question about sex

ok. so random. but i have this awful problem. i am very comfortable with my sexuality. i am in a very loving relationship but it's missing one thing - sex.

however, i cannot have it. it's WAY too painful. and i want to. nothing else is stopping me. i don't want to be sexless (for lack of a better term) forever. will someone please help me find a way to make sex less painful.

i have a really small build so my uhm..ya know.. is small. it hurts. we've tried lubrication - that did nothing but make a mess. maybe i'm the only one, but i certainly don't want to be the only one not getting any. please help me!

well, first of all, you're only 17, and maybe still developing.. I cant give sex advice to a 17 year old... it just doesnt feel right.  I would talk to your OBGYN.  If you dont have one, get one because you're sexually active and you need one.

Have you seen your gyn about this? That should be your first step. He/she will not only be able to make healthy suggestions to you but will also make sure that everything is checking out ok down there.

There are many causes of painful intercourse, some of which have nothing to do with your "size". Each cause is treated or adapted to differently. I

Just get it checked out so that you can hopefully identify a cause :)

Edit: I didn't realize you were only 17. You should definitely be seeing a gynecologist if you are not already. He/she will make sure that you are being as safe and protective as you possibly can (notice I say as safe as you can be...no protective measure is a sure fire way to avoid pregnacy or STD).

At 17, if you are having pain during intercourse why not try other forms of intimacy? You do not have to have intercourse to have a loving, caring relationship with your significant other. There is no reason to rush sex at your age.

Also, please note that even if you do not have vaginal sex you can still transmit disease orally (this includes Herpes and HIV)

first, try slowing down.  you may just not be allowing yourself time to get aroused.  young men get excited very quickly, and women usually take quite a bit longer.  sorry if this is too explicit, but you might masturbate your boyfriend to orgasm first, just to give yourself time to catch up.

if taking more time doesn't help, you should definitely see your doctor, as there could be a physiological issue.  don't panic!  it's probably something simple and easily dealt with.

good luck!

thanks for the quick responses!

i know it sounds really weird because i'm young, but i'm very safe about it. i am also a very smart, educated person.

i talked to my doctor and obgyn and so far, no good results. i even talked to my mom about it, and she felt like i needed to get used to sex.

HOWEVER, it's far too painful to get used to.

i was just wondering if anyone else had any similar issues, this post is mainly for females FYI. heh. if any of you had experienced this, i'd love to know what was suggested for you.

If you have been to your doctor and everything checks out right then maybe it is psychological and no matter how much you think you are ready your body is telling you that it is time to wait a bit longer.  Most of us thought we were ready at 17 or before or soon after that but now I for one can tell you I wish I had waited and there is pleanty of time to have as much sex as you can handle later so don't rush it.

well, there is another factor.  maybe your boyfriend is particularly big?

if he's regular, then it's most likely your state of arousal.  it's easy to "feel" ready but not actually be physically ready.  luckily, the answer is easy and fun: foreplay, and lots of it.

First off, why would you even want to have sex right now. You haven't even reached your 20s yet. Do you want to worn out by then? Take your time, what is the rush. Learn the concept of sex first, finish school, become a responsible adult, and then think about sex. Beleive me, sex is overrated, and at 17 what kind of relationship is loving. You don't even know the definition of love. You won't even remember the boy's name you are with 10 years from now. This is a little phase but keep you legs crossed. You have plenty of time.

I know you may not want to hear this, but you may be too young. I started having sex when I was 15, but it didnt start actually being comfortable/good til I was 18. Maybe stick to other forms for awhile, til yer body is ready. Theres lota of things to do that arent intercourse.

Sarah is right "There are lots of theings to do that aren't intercourse". 

I recommned, going to the movies or dinner.  Go shopping, fishing, swimming. 

Save the sex for the peson you plan on being with forever!

Oopps...you brought out the mom in me!

ahhh sex. I had a friend who had a tiny little frame, and she told me it hurt too. I guess as you grow older, and your body develops a little more, it should start to get better. At least for her I think it did, because now she has a boyfriend who is like 3 times her small little size lol.

definitely like mariamck said, take it slow when you guys are getting busy. That way it wont hurt as much and you can "ease" into it.

I was confused at first because your icon next to your name is blue and I thought you were a guy saying his "you know" is small. And I thought "wow. it's courageous to say that".

Anyway, like people said before, you are probably too young and not as ready as you think you are. And being smart and educated does not make a difference in those circumstances. You might be tense and your muscles contract, which makes it more difficult for him. I think thats all there is to it. You are not too small. Women give birth that way. It is a highly "expandable" part of your body (not sure i am expressing myself correctly here).

