A question for the ladies.

What attracts women to men? I read through these forums and hear women talk about body image and men only wanting the thin cute girl. Would any of you truly consider the 450 lb. man, what about the 300 lb. man? Are men and women that different and doesn't body image work both ways for both sexes? Women bash men all the time for being visual creatures. Just would like some honest answers here.

I'm not going to lie, I don't think I could ever be attracted to a man who is 300lbs. But it's not so much about actual weight for me. Have you ever seen that movie Hitch? Kevin James, I have no idea how much he weighs, but he's a pretty big guy. And I would go out with him in a SECOND. Because he's funny and he has an attractive personality. I would much rather be with someone who can make me laugh and who interests me than some male model type. Then again, I think women are much less fussy when it comes to how their men look. Granted, I don't mind looking at a nicely built guy or someone who is very handsome - but actual attraction is what matters. 

For me it depends on things other than his weight.  Does he care about his appearance?  There is nothing worse to me than I guy who is sloppy looking.  My husband is a big guy, but he looks good.   

Sense of humor is a really big thing for me too.  And never underestimate the power of romance.  Too many guys think flowers are only for Valentines day or anniversaries.

I have to admit that I also like a guy who can take care of me.  I'm not talking about money, but more a guy who can change the oil on my car or change the tire for me.  A guy who will stop what he is doing to run upstairs and kill the spider for me.  I don't expect him to do the dishes, but if the furnace isn't working I would hope he would grab a flashlight and go down to the basement and fix what is wrong.  I'm pretty traditional when it comes to things like that.  I don't shovel the snow or mow the lawn and my husband doesn't do the laundry or dust the furniture.

But the number one thing for me is the conversations.  Can he talk to me and does he listen to me when I talk?  I have no interest in someone who has no idea what is going on in the world.  Have an opinion...it doesn't have to be the same opinion I have, just have one and be open to my views as well.

Strictly physically speaking..I love a big buy, (tall and large) it's what I'm physically attracted to the most. I do find smaller guys yummy but just not so much. 300lbs? I dunno, would depend on the guy (my hubby is 6 feet 265), but like dhm said, I'd go out with Kevin James in a second!(yanno, if it wasn't for hubby) Cute AND funny :) Honesltly, I think part of the larger man attraction is so I'll feel small/protected *shrug* :D

I think it's partly just evolution... we are attracted to people who look healthy.  You have to keep in mind, women, that it's easier for a man to be big and healthy.  A woman's weight is much harder on her body.  So I can understand, from a genetic/scientific point of view, that it would be harder for an overweight woman to look appealing as a mate. 

Now, if a guy is SO overweight it is obvious he is not healthy, well then, it's going to be hard to see him as a potential mate.  Guys like Kevin James aren't so overweight that they look sick or unhealthy, though they may have health problems 'under the surface', their appearance doesn't give you those 'warning signals'.  They may even seem more appealing to some women for the reasons garnet listed above.   

I honestly don't know.  I used to like good looking bad boys, but after two disastrous marriages to tall, handsome bastards, it finally sunk in that this was a big mistake.  It took me some time to figure out what I wanted and needed in a companion - like interests, a sense of humor, and a good character.  However, (I'm ashamed to say) at first I rejected the love of my life, who has all those qualities and more, because he is short, fat, bald and dresses like an absent minded professor.  I'm so glad I finally realized that we are made for each other.  We've been together for nearly 21 years.

I think we are all different, guys and gals, on what we find attractive.  What I notice first in physical appearance is not the same as what my friends notice.

For me, I've always been more attracted to skinny guys.  Does that mean I wouldn't date someone overweight, absolutely not, my ex-husband was overweight.  What concerned me was when he got over 300 lb, didn't care that much about 'what' he ate or that he was developing health problems...it just bothered me that he didn't care, which changed and he eventually lost weight and has since felt better.  He's still the teddybear type body shape and that will never change, but he's healthier. 

And for my son, who takes after his dads body type, I don't want him to see someone that doesn't think it's important to take care of your body and be healthy. 

In the past, I've been attracted to so many types of guys, I do like blue eyes, but then I think darker-skinned guys with deep brown eyes can catch my eye, and some african american guys are pretty hot too.  So, it's just a preference, who catches my eye is the first reaction, but more importantly...how are they going to treat me, that's what keeps the long lasting attraction!

And currently I don't even notice guys anymore because I'm married to my hot husband who I find unbelievably attractive!  He treats me well, he listens to me, fulfills my desires, loves me for who I am, and he's a great dad to his son,...what could be more attractive than that!

