oh, and of course must be accepting of Rats.

random, and slightly a 180 from the topic, but does anyone else HATE when they're partner is always like "it's whatever you want baby..." when it comes to making decision...?

i know most people would be like awww that's so sweet of him to put you first, BUT it does get frustrating when i never hear any of his input and it's all on me....we're both libras so we always care too much about what the other wants and we end up taking FOREVER to make a decision!!

Original Post by laphipps:

random, and slightly a 180 from the topic, but does anyone else HATE when they're partner is always like "it's whatever you want baby..." when it comes to making decision...?

i know most people would be like awww that's so sweet of him to put you first, BUT it does get frustrating when i never hear any of his input and it's all on me....we're both libras so we always care too much about what the other wants and we end up taking FOREVER to make a decision!!

Yeah, that's why I wrote the stuff about wanting a partner's input. Have a personality already!

I definitely don't feel that the guy should make all the decisions, but I also don't want to be left wondering whether or not he feels his needs are being met.

Chemistry, loyalty, great communication, riotous laughter.

Honestly, there were lots of things I used to "look for"--but I think when someone fits you--they just fit you.  Period. 

I could say, "I want a non-smoker," but if the funniest, most intelligent, beautiful person I've ever met is a smoker--suddenly it becomes less important.

Original Post by laphipps:

random, and slightly a 180 from the topic, but does anyone else HATE when they're partner is always like "it's whatever you want baby..." when it comes to making decision...?

yep, hate that.  stand up and have an opinion.

The worst game ever is "I don't know, what do you want to do?"  But I am guilty of saying that every once in a while.

I like hanging out with people who notice the world around them, get mad if something merits getting mad at, stand up for their friends.  But in combination with that feistiness, it's nice to have people around you who make you feel comfortable, who make you feel better when you're in a bad mood.  That kind of thing.

I'm already married but one thing I could not deal with is a man who isn't manly.  Sounds a little sexist, but I want a man who is in control of himself (goals, emotions, etc.) and doesn't take crap from people.  I guess this expectation comes from the way I view myself. 

I have a friend who has to "ask permission" from her husband before she can go out, say a weekend in Vegas.  Then she spends the entire time "checking in".  Can't stand it.  Grow a pair already.  I mean, it is one thing to call and let him know you have arrived safely, or to call to say goodnight, but five or six times a day!?  Get a life already.

 

Original Post by tciherr:

I'm already married but one thing I could not deal with is a man who isn't manly.  Sounds a little sexist, but I want a man who is in control of himself (goals, emotions, etc.) and doesn't take crap from people.  I guess this expectation comes from the way I view myself. 

I have a friend who has to "ask permission" from her husband before she can go out, say a weekend in Vegas.  Then she spends the entire time "checking in".  Can't stand it.  Grow a pair already.  I mean, it is one thing to call and let him know you have arrived safely, or to call to say goodnight, but five or six times a day!?  Get a life already.

 

Wanting self-control isn't sexist at all. That's just wanting an adult.

The very very first thing for intimate relationship.... is someone i am attracted to.

Very first thing for someone as a friend... is someone who is nice and not horribly stupid (some stupid is ok, i can forgive that)

Original Post by pgeorgian:

Original Post by laphipps:

random, and slightly a 180 from the topic, but does anyone else HATE when they're partner is always like "it's whatever you want baby..." when it comes to making decision...?

yep, hate that.  stand up and have an opinion.

 I dont understand that... what if what they really want is just to see the other person with what they want?

There are times when you really want something like indian food...and other times when you would be honestly happy eating bags of sugar if thats what would make your partner/ friend happier.

Hmmm... not necessarily in order of importance:

She should:

• Be able to put up with me and my considerable flaws, passions, annoying habits and various states of disarray
  
• Understand and preferably share my somewhat warped sense of humor
• Be erudite
• Be sexually compatible and experimental
• Have her own life and not depend on me to be her 'whole world' (hero worship gets real old, real fast) including, but not limited to, friends, career goals, and thoughts about the world that I may not agree with
• Not be a pushover when she believes in something strongly, nor let me 'walk over her'... she has to call me on my ****.
  
• Be pretty, particularly the eyes... a smile that lights up the room will melt me in a hurry. Spankable butt absolute must. You don't need to be Aishwarya Rai or Zooey Deschanel, but it'd help. :D
  
• Be sociable
• Be not COMPLETELY insane, or at least no more than I
  
• Have ability to be classy or base as needs demand... a night at the theatre, all class... a night watching the game with friends, pound a beer and kick back with the gang
• Be relatively low maintenance. Done the diva thing, never again, no way no how.
• Be able to cook. At best I can manage some very basic fare... if she can't cook, there's gonna be a lot of soup-n-sandwich and ordering out.
• Be willing to baby me when I get injured/ill, and willingness to be babied when she gets injured/ill.
  

She should not:

• Have implants. Women who had basically nothing to start with and needed some extra I can rationalize, but the ones who go HUGE... well, let's just say if you stick your ear up against the cleavage you can hear the ocean (can be overlooked in some situations, but usually very bad)
  
• Be a smoker (although I can work with a willingness to quit)
• Be a redneck. Nothing will make my stiffie sag faster than the query: "Hey, wanna see my Lynyrd Skynyrd collection?" (guaranteed deal killer)
  
• Call me constantly with "Where are you? What you doing? Who you with?" Paranoia is seriously unattractive. (will kill attraction fast, but can be worked through)
  
• Be a crackhead, junkie, or any other form of hard drug addict. The occasional joint socially or to mellow out is fine, but if you're near my stove with the ammonia and spoons out, crawling around the floor looking at crumbs, it's time for you to go. (guaranteed deal killer)
  
• Phone me at 3am for a booty call when I have work the next day. (highly annoying, but tolerable if she does the work)
  
• Try to dress me in pink. Has nothing to do with my self-perceived masculinity, I just look like ass in pink. It does not "bring out my eyes". Paisley, if necessary, I can tolerate so long as I don't look like a Bangladeshi pimp by the time I'm done dressing. (more an annoyance than anything else... I tolerate textile experimentation to a point)
• Throw things or get violent when arguing. (guaranteed deal killer, plus a warning to my buddies to be careful of the psycho girl who pitches steak knives)

Hm. Now that I look at it, I'm kinda picky.

It's easier to work around the lack of some of the 'should haves' than it is the presence of the 'shouldn't haves'.