Just be patient.

plume, I was thinking the same thing, bubblegum your icon says you are male. As far as the sex thing goes I don't think you are too young especially if you are in a serious relationship I would agree with a previous post that said lots of foreplay!

beleive me. i know the meaning of love - and all different kinds of love. family love. love for your pets. teenage love. we are best friends. it's not in a rush. and i don't need to have sex right now. i just wanted to rest assured that sex doesn't suck that much. because if it does, well, i'll be very upset.

some of these responses are coming off as offensive. i doubt some of you mean to be, but they are. so, i don't care how old you are, or how old i am, but while i keep my legs closed, as you so crudely put it, why don't you keep your mouth shut and learn some manners.

i do appreciate motherly advice, as my mother gave me some too. this isn't your typical: he cheats on me all the time, and i cry at night about it relationship. it sounds like immature puppy love, but believe me, i've been there, and it was very lame. this is best friend, innocent love. and just because i want to have sex sooner or later doesn't make me a bad or not-innocent person. no one should ever feel shamed or hurt about sex. so, for those of you who posted such things, i'd be careful. luckily, i'm not oober sensitive, even though this is a sensitive subject.

oh and he is very big. heh.

i also had a very traumatizing "first time"..if you can even call it that. so i think the combination is a very bad one. in any case, i just wanted to know if it gets bearble, possibly even enjoyably better.

I'd speak to a proffessional about this, it may be that you are naturally small "down there" - it does happen!

But really you need to make sure you are FULLY ready for it, all turned on and physically ready. Perhaps you could try with you on top, you'd have more control over speed/depth/etc then.

Sex is a personal choice, and I can't believe how many of the posts on here have been judgmental due to bubblegum's age!  Since when was it acceptable to discriminate due to age, sex, or race? Really people...  She is almost 18, which is old enough to die at war... its old enough to have sex if she makes the personal choice that that is what she wants.

Anyway, bubblegum, I'm guessing that you will stretch out.  I would advise you to go to a gyno/ob or, if you can't do that discreetly if you are worried about your parents, there are womens health clinics almost everywhere, look it up.  Just make sure you are being safe.

I don't think anyone is "judging" her, we are just giving some advice and trying to give her a reason why this could be happening to her.

First of all, I think a few of the posts have been offensive.  This young woman obviously has a good head on her shoulders, and doesn't need random people from the internet condemning her for being open about sex.  How many people wait until their 20's to have sex?

Anyway, my opinion, for whatever it's worth, is that it's probably a timing issue.  As in, maybe you're not giving yourself enough time to get completely aroused.  You can be emotionally/mentally aroused before your body is quite ready.  It's not just lubrication - as you become more and more aroused, your vagina actually lifts up and stretches, allowing more room and also pulling your cervix up and out of the way.  If you want some really explicit advice - go slow, start with LOTS of foreplay, and ease into the actual penetration.  Have him try his finger or something first, to see if you're ready.  If he's extra large, you could try having him have an orgasm first (masturbation, oral, whatever), so that he's not so large when you try penetration.

Be patient, and it will get better!

PS - if none of this helps, and your obgyn says there's nothing physically wrong, you could have a condition called vaginismus.  That's where a woman's vagina involuntarily contracts.  It's usually a relaxation issue, and there are ways to overome it.  Here's some info:

http://womenshealth.about.com/od/sexualdysfun ction/g/vaginismus.htm

ok. I think part of the problem is that she is "not into" the guy. See her other post http://www.calorie-count.com/forums/post/3893 7.html

You've gotten a good mix of replies here ... some informative, some not so much.

I have a teeny frame too, and at first it hurt me as well.  The thing is to learn to relax "down there" and really all over.  If you are naturally "tight" and then you don't relax the muscles, there is a possiblity that your guy won't be able to get inside (sorry if too vulgar!) at all.  I had a BF once that had an extra large *ahem* and it took a long time and lots of pain to get it to work.  And he wasn't even very good once inside.

The other thing is, foreplay.  I would experiment with some of this before you even attempt sexual intercourse, and I mean possibly for weeks.  Learn some fun ways to get each other "charged up".  Then sooner or later things will move into real sex, so then just be ready and relax.  Let things go, do what you can, and soon enough things will work out.

You're small and young... so relax, take your time, and enjoy it.  :)

Also, I know you said you are uber-safe, but seriously ... ALWAYS USE A CONDOM!  I don't care if you're on the pill and I'm sure you've heard it a million times.  But I mean that.  It is sooo worth it.  YOU AND YOUR MAN are worth it.  Good luck hun.