Depends on how he presents himself I guess. If he dresses nice, showers often keeps his hair clean cut and stuff.. probably. Some big guys, you look at and are like "wow" but the ones who really don't take care of themselves (this goes for skinny guys too) I cant be bothered with.
300lbs.. probably, if hes got a great sense of humour... 400... maybe if I knew he would be trying to be healthier and lose weight. Id like a man who cares for himself.. even if hes only just starting to.
My man is 5'10", balding (at age 22 no less!) and getting pretty chubby round the middle (about 250lbs Id guess) but for all the damn-sexy jerks Ive dated, their looks didnt count for much. Id rather a nice guy... like my hubby <3

not to mention, I dont know if other girls are like this, but Id rather be the better looking one in the relationship. I hate going out with a man who looks amazing and feeling  plain / ugly beside him.

My husband is 6'4" and almost 350 pounds....his personality, compassion, and goals make him a much better mate than my 5'11" 170 pound ex-boyfriend. Granted, both of them were well-kept, groomed, good hygiene, all that.

For me, as I've grown older and matured, I've realized that it's not about looks (it was for me in college....I was stupid), it's about how he treats me. The man has to support me in what I do, have compassion for others, not take me for granted, and have a goal in life...a drive to be a better person.

Just my honest two-cents worth.

Interesting, there does seem to be a difference. I do think maturity is a big factor in attraction.

I honestly am not attracted to large men INITIALLY!

I had a friend in high school and I am pretty sure that he weighed over 400 pounds, at the time I didn't realize how attracted to him I was, because I just saw his weight, and I was young! 15-17..

After high school finished though I realized that I liked him a lot, he didn't like me, because he was very superficial on the surface (I think it had something to do with proving himself to the world since he was so big) and only liked girls who looked like models. He viewed me more like a little sister, I was just a couple of years younger than him.

Anyways, point is, what started out as an innocent friendship for me turned into a huge crush despite my initial dislike of his weight.

Now for me it's not only about how a big person looks(although that is some of it) but having someone who is unhealthy is a complete turn off. YUCK.

I know I don't have room to talk, but I am working on it.

My boyfriend is not healthy any more, he stuffs his face with every thing in site and it is starting to bother me, but I don't know what to say to him without hurting his feelings because I am still attracted to him physically, very attracted actually.

hmmm

I'm not attracted to one type of man.
It's all about the energy they give off.
I don't care if they are fat or thin,  ugly or pretty, It's just something that I can't explain.

Physically, I am never attracted to a man that is smaller than me or prettier.  I'd pick Drew Carey over Colin Farrell and Tom Selleck over Tom Cruise.  I find that as I get older, the physical health of my partner has become more important in a, "I don't want to be left alone" sort of way.  I want to still enjoy happy hour when I'm older and I want to be able to travel - so I want someone who will stay healthy enough to do those things with me as we age.

Other stuff - Gotta be funny, have similar enough tastes in movies and music that there isn't a constant battle over what to do for fun.  I read alot - so I look for that in a partner (you know, so they'll leave me alone when I'm reading and we can swap books, etc.)  We have to be sexually compatible because if that's not working then how depressing is that.  (I think that also relates to the physical shape - I want my man to have a similar libido.)

Nice - can't kick puppies or homeless people and have similar moral and political views.  And if there's even a hint that the guy doesn't see women and men as equal - bye.

I have to 100% agree w/the sexually compatible part!

And another thing I thought of is that I can't stand being around a guy that eats horribly, like that helps me as I try to lose weight and eat good (which is always).  My hubby was a horrible eater (though skinny and can't gain weight) and he appreciates the fact that he eats healthier because he's married to me.  But, he used to eat Little Debbie snacks and I'm like 'no way' are those gonna ever be in my house!

No...I cannot honestly say that I find very obese men attractive. However, I do not find very thin men attractive either. Nor do I find male models with washboard abs attractive. I am routinely stunned by how unsexy I find male models who are supposed to be shining examples of manhood; there is something asexual and prima dona-ish about them.. With that said, what I find physically attractive about a man, are his male features...shoulders, chest, jaw etc. I also find plenty of 'overweight' guys attractive, just not very obese or out of proportion bodies. Super tall guys tend not to attract me either. As for the rest, it's confidence, good personality, a take charge attitude, but above all, someone who does not feel threatened by my intelligence, education, and opinions. It's a huge turn off when men resent me for being smart or educated, and I feel like I have to play dumb to keep him happy. 

