Question for the guys!!!

Or girls.. if you know..

When guys watch porn..they usually watch hot girls with great bodys and all that.  Does that mean that's what they really want?  I can't help but feel that I have to live up to these girls that sell themselves having sex for any stranger world wide to see.  How horrible... but guys care mostly about bodies.. DONT LIE.  yeah, you care if she's not a bitch and all that..but would you honestly complain if you got a total hottie that is model (healthy sized models) worthy, big breasted, abs..the entire package..would you complain if you got that??  Do you really, really want to go for over sized woman? 

I know my boyfriend loves me..and says I am beautiful and everything he could ever want... but I'm not dumb.  He's a man.  He likes sports and all that.. like he wouldn't be happier if I looked like a dallas cowboys cheerleader.

I just..hate feeling so inferior all the time.  He doesn't look at other girls or anything..so it's not him.  He doesn't say that I am ugly..he actually never watches any porn.  I know that for a fact.  But, I know he used to before he met me..and I highly doubt it was fat porn.


gah, men..  you are such simple creatures..but you really know how to make a girl feel like she is a whale without saying a word.

OK.  I've been coming back to this thread all day.  Honestly, I'm confused and bothered by it.

According to my husband, who is a man, men watch porn to see naked women.  Period.  :D

To me, I don't think the issue is porn, or why men watch it.

It's about self-esteem.

No person can MAKE another person feel inferior.

Feelings come from within US.  WE control how WE feel.

"I'm fat".

"I'm stupid". 

"I'm not worth loving".

These are damaging statements that so many of us make to ourselves, either out loud or in our heads.  They serve no purpose except to perpetuate self-myths.

Believe in yourself. 

I know I am overweight.  I am fat.  I am obese.  But I am here, and I am making every effort to get healthy, and get my weight down to a healthy level.  I am doing this because I deserve it, because I want to be around to watch my daughters graduate, get married, have kids of their own, and because I want to grow older and happier with my luvie.

Real beauty and attraction comes from within.  Treat yourself well.  Love yourself.  Spend time each day making yourself happy.  You deserve it.

xoxoxoxoxo

*darnit* 

I wish there was an editing feature in the replies -- I meant to type:

I've been coming back to this thread all NIGHT :P

Men are very 'visual'. They like seeing naked girls because it's a turn on. That doesn't mean that they compare you to them. In a long term relationship, it's much more than your body they are attracted to, whatever your body looks like. So don't ever feel inferior. You are not! Most guys are just grateful you get your kit off and let you s**g them! When you're naked and having fun, your wobbly bits will not be noticed, trust me.

ps. I'm not a guy. I just do a lot of research!

Feelings come from within US.  WE control how WE feel. -- tamji

AMEN to that!

And just because a guy might want that SUPPOSED "ideal" of "perfect" doesn't mean he's gonna get it. Why are you giving men so much power over you? You said your bf loves you and tells you that you're beautiful and that he doesn't watch porn, so it doesn't make a whole lotta sense why you're upset. See, this is something you are bringing on yourself. It is WITHIN you to feel good about yourself! You just have to change your thought process. :)

P.S. There IS an editing tool! See the "E" by your name on your post? Click that and you can "edit." :)

     True passion brings us together, but fear often takes over shortly thereafter. The relationship may start to die almost as soon as it blooms. We panic and usually hold on even tighter. The initial experience of falling in love is so powerful, sometimes we spend years trying to recreate it. Often it's only when we give up and let go that the energy starts to flow again and we can touch that same feeling.

     So fear not because love will find a way. All your worries will end and you both will live forever in bliss. I have faith that you will. I really do. Peace!!! 

    

Where do I begin? We respect you, we don't respect the girl in the video. This is why guys can watch them being disrespected on camera and still enjoy it. If it were our significant other's on camera we would not be so inclined to watch or support.

That being said and at the risk of being called a liar or flammed, I don't watch porn. Ever. I can't get into it. I watched a news report several years ago that said roughly 90% of the girls in porn were sexually abused - and that just the ones who fessed up to it.

I can't support or watch something that exposing and extorting women based on their past experiences with men, bad ones. It makes me sick to my stomach to think what these girls have most likely gone through to go so low as to agree to do a pornographic film or scene or whatever. Call it mental blockage, but I can't watch porn.

I think there are way too many overly huge big boobed women in porn. It is just crazy. Most of them probaly get lipo, and everything else under the knife they can. And why does the acting have to be so bad?

