Question for parents and parents to be!

Hello all =)  Hopefully this is the right place for this post!

I just had a quick question for you.

My mom keeps pressing me and asking me if I'm excited about getting married and having kids.  To be honest, I'm not really...I'm only 17 and I have a lot of other things that I'm going to go through a lot sooner than either of those to think about, but she seems to think I'm not normal since I'm not excited!  Actually, to be honest, I don't know that I'll ever want kids, but I'd never tell her that cause she would bite my head off =P

So I just wanted to know, did you grow up dreaming about having children of your own?  Did you not really want kids until you had them? 

I always wanted to be a mom.  Then I had my kids and they are sooooo great sometimes, then there are other days when I am trying to figue out how to put them back..LOL!  But really, not everyone is meant to have children and for heavens sake you are only 17 you have FOREVER to decide.  I had kids young, so my advice to you is be young, be single, do everything you want to do for yourself first, then have kids.  Because once you have them you start to come last!

its her gramma gene kicking in!  normal when her baby is getting older....

(for me personally, the baby bug comes and goes, sometimes its unbearable.  the married bug?  not as much, really not at all.  BUT I think that maybe when I was 17 I had fairy princess dreams of getting married and perfect lives and being a famous writer with beautiful children and of course I was hot to boot, but.... now I am old.  So no fairy tales for me....)

we don't have kids yet, but we're hoping for one in the next year or two. i didn't give marriage and kids much thought until i got to those stages of my life. i alway thought i would get married and have kids, but at 17 i wasn't excited about it. hell, i wasn't really excited about our wedding untill it was a week away (wedding planning really sucked for me). and i wasn't excited about kids until we started really talking about the timing of them and things we'd like to accomplish before they came. at 17 i was excited to go to college and get out of my mom's house.

i think when those things come within reach, you'll get excited about them. but how can you be excited about getting married when (i assume) you haven't even met the person you're going to spend your life with? just tell her you're excited to be an adult and all the things that come along with it.

I never wanted to be married or have children.

Then I met Mark and I knew he was 'the one'

I got married

Then I got pregnant

Now I want a zillion kids =)

Times change, people mature- don't rush because your mom wants to be a gma, just do things on your own time =)

That's exactly what I tell her! haha

I tell her I'm looking forward to college this September, and getting my life started and getting myself stable, getting a job, and moving out.  She just doesn't think it's normal that I'm not constantly thinking about/excited about getting married and having kids!

She loves to watch those romantic comedies and such, and in the end when the guy and girl fall in love, she's crying and I'm just like, *yawn* this happens EVERY TIME!  She gets mad =P  She seriously expects me to be yearning for all this stuff that I'm just..not.. yet!

I think I'm very similar to how you were gingerkabureck, at this point!

I'm with Ginger - don't let your mom rush you into anything just because she wants to show off grandbaby pics to her friends. 

Geez - you're only 17 for crying out loud.  When I was 17, I wanted to go to college to meet new people and experience life on my own for a while.  That's more of a learning experience than the classroom, and one that I do recommend if that's your chosen path.  I had no thoughts whatsoever of marriage and kids at the time, although I did consider it a distant goal, as I still did like the idea of having a family of my own - when I was ready for it.

After I met my now hubby and it was set that we were going to get married - heck yeah, I was excited.  I knew we both wanted a family eventually, so I was excited to get our life started together - but we still didn't have the kids until we were married for 5 years.

Do things as you're ready for them, and be open to possibilities.

I always knew I wanted to have kids someday.  At 17, it was pretty far down my list of "things to do" though.

It's pretty far on mine too, and I know I'll want to get married eventually and I haven't decided how I feel about kids quite yet.

It cracks me up that she expects so much at my age right now though.  I'm really looking forward to going to college and meeting some...more mature guys, just because the high school aged ones that I've dealt with are a little dumb =P  I wouldn't even consider dating one of em.