This is an unfair comparison; wanting only a "perfect 10" (as some men seem to) is not the same as not wanting someone who is ridiculously obese.

Observe so many sitcom and movie pairings. How many fat guys do you see with slender, knockout wives? Alternatively, how many overweight women do you see with buff, attractive husbands?

Most men hold women to much higher visual standards than most women hold men. And with that, their standards on personality drop drastically. A cute girl can be forgiven for her dimness and poor work ethic, but even women will turn on a hunk who has little regard for others and refuses to carry his weight.

Perhaps I am cynical, but I have seen it too many times.

My husband is over 300 pounds and has been since I met him. When I very first met him I was at his sister's house and he came walking over wearing shorts and white socks with brown shoes and a t-shirt. Not a very attractive combination, but he caught my eye. What got me was that I was holding a baby and he came up behind me and was playing with the baby's hand on my shoulder. My heart nearly beat it's way out of my chest. From our first date we knew we had the personalities to match and to love each other. It was not about the physical attraction at all. I don't mind how he looks, but I worry about his health and so I encourage him to eat healthier for that reason (although both of us losing a good amount of weight would be wonderful for both of us.) For me, it was about the person who was in that physical shell. Not the physical shell. I have to say that I would still love him even if he were 450 pounds or more (although I would worry even more about his health)

Typically, I'm attracted to tall, very slender guys (i.e. this or this) but that doesn't say much. Those are just the guys who catch my attention right off the bat. I'm almost 5'8... so I'm not that short... I like my guys to be at least taller than me. I dated a guy who was 5'9, 5'7 and most recently about 5'10. None of the guys I've dated have been as thin as the guys in those pictures... but also not obese. I don't think I could be attracted to a 300lb guy. My most recent boyfriend was a bit overweight (and has since packed on some more weight) but I wouldn't put him over 200.
Personality is the biggest thing for me. I haven't dated any extremely "hot" guys. None of them have been ugly but personality was the thing about them that made me want to date them. One of them is still my bestfriend. He's kind of an a**hole but he's funny and we get along very very well. I need a guy who I have a lot in common with and that tends to be a similar taste in music. *shrug* Similar political beliefs are good too since I'm extremely political... I can't marry a conservative... we'd just fight all the time.I don't really know what I'm getting at. But to answer your question... no I don't think I could be attracted to a 300lb+ guy but that's just me.

I would never get with a guy who is enormous but a guy who is a little chunky is OK.

It's all about intelligence and confidence. I have to be with a guy who is as smart as me or smarter. He has to be at least as confident as I am. If I feel like I am better than him i won't respect him. This doesn't go for looks. I can be hotter than him as long as he is smart or successful enough to make up for it.

I don't really get girls who want a guy who makes them laugh. I mean a good laugh is always nice but I never thought of telling jokes as something a guy had to do to please me.

i've changed my criteria. not going strictly on looks that make me want to party naked. im 44 now, and the dating pool, or at least those who i would date, has decreased dramatically. most guys my age look, well, older than they should. so, ive lowered by standards. slightly. but hey, i work hard at staying in shape. when you are in your 40s, you dont get the body of someone 10 years younger without working hard at it! attractive women are taught at a very young age the value of a pretty face and a good body. so im superficial re looks. definitely.

i could never date someone very overweight. i couldn't even stand myself being 30 lbs overweight. staying in shape has always been a priority for me. i wont date anyone not in shape. but, i also wont date anyone who's never had any kids. and i wont date anyone who could still get me pregnant. and i wont date any conservatives.

Wow - I must really be strangely made... I don't believe I've ever thought about a man's size as a reason to be attracted or not attracted to him. Nor do I consider age...

In my dating days, I dated big guys (decided since I'm 5'2" that very tall men are uncomfortable to date - gives me a pain in the neck to look up all the time) I dated small guys (a gymnast who looked me straight in the eye) thin guys (nearly emaciated thin), I dated heavy guys (have no idea how much he weighed.. but must have been 300 or more).

But all my dates were men who appeared honestly interested in me, who had a nice sense of humor and enjoyed being with me on a date.

The man I married - well, he never won a beauty contest on looks. But he is the kindest, most loving man I've ever known. He is so funny that we laugh all the time together. He's losing his hair, he's heavier now, he wears glasses to read .... and he's the sexiest man alive in my book.

So baxtercb - I'd give a 450 pound man a date if I were single and he was a nice guy.