A question about love

I'm 21 years old and I've never been in love.

I fairly certain I'm not going to meet somebody who I'd fall in love with at a bar/club because that's not my usual scene. I'm fairly introverted for most of the time and was just wondering how other people in this forum have found love. Sorry if this comes off as slightly whiny, but I don't know... it just seems so difficult to find somebody with common interests. :/

Original Post by tini87:

I fairly certain I'm not going to meet somebody who I'd fall in love with at a bar/club because that's not my usual scene. I'm fairly introverted for most of the time

Well, you're not going to meet him in your living room either.  Eventually, you will have to go outside, to a club, to social activities, whatever to meet someone.  And odds are...it won't be "the one".  But, trial and error, eventually you settle on someone as "the one".

Many people seems to think that you can't find love in a bar/club, but you can.  If it's not your sence go to a pub on a game night.  Lots of guys there.  You are going to have a lot of trial and error before you find "the one".  But there is no better way than to get out there and try.  If you are too shy to approach guys, go to a pub with a girlfriend and shoot pool.  Chances are someone will want the table and will have to play you for it.  If you suck at pool, even better, some cutey may come over and offer to teach you.  There's a lot of skeeze out there but also a lot of great guys, its just a matter of weeding out the bad ones. 

I met my husband when we were both 19....we were introduced by a common friend and we talked for a year on line and sent countless emails and regular mail. Then he came to visit me...as friend but we totally fell in love at first sight (well we saw photos of eachother but never met live b4 that). we've been living together since we were 21. Got engaged at 23 and married at 25 :) i'm going to be 28 this Dec and he's turning 28 in Jan

Honestly, b4 i met him i never imagined i could love or be loved. but it's true what they say....if he's the right person for you, you'll know it!

he was my first and we totally cherish this for ever! i never believed in trial and error. yes, i went out wt guys b4 him but never went pass a kiss. something didn't feel "right" so i usually turned guys off b/c of that ; i turned him down the first time as well but he was  willing to wait until i was ready...and it was so special...

I'll go ahead and share my really bizarre story : )

When I was in college, I met this really cute, smart attractive guy.  The only problem was, I was already engaged to someone, and so was he.  I shut my feelings down and we became just friends for about six months or so, before he left to go full time to another school, and I stayed at my school.

Several years and some heartbreak later, a friend from college that I stayed in touch with called me up: "hey, remember that guy you liked back at <school>?" "yeah" "You mind if I give him your number?".  He called, we went to Pirates of the Carribean, and married about 3 years after that in an aquarium by a pirate captain ; ).

We celebrated our second anniverisary in september and just bought our first house together.  It's been really lovely.

caloricat: yeeeah I know. It's not like I stay at home 24/7. I spend alot of time on campus and at work (no prospects there really).. I just don't know where else to look :(

swamp_rat: see that's just my problem though... I hate stuff like game night and shooting pool. It's simply not something I'd do; therefore if I met a guy at an event like that, it would imply that he likes that kind of stuff, which isn't what I'm looking for. It's tough though because I'm interested in art, theater, film, etc. and well, you can't really meet someone at a movie theater and you don't get a whole lot of single straight guys with their friends going "ooh I know, let's go to the art museum today!!" I'm trying to come up with a place somewhere in between where I can meet somebody

cricketro05: That's such a sweet story! I definitely know what you mean about things not seeming "right" with other guys (*cough*storyofmylife*cough*)

fluffydragon: congrats on your new home!! I love quirky stories like that :)

Original Post by tini87:

cricketro05: That's such a sweet story! I definitely know what you mean about things not seeming "right" with other guys (*cough*storyofmylife*cough*)

thanks. actually plenty of persons told us that they don't believe our story since it sounds like a fairy tale; oh yeah he moved 500 miles to live wt me ..so yeah, sort of sounds like a fairy tale but it's true and it's still a love story :) HeHe

hmm, my guy and I like cultural stuff too, but we did meet in a bar.  Not sure where you live, but lots of cities have film festivals, I don't think you have a lot of opportunity to meet somewhere there though.  How about a wine tasting or something like that.  Or take a class on photography or something like that where artsy kinda people hang out, sorry not much help I know.   You will meet someone, just remember you don't need someone that has all the same interests as you; you may find that you enjoy doing things that you previously didn't like when you do them with someone else.  Art galleries may be a good place on opening nights.  I think it also depends a lot on where you live.  Bigger cities with lots of culture will definitely be easier than a small town.  Try thinking of something you really enjoy, something you want to share with another person in your life, and find a club/activity that relates, it doesn't have to be the exact thing.  Like you enjoy museums, take a art class at a rec center.  Or ballroom dancing or something, there's tons of places to meet people.