I think once I get into a new school and get a new job I'll have more of an opportunity to meet people and find 'the one'...just haven't gotten there yet!

Thank you all so much for responding!  It's nice to know I'M not crazy =)

I think I'm like the majority here.  When I was 17 I wanted to have fun and go out and have a part time job and go to school and have crushes and cute clothes.  Not a baby!!

I met my DH when I was 23.  We had a veeerrrryyy easy-going relationship for about three years; then we turned it up a notch and it became more serious.  It was always just the two of us; but it was very easy/breezy.  Then we decided to get married b/c we found a house we both really liked.  We never lived with each other up until that point.  So after being together for about five years we got married. 

I have never wanted children actively; or pined away from them -  I always figured it if happened so be it -  and they scare me.  But nine months ago I found out I was prego and I had an epiphany -  I realized that this was the best thing that was about to happen to me!

Its OK and very normal not to want to have babies and get married at 17!  have fun first.  I know I did.  And I have no regrets or "wishes".

When I was 17  I wanted a baby......... Someday.  Someday came sooner than expected because I figured i would be like 24 or 25 when I became a mother but instead I had my first baby at 20. 

The difference however between me and you most likely, is that I was engaged to be married at 17.   I met the man of my dreams when I was 16 years old and we will have been married 17 years this coming Sunday. 

But, no I don't think its that unusual.  My sister didn't want to get married and have kids when she was your age.  Of course now that shes in her early 30's she still doesn't but that doesn't mean you won't eventually change your mind

To make it simple, I never wanted a child. NEVER. I was good with kiddos (as the oldest of four) but I never wanted my own.

The instant I read my pregnancy test, I knew I was meant to be a mommy.

Crazy stuff, I just knew.

I was 22, and had been with my son's father for three years by then....four years when my son was born.

I am weird, I think that my life is the way it is because God has plans for me.

When I was little, I'd always dreamed I'd have a family and a husband... so when the opportunity arose I took it. I'd always had serious relationships, but I was 19 when I got pregnant, and 22 when I married her dad. We're now divorced, and I started my life anew and feel like I reckon I should have felt when I was 18, just doing what I want when I want (within reason of course!) I don't regret having her young, just the fact that there'll be such a big age gap should I have any more kids (she's 9 now). Although I do have friends on my uni course that have big age gaps between their siblings, so it seems like its starting to be the norm lol

When my daughter was small, she was adamant that she was never going to have kids (according to her they're the biggest waste of money ever) and she was getting really stressed out about it because she thought that if she ever got a boyfriend she'd have to have a baby if he wanted it. And so began our mother/daughter talk on contraception... she still doesn't want kids.

I never thought I had the patience for kids and then once I graduated from college and started a career never thought I had time. And since no one was pressuring us to have kids, my husband and I decided that we really didn't want to plan a family. We weren't against the idea, but had so many other things going on in our lives that kids weren't a priority. (I got married just shy of 30 years old and was already working professionally). We were shocked to find out that I was pregnant at 36 years old and even more shocked when, two years later I was pregnant again.

Kids are fantastic. They are a ton of work and will test your patience, your ability to compromise and your relationship with everyone around you, but I wouldn't trade them for the world. I was not ready for kids at 17 and was not ready for kids at 25 or 30 or 35. For me pregnancy "happened" -- and I'm glad it did. BUT I AM ALSO VERY GLAD THAT I WAS ABLE TO ENJOY MANY YEARS OF ADULT LIFE AND MARRIED LIFE WITHOUT KIDS.

You're 17. Old enough to make your own decisions. Kids will change your life. I think for the better. But if you're not ready don't have them. There's pleanty of time to start a family after you've taken time to enjoy being you.

I am 29 & I guess I knew I would be a mom one day but I didn't actually see myself as a mom.

I married my highs school sweetheart and we were together for 11 years (married for 3 of those years) and kids were the furthest thing from my mind. About a year after I divorced my highschool sweetheart I met my now husband. This may sound weird but he smiled at me one day and I could see my child in his eyes. I knew we were going to get married and have kids.

