Some questions for someone who obviously sucks at gaining...

So here's the scoop.

I'm a 6ft 1 60kg Male (weight up from my absolute LOWEST of 55kg at one point).  I am having a lot of trouble with my recovery/weight gain atm.  I used to only eat about 100-300 cals a day with INTENSE weekend binges when the hunger would make me snap, coupled with an ecstasy addiction that I seem to have kicked pretty easily and excersize (still walk two hours a day to get to and from work BUT have taken the push ups and sit ups WAY down to only sit ups every morning and push up sets three times a week).

Aside from the fact that searching for help seems to only bring me endless streams of "how to get your period back" (yeah, big motivator for me), I have some problems with gaining.

First of all my weight seems to stay pretty stable around the 58-60 kg mark.  Despite this I am ALWAYS hungry and it takes a lot of mental control to just not eat out of control.  No matter how much I eat it never seems to satisfy me.  For example yesterdays diet.

Breakfast: 1 cup of toasted muesli, 1 cup of low fat lactose free milk (was just finishing it off before starting the full cream), cup of coffee with sugar, two pieces of rye toast (Dovedale, I have a yeast allergy and it's made out of chia seeds so I can eat it pretty safely) with 1.5 table spoons of peanut butter.

Snack: Toasted soy cheese and spinach sandwhich with basil pesto spread.  1 small pear

Lunch: Tofu Stirfry (I eat it cause it's CHEAPER THAN MEAT AND I'M BROKE!) 100 grams of Tofu, 1 cup of brown rice, 1 singel serve can of 4 bean mix (chick peas, butter beans, kidney beans, lima beans), 2 cups of frozen stirfry veggies, 30g of cashews, 1.5 table spoons of seasame oil.

Snack: Stick of dried paw paw, small apple, peanut butter and jam on fruit and rice chia bread.

Dinner: 2 cups of whole wheat Penne, Half a chicken breast, 1 serve of olive and sundried tomato pasta stirthrough sauce, 1 single serve can of red kidney beans, 1 bag of instant steamed veggies (I'm a microwave cooking god).

Dessert: 3 and half scoops of Soy Icecream with 2 teaspoons of maple syrup, and sprinkled with flaked almonds and hundreds and thousands.

Before bed snack (I was still hungry): 1 medium banana with half a glass of low fat milk and a small handful of rolled oats.  Sprinkled with cinnamon.

By the end of this I was still hungry, and I had just gotten over food completely and just wanted to go to sleep.  Even though by my calculations I was WELL into the 4000 calorie range.

My nutritionist has been rather vague on this issue, but honestly it's driving me insane.  Does the constant hunger ever end.  For example today I ate one of my fear foods (a double quarter pound WITH a medium chips...didn't even taste that good now that I think about it) and I am still absolutely ravenous.  I'm visiting my parents today and they have left over pizza...I may just have 3 or 4 slices for one of my 'snacks'.

This is REAL HUNGER people!  I am not a binge eater (despite that little ed voice telling me I am) because when I am depressed I have a plethora of OTHER unhealthy little addictions I do.  I just want to know how I can stop this incessant sensation of hunger.  No matter how large the meal, no matter what kind of protein/carb/fats I use, I am ALWAYS hungry. This morning I ate 1 and a half cups of sultana bran with 2 poached eggs WITH cheese spread AND a slice of cheese in an english muffin AND I put almonds IN THE **** SULTANA BRAN (yes, it was awesome) WITH a full cup of rice milk and I ended up licking the bowl clean I was so hungry!  I even ate my pear and pb sandwhich AND a banana on top of that before the macca's and still...no satisfaction.

Another question, as I am poor and can't afford the BUY meals at work that would sate my HUGE appetite, I need to ask, ideas for weight gain friendly but portable and quick lunches/snacks I could take to work.

And finally, how do you deal with the embarrassment?  I'm not sure if my unhealthy eating habits have skewed my perception of 'normal' but I seem to eat so much MORE than everyone around me.  In a time of 'diet obsessed' individuals this can make me feel like seven different piles of crap as I power down a bowl of toasted muesli for a snack then demolish a sandwhich 2 hours later.

Unless guys my age are MEANT to eat like pigs :P

Thought? Help? Anything really.  Sorry huge first post but honestly I just want to eat my food and move on.  There's nothing scarier than reading a 4000 calorie meal plan and thinking "wow, this really isn't all that much food!"

you're still EXTREMELY underweight and i mean EXTREMELY!! i don't mean to be so blunt but you really need to eat. don't worry about feeling like a "pig". at this point it's probably more embarrassing to be as thin as you are then it would be to actually eat. i think part of your problem is likely that you have fear foods that you've yet to defeat...so you're eating things that seem safe like muesli as opposed to things less bulky. 

