A random stranger told me I was fat yesterday

So I live in Germany, and yesterday, I took my parents who are visiting to the English bookstore. As I was reaching up to put a book back on a shelf, an elderly man started speaking to me in Spanish. It took me a second to switch the Spanish part of my brain on, but what he said was "You're too fat, you shouldn't eat so much".....uhhh what the ****!?!?!?

I was in such shock, that I didn't say anything, and just stepped outside to wait with my dad for my mom. I told my dad what happened, and he got super p'oed, but I didn't let him go back and say anything. My mom ended up calling the man a string of bad words for insulting me.

Then, I had to walk to the center to meet some friends for dinner, and I called my boyfriend to tell him what happened and I just started bawling. I also ended up crying when I was going to sleep, it was just so hurtful. WHy would someone say something like that to me?

And the thing is, I'm a size 10! My clothes are a mix of 10s and 8s! WTF?? My waist is 32/31...yes I may not be skinny by any means but I'm not fat. So even though Ive gotten the whole "what a jerk, you are not fat" from my friends and my boyfriend, I'm still super bothered by the whole thing and part of me thinks "well they have to say those things". The night before, I went to a beer hall with my parents and wore my Bavarian dress and got a string of "you're so pretty, you're so cute, why can't my son met someone like you" blah blah from the people we sat with. And while those comments should stick it's the negative ones that we always focus on.

I just want to sit at home in a sweatshirt and sweatpants and eat absolutely nothing, then go to the gym tomorrow. I'm supposed to go to dinner tonight with my parents and my boyfriend's parents, but I don't want to go outside! Everyone i look at i think "i wonder if this person think's i'm fat as well".

Bad bad bad day. What a mean old man.

hey hun!! dont you EVER let that dick dictate how you feel about yourself =) looks like you know what's right though. i think someone didn't love him enough before he was old ;)

What a mean man! I can't believe some people have the nerve to say such hurtful things. Just awful. :(

I know, I'm just so upset.

Yeah, I get that women in spain are all size 2s, and yeah I'm an 8/10, but I keep thinking, why would someone say that unless it were true?

you don't have to put stock in the opinions of strangers, you know.  you get to choose whose opinion matters, and once you decide that the opinions that matter are those of the people you respect and love, mean old men won't have power over you.  you'll be able to laugh at obnoxious people instead of crying.

Original Post by sweetiedarling:

So I live in Germany, and yesterday, I took my parents who are visiting to the English bookstore. As I was reaching up to put a book back on a shelf, an elderly man started speaking to me in Spanish. It took me a second to switch the Spanish part of my brain on, but what he said was "You're too fat, you shouldn't eat so much".....uhhh what the ****!?!?!?

I was in such shock, that I didn't say anything, and just stepped outside to wait with my dad for my mom. I told my dad what happened, and he got super p'oed, but I didn't let him go back and say anything. My mom ended up calling the man a string of bad words for insulting me.

Then, I had to walk to the center to meet some friends for dinner, and I called my boyfriend to tell him what happened and I just started bawling. I also ended up crying when I was going to sleep, it was just so hurtful. WHy would someone say something like that to me?

And the thing is, I'm a size 10! My clothes are a mix of 10s and 8s! WTF?? My waist is 32/31...yes I may not be skinny by any means but I'm not fat. So even though Ive gotten the whole "what a jerk, you are not fat" from my friends and my boyfriend, I'm still super bothered by the whole thing and part of me thinks "well they have to say those things". The night before, I went to a beer hall with my parents and wore my Bavarian dress and got a string of "you're so pretty, you're so cute, why can't my son met someone like you" blah blah from the people we sat with. And while those comments should stick it's the negative ones that we always focus on.

I just want to sit at home in a sweatshirt and sweatpants and eat absolutely nothing, then go to the gym tomorrow. I'm supposed to go to dinner tonight with my parents and my boyfriend's parents, but I don't want to go outside! Everyone i look at i think "i wonder if this person think's i'm fat as well".

 

Bad bad bad day. What a mean old man.

You mention that he is a mean old man....this in no way excuses him from making the inconsiderate, ignorant remark but please bear the following in mind.....As we age, sometimes the filters in our brain cease to work properly.  He may not realize that he was saying something improper. 

This in no way excuses him.

Am merely trying to offer a reasonable explanation as to why a total stranger would make such a rude comment to a lovely girl.

Please dont focus on his rudeness and ignorance.  Instead, perhaps give him a little sympathy for his advanced age (whatever that may be) and the possibility of losing his filters.

I can definitely understand what you're saying. After that incident, you walk around and wonder if every other person who lays eyes on you has the same thought, but just refrains from saying it. Honestly, though, you are not fat. Just because other women around you are super thin doesn't make you any less beautiful. For some reason, random comments like those always seem to plague your mind for the longest time. A lot of us can relate with similar experiences. All in all, his opinion doesn't matter. Focus on yourself and the people you care about. Don't let this discourage you- the most important thing is that you continue to work towards being healthy. The people in your life love you and support you; this old man's opinion doesn't matter. You are a beautiful, intelligent person. This was unfair, but I know you can pick yourself back up and keep doing what feels good for you =] Good luck! <3

(((Hugs))) I'm so sorry that happened to you; how very rude of him! I also would have been very hurt by the comment.