Now at 29 I have an 8 month old son and I would not change it for the world! Honestly I am glad I did not have kids sooner or with my ex-husband. You may or may not want kids one day but when you are ready you will know.

Good luck and live life for now...

I got married young (19) because I found the right guy for me... but i DID NOT want kids right away, and for a long time thought i would never want kids...

My mom did the same thing, bugged me and bugged me about giving her "grand kids". I finally told her she wasn't allowed to ask me about them again until we had been married at least 5 years... well, on our 5 year anniversary she asked! LOL

We finally had our daughter after being married for 10 years already (yes, I made my mom suffer another 5 years LOL)... our daughter is the best thing that's ever happened to us, and I am so glad that we waited until WE were ready and not because others bugged us! 

as a young teenager (i'm 37 now) i did expect to be married and have kids at least by the time i was in my mid 20s. can't say it's something that i dreamed of, that's just how i thought it would happen. met my husband (who wanted NO kids) when i was 18, married him when i was 19, and we'd talk about kids on occasion. he went from "NO kids" to "if i ever have children i want to have them with you." i was on birth control on and off (mostly on) for the next 13 years. then i found out (the hard way) that sometimes antibiotics can cancel the effect of birth control pills. so i had my first child when i was 32. hubby has surprised himself with how much he loves his boys (after the first one it was easy to talk him into another)

 

my advice is: do what works best for you. i do regret (just a little) not having kids when i was younger (and could keep up with them. LOL) but i believe that everything happens for a reason. and i did enjoy the fun times we had before kids. not to say things aren't fun now, it's just a different kind of fun!

 

Marriage - I never "dreamed" of it. Nor of having children. Children scare the bajeezes out of me. The best advise I can give is: Go to college, learn, start a profession (something you love), grow confidence in yourself. Those are things that will help you mature and make you happy. IF you meet the right person, learn them well and then consider marriage. If it is right and you are happy. IF you want children, consider the changes they will make in your life. Can you do it alone if need be? With a partner is better, but just in case. This is about you. What your life will be. I don't think it unusual to not be "excited" about marriage and children. They may come in time. I am sure your Mum wants the best for you. But she should try to curb any criticism if your path does exactly match hers. Your a different person.

I was never "excited" for these things, they happened (or are happening) in their own time. I wholeheartedly agree with scaroppo. I have been with my husband for 19 years, we were married 2 years ago and are now having our first child. We are older than most for our new boy, but everything in it's own time.

My husband and I dated since were were 16, so at 17 we were in puppy love. I did dream about getting married and having babies, but am very glad nothing happened that soon. We got married after 5 years of dating (21, still very young) and didn't have our first child until last September, after being together about 11 years). I was 27. You are very young and have so many new thing to learn and experience. People are different and I don't think you not obsessing about having babies or getting married means you are not normal. Just remember your mother grew up in a different time, times are very different now. Women are more independent now and realize that we can do more things before we start a family.

As a new mother, at the age of 27, I can tell you that being a wife and a mother are both very demanding and challenging. I would not advise someone who is 17 to intentionally put themselves in that situation. Don't feel pressured to live your life a certain way because you feel that is how you are expected to be. I am sure your mom will understand, just try to explain it to her. I was the opposite of you, I was so into being with my bf and our relationship that I didn't focus on school. I just went back to college this year. I don't regret it, but feel I should have balanced things a little better than I did.

You seem very mature for being 17 and it seems like you have a good head on your shoulders. Don't worry about being "normal", as long as you are happy with the choices you are making I think you will be ok.

I never really liked kids much when I was younger. They made me uncomfortable. I never babysat either. I just kind of figured that someday I would get married and magically have two kids (probably picked 2 because I have one sister). I was never really into kids when I was young, I just figured that someday that is what I would do. When I got pregnant with my first I was so scared. I had never even held a baby. Now I have four. Wonders never cease.