Try eating more nuts, regular dairy products, less bulky veggies. more potatoes, whole grains, olive oil, trail mix, peanut butter, and fatty fish. cheese can be added to almost anything as well. drink milk with your meals!!

if you're hungry then eat, your body has quite a bit of weight to gain and someone with your height and a healthy weight could easily burn 3000 calories to maintain so it's not shocking that 4000 calories is required for you to feel satisfied or close to it. just keep it up!!

if you need ideas or support please feel free to PM me. i'm not trying to be insensitive at all because i've been through this and i know it's hard but honestly don't feel ashamed of your hunger and don't feel bad for feeding your body.

I'm not so sure about that really.  I still have a lot of fear foods that I'm getting over now, as I now know that really there is no one food that will make you fat.  My problem is more the fear of the accumulation and my fear of bloating (I have a weak puny digestive system that does nothing against cheese).

I just ate 5 slices of pizza, yeah I know unhealthy crap but DAMMIT I eat healthy every day of the week and man was not meant to subsist off healthy foods alone!  That and my parents REALLY have a limited supply of good nutritious foods :P.

I just wish that I could feel full.  I KNOW that when I leave my parents place I'll sit down and eat something huge (but healthy!) and still feel completely ravenous afterwards!

Hi. Chrissy is right on target. In recovery your body not only has to gain but repair. It takes a lot. In one ip I ate like 4500 a day with no activity. When your body gets to a healthy weight and your mind catches up the hunger should settle down. I would look at how much you are eating a day. You are so underweight and may need 4500. As an older women I needed 3500 a day this time. I remember when I was growing up I had a step brother who had no ed but was very thin. He would eat a whole box of cereal and milk for breakfast. Many guys your age need over 3000 to maintain. I know it is hard to not feel out of place but trust me when people who care for you see you eat they are happy. It is very scary and concerning to people when they see someone so extremly thin. There heart breaks. Just fyi though people can make stupid comments. I have heard it all. Just try to focus on what you need to do and food is medicine.

I had to eat 4600-5000 a day in IP by the time I left in order to gain at the minimum weekly rate. Even at home, I ended up eating 3800ish every day, just to gain a pound or so every other week. Its normal to need that much food. Part of recovery is learning to no restrict yourself or deny your body of what it needs. If you are hungry 1-2 hours after a meal, eat another snack. I know hunger cues get all sorts of messed up after AN, and that is the only reason why I suggest waiting about an hour after a meal before you decide if you are still hungry or not. If the hour passes and you still feel hunger, then you know need to be eating more.

As a note, my brother is almost 30 and easily consumes 3000-4000 on a daily basis, maintaining his weight around 150lbs at 6'1". He used to be the same weight as you and he really struggled to eat enough to gain. Its taken him like eight years to get to 150, and a lot of food. I've seen the boy literally eat almost an entire pan of homemade casserole for dinner, and have a bakery sized double chocolate muffin as a snack a few hours later.

I did a quick calculation of your stats, activity level, etc for how many calories you'd need to maintain.  You'd need about 3,000 calories just to maintain your weight.  I'm a female, very petite (5'3") and some of the times when i've been inpatient, on bedrest (aka NO activity, no moving, etc) I've needed 4500 calories to gain very slowly.  

Those recovering from an eating disorder or a period of starvation need a ridiculous amount of calories.  Listen to your body.  It's a simple thing that many eating disordered people can't do.  But your body is blatantly screaming at you "GIVE ME MORE FOOD."  You've acknowledged that you are hungry, so eat more!  

Also, you are doing WAY too much activity.  You need to be focusing on repairing your body, not expending the much needed energy.  Make sure you have plenty of fat and protein in your diet, too, as these are key nutrients in feeling satiated.  

This forum is a great resource for menu & food ideas, as well as support.  Here are some things you could add to your menu that are low-bulk but high calorie:

• nuts or trail mix
• peanut or almond butter
• cheese
• dried fruit
• oil/butter/salad dressing
• chocolate
• smoothies or milkshakes
• PB&J sandwiches
• granola
• eggs
• full-fat dairy products (milk, yogurt, etc)
• muffins
• pasta/rice (with sauce if possible)