I want them to come out with some that has a real plot, good acting and real people (no overly huge fake boobs). It would be nice to have something that my wife and I can enjoy together. Pft!

But yeah, guys watch it just to see nude women. I would not let it bug you. I think it is normal for someone to want to see someone that looks nice. I like it if my wife will admit a "instert a movie star" looks good. I may not look like them, but at least that part of her is not shut off if you know what I mean. She decides to stay with me and be faithful, so all is good. Why worry about "what ifs", all it does is cause anxiaty.

guys like naked girls. simple....but sometimes it s very easy to project our insecurities onto simple things like this and turn them into something they are not (complicated). dont read more into it than is actually there. dont turn it into a personal reflection of yourself. easier said than done. :)

Actually, I think meggymouse has a point.

Watch enough of those videos and a guy, whether he knows it or not, begins to form expectations of what should or should not be done when a couple are...um..."knowing each other in the Biblical sense".

a male's ideal female model develops between when he is 11 - 13 years old.  That model will stay with him through the rest of his life.

The younger that a male is introduced to pr0n, the more "off" his ideal model can become.

At the same time, what someone else says is also true:  That when the clothes come off and yer unmaking the bed (so to speak) there's not a lot of judgement going on.

Males are not simple creatures.  They are a lot more complex then they are often given credit for. 

I'm at work or I'd offer a lot more.

What an interesting topic. As a guy I agree with everything that has been posted so far. Guys really are simple. All you need to do is show up with food or naked. Extra points if you do both at the same time. I think Alayney hit the nail on head with her reply.

At the same time, what someone else says is also true:  That when the clothes come off and yer unmaking the bed (so to speak) there's not a lot of judgement going on.


True, however at that point, the decision (of who) has already been made, and again, most guys are gonna want the slim hottie over the girl with a few (or several) pounds on her.  Ask any guy.

I agree with meggymouse totally and I can understand and empathize with what she is saying and feeling.  I, too, have wondered the same thing for years and have even asked my male friends and even my husband and they all won't answer me - like its some code of silence with them all.  All I want is an honest answer.

meggymouse-

From the porn I've actually seen... you're sooooo much more attractive than all of those girls. All of my guy friends who watch porn just watch it to get off.. It's not that they watch it because they want to date those girls.

And no, your boyfriend wouldn't complain if you looked like a cheerleader... but I'm sure he's not complaining with how you are now. He wouldn't be with you if he wasn't attracted to you! You're gorgeous!

I realize that if I were a porn star, then my boyfriend wouldn't be interested in dating me...I don't have a huge self image issue, but even still, I guess I have a complex that makes me think...After guys spend countless hours looking at "perfection", would that make them feel like they are "settling" for someone like me? While I'm pretty fit and healthy, my body isn't in the same league as those porn stars and super skinny actresses. Luckily my bf isn't into hanging pictures of girls around or reading and watching things that would make me uncomfortable, then I'd feel even worse.

I've talked about this topic w/ my b/f many times since he definitely watches porn a fair amount...but only when he's away from me :-P haha

Basically, for him he kind of views it as a necessity for him to do that, and he's honest about it at least lol.  It doesn't bother me really, b/c when he comes back to me, and I'm around, he doesn't watch it, and as he's said many times, he prefers the real thing over that ANY day

Speaking as a guy (and at the risk of getting hammered, a guy who likes to look at pictures of naked women -- not necessarily porn if you can accept there's a difference), it's kind of like what Ron White (of the Blue Collar Comedy Tour) says, "Once you've seen one naked woman, you ... want to see the rest of them naked."

I also admire and envy the guy driving by in a Ferrari.  Doesn't mean I'd actually want to own one.  My wife is a lovely woman, but she wouldn't win any beauty contest or get starring roles in a movie.  But neither would I, and it's the balance that she gives me that I cherish.  When I was a teenager, my mother used to try to get to go out with her friends' daughters, who had a great "personality."  I thought it was a joke, but I've come to learn that it is actually the point. 

That said, I won't apologize for liking to look at pretty women -- even better if they are naked -- any more than I expect her to apologize for drooling over Brad Pitt at the Oscars or Hugh Jackman's 6-pack abs.

nice answer, mm

ok, "fat porn", that's really unfair. would u really rather ur bf watched fat porn? would u rather ur bf liked fat girls? (that would put me in such a dilemma if my guy's into that cuz i want to look fit!) i think if a guy cannot reasonably separate fantasy from reality, then he's not worth it.

my guy friend once said he's into regular girls much more than models or model-like girls. isn't he such a sweetie? :)

mm - you cracked me up!