just a quick rant and it may be triggering so sorry

OK, I just need to rant for a little bit, feel free to ignore me entirely.

so I am finding it so hard at the moment.  Firstly, I'm a generally happy person, and I don't think I've ever felt this consistently **** about myself.  Then there's the fact that I feel disgusting for eating, like I don't deserve the food, and that's I'm fat and disgusting and no one will ever like me because I'm just a giant blob.  PLUS, I just moved back to university, so I'm away from my doctor, who was my support, and the parents - though I suppose that could be a good thing - but it means I have no one I can talk to, and no one who'll remind me I'm actually too thin when I think I'm fat.  This plus the fact that I'm a fourth year now, so all my friends have graduated and left.  AND I have to share a kitchen with six new people and the amount I have to eat is EMBARRASSING, like, I'm always eating, and I feel disgusting.  Plus, this is uni, so no one has normal eating patterns, and I don't see ANY of the girls I'm sharing with eating ever, so that just makes me feel worse. 

And I can hear the ED thoughts creeping back in, because I just don't think I'm that thin...I have big hips, so I only wear a UK 6-8, which I think is a US 2, and I keep seeing these beautiful girls around who are thinner and prettier than me, so I don't think I have a problem.  And I just feel rubbish

And I'm so sorry for going on about this, I really am, I'm just having a terrible terrible day.  Because I did so badly eating during the day I just had to eat and drink practically a thousand calories and I want to cry and throw up and cry some more.  I'm rubbish.  Please ignore me.

Normal people really don't understand the meaning of the words 'fat day', do they?!

i'm having a fat day too, so i know how you feel. but don't worry and stay strong; you're doing the right thing by nourishing your body.

hey theo! I'm sorry you're having a fat day! I know the feeling, but I can assure you, you are not a blob! This is just stress, being away from home and around new people and situations is really rough. But don't revert back to the ED as a coping mechanism. Being stressed and food really have nothing to do with each other. Your parents and doctor are only a phone call away. And get to know the new girls! They might be a lot of fun to hang out with, and I doubt they're paying attention to what you eat. Like you said, college schedules are hectic and most people are too absorbed in their own life to pay attention. I'm sure they eat but you guys just never eat at the same time. and if they really are eating too little, you know how unhealthy that is, maybe you can inspire them!

you've been doing sooo well! don't let this get you down, you'll adjust soon enough and be able to pick back up with the weight gain. Think of food as the fuel you need to keep your brain working so you can study and do well. YOu have to become a secret agent with me so we can go on super special and dangerous missions to save the world together! And we'll need the curves to fill out those black leather skin tight sexy uniforms all cia agents wear