I live in Atlanta.. fairly decent art scene, but also one of the gayest cities in the states, which makes finding a guy that much harder. I'm hoping maybe next semester will bring me more luck than this one did... I did meet a really cute guy this time around. Unfortunately he was an epic jerk (he actually implied that he intended to get me drunk and take advantage of me. Who does that?!).

Well, if it makes yah feel any better, I once had a guy come up to me in a bar and say "I'm just going to come straight out and say it, I want to get laid tonight, will you come home with me?" I told him I appriecated his honesty but no.  Probably better than someone telling you they want to take advantage of you, but not much.

Good Luck!

I'm in the same boat as you tini87. 
Do you take classes?  That might be a good spot to "look around"..

The three most common places people meet partners is at work, at school and through friends. If at work and at school aren't working, keep in mind that you are young, and you can and should expand your social circle. Take advantage of the social networking sites like facebook, or meetup.com or whatever is popular in your area for creating events that people like to actually go out to. I'm in Toronto, and meetup.com is really popular here for groups that do things like museum tours, art gallery tours, hiking trips, etc... etc.. pretty much anything you can think of. You'd be going out in a group, you can bring friends with you and you'll meet lots of new people who you already know you have at least one thing in common with. 

Original Post by swamp_rat:

Well, if it makes yah feel any better, I once had a guy come up to me in a bar and say "I'm just going to come straight out and say it, I want to get laid tonight, will you come home with me?" I told him I appriecated his honesty but no. Probably better than someone telling you they want to take advantage of you, but not much.

Good Luck!

lol

Way to a girl's heart.

One place no one mentioned is doing volunteer work, like building houses or helping the elderly, where you do it in a group.  At least you would meet someone that has a decent heart.  I had a girlfriend who met the love of her life building a house for HUD.

Just a thought!  Good luck.

Awww, this post reminds me of myself :(

I go to bars and clubs, but the guys are....not my type.

I'm hopeless!

Nooo don't say that! If you're hopeless, then I'm really hopeless! You'd think in a world with so many people, it'd be easier to find somebody.

I just looked at your pictures, you're gorgeous! Someone will come to you.

All the guys I meet are d-bags, with one thing in mind...

The reason why you can't seem to find anyone may not be that you're not looking in the right place, but it may be that you're not looking properly.

You (tini87 and jblarghp) are both cute girls and for some reason it seems that it's always the cute girls that have problems finding true love. I've got a few single female friends that are gorgeous and they all have that problem. Usually they meet a lot of guys but they never seem to find the ONE. Why is that?

Well my theory is this: Because they are attractive, they tend to get approached a lot. Most of the time, the guys who approach them are good looking and confident, but in most cases end up being players or jerks. The girls that are being subjected to this tend to fall into a pattern of being attracted by a guy they meet, dating him for a while and then breaking up when it's clear that it doesn't work.

The problem is: these guys keep coming. There's always going to be potentials that will approach the cute girls and they, in turn, will keep on hoping that this next good-looking guy is going to be the one. But these guys are all the same and the cycle goes on.

There is only one way of getting out of this pattern. First, you're gonna have to lower your standards. Nice guys are usually not as noticeable or as striking as those other guys. Also, they will usually not approach you in a bar/club because nice guys are intimidated by pretty girls. Try to strike a conversation with average looking guys, even if they're not your type. You may very well find out that you were completely wrong about what your type is.

I hear a lot of suggestions. Everyone wants to find a "good person" but all I seem to hear is going to bars or pubs or art festivals. Does anyone consider finding someone with a good heart and a "good person" at church. I found my wife at church. My son found his wife at church and my daughter found her husband at a church related function. I am not saying that everyone that goes to church is a "good person" but you greatly increase your odds. If you are interested I could give you the advise I gave my daughter when she was 14 to prepare her for 16th birthday when she could start dating. If you are not interested I didn't want to waste your time and mine. 

"Inorris55"-I personally would feel uncomfortable even stepping into a church, but I'm sure that's a great idea for others. It makes sense if you're religious, then you already know you have something in common.

"jonmin"- I see the point that you're getting at, and you're probably right with certain situations. I just don't think it applies to me.

First of all, there's no way I'm "cute" enough to intimidate anyone.

Second of all, I'm not necessarily attracted to the stereotypical good looking guy. Of course I judge mostly on personality, but if personality is set aside, I go for the teddy bear looking guys. I feel weird saying this again, just because I feel like I've written this soooo many times on this forum, but I like....pudgy guys with fros. For example, my ideal guy would be Seth Rogen before his current weight loss.

Guys like this never approach me! They never show any interest in me. It's upsetting.