Gee, I'd hate to hear what he would have said about me.

I've had this as well. But mine was actually meaning to be hurtful

http://caloriecount.about.com/man-called-wide -arse-gt26-63

It's horrible, and it's true, the negative comments do stick more than the positives. I don't know why he said it but old people, and non-english speaking people, do tend to be a lot less sensitive.

Just try to focus on your lovely friend's comments :)

i agree with PG.  it's hard to do...but would be entirely worth the effort.

and for what it's worth - dude's a douche.  ugh...

Original Post by misscherryjane:

...and non-english speaking people, do tend to be a lot less sensitive.

seriously?  seriously?

Original Post by starlitocean:

i agree with PG.  it's hard to do...but would be entirely worth the effort.

it's really not that hard; you just have to depersonalize it. 

if a random stranger on the street told you that aliens were coming to destroy the earth next week, would you quit your job, give away your belongings, and pull a thelma-and-louise?  or would you question their sources and look for better information?

if an english professor you respected told you that your writing would benefit from less use of the passive voice, would you dismiss their opinion and keep writing in the same style, because you know better?  or would you take a fresh look at your work and see what changes you could make?

same applies to this situation: if someone you know and respect, someone who loves you or has medical knowledge or both, suggests that it would be a good idea to lose weight, you'll probably want to consider that.  but some random dude you're never going to see again?  why would you take his word for it?

If a person has a stroke, it sometimes messes up the connections in the brain, and people have outbursts of improper language.  I've heard of sweet little old ladies that could suddenly burst out with a string of profanities that have nothing at all to do with the situation.  There is also a syndrome called Tourette's, which has the same outcome.

Maybe not his excuse, but you will feel better if you give him the benefit of the doubt and assume that he has a problem in that direction.

thanks so much for all the kind words and support.

i'm a pretty confident person, but what this man said just really hurt my feelings. you guys are all right, i need to focus on the positive comments instead of the negative.

I need to get my mind past this mean man!

I would be THRILLED to be as trim as you are!!!!

Maybe the guy was directing his venom at someone else--not that that excuses him.

I am sorry you had to experience such bad behavior...

Maybe you will feel better if you counter his behavior by being extra kind (nice smile/greeting) to someone who really is plus size and may be self conscious. I will try to do the same.

Good luck!

Original Post by puh8suwrux:

If a person has a stroke, it sometimes messes up the connections in the brain, and people have outbursts of improper language.  I've heard of sweet little old ladies that could suddenly burst out with a string of profanities that have nothing at all to do with the situation.  There is also a syndrome called Tourette's, which has the same outcome.

Maybe not his excuse, but you will feel better if you give him the benefit of the doubt and assume that he has a problem in that direction.

Alzheimer's and dementia does the same thing.  I couldn't believe some of the things my nice old neighbor man said to his wife in the later stages.  He was not himself anymore, and I don't believe for a minute he understood or believed what he was saying.  Maybe that man had a problem similar.  Size 8-10 is NOT FAT, it's slim IMO.

Oh no, oh no!  I really feel for you.  The same thing happened to me not too terribly long ago, and it hurts like it was yesterday.  I'm a little bigger than you, between sizes 12 and 14.  I'm so, so sorry that happened to you.  I know what you mean when you talk about wanting to hide behind baggy clothes and exercise and not eat.  That is NOt a good idea, though.  You are a pretty girl, and everybody's son would be lucky to meet you.  <3

Wait a minute, you're in Germany, in an English speaking bookstore, and a guy says that to you in Spanish?  How does he know you understand Spanish?  Is it possible he said it in a very sneaky way because he didn't think you would understand?  

I'm sorry you were hurt by that comment.  And I think the man was very rude.  Not sure exactly what your BMI is, how tall you are, or how much you weigh, but regardless of that, a stranger has no business commenting on another stranger, especially making a direct comment.  What nerve!

Hehe.. had a similar experience in my home city! I went into a store to buy one of those fancy scales that measure how much fat is on you. I was buying it as a gift for someone.  The lady in the shop was chatting to me about how it tells you a percentage of fat and then there's a chart with a sliding scale.. then she turned to me and said ".... and I got on it and it told me I was fat. Imagine what it would tell YOU!"

Again I am only a small size and certantly have nothing to worry about, she would have been the same size as me. I think people just sometimes talk and then think, rather then the other way around as it was intended.Needless to say I bought the fancy scale somewhere else..

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You are not fat.  This is a fact. 

I am fat.  This is a fact. 

Should I stop going outside just because everyone I meet knows that I am fat?  I try not to let it bother me.  I do up my fat hair and put on my fat clothes and I go out there.

I've heard people speaking in Spanish saying. "Wow look at the size of that butt."  They don't realize I took 6 years of Spanish in High School.  Having self-confidence means loving what you are now.  It's not like you can just say, "Ok you think I'm fat wait a second I'll drop 10 lbs just for you."  You are who you are and in 50 years when the mean guy is dead, you and your friends will be all wrinkly and wondering why you worried about such things.

...or so people tell me